


Time After Time

by templeoftheslavegarden



Category: Audioslave (Band), Soundgarden
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Audioslave, Chris Cornell - Freeform, F/M, Fanfiction, Grunge, Love, Original Character(s), Romance, Science Fiction, Time Travel, soundgarden - Freeform, temple of the dog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:02:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 107,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22058995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/templeoftheslavegarden/pseuds/templeoftheslavegarden
Summary: A Spin Off Of The Louder Than Love TrilogyWhat if Chris and Andi met in a different place? A different time? What if that fateful night, just after midnight on May 18 2017 didn't happen?What if the only one to save Chris was Andi all along?Follow along on a new journey in an alternate universe where love travels across time.
Relationships: Chris Cornell/Original Female Character
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	1. Hang My Head, Drown My Fear, 'Til You All Just Disappear

Detroit Michigan, MGM Grand Hotel May 17 2017

(Chris is 52, Andi is 29)

CHRIS:"Fuck... why won't this fucking key work!" I growl as I stick the hotel key in the door and jiggle it as best I can but nothing is working.

"Chris, hey man... here I got it, " Martin Kirsten says as he catches up to me and sees me struggling with the hotel key. One thing about having a bodyguard is that they always seem to be right up your ass even when you least expect it. I step aside exhaling as he tries the key for himself. Amazingly he is able to open it. He turns and smiles at me gesturing for me to go in, I just roll my eyes and head inside my hotel room.

"Is there anything else you need Mr. Cornell?" He says as I head over to the small desk in the room, my laptop sitting on the desk waiting for me to answer some emails.

"Um... I could use something to take the edge off," I say as I sit down at the desk, flipping my curls out of my face and attempt to turn the laptop on.

He steps into the small washroom, and I hear him turn on the tap filling up a glass of water, then moving back over to me, pulling out a bottle and giving me two pills.

"Fuck, this fucking thing isn't starting up again," I say as I force stop the computer and try to start it back up again.

"Here, let me?" Martin says.

"Have at it," I say disgruntled gesturing to the MacBook as he hands me the pills and the glass of water. I take the pills from him swallow them as quick as I can and he hands me a couple of Oxycontin which I crush up on the desk and treat my nose to that sweet burn.

"It seems to be dead... here... I'll uh..." Martin trails off and finds the cord to the MacBook but still no response from it. I eventually just tell him to forget about it for now.

"Is there... anything else.. you need at all?" Martin clears his throat as I take the last sip of my glass of water.

"No, I'm good..." I sniff still slightly feeling anxious and irritated but it should subside in a bit.

"Ok," Martin says and makes his way towards the hotel room door.

"Goodnight Mr. Cornell,"

"G'night..." I throw him a half smile as he heads out the door. Once the door closes, I walk over to it and lock the deadbolt.

Feeling exhausted with the release of euphoria kicking in, I lean back in the chair a bit, flip my curls out of my face and run my palm over my cheeks, feeling the stubble on my face. Fuck, it's been a long night, and damn this ringing in my ears wont stop. Suddenly my iPhone starts ringing and I notice it's Vicky again. Fuck, I wish she'd just leave me alone. I let it ring for a few minutes and realize she won't give up so instead I pick up the phone.

"Hey... yea... no...what...? Yea... I told you I was sending you those papers. No, no I didn't... is this what you called earlier for? No I'm just... I'm just tired... no I didn't... What is that supposed to mean...? Wait what are you talking about? look, my lawyer is contacting your lawyer so there really is no need for you to keep calling at all... Vicky... No... hey don't hang up, Vicky? Vicky...! Fucking God damn it!"

I hang up the phone and toss it on the desk. Why does she always have to do that? Why does she always have to make me feel like this. I'm always fucking up. I'm never good enough. I know I'm the one who wants a divorce but she doesn't need to make me feel like this. I can't help it. I want out. I just wish it didn't take me so long to finally see her for who she really is.

I get up from the chair and head to the bathroom. I rummage around in the bathroom and find exactly what I'm looking for.

"You want a piece of me... well I'll fucking show you,"

This is it. I'm gonna do it this time. I'm done.

I take in a deep breath close my eyes and know that at any moment, I won't have to worry any more.

No more pain. No more burden. No more sadness. I will be free.

All of a sudden I hear a loud crash, then a scream that sounded like nothing I ever heard before coming from the next room over. I flick my eyes open, let go of the breath I was holding and look around the bathroom for a moment to realize what I was just about to do. I start to pant and feel shaky as I take the rubber exercise band off from around my neck. Then there was another loud noise in which I started to panic. 

"What...? What the fuck?" I say to myself and throw the rubber exercise band on the floor and storm out of the bathroom.

I quickly make my way to the door, open it to see the hotel hallway dimly lit, and someone disappear around the corner. The door to the room next to mine was wide open but no lights on at all. I could feel my heart pounding as I peer in through the door and see a young girl laying curled up, face down on the floor completely naked. I look around the hallway and see no one, then look back and walk in the room to see if she was alright. As I approach her I could see that she was breathing, but she wasn't moving at all.

"Holy shit..." I say to myself and grab one of the hotel sheets from the bed and move over to her, crouching down beside her to cover her up. I didn't know what to do.

Should I wake her? I need to wake her to make sure she's ok.

"Hey... uh... miss?" I clear my throat and gently rub her shoulder. She groans and suddenly begins to cough, loud and hard.

"Jeezus, are you ok?" I ask worriedly.

I move my hand up to her face where her dark curls lay strewn across and push them away to reveal her young features. She turns her head as she tries to stop coughing, her brow furrowing as she attempts to catch her breath. Her eyes flick up to me, dark and slightly clouded as she looks like she's trying to make out just who she was looking at.

No fucking way...

"Hi.. you uh, you alright?" I ask again. I wasn't exactly sure what to say to her. Suddenly her eyes grow wide, gasping as she quickly sits up, shrinking away from me.

"Hey, no it's ok... I'm not going to hurt you," I say trying to re-assure her. She looks down at her self, her dark curls falling down around her shoulders and a few curls falling in her face, realizing she was completely naked in front of me and quickly grabs the bed sheet to pull it up to her bare chest.

She flips her curls out of her face and looks around the room, looking like she's trying to figure out where she was. She looks back down at herself examining her arms and legs almost looking like she's trying to make sure everything is intact and then flicks her eyes back to me.

She then lets go of the blanket she was holding and before I could stop her, she moves so quickly over to me and wraps her arms around my neck, embracing me in a hug.

I was so surprised at first that I just sat there for a moment but the feeling of her hugging me was something I didn't know I needed until it happened. I slowly move my arms and place my hands on her sides, slowly moving up her back, feeling her soft smooth skin under my rough calloused fingers. She continues to hold me and I can hear her softly crying as I move my arms to hold her tighter to me.

Holy Shit...

"Shhh... it's ok..." I say softly. She slowly pulls away from me, wiping her tears from her cheeks, but seemingly not caring that she no longer held the bed sheet to cover herself.

"I'm sorry," She half giggles, still wiping away her tears. I glance over her, and my heart begins to pound.

It's her... I can't believe it's her.

"It's ok..."I give her a half smile trying my best to not make it awkward for her, and she moves back to wrap her arms around me once more.

"Mr. Cornell...? Mr.Cornell - Oh, shit, I'm sorry..." Martin says when he walks into the room and sees me holding this young woman, clad in only a bed sheet in my arms.

"No, no man it's ok... what is it?" I ask as I turn and look at him, while she pulls away from me wiping her tears and wrapping the sheet around herself.

"Uh, Vicky called and wanted me to check on you. You weren't answering your phone so she panicked and called me to make sure you were ok... Are you... ok...?" Martin trails off awkwardly as I now see how this might look to him.

"Yea, yea, I'm ok... just tell her I was down at the bar or something... I don't know whatever you can come up with..." I say suddenly being brought back to the miserable reality that I so desperately wanted to be free from.

"Ok... um... do you need anything... maybe... at all?" He says glancing at her and then back to me.

"No man, I'm alright... but what time is it?" I ask.

"Just after midnight... um... 12:17am," Martin says glancing at his watch.

"Ok... uh... thank you," I say and he nods, giving me a half smile then leaving the room. I turn back to see her giving me those worried eyes again and I softly smile at her.

"My bodyguard... he's always up my ass...." I joke and she giggles, the sound making my heart flutter like it always has. It's been years, but it's her. I didn't think I'd ever see her again. She's so young but so gorgeous and I feel all those feelings bubbling up to the surface again. I've known her since I was 15 years old, she's still exactly the same and so incredibly beautiful.

She came back to me... She finally came back to me.


	2. Time Keeps On Slippin' Into The Future

Detroit Michigan, MGM Grand Hotel - Room 1136 May 18 2017

ANDI: The sunlight began to pour through the large sliding glass doors of the hotel room balcony as I find myself laying facedown in a large comfy bed, probably the most comfortable bed I have ever slept in, my dark curls covering my face, blinking my eyes a few times to try to focus on the light pouring through the room.

Wait... where am I?

I flick my eyes open and lift myself off the pillow, pushing my curls out of my face. As I look around the room, I turn myself over and sit up in bed, pulling the covers up to my bare chest.

Oh no, not again...

I exhale and a stray curl flutters up and falls back down across my eyes as I glance around the room to figure out just where I was this time. I hate it when this happens. After months and months of not having any episodes, here I am once again, slipping through time. At least this time I'm not in the middle of an alley or on a long stretch of highway, naked with no one around. I stretch for a moment and yawn as I flip my curls out of my eyes, trying to figure out what to do about the clothing situation.

I wonder who's room I'm in anyways.

I see a suitcase by the door and laptop that was sitting on a desk. There was also a couple of cardigan sweaters that rested on the arm of the large reading chair that was opposite of the bed, and a guitar case that was leaning against the chair.  
I don't remember anything about last night, but that usually happens for the first few hours and then once I know where, or really when I am, I'm pretty much ok - at least lately that has been the case.

I decide to see if there were any spare clothes that may be in the dresser that sat across from me. I take the bed sheet and wrap it around myself, hop out of bed and walk over to the dresser to search for some much needed clothing. Nothing at all in any of the drawers.

Fuck, what am I going to do?

As soon as I close the last drawer of the dresser, the hotel room door opens which makes me jump and I slam the dresser drawer shut. I look up towards the door that opened and I swear to god, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

Chris steps into the room, wearing a black jacket, a white T-shirt with the 90 logo and fitted jeans, holding a shopping bag and two cups of what looked like coffee.

Chris... Oh my god it's Chris... but he's so much older...

"Hi," He says so sweetly. All I could do was stand there like an idiot holding up the bed sheet I had wrapped around me while it felt like my heart was about to pound out of my chest. 

"I uh, brought you some coffee and uh, I hope this isn't weird or anything but I picked up something for you to wear... since well... you know," He says shyly as he walks over to me holding out the bag and coffee.

I just look at him completely dumbfounded and awestruck in his presence, not sure what to do or what to say, but without even thinking, I move towards him and throw my arms around his neck and hug him.

"Whoa ok... I uh take it you're alright then," He chuckles and I nod quickly unable to say anything because I was so incredible happy that he's here.

Damn he's still so incredibly gorgeous. Wait... what year is this?

"Um, well... here these are for you," He says a little apprehensively, clearing his throat once I let go of him and he looks down at the shopping bag. He hands me the bag and I take it from him as I tuck the bed sheet around myself. I pull out a pair of ripped skinny jeans, a pair of black and white converse, a bra and panties and an old Aerosmith T-shirt from their 1984 world tour.

"Thank you," I say glancing back up at him into those gorgeous blue eyes of his. I flash him an excited smile and he smiles back at me.

"You're welcome," He says so sweetly. There was a few moments of silence between us as all I wanted to do was kiss those beautiful lips of his, but for some reason, I couldn't. I'm not sure what it is but I'm getting this weird stand-offish feeling from him. As if he doesn't know me. As if we're not the same anymore.

"Um... is it alright if I just... clean up a little bit?" I say apprehensively as I gesture towards the bathroom.

"Oh, yea of course... of course," 

I give him another shy smile and make my way into the bathroom as the bed sheet drags behind me.

*****

I quickly finish my shower in no time and step out of the little shower stall, grabbing a towel to dry myself carefully then I step over to the bathroom counter where I place the bag of clothes he got for me when I suddenly stumbled but caught myself against the bathroom counter.

I look down on the floor where I stumbled and notice a red exercise band that was tied into a noose like knot laying on the floor. I began to feel a lump in my throat rise as I look down at that... thing on the floor.

I lean down and pick up the rubber exercise band and feel the overwhelming sadness that seems to emit from it. It was so surreal and just something that made me completely uncomfortable and so, so sad.

No... no, Chris... No...

As I stare at the rubber exercise band that I held in my hand, I wonder just what in the fucking god damn world made him get to that point that he wanted to leave this world. I was just with him yesterday and he was fine. We were in his studio working on a track he wrote - well we wrote it but I didn't want to be in the writing credits if he happens to put it on the album - and he wanted me to play lead on it as well. The last thing I remember was him going upstairs to answer the door and once again... 

I shake my head to get out of my thoughts and drop the exercise band back down on the floor. I take out the clothes that he picked out for me and quickly change. I fix my damp curls in the mirror as they cascade down just passed my shoulders and I wish I had some sort of make up to put on, but it's alright.

Once I decide I look decent enough, I open the bathroom door to see Chris at the desk, on his laptop and drinking his coffee.

"Hi," He says so sweetly as he turns and glances back at me just as I step out of the bathroom, his gorgeous blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight that pours through the sliding glass doors, flashing me a shy smile as I push a curl out of my eyes.

"Hi," I say shyly back. 

"Oh, uh, here... your coffee," He says after a few moments of him looking at me and he offers me the coffee cup. I thank him and take the cup from him and make my way over to the bed to sit down.

I want to move over and hold him but I can tell everything's different. I'm still me and he's so much older and I don't want to confuse him in any way. I want to ask him about the bathroom, what I found on the floor, but I don't know how to. I've slipped so far into the future that things have definitely changed and I can tell just by the way he is with me.

"Um... I um... I'm not exactly sure what to say, other than... um..." I fumble.

Why the hell am I fumbling? This is Chris, my Chris... why is everything so weird? Why do I feel weird?

"You don't have to say anything, I'm just glad you're ok," He says so sweetly, those incredible blue eyes of his studying mine for a moment before he turns back to his laptop and take another sip of his coffee.

Wait... I remember something... Someone mentioned something about a Vicky last night... Who the hell is Vicky?

Suddenly there was a knock at the door startling us both and knocking us out of our glancing embrace. He gives me a half smile and rises from the desk chair, and answers the door.

"Hey, the guys are pretty much ready to head back out at any time... we're aiming to leave by 3:00pm so we can get to Ohio by tomorrow,"

"Ok sounds good," Chris says.

"And uh, Vicky called again... she was trying to get you on your cell but it was going to voicemail,"

"Oh fuck, it's probably dead or somethin'. Um..." Chris trails off and I can feel him glance back at me.

"Just tell her I was doing an interview or something... what did she want anyways?"

They continue to discuss a few things from last night, and after a few moments, whoever was at the door left and it was back to just Chris and I alone in his hotel room once more.

Fuck, I wish I could figure out just what the hell made me slip so far.

"You know, it's ok if you have to go, I can figure something out with... you know, me and my whole situation..." I say as I sand up from the bed.

"I don't have to go anywhere, it's alright," He says as his eyes flick over my body, I push my curls out of my face and glance back at him.

" No... really, I don't want to keep you from... whatever it is that... um... " I start to fumble again I glance down at myself while I begin to feel a wave of light headedness that I'm so desperately trying to hide. I place my hand to my forehead and blink a few times to try to stop the feeling but now the ringing in my ears begins and I'm afraid I'm going to slip right in front of him again.

"Um, I just need to use the bathroom again if that's ok?"

He says nothing and looks at me confused while I make my way to the bathroom again, he moves back over to me, catches my hand and pulls me into him, suddenly embracing me in another hug. Damn, he smells amazingly good. Like a mixture of warmth and freshness.

"Don't... don't slip if you can help it," He whispers.


	3. The Basement Incident

Seattle Washington, March 10 1980

(Chris is 15, Andi is 18)

"Picture yourself in a boat on a river  
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies  
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly  
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes..."

CHRIS: Laying on the floor in the basement, the green shag carpeting feeling soft underneath me, I slowly bring the freshly rolled joint up to my lips, flicking the lighter and watching the end catch flame. I take one deep inhale and instantly feel mellow and relaxed with the sweet herbal taste tickling my taste buds. The stereo speakers turned towards me, the booming bass of George Harrison vibrates through the floor, while John Lennon's voice takes me on a trip of magic proportions.

Another day here in my bubble, listening to the melodic sounds of The Beatles, drowning my anxiety ridden frame trying to forget about the horrible sadness that just seems to come out of nowhere sometimes. Most of the time I'm alright but sometimes I just wish I didn't have to face the world.

I dropped out of school back in the fall so I could get a job at Ray's Boathouse diner downtown. Working in a hot kitchen and sweating over fryers isn't the most glorious job in the world, but we need the money. I'm the youngest of three boys and the only male left in the household - Peter moved out just a few months ago and Patrick hasn't lived here since I was 10 - so I have to help my mom out somehow. I still visit Peter though, especially when it gets too crazy for me here.

Since my parents divorce last year, the house has been a lot more peaceful than it had ever been before. Their constant fighting was pretty much a regular thing around here ever since I can remember. I haven't heard from my father since they split and I don't care to either. It's not like he ever showed me much attention anyways unless it was to beat my ass and criticize every little thing I did.

My mother bought me a drum set for my birthday last summer which honestly was the best gift my mom could have ever gave me. I love that fucking drum set to death though I'm pretty sure I drive her insane with all my playing. She never complains though, but she is probably just too pre-occupied with my sisters to really care.

So here I am laying on the floor, immersing myself in the wonderful world of The Beatles, smoking some sweet weed that I was able to pick up from a friend and letting everything float away.

"Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain  
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies  
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers  
That grow so incredibly high"

Suddenly there was a crazy sound coming from the bathroom, at the far back of the basement. I flick my eyes open and exhale a cloud of smoke as it startles me out of my musical bubble. I hear the sound again and sit straight up, reaching up and turning down the music.

"Hello?" I call out, my voice cracking, my brow furrowing in worry.

Silence.

I sit there for a few moments listening to see if it was just all in my head, thinking it's probably just the weed, but I don't feel high yet. Then another noise, coming from the bathroom. It sounds like someone rustling around, like they were trying to be quiet about it, but if there was someone in there, how would they have gotten in? There's no window in the bathroom to climb through and I certainly didn't see or hear anyone come downstairs.

I climb to my feet, butting out the joint in the ashtray and look around for the baseball bat that I have stashed behind my stereo, you know, just in case. I grab the bat and slowly walk towards the back of the basement, listening for more sounds as I try to contain my fear. I may be 15 but fuck this is scaring the shit out of me.

"Hello? Is Anybody there?" My voice cracks again.

More silence.

"I know you're in there whoever you are! I've got a bat and I'm not afraid to use it!" I lie. I was desperately afraid to use it. I could feel my heart pounding and my hands growing sweatier by the minute. A few more seconds go by and I still don't hear anything, I place my hand on the doorknob and quickly turn it, flicking the door open as fast as I could when I hear a shriek.

"Ok, ok I'm sorry please don't hurt me!"

A girl. In my bathroom. Who apparently has used the shower curtain to cover herself as she was completely naked. Her dark brown eyes wide with fright with her long dark curls covering her face. She sits on the toilette clutching the shower curtain panting from the door being flung open.

"Who are you? What are you doing here? How'd you get in here?" I ask frightened and angered at the same time. She's really pretty but she's still in my bathroom without me knowing.

"I'm sorry, I don't know," She says.

"You don't know who you are? Or you don't know how you got in here?" I ask.

"No I know who I am, I just... I don't know, just don't hurt me," She says almost crying and I realize I was still holding the bat. I glance at the bat and realize I must look like a maniac to her, so I just set it aside.

"No I'm sorry I uh... you just scared me, I'm... I'm not going to hurt you," I say, running my fingers through my hair. Her dark eyes continue to look at me, and obviously she's still worried I'm going to hurt her.

Holy hell she's really pretty. And she's naked. Fuck.

I give her a nervous shy smile and quickly leave the bathroom. I didn't want to see her adjusting myself as I walk towards my bedroom that was on the opposite side of the basement. I quickly head over to my dresser, pulling out a couple of drawers to find a T-shirt and a pair of gym shorts that she could have. I close the drawer and head back into the bathroom and offer them to her.

"I'm sorry, it's pretty much all I have," I say, then realize I could've ran up to my sister Katy's room and grabbed something for her there. Damn it.

"It's ok, thank you," She says sweetly taking them from my hand. She holds them for a moment as we study each other in silence, then after a few moments, she speaks.

"Um... would you mind maybe turning around... or something?" She says apprehensively.

"Oh, shit... um... yea...I'll uh just be out here" I fumble for a moment and give her an awkward smile, then step out of the bathroom while I hear her rustling with the shower curtain. After a few more moments, I turn around and see her standing in front of me, in my old AC/DC Dirty Deeds t-shirt that was miles too big for her but she seemed to make the best of it by tying the bottom up. Her dark curls flowed just passed her shoulders in ringlets and I was suddenly finding it hard to find words to speak.

"Um... I'm Chris," I introduce myself, my voice breaking a little.

"I'm Andrea... or Andi, just Andi," She says and then looks down at herself, her curls falling across her face.

"I know this is weird but could you tell me where I am?" She says flipping her curls out of her face as she looks back up at me.

"Um... my house?" I try to joke even though I'm still so confused as to how she got here.

"I mean, where am I? Like, what town or what neighborhood?" She giggles. I'm glad I was able to make her laugh a little.

"Um... 1704 Palatine Ave...," I hesitate, still confused as to why she doesn't know.

Damn that weed is something else...

"Seattle?" She asks.

"Uh huh," I reply. She moves passed me and further into the living room where I was just laying on the floor moments before. She scans the room, looking around almost amazed that she's in my basement.

"Ok good at least I'm still in the same town," She says quietly to herself.

"Huh?" I ask confused as I stand by the wood paneled wall. She turns around, pushing her curls behind her ear, offering a shy smile.

"Please tell me it's still 1988 though," She says which confuses me even more.

"Um, no it's 1980," I say slowly as I raise my eyebrow at her.

"1980... ok, ok thank god that's not too far back," She says quietly to herself again and at this point I'm really wondering if there was something laced in my weed or if this girl is just straight up crazy balls.

"Chris?! Chris are you down here?" My mothers voice - Karen - calls down the stairs as she makes her way down and I frantically reach for the joint that I still had sitting in the ashtray, trying to find a place to stash it. Andi stands there wide eyed as she watches me looking for a place when I finally settle on stashing it behind a pillow on the couch.

"Chris - oh, I'm sorry I didn't know you had anyone down here,"

"Um, yea... what's up mom?" I say trying to act casual as I feel Andi study me while I run my fingers through my hair and rub the back of my neck.

"Jim from Ray's diner called. He wants to know if you would pick up a shift tonight?" Mom says stopping halfway down the stairs, holding the banister.

"Maybe, no... I don't know, did you take a message?" I ask.

"No," She says.

"Can you take a message?" I ask frustratedly as I feel Andi glancing back and forth between my mother and I.

"He's on the phone right now," She says.

"Ugh!" I grunt and I head over to the stairs as she climbs back up. I follow her up the stairs, telling Andi I'll be back and pick up the phone once I reach the kitchen. I explain that I have band practice - which is pretty much true - and Jim seems alright with it as I tell him I can pick up another shift the next time if he needs me. I always feel bad when I say 'no' which is hardly ever, so normally I'm the first one he calls if someone calls in sick.

Once I hang up with him, my mother decides to ask me about the girl downstairs. Saying that she's really pretty and that she didn't see me bringing her in, that she doesn't mind that she's down there with me but why did I hide her from view when I brought her in. I didn't know how to say that she sort of just showed up in the bathroom as I don't even know how she got in so I just came up with an excuse that I brought her in when she wasn't paying attention. Which for her it's a common occurrence.

Anyways, once she seems satisfied with my explanation, I make my way back downstairs to see Andi sitting on the floor in front of my stereo, flipping through my albums I have stored inside the stereo cabinet.

"It's so awesome how you have the whole Beatle library," She says sweetly as she pulls out the 'Revolution' 7inch single.

"Yea, I found a whole bunch of records in someone's basement like last year. It's pretty much the only band I've been listening to lately," I say as I move over to her and sit down cross legged beside her.

"I fucking love 'Hey Jude', It's like my favorite Beatles song of all time," She says glancing back at me with those dark eyes, giving me a smile then looking back down at the record.

"You're a Beatles fan too?" I ask with a smile.

"A little. I mean, I gravitate more towards Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, Metallica..." She trails off still looking at the record.

"Metallica?" I question. Her dark eyes glance back in my direction in slight confusion.

"Yea... you've never heard of Metallica before?" She smiles and I shake my head.

"Oh man... you have to hear their album 'Master Of Puppets', it's like the best thrash record you've ever heard," She says and I still look at her confused.

"What's thrash?" I say still so confused and she starts to explain but then catches herself and waves it off glancing back down at the record as we sit in silence together for a few moments.

"Who... who are you? Where did you come from? How did you get here?" I ask quietly still glancing over her features, feeling a weird shaky feeling inside me. It's hard to describe. Is this what butterflies feel like? Her dark eyes meet mine once more and I could tell that she wanted to say something but wasn't quite sure how.

"I'll tell you what... if I'm still here tomorrow, I'll tell you everything," She says as she flips those beautiful curls out of her dark eyes.

"If?" I ask and she just gives me the cutest smile that I've ever seen any girl give me and turns her attention back to my records.


	4. Disappearing One

Toronto Ontario Canada, January 31 1972

"But John this is crazy... there's got to be some way to explain this,"

"Cathy, just relax. Andrea's fine see? She's in her playpen, no harm done,"

"But I swear she wasn't there a second ago,"

ANDI: The sound of my mother's voice filled with worry, echo throughout the living room as my father desperately tries to explain just where I've been for the last 8 minutes. If there was a way that I could explain with actual words, since I can't quite make out full sentences yet, I would just tell my mother that I was only just upstairs but 1 year before this current time.

Yes, I know it probably sounds crazy, and completely confusing so allow me to explain.

Ever since I can remember, which is pretty far back mind you, I've somehow been able to slip through time. I still can't quite put my finger on what actually causes me to do so but it's usually only for just a few minutes. As I got older, the length of time that I would slip increased from just a few minutes, hours to eventually days and weeks, even years.

Now I know what you're thinking... "How does one slip through time?"

It should be easy to explain the process but really, unless you've experienced it yourself it's hard to explain just exactly what happens. At first it feels like the most euphoric sensation you can think of. Like you're purely at peace with yourself, like nothing else in the world means anything anymore. Then it changes to nausea and dizziness like you just drank a 40 of Jack Daniels so fast it could make your head spin. Then, just like that, everything goes black and suddenly I'm somewhere else, naked and alone, trying to find clothes, shelter anything to protect myself.

When I was younger and I would time slip, most of the time I would just end up somewhere else in the house only it could be either 30 minutes before, or as far back as actually seeing my mother pregnant with me.

Yes I have gone back in time and met myself before. It's not a regular occurrence mind you, but It's pretty much how I taught myself to pick locks when I needed to and find the right places to hide if I so happened to end up in the middle of a sticky situation. Most of the time I was alright though. Most people, when they see a naked girl on the street, they try to help as much as they can rather than the opposite so for that I'm thankful.

Now I know most people would think "Well how the hell does that happen? What about the grandfather effect, the butterfly effect and all the other effects of nature that rule against the fact that you can go back in time?"

Well to tell you the truth, I don't know. It's not something I can explain. I can only say that I've only ever been able to travel as far back within my own life time. I can't go back and see the amazing symphonies that Beethoven wrote nor, go back as far to stop World War 2.

Meeting a your future self is something that's amazing and strange at the same time. Every time it would happen, my younger self always knew it was my older self. My older self knew not to tell my younger self about the future, but gave me useful tools like lock picking so that I could protect myself. I was very careful at not disrupting anything that could alter my future for the worse. And... like I said, it was very few and far between that I met up with myself anyways.

"Cathy, I think you're just imagining it,"

"John, I know what I saw. I set Andrea in her playpen turned around to grab her bottle and when I turned back she was gone,"

My father then walks over to me, his boots thudding against the hardwood floor. He picks me up, brushing a few curls out of my face while I smile at him and he places a kiss on my little forehead. Leaning into him, I giggle, resting my head on his shoulder, my little fingers playing with the shaggy curls of his dark golden hair that rest just at his shoulders, and that familiar smell of Aqua Velva after shave filling my nostrils with delight.

"What were you up to baby girl?"

His deep voice vibrates through my little frame and all I could manage was a giggle.

"Daaaady," I manage with my little voice and he chuckles placing another kiss on my forehead.

I think for the most part, my father was in denial of the whole thing. I know it frightened him to no end at the fact that his only daughter disappears for moments at a time, with no explanation and no reasoning and then re-appears as if nothing had ever taken place.

He sets me back down in my playpen and I continue on with playing with my little stuffies without a care in the world.

"John, I think we should take her to see Dr. Fresno... maybe he can figure out what going on,"

"Cathy, she's still so young, she's only 2 years old, I don't even know if a neurologist is going to even see anything wrong,"

"Are you kidding? John, it's been happening more frequent than you realize... but wait, you're hardly ever here with us so it makes sense why you're in such denial over it,"

Oh the inevitable arguing. They argue over everything and it always seems that my father is the one to blame. My mother always bringing up the fact that he was never home, that he was always on the road travelling with his band Steel Gates - a sort of Black Sabbath/MC5 hybrid- playing bars and clubs never bringing in any real money. I for one love my father's music. It's so real and the way he can play, I swear he was like the next Tony Iommi.

"Ok well, I gotta head out here and meet the guys at The Edge... are you meeting me later on?" My father says walking away from me and towards my mother, who just stands there with her arms crossed.

"No, I have Andrea to look after,"

"I told you, you can bring her... you know she loves it when she's around the band,"

She just stands there and glances back at me with her arms still crossed, reluctant to even say goodbye to him, even if it's just for a few hours. 

With that, he hesitates for a moment, as I laugh and giggle playing with my little furry friends, then leans in to place a kiss on my mother's temple though she still doesn't look at him. He then turns and grabs his leather jacket, slipping it on as his boots thud against the hardwood floor.

"Ok, well I'll be home later on tonight," His voice deep as he heads out the door, leaving my mother watching me as I play.

******

Toronto Ontario Canada, June 13 1976

"Ok sweetie, now place your fingers here, here and... here,"

"Like this daddy?" I ask looking at the fret board of my amber burst VOS guitar with a white pick guard, my dark little curls falling in my face.

"Uh huh, now strum,"

I scrunch up my face as I try to hold the strings down with my fingers, my father sitting across from me with his own Cherry Burst Gibson SG across his lap, reaching over and helping me place my fingers where they should be. I start to strum and the oddest sound emits from the amp but once I'm able to adjust my fingers perfectly, the beautiful distortion bellows through the amp.

"Yea... alright now put them all together... like this," My father smiles as he starts to play the three chords in succession like he showed me and I follow along with him as we play together.

I had been learning to play guitar from my father for the last few months since we discovered that music seems to calm the time slip episodes down. My mother insisted that we see Dr. Fresno to see just what exactly is causing the time slips and though my father reluctantly agreed to, he did eventually see that it was a good thing that I was seen by a neurologist.

I've been diagnosed with a neurological disorder - time displacency -not an actually medical term I know but there's never been a case quite like mine before. After some testing, Dr. Fresno discovered that it's a relation to epilepsy but is also triggered by a multitude of emotions, especially if I feel stressed or anxious. It can happen either consciously or subconsciously and when it does, a seizure will take place inside my brain at the exact moment, somehow causing a time slip. At first, the doctor did prescribe medication - the type that helps with epileptic seizures - but that was no use. I was still time slipping. Possibly even worse than before.

Nothing seemed to really work until one day I was in my father's studio - I was 5 years old at the time -and I walked up to Cherry Burst Gibson SG, and started to play with the strings while it sat on the stand. I've always loved his Cherry Burst Gibson and when he noticed just how attached I became to that guitar, he got me one of my own for my 6th birthday - well not a Gibson but it looked exactly like one - so that I could practice with him. He was amazed at how quickly I was learning Chords and strumming for only being 6 years old.

"...ok now change... good... now D...." He smiles as he watches me keep up with him though I keep my eyes glued to my fingers making sure I was changing to the right chord properly. Then he starts to improvise on his own, playing a little solo part while I continue to strum and I look up at him and laugh.

"Wait daddy wait... I wanna do that," I giggle and he smiles at me.

"Alright sweetie go ahead..." He chuckles and I attempt to try to improvise but everything sounds completely out of tune. I scrunch my face up again and stop but my father continues to urge me on.

"I'm not really good at that," I say and he chuckles a little.

"Andrea it's alright... just keep going, you'll get it," He smiles at me. We continue to play, with him teaching me some more and after a little while I hear my mother come down the stairs.

"Andrea, your lunch is ready," She calls and I set my guitar down back on it's stand beside me.

"You coming with me daddy?" I ask.

"No sweetie, you go on ahead, I've got to work on some stuff down here," He says sweetly as he sets his guitar back down on it's stand.

"Ok... um... can I come back down when I'm done?" I ask.

"Of course you can sweetie, you know that," He chuckles and pulls me into him and starts tickling me. I begin to laugh and squeal as he laughs as well, then eventually letting me go but not before placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"I love you daddy,"

"I love you too baby," 

*****

Toronto Ontario Canada, May 15 1985

"Damn it John, I can't do this with you anymore! I told you this is it! You need to leave!"

"Babe - "

"Don't 'Babe' me. It's done! It's over now just get the hell outta here!"

It was the middle of the night and I wake from my sleep hearing voices coming from downstairs. I push the covers off me and quietly get out of bed, rubbing my eyes to rid the sleep as my dark curls fall down around me. Once I reach the hallway, I can hear my mother screaming at my father from the front door. As much as you think you get used to hearing your parents fight, you never really do. This time though, it was different.

"Cathy just hear me out ok? It was nothing, it meant nothing - "

"No! Don't fucking touch me! I want you outta here! Just get the fuck outta here!"

I quietly sit myself down on the top of the staircase as I listen to their fight. Even though I was still half asleep, I could feel this strange feeling deep inside my chest. I could hear my father pleading with my mother but she was not giving in. There were so many times before when they fought, that I just brushed it off, not letting it affect me. They were never terribly mean to each other, such as calling each other names or anything from what I remember, but this time like I said, was different. My mom was just letting it all out calling him everything that you could think of and it makes me wonder just what he did to make her so angry. If he did anything at all.

The strange feeling in my chest grew as he continued to plead with her but she still wouldn't give in. Moments later I hear the front door slam and my mother quietly crying. She then appears at the bottom of the stairs and as she takes a few steps she sees me sitting at the top.

"Andrea, what... what are you doing?" She asks looking away wiping away a tear. I say nothing as she looks back up at me.

"I'm sorry you... heard all that... I didn't mean to - "

"Don't mom, just don't," I say trying to hold my tears back, though I'm not sure why I'm feeling like I need to cry in the first place.

"Andrea - "

She starts but I rise from the stairs and turn to make my way back to my room.

"Andrea my dear..." She says as I hear her voice breaking while she attempts to hold back her tears.

"Don't just leave me alone," I say, still not recognizing my own voice, hearing myself begin to cry as I hear my mother following behind me. I've never felt like this after they've argued. I've always been able to push the feeling away. Shoving it down into the pit of my stomach and only release it when I play my guitar that my father gave me. This time it's different. I can feel my chest tighten and it feels like I can't breathe.

"Andrea - "

"Go away!" I exclaim and slam my bedroom door leaving her outside in the hallway. As much as I try to will this feeling away, I can feel it growing.

Why? What is this? Why does this hurt so much?

As I feel my heart begin to pick up pace, I close my eyes, standing in the middle of my dark bedroom surrounded with posters of Black Sabbath, Aerosmith, Ramones, and Motorhead, I start to feel euphoric, almost like an adrenaline rush, then completely at peace, then suddenly I feel dizzy and nauseous, like I'm about to vomit.

"Oh god," I exhale and suddenly there's a quick flash of light and everything goes completely black.


	5. Everybody's Got Something To Hide

Seattle Washington, March 10 1980

(Chris is 15, Andi is 18)

ANDI: Holy shit it's dark in here. Gotta be quiet, Andrea just be quiet.

I lift myself up from the floor, and steady myself as best I can, once again discovering that I'm completely naked. I shuffle around the room finding that I'm in a bathroom as I stumble into the old claw foot bathtub.

"Hello?"

Fuck, ok what do I do? Find the light switch, just find the light switch.

I try to feel my way around the room to try and turn on the light but the only thing I feel is that old wood paneling covering the walls of the bathroom.

"Hello? Is anybody there?"

Shit Andrea, just find the goddamn light switch!

Since the light switch seems to be on the outside of the door, I instead try to make my way around the room to cover myself up with something, anything just in case...

"I know you're in there, I've got a bat and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Is that Chris?

I quickly grab the shower curtain and pull it down from the rod, the little plastic rings flying everywhere just as the door flings open and I fall onto the toilet seat, trying to cover myself.

"Ok, ok I'm sorry, just please don't hurt me," I jump a little with my eyes closed as the light in the bathroom flicks on, stinging my pupils.

"Who are you? What are you doing here? How'd you get in here?"

I flick my eyes open and see a young Christopher Cornell, his incredibly young features and his short dark hair, so clean cut as if he's still straight out of the 70's, just like in those old photos of him that he showed me in his room, only he's holding a bat and scared as all hell at what was just taking place.

Well at least I'm not in the middle of a ditch somewhere...

*****

"No seriously... how did you end up in my bathroom?" Chris asks me, his insanely gorgeous blue eyes wide with wonder with his eyebrow raised, piercing me right through to my soul. I glance over his arms, seeing how toned they were under his white fitted tank top.

He's so young. I mean, fuck he looks like just a young boy. Well... you know what I mean.

"You're gonna think I'm crazy" I say as I set the record back in the stereo cabinet and turn to face him more.

"I don't even know you so how could I think you're crazy?" He says with a smirk as he leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees and the silver chain with a silver dog tag looking pendant that hung around his neck begins to sway back and forth.

"Trust me, I can just tell," I trail off and he still gazes at me raising his eyebrow again.

Ok, here goes nothing...

I take in a deep breath and begin to tell him everything, and I mean everything. I've only just met Chris in February a few weeks after my 18th birthday - Obviously in my time - and we've been together ever since, so I don't want to spoil it too much for him yet.

"... so that's how I ended up in your bathroom... naked... with the shower curtain..." I say.

The expression on his face was pretty much what I was expecting but at least he's not laughing at me like most boys do.

"You're kidding right? I mean, this is a joke... right?" He chuckles a little and I figured it was too good to be true.

"No... no it's not a joke," I exhale sadly glancing down at my hands, my fingers playing with the knot of the shirt he gave me.

"I mean, you can tell me how you really ended up in there, I won't be mad I promise. If you just needed a place to stay or something, you can just tell me. You didn't have to sneak in and come up with some story - "

"It's not a story,"

"C'mon... how did you really get in here?" Chris asks with a smirk, flipping his shaggy curls out of his eyes.

"I'm serious Chris. Ugh, I was just with you a few minutes ago and of course I had to feel all self conscious and worried and..." I say with my arms crossed over my chest and he just looks at me, realizing that I just let it slip that I know him in the future, well his future. But I figured that would be the reaction I would get out of him considering he's just a kid. After a few moments, his expression falls and he becomes a little more serious.

"Wait... you know me?" He asks.

Oh, fuck

"Um... yea... yea I know you," I say looking down at myself again, pushing my curls behind my ear.

"How? I mean, wait..." Chris starts but I could tell I was beginning to confuse him again.

"I can't tell you things if that's what you're asking," I say looking up at him.

"No, well no I was going to say... why didn't you say anything before?"

"Before when?" I ask.

"When you came out of the bathroom, why did you act like you don't know me," Chris asks.

"'Cause you don't know me, well not yet anyways," I answer and the look of completely confusion on his face makes me realize that I should just stop at some point, but he just keeps asking questions.

"What about my mom? Do you know my mom too?"

"No, I've actually never met your mom... other than just a few minutes ago,"

"Ok, let me get this straight... you time slip because of some neurological disorder that only you have, or that any doctor knows of so far... and you're really from the future - 1988 - and you know me already?" Chris says determined to try to figure everything out.

"Pretty much," I say.

"Fuck me, what the hell was in that weed I was smoking?" He says quietly to himself. He exhales running his fingers through his locks and I could tell that he was still trying to wrestle with what I told him.

"So um... what's it like?" Chris clears his throat after a few moments though he doesn't look at me.

"What's what like?" I ask.

"Going through time," He says, his eyes catching mine again with that shy smile of his.

"It sucks," I say and he chuckles.

"No really, what's it really like?" He asks with another chuckle.

"I'm serious, it sucks. I always end up in a different place, in a different time and always without clothes on. I'm constantly trying to fight my way to safety and the worst part is not having any control over when it's going to happen," I say and his expression falls.

"Does it happen all the time?" He asks in a more serious tone.

"Not as much as it used to. It used to be like 3 times a week. Sometimes for a few minutes or hours and sometimes for a few weeks at a time. This time is the first time in a few months, and before that, I can't really remember, I was like 15 I think. After my parents were fighting one night," I explain as I look down at my hands.

"Does it hurt?" He asks as he keeps his eyes fixed on me.

"Yes and no. I mean, right before it happens, I just feel weird. Sometimes it's like an intense migraine and other times it's a loud ringing in my ears that I can't shut out. But I always feel nauseous and dizzy right before so as soon as I start to feel like that, I know what's about to happen," I answer glancing my eyes to his.

"And, you don't confuse it with just regular nausea? Like when you're sick?" He asks.

"No, it's not quite the same as a stomach sickness. It's sort of like from inside my head," I say with a smirk.

"What made it stop for so long?" He asks, his blue eyes almost searching for more answers, the more I explained and I have to admit, it was really amazing that he wanted to know so much.

"I don't know, I mean my mom and dad tried everything but... as soon as I started playing guitar, it seemed to slow the episodes down a lot. Almost like it centers me when I play. The doctors say it stimulates a part of my brain that can calm the seizures... almost like it's firing properly again or something,"

"You play guitar?" Chris smiles with excitement at me.

"Yea..." I smile back. He asks me for how long and I explain, along with telling him a little bit about my fathers band. How I loved hearing my dad play and how he was influenced by bands like Black Sabbath and well... you know.

"Are you and me together in your time?" He asks cutely.

"Well, you're just gonna get right to it aren't ya?" I giggle.

"Uh huh," He smirks. As much as I wanted to tell him, I know I can't.

"You'll just have to wait until 1988," I giggle.

"Oh come on, you can't give me one little hint at all?" He asks a little slyly, raising his eyebrow, those gorgeous blue eyes looking right through to my soul.

God even at 15, he really knows how to flirt with me.

"No Chris... you'll just have to wait..." I say.

"Damn," He smirks.


	6. Feels Like The First Time

Seattle Washington, February 13 1988

ANDI: "... girl, come out with me. You stay in this freaking room all the time playing your guitar and you never come out with me to actually play, play y'know?"

Xana La Fuente stands in my bedroom of our small two bedroom apartment in downtown Seattle, facing my full length mirror that hung behind my bedroom door. She pulls up her long golden curls into a high ponytail on top of her head, and adjusts her black long sleeve crop top, turning in the mirror to check out her brand new black leggings . I'll never understand how she can wear the least amount of clothing in the dead of winter.

I had just moved to Seattle back in September, on a scholarship to Seattle University for a major in Marketing with a minor in Musical Performance. I wanted music to be my major but my father had convinced me to go for something more substantial, that would guarantee me a job to make good money since he couldn't bare to see me struggle with a musical career like he did. Even though I was reluctant to do so, I eventually agreed to apply for Marketing, since I could still use that in the entertainment field and still study music, my one and only vice, the thing that keeps me sane and centered, the only thing that keeps the time slips at bay.

I graduated from Etobicoke School For The Arts in Toronto with honors - early - and received a scholarship for two semesters at Seattle University. I worked my freaking ass off and it definitely paid off, especially since I've had no time slip episodes since that night of my parents fight.

I met Xana the day that I arrived in Seattle, in a café downtown while I was perusing the corkboard of ads for apartments available. We hit it off immediately and since we were both looking for a place, we decided to look for one together, that way it would help us both out with rent costs and what-not. She is the complete opposite of me - outgoing, energetic, fun, not shy whatsoever but we've become so close in the short while we've known each other. Considering the fact that I have no friends, which did make it easy to move to Seattle. I just hate being away from my father.

"Only because I'm not that great around people," I say as I flip my curls out of my face and go back to plucking the strings on my Desert Sunset Burst Gibson Les Paul, a remake of the original 1959 model that my father gave to me as my graduation present. When I opened the case, I outright cried and hugged him so hard. He spent his savings to get it for me since I was eyeing in the local guitar shop in downtown Toronto ever since I was 13 years old.

"Andi, it's ok... I mean everyone's a little shy most of the time, that's what whiskey is for. It gives you that courage that you wouldn't otherwise have. C'mon, come out with me and Andy," Xana pleads, placing her hands on her hips as she turns to face me.

"I don't know," I say as I continue to play away at the strings, my dark curls falling in my face.

"Y'know... I know someone who would be perfect for you, and we're also hanging out tonight after Andy's gig. Come on... come out with me. You always say 'no' so just this one time can you just say 'yes'?" Xana says as she drops to her knees, shuffling over to me with her hands together pleading. I glance at her as she does so, and giggle as I keep my guitar across my lap.

"Ok, ok...jeeze, I'll come out ok? You're so dramatic," I giggle.

"Uh huh and it always works," She laughs as she gets up from the floor. She then moves over to my closet and starts going through my clothes.

"Xana what are you doing?" I ask as I unplug the patch cord to my guitar and lean over to switch off my amp.

"I am looking for something for you to wear and - jeeze Andi, do you have anything that's not just ripped jeans and band shirts?" She says quickly flipping through the hangers as they squeak with each flick.

"What's wrong with what I wear?" I ask as I stand up from my bed and move over to set my beautiful Gibson down on it's stand.

"Nothing... as long as you plan on becoming a biker in the next coming months, it's perfect," Xana says still flipping through.

"Hey," I wasn't exactly hurt by that statement but I resent the fact that she's judging my beloved attire.

"Well... here we go, why have you been hiding this? It's perfect," Xana pulls out a little black mini 3/4 length sleeve lacy dress.

"I haven't been hiding it, I just haven't worn it yet," I say as I wrap up the patch cord.

"Ok, well you're gonna wear it tonight, and then you have to let me borrow it after cause it's freaking sexy,"

"It's like 10 degrees outside, I'll freeze," I say as I set the patch cord down on my amp.

"But dude, you'll look hot wearing it," Xana says and I giggle as she tosses the dress over to me.

*****

A short while later, I find myself standing in front of my full length mirror, in my little black lacy mini dress scrunching my damp dark curls with leave in conditioner to keep the frizziness away. I already finished my make-up - a black smoky eye, and once my curls look decent enough, I slap on my silver studded wrist cuff and move over to my bed to tie up my black soft leather Doc Marten's.

"How do I look?" Xana says bursting through the doorway to my bedroom, in the same black long sleeve crop top only this time she changed into a white mini skirt and let her golden curls fall down around her shoulders.

"Amazing," I say suddenly feeling self conscious.

"Thank you," She smiles and as soon as I stand up from my bed Xana's eyes practically pop out of her head.

"Holy fuck, Andi..."

"What? It's too short isn't it?" I say as I look down at myself, and pull down the bottom of my dress. It felt like it was barely covering my ass but when I look in the mirror, it's actually not that short.

"No, it's not that... it's just... damn he's gonna have a heart attack when you meet him,"

"When I meet who?" I ask.

"You'll see," She winks at me and disappears out of my bedroom.

"Xana, who am I meeting?" and I follow her, grabbing my leather jacket from my reading chair and close the door.

*****

The Central Tavern, Seattle Washington

"Ladies, ladies... welcome to the most amazing dressing room this side of Seattle,"

Andrew Wood opens the door, dramatically leaning against the door frame. His wild blonde hair all around him, wearing tight fitted ripped jeans and a Seattle Seahawks football jersey with a colorful scarf draped across his shoulders.

"Oh, babe," Xana smiles as she leans into him and places her lips to his.

The lead front man of the band Mother Love Bone, who looks like a mixture of David Lee Roth and Axl Rose with the flamboyancy of the former, takes her in his arms as they continue their 'greeting' while I stand behind Xana, feeling just slightly awkward.

"Hi Andi... how are you?" Andy says once Xana breaks away from him and he leans in to give me a hug.

"Hi," I say shyly, as I hug him back. I've pretty much grown close to Andy as well over the last few months since Xana practically has him over to our place almost every night. He is just the sweetest guy and perfect for Xana. I'm not even going to get into the fact that I can hear them in her room since our rooms are beside each other. That's usually my cue to turn up my guitar and pretend I don't hear anything.

"Damn, you're looking hot tonight though... what happened?" Andy says when he pulls away from me, his brown eyes glancing over me as Xana heads in. I shyly look down at myself and back up at him.

"I have no idea," I giggle and he laughs.

"What'd you think of the show? Was I entertaining enough? Did I live up to your expectations, given that you're such a goddess with that guitar of yours?" Andy says as he attempts his Elton John impersonation that he sometimes does.

"Um, thank you," I say shyly and he just looks at me breaking character.

"But yes, yes you always live up to my expectations, you know that," I giggle and he chuckles shaking his head at me.

"C'mon love, lets have a drink, what would you like?" Andy says taking my hand and leading me into the room.

"Um... Jack and Coke?" I'm not that much of a drinker, but I've pretty much figured out that Jack and Coke is my drink of choice. That sour Tennessee Mash just always hits the spot.

"You got it," He says and heads over to the mini bar fridge towards the back of the room to make some drinks.

"Hey guys! Has the party started yet?!"

Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard come through the door with a few other guys and girls following in with them. I have to say, that this room has become filled full of people quickly which once again made me quite nervous.

Ok, Andrea, just center yourself. You're fine.

"Yes it has, and you guys are the guests of honor," Andy says as he hands me my drink and I take a sip while everyone greets each other with laughter and smiles. Andy doing his usual dramatic and flirtatious welcoming, hugs each one of them as they enter the room.

"Chrissy!" Xana exclaims excitedly as she quickly runs over and wraps her arms around a very tall, dark and lean but toned, blue eyed Adonis with his dark curls flowing passed his broad shoulders.

"Hi Xana," He says, his voice mellow and deep, a coy smile spreading across his pouty lips. He breaks away from Xana, flipping his gorgeous curls out of his face and glances up to see me, unable to take my eyes off of him.

"I have someone for you to meet," Xana says sweetly taking his hand and leading him over to where I was standing. I could feel my heart start fluttering immediately as he came closer, those incredible blue eyes of his already flicking over my body. To calm myself, I take a sip of my Jack and Coke that Andy made incredibly strong but it's still so good.

"Chris, this is Andi... Andi, this is Chris Cornell... he's the amazing front man of Soundgarden," Xana introduces us and Chris smiles at me so sweetly, his eyes still wondering over my body and I'm wondering if the dress I'm wearing is somehow sending the wrong impression of me.

"Hi," He says so sweetly with a coy smile, his eyebrow raising slightly, his eyes looking right into mine.

"Hi," I say shyly, feeling my hands becoming clammy and my cheeks flushing to a pinky shade of red. At least I can pass the blushing off as just the alcohol hitting me.

"Soundgarden? Cool," I say trying to be sly about it.

"You've heard of us?" He asks.

"A little," I smirk.

"Andi here is an incredible guitar player ... she pretty much spends all day playing - "

" - Xana," I cut her off and raise my eyebrow at her. As much as I appreciate that she's trying to help the conversation, I didn't really want her to.

"Sorry, I was just... well anyways, I need another drink, JD Chris?" Xana turns asks him.

"Sure," He grins and I swear I thought I was going to faint.

"Green Label right?" Xana asks and makes her way over to the mini bar fridge.

"Uh huh," He says, pushing a few curls from his eyes and glances back at me while I take another sip.

"So um... you still have that '59 Sun Burst Gibson?" Chris asks raising his eyebrow at me, shifting a little on his feet, his silver ring attached to his necklace sparkling in the overhead lighting and for a moment I was confused.

How does he know I have that guitar? Xana must have told him.

"Um, yea I do," I say shyly and take another sip.

"I know you were um... so happy when you're dad surprised you with it," He says looking down at his feet for a moment, then back to my eyes.

What? I never told Xana that it was a gift from my dad.

Xana comes back and hands him his drink, she pats him on his bicep and heads over to Andy and the rest of the guys.

"Um, yea... how did you - ?" I start but he moves closer to me, leaning in and he whispers in my ear.

"I'm not really supposed to say this, 'cause you told me to go easy on you but... I'm so fucking happy you're here. I've missed you so much,"

With the smell of his incredible cologne lingering, I can feel the warmth from him and his voice sending shivers all over my body. I close my eyes for a moment as he moves away from me, taking a sip of his Jack and Coke. I flick my eyes open and he takes a sip of his drink, his blue eyes looking into mine.

He knows me already? Ok, Ok when did I time slip? The last time slip I had was back in the summer... did I slip without knowing? Damn, I would remember if I met him before I mean, dear fucking god he's absolutely gorgeous! We must know each other really well if he's missed me...

"You um, you look amazing by the way," He says, once again giving me that coy smile and taking another sip of his drink.

"Thank... you," I say and smile back pushing my curls behind my ear. I then move closer to him and lift myself up to whisper in his ear.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember um... meeting you before,"

"That's 'cause it hasn't happened yet... for you anyways," He whispers back.

I move away from him and take another sip of my drink, and he smiles. I smile back as we catch each other eyes once more, his glance embracing me in a comfort of familiarity though I haven't even experienced it yet.


	7. I'm Entering Without A Sound

Seattle Washington, July 29 1980

(Andi is 18, Chris is 16)

CHRIS: "I'm sorry if the shirt's a little big..." I say as Andi comes out of the bathroom, her gorgeous dark curls falling down around her shoulders as she adjusts the Black Sabbath Master Of Reality shirt - her favorite Sabbath album by the way - that I was able to find for her in a thrift store downtown.

"That's ok, I like the leggings though," She says so cutely as she looks down at the black distressed leggings I picked out at the same store with a pair of old Doc Marten's.

" - and the boots are a little scuffed up but - "

"No, it's perfect, I love them," She says glancing back at me with those beautiful brown eyes, flipping her curls out of her face.

In the months since I met her - well really since she randomly just showed up in my bathroom - Andi and I have become really close. Incredibly close in fact. When she first got here she ended up staying here in this time for a couple of weeks and obviously since she didn't have a place to stay, I asked her to stay in the basement with me. Not to you know, like, do anything of course - even though I imagine it all the fucking time- but since there was a spare room at the back with just a box spring and a mattress, I made a makeshift little bed for her grabbing blankets and anything I could find in the house. When I went to go and make sure that it was alright with my mom, Andi stopped me and told me not to.

For a little while, it felt like I was hiding her in the basement since she pretty much refused to go with me anywhere, like when I had band practice or when I had to work. Obviously she wouldn't be able to come to work with me but, you know what I mean. She was so afraid that she would 'mess up' things in this time if she interacted with people aside from me. Even though she already met my mom once really quickly, Andi insisted that I can't tell my mom because of the whole 'messing up things' in this time.

It was confusing at first but I understood, and I really loved having Andi here with me. We pretty much bonded over music, laying on the floor of my basement in front of my stereo, talking about our favorite bands and listening to hours and hours of The Beatles, Black Sabbath and Pink Floyd. She told me more about the bands from her time like Guns N Roses, Metallica and Slayer. She explained that Slayer was like an even more demonic version of Venom, but even faster, bridging on speed metal - whatever that is. She told me she's been trying to work on playing Slash's solo part in 'Sweet Child O' Mine' from Guns N Roses, but she can't seem to get the tone right.

'There's just something about the way he plays it' she said. 'I just can't get it quite right'

I just love the way she talks about her music. The way her eyes light up when she explains how it makes her feel, it's the exact same feeling I get. She just knows... she gets me. Every time she says she wishes she could just play it for me, once again, she's afraid it will affect the time line - or something - and probably because I don't have a guitar here for her to show me. Maybe I'll fix that soon...

I told her more about my band - The Jones Street Band - a cover band obviously named after the next street over where we practice. We play everything from AC/DC to Rush to even punk shit like the Ramones. I really love it when we get into covering some Police tunes, since being a drummer, I can really just go all out y'know?

When I saw her leave the first time, it was like nothing I had ever seen before. She was obviously worried about how I would react but it wasn't anything that scared me. It was actually really amazing and sad to see her disappear. Sad in the sense that I had no idea when she would show up again or if she would show up again but amazing in the sense that there are some things in this world you can't explain. Magical moments that can change your life forever. She warned me before it happened, taking my hand and thanking me for letting her stay and just as she touched me, her clothes fell to the floor and she was gone.

When she came back a month later, I was actually surprised. I honestly thought that I was never going to see her again. She once again appeared in my bathroom, completely naked and it was hilarious because I was in there taking a shower when it happened. She scared the shit out of me. I scrambled for a couple of towels to cover us both as I helped her up to sit on the toilet seat. After she was able to catch her breath, we both just started laughing. She was probably laughing at my girly scream 'cause I swear, I thought I was going to die. Ok, I'm being dramatic but seriously, she really startled me. That's when I decided to make sure I left some clothes for her.

The third time was in June and she ended up staying here for another couple of weeks. During that time we just basically spent everyday together. Since she is still going to school, I asked her how in the hell does she keep up with everything especially since she ends up leaving for periods of time. All she would say is that she manages and that she is able to keep up alright.

When she left that third time, that's when I knew I was falling for her. I had never experienced the amount loneliness like I had when she left that third time. I missed her so much, way more than I thought I could ever miss anyone in my life. She had become my best friend and when she left I knew, I wanted to be just more than friends with her. There just isn't any way that I could tell her yet. Even now, because I don't want to end up messing up the time line either.

Damn, this is complicated.

Before she left though, she did tell me little bit more about how we met in her time and left me a list of dates of when she would be here. When I asked her how she knew when she would be here, she just shrugged and said that she just knew. She was pretty vague on explaining when we would meet for the first time for her, but she said we would meet backstage in the dressing room at The Central on February 13th 1988 but she wouldn't tell me much more than that. Other than when we do meet, to go easy on her and to not say too much because once again she was afraid that she would mess up the time line which would defeat the existence of those dates she gave me which may make it so I would never see her again, but here she is, her beautiful self standing in my living room as she ties up the bottom of the Black Sabbath shirt I found for her.

"Thank you for um... leaving some clothes for me this time, I forgot to say something the last time but I didn't know if I was coming back here or not," She says.

"You're welcome," I say and we sit down in our usual spot on the floor in front of my stereo.

"Um... I'm sorry I hate to ask but, I'm really hungry. Would you happen to have anything - ?" She looks at me with those beautiful dark eyes furrowing her brow.

"Oh yea, of course... jeeze don't be sorry. Um... is a sandwich ok?" I ask as I stand up.

"Anything," She exhales. I give her a small smile and head to the basement stairs, climbing 2 at a time and make my way into the kitchen. Realizing I'm hungry myself, I quickly make us both a sandwich, grab 2 cans of Coke and hurriedly make my way back downstairs.

"Did you write this?" She asks, holding a piece of paper in her hands and flipping her curls out of her face.

"Uhhh... yea but - " I cut myself off and scramble over to the floor, setting the sandwiches and drinks down on the coffee table and quickly take the paper from her hand.

"You're not supposed to see that - I mean it's not finished yet," I say nervously, feeling my voice shake as she looks at me confused.

"What is it?" She asks so cutely, shuffling a little closer to me.

"Um..." I hesitate.

"Is it a poem?" She grins.

"No, not really" I say glancing over the messiness that is my handwriting, a combination of lower and upper case letters scribbled across the page.

"Is it a song?" She raises her eyebrow with a cute little smirk spreading across those perfect full but tiny lips. I glance at her and begin to feel nervous and look back down at the page, then quickly fold it up.

"No, it's... it's nothing," I exhale, running my fingers through my hair.

"Chris, come on tell me, what is it?" She asks so sweetly. I glance back at her and I realize she's moved even closer to me, and all I want to do is just kiss those perfect lips of hers.

"Uh, here... you um, said you were hungry?" I change the subject, stuffing the paper in my jeans pocket and grab one of the sandwiches I made and offer it to her.

"Yea," She says her expression falling a little as she takes it from me, taking a bite. Suddenly she stops eating and sets the sandwich back down on the plate and I can tell by the expression on her face that she isn't feeling well.

"Andi?"

"Chris, I think I have to go," She says.

"No, wait you just got here," I say worriedly reaching for her hand.

"I know, bu -but I'll be back -" She stammers a little which is normal when she's about to go.

"Andi -?"

"Bye Chris,"

"Wait - " and as she leans in to hug me, all that is left is her clothes in a slump on the floor.


	8. The Future In An Instant

Seattle Washington, February 13 1988

(Andi is 18, Chris is 23)

ANDI: A couple of hours later, everyone had decided to move the party back to Andy's place. I found the perfect spot on Andy's couch, right in the corner where I felt the most comfortable, While Chris sat next to me sipping on his Jack Daniels. Everyone else was pretty much everywhere laughing and drinking, bringing out their guitars and what not and playing random cover tunes.

"I had no idea you lived with Andy, I've never seen you any time I've been over here with Xana," I say taking a sip of my Jack and Coke.

"I just got back from touring with the band so you wouldn't have... it's actually the first time I'd been home since August," Chris says leaning back on the couch and resting his leg across his knee.

"Oh, well... welcome home," I smile, feeling awkward. I'm so nervous and Chris is so amazingly gorgeous that I just end up freezing up and can't think of anything to say.

"Fuck, I can't believe that... this is happening, I mean I remember you saying where we would meet and when but when it actually happens it's just...wow," Chris says flipping his curls out of his face and turning towards me more, his gorgeous blue eyes flicking over my body and then landing at mine.

"Chris?"

"I mean, it's been so long since I saw you last. We were in my room and just hanging out and you obviously ended up, you know leaving and - "

"Chris?"

"I just want to tell you everything - "

"-Chris?" I interrupt, trying to get him to focus.

"Yea?" He asks, slightly worried.

"Can we just... maybe back it up a little bit and pretend that you don't know me? Like, this is our actual first meeting... maybe?" I ask, shifting a little and pushing my curls behind my ear, feeling bad but I'm so overwhelmed that I'm doing everything that I can to not stress out and suddenly have a time slip episode with everyone around.

"Yea... yea sure, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Chris furrows his brow and looks down at himself then back to me.

"No, no it's not that I'm uncomfortable, I mean... it's you. What girl wouldn't be excited that Chris Cornell is talking to her? It's just... no one knows that I -"

"Time slip?" he takes a sip of his drink

"Yea... well you apparently know already which is seriously messing with my head a little bit but... you're not making me uncomfortable at all," I re-assure him as I move a little closer and a coy smile spreads across those amazing pouty lips of his.

"I actually feel quite comfortable with you... which is weird, because I'm the queen of shyness," I giggle and he chuckles with me.

"Yea, normally I'm pretty shy myself, but with you I don't feel that way at all," He says with that coy smile again.

"You? Shy? I kind of don't believe that... I mean have you seen yourself on stage?" I say and he chuckles again.

"Yea, but that's different. Performing is a totally different experience than just being yourself in a room full of people, and I usually can't see too far in front of the stage because of all the bright lights, so it pretty much feels like it's just me with the guys anyways," He explains. 

"Yea, I get that... performing is kinda like that for me too, but I was never really good at getting up in front of people. When I had to audition for Seattle University to get into their music program, holy fuck, I thought I was going to throw up everywhere. But in a larger group of people I'm not as bad... it's weird," I say and take a sip of my drink.

"Nah it isn't weird... it's just how us musicians work, I guess," He says and takes a sip of his drink. I never really thought of myself as a musician before so it almost struck me a little weird to hear that from him.

"So, you've seen us play before?" He asks.

"Well yes and no... I haven't ever seen you live live, I just saw like a clip on T.V from the local station or something, they were doing a local band segment... and it was just a quick clip of you, but I picked up your EP downtown at Easy Street Records though..." I explain and take another sip.

"Really? Well... what d'ya think?" He asks a little slyly, moving just a little closer, resting his arm on the back of the couch.

"I like it. It's got um... it's really Sabbath sounding which I fucking love. 'Little Joe' is a little... um... different..." I hesitate, not quite sure how to explain it.

"It's weird, I know," Chris says taking the last sip of his drink and setting the empty glass on the small side table. "We were just fucking around with that song. We just wanted to break up the EP a little bit,"

I take a sip. I actually like the song, it's just that it's so out of place on the album, but I get what he means about breaking up the album a bit.

"You um... you wanna see my room?" He asks cutely suddenly shy, looking at his Doc Marten boot, playing with the laces. I take the last sip of my drink and lean forward to set it down on the table in front of us while everyone around us continues to laugh and play.

"Sure," I say sweetly, feeling the alcohol give me some sort of confidence that I wouldn't otherwise have.

Man, Xana was right.

I follow behind him out of the living room and down the long hallway, his curls swaying with his movements, his boots thudding against the hardwood floor as his gorgeous 6 foot 2 frame leads the way. I glance back for a moment to see Xana giving me a wink and a smile from the chair she was sitting in with Andy. I then turn back and watch Chris as we make our way down to the end of the hallway. 

Chris opens the door on the left and gestures for me to go inside first. I give him a cute smile and head inside finding on the left side of the room, his bed and a dresser, a bookshelf filled with books and a T.V and stereo combo on the opposite side. A crate of all his records on the floor beside the stereo, a chair that had a few of his clothes strewn all over, some posters of The Beatles, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd and Aerosmith and a stack of amps on the right side of the room, with his guitars - 3 to be exact - a Marten acoustic, a black Fender Strat with a white pick guard and a beautiful dark cherry burst Gibson Les Paul Standard. As you know I was immediately drawn to the guitars of course.

"Wow... Is that the 1960 model?" I ask excitedly as I walk right over to the dark cherry burst Gibson.

"Uh huh..." He says with a smile as he watches me admire it.

"I can tell just by the color... they went from that golden sun look the year before to more of a redish finish," I explain, feeling my nerdiness for guitars coming out. I squat down as best I could in my short little mini dress, flipping my curls out of my face to get a closer look. 

"I think the pickups are different too... um... can I?" I glance back at Chris who hasn't left the door frame with the sweetest smile spread across his lips.

"Sure," He gestures for me to go ahead. I bite my bottom lip in excitement as I situate myself on the floor - still being mindful of my dress of course - I slide off my leather jacket, setting it down beside me and carefully take his guitar off the stand and let it rest on my lap.

"Um, wait," He says and quickly moves over to plug in the patch cord for me and flips on the amp adjusting the levels a bit. I close my eyes for a moment and then I just start to play. I wasn't exactly sure what I was playing but I was just playing around with the E scale, improvising and just letting the sound take over. He set the gain perfectly. Just the right amount of distortion. It's not as warm sounding as mine but it sounds amazing. After a few moments I open my eyes and see Chris sitting in front of me, still with that same sweet smile across his lips.

"Holy, what string gauge do you use?" I giggle when I stop and shake my left hand a little.

"12's... why does it hurt?" He chuckles.

"Just a little," I giggle and he laughs.

"Here, let me..." He says reaching out for his guitar and I pass it over to him, pushing my curls out of my eyes. He rests it across his lap, getting into the perfect position, as his curls fall down around him, he starts to play. At first it was just some random playing much like I was doing, and then it started to change.

"Oh, darling, please believe me,  
I'll never do you no harm  
Believe me when I tell you  
I'll never do you no harm...

Oh, darling, if you leave me  
I'll never make it alone  
Believe me when I beg you  
Don't ever leave me alone..."

His voice immediately made everything inside my body flutter like butterflies. So bluesy and full of emotion that I had never heard before. I had never felt before.

"When you told me you didn't need me anymore  
Well you know I nearly broke down and cried  
When you told me you didn't need me anymore  
Well you know I nearly fell down and died

Oh, darling, please believe me  
I'll never let you down  
Believe me when I tell you  
I'll never... do you... no harm..."

He hangs on to the last note and then stops, a for a moment. He doesn't look at me, though I'm completely focused on him. A few seconds tick by and he flips those beautiful curls out of his face, his silver hoop earring sparkling in the soft bedroom light and flicks his eyes to me while we could hear everyone still laughing and carrying on out in the living room. He moves his Gibson off his lap and leans to set it back on the stand and just as he did so, I couldn't resist shifting up on my knees and moving closer while he flick his eyes back to mine, cupping his clean shaven face in both my palms and placing my lips on his.

For a moment, I could tell I caught him off guard but then he slowly started to respond, placing his hands on my hips as I slowly began to suck on his full pouty bottom lip, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip and by then I needed to deepen the kiss just a little, my tongue playing with his as my heart began to race like I never thought it could. His kiss is so new and yet so familiar, like the sort of passion between 2 people that has been building up over years of knowing each other but both afraid to make the first move. I this case I was the one to make the move because I couldn't hold back any longer. It was incredible.

Chris then shifted a little, pulling me in closer for me to straddle him as he leans back against his bed, his hands moving down my thighs and lifting up the bottom of my already short dress even higher. As nervous as I began to feel, somehow he was able to make me feel comfortable as if we had done this before. I find myself threading my fingers through his soft thick curls as his lips move hungrily with mine.

"Chris?" I breathe when I part my lips from his for a moment and he touches his forehead to mine.

"Yea," He exhales as he closes his eyes for a moment.

"I know I said I wanted to pretend that this is our actual first meeting but, I just want to know... are we together... In your time I mean, are we together?"

He lifts his forehead from mine and looks into my eyes, a gentle smile spreading across his beautiful lips as he brushes a few curls from my face.

"Yea... well we never made anything official though. You always told me that we were together in your time, but you wouldn't really tell me too much about us. No matter how many times I tried to get you to tell me more you wouldn't because you didn't want to mess up any sort of timeline by telling me the future," He explains so sweetly. In actuality, I never really believed that, I only just tried to let things happen as they did as to lead a normal life. The only time I ever felt the need to tell someone the future was if it was a life or death situation for obvious reasons.

"So um... we know each other pretty well then?" I ask closing my eyes and touching my forehead to his.

"Uh huh... You're my best friend. I've been in love with you since I was 15 years old,"

"You're in love... with me?"

He gives me that coy smile of his and I find myself pressing my lips to his once more, intensifying the kiss. It wasn't long before he figured out the mechanics of my dress and I realize just how long he has waited for me.


	9. I've Been Away Too Long

Seattle Washington, July 28 1984

(Chris is 20, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: I was tightening the bolt to one of the symbols on my drum set, that I had situated in the living room of a small 2 and a half bedroom apartment - the half part is the small little den room that I'm taking - that I'm sharing with my new band mates, Hiro Yamamoto and Kim Thayil in the University District of Seattle. I answered an ad in the local Seattle paper 'The Stranger' for a couple of 'dudes' looking for a drummer/singer for a band they were trying to start. I answered the ad and met Hiro first and we hit it off really well I think. I mean he is a little older than me - they both are -but he's into the same kinda stuff that I like to play so... which lead me to meeting Kim just a few days later and we hit it off really well too.

Kim went to school with Hiro so they were already close. After a few band practices with them, Hiro just asked me if I wanted to just move in so we could basically play as much as we could. I was all for it, since I really didn't have a place to stay at all. We've lived together now for a couple of months now and it's actually pretty freaking cool. Since the neighborhood is riddled with college and university kids, we can play until like 3 in the morning and no one even gives a shit how loud we are. 

I left home not too long after my 18th birthday and I've been staying with friends, basically couch surfing until my brother Peter found out and said I could stay with him until I found a place on my own. I just couldn't stay in that house with my mom anymore. I'm not going to get into specifics but let's just say that we weren't getting along anymore. Honestly, I don't think we ever got along really well, but I did get along better with her than I ever did with my dad.

The stuff that we are coming up with though, is really fucking cool. the first few times we were jamming together, we wrote like 5 songs in just a couple of days. A lot of it is instrumental though, but there are a couple that we wrote that I have put some lyrics to and I'm going to try them out when Kim gets here. It's my first try at writing something that isn't some sort of sappy poem, and I want to make sure it sounds great. Not to discount the poem that I wrote for Andi when I was 16 or anything, I mean... I didn't want to tell her that's what it was. Fuck, I couldn't even read it to her I was so self conscious about it. This time is different though.

We did try out a couple of guys to sing for our band but it wasn't working out. So right now I'm sort of drumming and singing, kind of like Phil Collins in Genesis - yea I know, but whatever.

I haven't seen Andi in over 2 years. The last time we were together was when I was still living with my mom. We were hanging out as usual in my basement, listening to tunes and talking like we always do. When she started to tell me a little more about how her dad left - though she did add that they are somewhat ok with each other now - and how he pretty much broke her heart, I knew exactly what would cheer her up, other than me be being silly and making her laugh. I surprised her with a guitar I stole - yea, I know but I didn't have a lot of money ok, and that shit's expensive!

I was pretty fucking sneaky about it too. I borrowed a friends guitar case and went into a shop way over on the east side of town. I pretended to apply for a job and handed the store clerk my resume. When he went into the back room, I quickly swiped a guitar from one of the displays and put it in the case. I had no idea which one I grabbed, all I knew was that I had to do it quickly. When the clerk came back out of the room and informed me to fill out an application, my fucking heart was pounding so hard I thought I was going to crack and have a heart attack, but the clerk never noticed a thing. I took the application and walked right out of the store and never looked back. I still can't believe I got away with that. I'll never do anything like that again though. I mean I'm no stranger to stealing - though I knew that I shouldn't have - but it was always just small stuff like records from peoples houses, breaking in and fucking shit up.

Anyways, I didn't tell her that I stole it, but I have a feeling she kind of knew, since it was an '81 black Gibson Les Paul Standard which was pretty much 12 hundred bucks that I just walked out of the store with.

She was so cute when she would play it. I didn't have an amp or anything so her playing it 'unplugged' so to speak was funny, especially when she would get so silly with trying to make it loud. I ended up saving up enough money from my job at the Ray's Boathouse diner and bought a little used amp. Listening to her play through that thing was amazing. I never really gravitated towards the guitar since I started out with drums first. I did take piano lessons when I was really little but I just didn't keep up with it. Like I said before though, as soon as my mom got me that drum set, that's where the passion started for me. When Andi left, I started to play around with that guitar, just to get a feel for it and it was actually pretty cool. I mean I'm not as good as she is, but I'm not bad at it either. I waited for her to come back so that I could show her a few things but, she never did.

Weeks and weeks went by and nothing. Then the weeks turned into months and still she never showed up. I lost the list of dates that she gave me and it pretty much threw me back into the depression I had before she showed up, so I started playing just to get some feelings out and it has helped me with my writing. I know it's not her fault and I know she can't help it but I hate it more than anything, especially since I never got the chance to tell her how I feel. She probably is just doing better now and that's why she hasn't slipped. I just miss her so much. I still haven't told a single soul about her like I promised. It's strange though not telling anyone, almost like is she really real? Or is she just all in my head and I'm crazy? Anyways...

"Hey," Kim says as he walks through the door as I finish setting up my drums.

"Fuck, finally," Hiro says as he rises from the one reading chair we have in the room.

"Well fuck, did you want beer or not?" Kim says sarcastically as he sets the two 12 packs down on the floor.

"Yea, like an hour ago," Hiro says.

"It was busy, there was a fucking line up around the block for some band playing at that pizza place over on Sydney,"

"What band?" I ask.

"I don't know I think it was Skin Yard, or somethin'" Kim says opening up his guitar case and cracking a beer at the same time.

"You wanna go check them out?" I ask.

"I thought we were gonna jam," Kim says taking a sip.

"We can do that when we get back. C'mon lets check' em out... see just why they have a line up around the block," I say flipping my curls out of my face and heading to the door, patting Kim on the shoulder as I walk by. Kim raises his eyebrow at Hiro and he shrugs while I throw on my leather jacket.

"You guys comin' or what?" I ask as I look back at them, turning the apartment door knob, then making my way out into the hallway and down the stairs while Kim and Hiro follow me.

*****

Mourning Star Pizza and Pub, Seattle Washington

It was a short walk to the pizza place that was pretty much just around the corner and you could see the kids lining up to get in. It was pretty much your typical pizza place which was also a bar and night club. I think the owner was just like 'I wanna open an everything kind of bar' and came up with that so he would get business but it seems to be working. Kim was apparently exaggerating a little cause the line wasn't around the block, but it was lined up out the door.

"Dude, it's like 4 bucks to get in, we wont have any money left to drink," Hiro says and reaches into his pocket to scrape together some money.

"We got beer at home, I just wanted to see what the band is like," I say reaching into the pocket of my leather jacket and pulling out a few dollar bills. I turn back to see Kim had a beer still in his hand as we were moving up in the line.

"What? I'm thirsty alright?" Kim chuckles and then downs the last of it, setting the empty bottle down on the curb. I shake my head and chuckle turning back to move up even further in the line, and a few minutes later we were inside.

The band was already playing and you could hear the booming sound of the drums echoing throughout the place. It was a small place so it seemed like there was more people inside than there actually was, but mostly everyone was ordering and eating pizza than paying any attention to the band.

They sounded heavy, like, really heavy almost brooding. Not like the stuff that Kim, Hiro and I were coming up with at all. It was awesome and man, that drummer can fucking play.

"Fuck, I didn't know it was Matt's band what the hell?" Kim says, somehow appearing with a beer for me and Hiro.

"Matt?" I ask, taking the beer from him and taking a sip.

"Yea, he's drumming. Oh wait, yea, you haven't met him yet," Kim says taking a sip of his beer.

"Alright guys, we're just gonna take a short break, have some drinks or whatever..." The lead singer says into the mic and everyone seems to immediately pile off the stage.

"Hey, how are ya? I didn't know you guys were showing up,"

Matt Cameron, a tall, lean long haired blonde, wearing a loose plain black tank and ripped baggy jean shorts walks up to us and shakes Kim's hand.

"I had no idea it was you playing tonight, when did you start playing for Skin Yard?" Kim asks.

"Actually, not that long ago. Their former drummer just like, up and quit on them so I just sort of slid myself in there I guess," He chuckles.

"You're Chris right? I saw you when you were playing with The Shemps, like a couple of years ago now. You fucking blew me away man," Matt says when he sees me and holds out his hand for me to shake.

"Yea? Thanks," I say and shake his hand. Hiro then comes over and joins us as well all start with some small talk and I get to know Matt a little more. After a while, I really needed to use the bathroom so I excuse myself to make my way passed the large crowd of people, towards the back of the bar, down the long hallway. Since the place was so crowded I ended up bumping into a few people while on my way to the washroom which was only slightly annoying.

"Fuck, watch it man," a large guy says to me. I apologize and just as I was turning to go into the washrooms, I bump into a girl who was looking down, fixing her Ramones tank top.

"Shit, I'm sorry - wait, Andi?" I ask when I catch her and she looks up at me with those beautiful brown eyes, her gorgeous dark curls flowing down passed her shoulders and much longer than they were the last time I saw her.

"Holy shit, I - "

"Shhh," She hushes me, placing her forefinger against my lips, taking my hand and leading me passed the bathrooms and out the back entrance to the parking lot.

"Andi?"

"Is it only you here?" She asks as she takes me around to the back side of the building away from everyone.

"No, but wait - when did you come from? I mean well, when did you get here - or -" I start but she hushes me again looking around the corner of the building for a moment, then turns back to face me.

"Sorry I, I just didn't want anyone to see you with me, cause well - you know," She says looking up into my eyes and for a moment we stand there looking at each other and I suddenly pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her, embracing her in a hug. Her small arms reach into my leather jacket and snake around me as she giggles a little with her face practically buried in my shoulder as I hold her to me. The feeling of her in my arms sends my heart soaring.

"My god it's so good to see you," I say as I continue to hold her.

"I guess it's been a while eh?" She says so cutely, turning slightly to look up at me. I nod still holding her to me, closing my eyes and just relishing in the moment with her.

"I uh, slipped into your bathroom but the basement was different. I guess you moved?" She says as I finally let her go from our embrace.

"Yea, I moved out about a year and a half ago now. Wait - did my mom see you?" I ask as I look into those beautiful eyes of hers and brush a curl away from her face.

"No, no one was home, but I found an address that your mom wrote down - 18th and Roosevelt?" She asks.

"Oh yea, that's my new place. I'm uh sharing it with my band mates. Weird how my mom knew though. Peter must have told her," I say glancing down at my feet.

"Weird, why is it weird?" She asks.

"Oh, um, nothing... no reason," I say hoping Andi will just leave it so I don't have to explain. I glance back at her and she gives me a concerned look but doesn't say anything.

"You, um... do you want to come back and see my place?" I ask after a few moments.

"I do... but..." Her eyes light up for a moment but then her expression changes to worry when she realizes that I don't live by myself.

"There's no one home right now, they're all inside the bar... It's ok no one will see you," I re-assure her in my best convincing flirtatious voice. She glances at the back door to the Pub and then around the parking lot, her dark curls gently moving in the cool evening breeze, then looking back up at me.

"Ok," She says and with that, a smile spreading across my lips, I take her hand in mine and lead her down the sidewalk to my apartment.

*****

"So um... you never said when you're from?" I ask as we walk down the side walk, her hand in mine with her fingers laced through.

"Um... 1990. What year is this?" She says quietly looking around for a moment and then glancing up at me.

"'84..." I say as I pat down my chest looking for my cigarettes. I then let go of her hand for a moment to take one out and light it up.

"'84? When was the last time I was here with you?" She asks raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

"It's been a couple of years," I say exhaling a cloud of smoke and we keep walking.

"Is everything ok?" I ask glancing down at her and taking another drag of my cigarette.

"Yea... why?" She says flipping her curls out of her face as the breeze blows through.

"No reason... just you usually slip back in time if you're stressed out or... you know, if your seizures start acting up," I say. She glances ahead and then down at her feet as we keep walking and I feel her squeeze my hand for a moment and I have a feeling that she just doesn't really want to talk about it.

"It's nothing you need to worry about," She says.

In pretty much no time we were back at my apartment. Once we are inside, I show her around a little bit, through there really isn't much to see, it's so small.

"You kept the Gibson?" She says as she walks over to the corner of the living room where I had it set up beside my drum set.

"Well yea," I chuckle as I move over to the door to my bedroom.

"Funny, you still take that on stage and play it, even though..." She says quietly to herself which I almost didn't catch.

"Huh?" I ask, not sure if I heard her right.

On stage? Wait... what?

"Nothing, never mind," She waves it off as she turns back to face me, flipping her curls out of her face. For a moment I was confused but then she walks over to me and I completely forgot about it.

"...and this is my room," I say as I open the door to the den, the door barely opening all the way because of where I had to put my bed. She walks in and looks around for a few moments, then back at me, giving me the sweetest smile she could and then she immediately finds a spot right on my bed, sitting cross legged, patting the space in front of her for me to sit down.

"Let's catch up... tell me everything," She says so cutely as she pushes her curls behind her ear. I give her a coy smile and slide my leather jacket off, setting it down on the bed. I flip my curls out of my eyes and move over to sit across from her much like I did when I was still living at my moms.

"Everything huh? Like what?" I say.

"Like, anything... anything you want to tell me... or not. We can just sit here and hang out or... I don't know..." She trails off and gives me that cute little smile across those perfect lips that I so desperately just want to kiss.

"There really isn't much I could tell you, everything is still the same other than I live here and I have a different band now," I say.

"I just feel bad that I haven't been back in so long," She trails off and looks down at her hands.

"Well you could tell me what's been happening, if we're together at all?" I ask.

"Chris..." She giggles.

"You've never told me if we are or not, You say we meet in 1988 but you never tell me anything beyond that," I say, sounding a little resentful but not meaning to.

"Chris - "

"Andi, I just want to know. I don't want to go through missing you like I have been, when you leave again, because I know you're going to end up leaving again. At least if you just tell me now than it wont hurt so much when you go because I know I will see you again," I say.

"Chris - "

"-Andi,"

"Chris I love you ok? I've been trying to say that but you wont shut the hell up," She giggles as she reaches out for me, cupping my face in her hands and touching her forehead to mine, looking straight into my eyes.

"Really?"

She nods so cutely, biting her bottom lip and without even thinking I press my lips to hers, finally feeling what it's like to kiss those perfect lips of hers that I've so desperately craved since the moment I met her.

I move my hands to pull her into me as she shifts herself to sit in my lap, my tongue swiping across her bottom lip, her fingers lacing through my hair. She feels so amazing, her skin so incredibly soft as I slide my fingers under her shirt and trail them across the small of her back. As my tongue plays with hers, my hands make their way up under her shirt, discovering that she's not wearing a bra at all

Fucking Christ that's hot.

She begins to move her hips ever so slightly against me and I could feel my erection growing taller inside my jeans. She drops her hands from my hair, immediately moving down to the bottom of my white tank top and for a split second she breaks away from my lips to pull it up over my head. She tosses my shirt somewhere in my room and then lifts her own shirt up over her head, tossing it in the same direction, her dark curls falling down around her.

I can't fucking believe how beautiful she is, completely topless in front of me. I mean I know I've somewhat seen her naked before but that was under different circumstances. My eyes flick over her, landing at her gorgeous breasts, full but not too full... you know, just perfect, and I draw her back into my arms, my chest pressing to hers as I brush her curls off her shoulder and place my lips to her neck. She sighs so sweetly as my lips trail down, she arches her back, her hips moving even more so and my erection at this point is practically bursting out of my jeans.

In one movement, I lay her down on my bed, her cute giggles filling the room as I do so. She positions herself underneath me while my lips trail down to her nipple, gently flicking it with my tongue as her fingers lace themselves through my hair, her letting out the most wonderful sighs as I play. All I can fucking think about is how I want to be inside her but I know I should take this slow.

My hands make their way down to the rim of her ripped jeans and I quickly unbutton them and pull down the zipper. I part my lips from her for a moment to swiftly remove her jeans while she helps by kicking them off and I drop them to the floor. Seeing her in her lacy black panties makes me want to rip them off her, cave man style, but instead she takes the hint and slowly but seductively removes them and tosses them on the floor with her jeans.

"Now let me," She says and sits up for a moment, her hand moving to my jeans and quickly unbuttoning them, pulling down the zipper and instantly my cock springs out before her. 

Jesus I knew I was hard but this is a whole other level

I give her a coy smile as she looks up at me, and suddenly her lips are full on around the tip. I let out a groan in surprise then close my eyes and relish in the feeling of those perfect lips around my dick. 

Fuck this is like nothing I've ever felt before. I mean, well I've had my fair share of being with a few girls but nothing like this at all. She knows exactly what I like just the way I like it. Especially since she is sucking me perfectly, her tongue swirling around and flattening at just the right moment, her hand gripping me and squeezing, moving at just the right speed and I swear to god I'm not going to be able to take it much longer.

"Oh shit... Andi," I exhale and pull myself away from her and she looks up at me worried with slight disappointment.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asks.

"No, no... fuck no, just... if you keep doing that, I'm gonna..." I start to pant and she bites her bottom lip again. She then places a kiss on my abs, right below my belly button and leans herself back on her elbows, wasting no time in opening her legs for me.

"You're gonna what?" She asks innocently, her dark eyes gleaming and I just couldn't help myself. I move my hands to her thighs, trailing my fingers up closer to her center using my fingers to reveal that perfect little pink nub. As soon as I place my lips, gently sucking at first and flicking my tongue, she lets out the most beautiful moan, raising her arms above her head.

"Oh my god, Chris," She exhales as I slip a finger inside her, softly teasing and prodding, feeling her hips respond to my playing. The wetter she becomes, the harder I feel myself grow but I am determined to make her cum first. I want her to. I want to hear her scream my name. I suck her little pink nub just a little harder and flick my tongue, circling around as each moan she lets out fills the room.

"Chris," She whimpers but I don't let up. I continue sucking as I slip another finger in and I feel at any moment she is about to cum. Then just like I wanted, she cries out and I continue to play her through it. After a couple of moments, I lift myself away from her and I look up to see her hands over her eyes, panting as she tries to come down from her high.

"Andi?"

"Yea?" She says in a small voice.

"Are you ok?" I ask.

"Uh huh... just, oh my god," She starts to giggle.

"What?"

"That was fucking amazing," She says and a smile spreads across my face. I glance down and see that I'm still so incredibly hard. Harder than I've ever felt in my life. I swiftly reach over into the drawer of the little side table that was beside my bed and pull out a condom. Just as I was about to open it, Andi reaches up and takes it from me.

"It's ok we don't need it," She says. I raise my eyebrow at her a little confused as she puts it back in the drawer but I'm not going to protest since I fucking hate wearing those things anyways. She leans back and I move myself over top of her, leaning down and pressing my lips to her stomach first and placing soft sweet kisses up to her chest, then to her nipple once more. Her fingers make their way back through my hair as I tease her nipple with my tongue, hearing her sigh against me. She wraps her legs around my hips and I take her in my arms, position myself perfectly, and push myself inside her.

I go slow at first realizing that she is having a little trouble adjusting to my size but as I thrust a few times, relishing in the feeling of her, she responds. Her hips move matching my rhythm as she grips me in the most perfect way. I bury my face in her gorgeous dark hair, feeling her hands move up my back and digging her fingers into my skin. 

"Fuck, you feel so fucking good inside me," She moans throwing her head back as I place my lips against her throat. The sound of her words instantly send me over the edge as her hips move with me.

"I'm... I'm gonna cum," I manage to get out wishing it could last longer but knowing I can't hold back anymore.

"Fuck, yes, do it," She pants, and with a few more hard thrusts, I release, crying out as I bury my face in her hair once more. After a few moments of coming down together, I lift my head up from her hair, placing my hands on either side of her face, brushing some of her curls out of her eyes, and looking into those dark eyes of hers.

"So, I take it you love me too?" She says with a coy smile which makes me laugh.

"Oh, Andi... you have no idea," I chuckle and she laughs.


	10. The Perfect Present

Seattle Washington, February 14 1988

(Andi is 18, Chris is 23)

ANDI: I wake up with a jolt in the middle of the night and find myself laying in Chris's bed with only the street lights illuminating his bedroom. I turn slightly and glance at Chris who has me clutched in his arms, his hand cupping my right breast with his face buried in the crook of my shoulder. I close my eyes for a moment and just lay with him, listening to him as he sleeps, feeling completely at peace, but for some reason I was finding it hard to fall back to sleep. After a few moments, I decide to get out of bed.

I slowly slip out from under his arm, he stirs just a little but still doesn't wake and I climb out of his bed and search the room for a shirt to throw on. I could barely see as I walk over to the large chair on the opposite side of the room to grab one of his button up shirts - a plain black one that felt so soft - and button it up just enough to cover me, un-tuck my curls from it and make my way out of room.

I quietly close the door behind me and make my way down the long hallway in my bare feet. I pass Andy's room, hearing Xana moan and I grimace as I continue out into the living room. You think I would be used to their noises but, not in the slightest. I hate it just as much as the first time I heard them.

The place was completely empty and I was surprised that no one had crashed on the couch. I quietly step into the kitchen and turn on the overhead stove light and decide to make myself some tea. Sometimes a cup of hot tea is all I need to help me fall back to sleep. I open up the cupboard and take out some of Xana's tea that she keeps here, fill up the stove top kettle with water and place it on the stove to heat up.

"So I guess you and Cornell are getting to know each other really well,"

Andrew Wood... L'Andrew the Love Child who always flirts - especially with me when Xana isn't looking - raises his eyebrow as he catches me reaching up to pull out a cup from a high shelf. Startled, I quickly turn around to see his brown eyes flick over me noticing that I was obviously only in Chris's black shirt that barely covered my ass.

"Fuck, give me a heart attack will ya?" I exhale, placing my hand over my chest.

"Sorry love, I didn't mean to... though you're pretty much doing that to me right now," He says, leaning against the refrigerator. I roll my eyes and place the tea bag in the cup.

"Trouble sleeping?" He asks after a few moments.

"Yea, a little..." I say as I pour the water in my cup.

"You're not going to slip are you?" Andy says moving a little closer to me.

"No, no... I'm ok," I say.

"You know I still haven't actually seen you do that though, so I'm a little wary on believing you, but I hear crazy shit all the time so I never know what's real or not,"

I remember the day Xana told Andy about my little situation. Xana is the only one to ever actually see me time slip - other than my parents of course. It only lasted for about 15 minutes and from what I remember, I was somewhere in the future. The only way I could tell it was the future was because the atmosphere was different. It's almost like if you climb up mount Everest to a higher elevation where the air is really thin and it's hard to breathe.

I had no idea what the year was but I remember being in an apartment and Andy was in the living room passed out on the floor. I remember I had appeared in one of the bedrooms and I quickly scrambled for some clothing and when I walked out of the bedroom, Andy was on the floor passed out. I remember going over to him and trying to wake him up but he wouldn't move. When I thought of calling 911, and attempted to make my way over to the phone, I slipped back to my time, right in the same spot as I left with Xana completely freaked. Try explaining that to your new roommate of only a month.

I never told Xana what I saw and though I always said that the only time I ever mention anything about the past or future is when it is a life or death situation, there's just some things that you know will happen no matter how much you try to stop them.

"I don't know... maybe if you stick around, you'll see me disappear," I smirk taking a sip of my tea while Andy chuckles.

"Does Cornell know?" He asks.

"Yea, he knows,"

"Well you just get right to it don't you?" Andy chuckles.

"He was the one who told me actually," I take another sip.

"Huh?" Andy says confused.

"Chris has already met me before, but I've only just met him tonight. Apparently at some point I time slip and I go back and meet him for the first time - for him - when he's 15," I explain and even though I'm saying the words out loud, knowing that I have this condition, it still sounds completely absurd to me, let alone to any normal human being.

"Really? I wonder why he's never said anything," Andy says looking away from me for a moment.

"Oh c'mon, would you believe him if he told you?" I say.

"I don't know, maybe... I believe you and you just told me,"

"Only after Xana said it first," I giggle and Andy just smiles at me.

"Why didn't you ever tell me that he was your roommate?" I ask.

"I didn't think it was a big deal, he was on the road anyways so I didn't really think of it. You've heard me talk about him before though," Andy explains.

"Yea, I know... I just didn't think it was that Chris Cornell,"

"Uh huh..." Andy smirks in slight disbelief and I giggle. Well it's kind of true... but I really had no idea he was Andy's roommate.

"So you and Cornell are I guess, meant to 'be' then?" Andy crosses his arms over his bare chest and looks down at himself as he still leans against the refrigerator.

"Yea, I uh... I think so," I softly smile to myself and look down at the tea in my hand. He glances back at me and I take another sip and we stand there in the dimly lit kitchen not saying anything for a few moments.

" - Andy... are you coming back to bed or what?" Xana calls from the bedroom, her voice muffled as it travels down the hallway. Andy sighs and runs his hand though his blonde locks and I giggle as he rolls his eyes.

"Alright, well... g'night love," He says sweetly leaning in and placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Night," I smile and he disappears back down the hall.

I finish my tea and then make my way back down the hall and slowly open Chris's bedroom door. I enter the room and see him laying on his back, the covers only pulled up to his hips, his one arm supporting his head with his curls splayed across his chest. I quietly close the door and he begins to stir.

"You ok?" He asks groggily.

"Yea, I just couldn't sleep. I'm ok though. I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you," I say quietly as I walk back over to his bed.

"It's ok, I wasn't really sleeping anyways. C'mere..." He says lifting up the covers for me to climb back in. I situate myself, cuddling into him as he draws me into his arms, pulling the covers up over us.

"You're cold," He says.

"That's cause it's cold in here," I say and he chuckles.

"You look really good in my shirt," He says slyly and even in the darkness of his room, his blue eyes sparkle as they wander over my body.

"It's so soft and warm," I say as his fingers find the button, popping it open. He moves the black fabric to reveal my pale breast to him, cupping it perfectly in his palm, his thumb gently brushing across my nipple. His hands feel slightly cold and his fingers slightly rough but so amazing against my skin. He then places his soft lips on my nipple, gently nipping, flicking his tongue and I shakily let out a sigh of pure bliss. He feels so amazing as he continues to play with me.

I have never experienced anything like him. The way he somehow knows just what spot to hit that drives me crazy. We fuck slowly and sensually turning it into a competition of who can keep the most quiet, though failing miserably and when I finally cum, it's so intense I'm afraid I might disappear, but I don't. I find myself in his arms in the early hours of dawn completely connected with him and at peace as I fall asleep on his bare chest.


	11. It's An All Night Thing

Seattle Washington, February 16 1988

(Andi is 18, Chris is 23)

ANDI: With the morning sunlight pouring through the windows of Chris's bedroom, I find myself sitting on the floor in his black button up shirt, quietly strumming his dark cherry burst Gibson Les Paul. Chris and I have spent the entire weekend together, hardly leaving his room at all except for the much needed necessities of you know, food, water, basic hygiene... you know the usual. We've talked about everything and anything that you could imagine that he doesn't already know by my time slipping experiences with him. It's still hard to wrap my head around the fact that he already knows so much about me, and that he's in love with me, but it doesn't scare me in the slightest. In fact, I welcome it. There's just something about him that I'm drawn to which makes me feel so comfortable with him, so safe with him.

I continue plucking away at the strings, playing some random riff. I close my eyes and just let my fingers play, not even noticing that Chris has appeared behind me, shirtless in just his blue checkered boxers. I feel him brush my dark curls from my shoulder and place his lips to that spot just under my earlobe.

"Do you know how incredibly beautiful you are, especially when you play my guitar like that?" He whispers in my ear. His lips brush across my skin with his words but I keep playing and he softly begins to hum along. His voice is low and husky at first, then higher as I continue to play. Suddenly my eyes flick open and I stop.

"What's wrong baby?" He says in my ear. I set his guitar aside and get to my feet, moving over to his chair where my leather jacket rested across the arm. I feel him study me as I reach into the pocket and pull out my little notepad that I carry with me everywhere. I walk back over to Chris and sit cross legged in front of him, flipping to one of the last pages that I wrote. Lying the notepad down in front of me, his eyes watch me as I pick his guitar back up and lay it across my lap.

"Do that same hum, you were just doing... but with this," I say, flipping my curls out of my face as I push the notepad towards him. He gives me a cute smirk and looks down at the notepad.

"Did you write this?" He asks with a smile.

"Yea... but just, do the thing you were doing," I say as I start to play the same riff I was just playing. I just didn't want to lose the moment.

"Heaven forgive me, will I pay for my sins?  
As I do not know where to begin....  
Have I fallen so far, too far to be saved?  
Hell be damned, time slips away..."

Chris sings it in the exact way that he was humming before, soulful and bluesy as if he wrote it himself. As soon as he stopped but hanging on to the last note, I suddenly felt this overwhelming sensation that I couldn't quite put my finger on. It wasn't the same feeling like I have just before I time slip, it was something else entirely.

"Yes! Holy shit yes!" I say so excitedly, setting his guitar aside and practically leaping into his lap wrapping my arms around his neck as he laughs.

"Andi?" He chuckles as I look into his eyes, his hands now on my hips as I straddle him.

"That is exactly how I heard it in my head. You sang it exactly... exactly how I heard it..." I trail off, trying not to become emotional but I just couldn't help it. He reaches up and brushes my curls from my eyes as we just gaze at each other, locked in the moment. He touches his forehead to mine and I eagerly press my lips to his. This is it. I am totally completely in love with him.

*****

Seattle Washington, July 28 1984

(Chris is 20, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: Her fingers lace through my hair as my lips move with hers. She sucks on my bottom lip which instantly makes me want to make love to her again, over and over until there is nothing left in me. And even when there is nothing left in me, I will still make love to her, just to hear those beautiful sounds she makes as I hit every perfect spot.

She keeps her legs wrapped around my hips and I position myself perfectly just like before when I hear her cute little laugh against my lips.

"Again?" She giggles biting her bottom lip.

"Uh huh," I breathe, my lips moving down to her throat as she tilts her head back into my pillow, moaning as I tease her, my dick still so hard from just moments before. She shifts a little underneath me and takes in a deep breath as I slowly enter her, once again feeling her grip me in the most perfect way.

"Chris," She whimpers as I begin to pick up the pace.

"Yes, baby let me hear you," I whisper in her ear. Her fingers grip my hair tightly as her hips move with my rhythm once more, letting out more and more of those beautiful sounds from her lips. She is like nothing I have ever felt before with any girl. I wish there were words to explain just how she makes me feel. It's purely powerful.

I could hear a bunch of people entering the apartment though I was able to maintain the moment between us as Kim and Hiro laughed with what sounded like another girl, who sounds extremely familiar. Andi arches her back, seemingly not distracted in the slightest as I continue to move, her hips matching mine.

"Fuck, I love you," She whispers in my ear, immediately sending me right to the edge. I let out another moan, sounding more like a growl and just as I was about to cum, There was a knock at my bedroom door.

"Yo, Chris Susan's out here," Hiro says and I immediately lose the moment entirely.

God damn it!

Andi quickly glances at the door and then back at me as I try to catch my breath, still hovering over her.

"Susan?" She whispers, her brow furrowing as she looks at me in confusion.

"Chris?" Hiro says again.

"Uh, ok just... just give me a minute," I call out trying to sound like I wasn't just in the throws of the most amazing sex I've ever had in my life. Andi continues to furrow her brow at me as I reluctantly move myself away from her. I quickly find my boxers and my jeans, pulling them up as quickly as I can, jumping as I do so. Andi starts to pull her clothes back on as I throw on my white tank.

"Andi, just stay here, don't go anywhere if you can help it ok?"

"Chris -"

"No, no... just... stay in here, I'll be back in a minute I swear," I say as she sits on the edge of my bed, pulling her Ramones tank top back over her head, flipping her gorgeous curls as they fall down around her shoulders. I lean down and cup her face in my palms to get her to look into my eyes and she gives me the cutest smile. I press my lips to hers wishing to all hell we weren't interrupted as she softly sucks my bottom lip again.

"I love you," I say when I break away for a moment and touch my forehead to hers.

"Chris, hey it's me, what's... going... on?"

I quickly pull away from Andi, dropping my hands from her to turn and see Susan opening the door.

"Susan, wait... it's not what you think ok?" I panic. She opens the door and looks at me with a smile and then confusion.

"What's 'not what I think'?" She giggles.

"Um..." I fumble and look back to see only a slump of clothes on the floor where Andi had just been. A wave of relief washed over my entire being, though I could feel my heart breaking at the thought of not knowing the next time I'll see her again.

"Babe?" Susan asks worriedly and I turn back to see her still confused.

"Yo, Chris you missed Malfunkshun tonight, where'd you take off to? Did you just come home to crash or somethin'?" Kim asks as he walks over to Susan and I with a beer in his hand. I glance back and forth between them for a moment and then give Susan a smile.

"Yea, I uh... guess I had a little too much, so I uh, just took a little nap," I lie, running my fingers through my hair.

"Well, fuck... who needs sleep? Let's fucking Jam man," Kim says and hands me over a beer. I take it from him and we clink our bottles together, I take a sip as Susan lifts herself up to place a kiss on my cheek. She then pats my chest giving me a sweet smile and heads out into the living room. I glance back at my bed for a moment, seeing the slump of clothes on the floor as my heart misses the only thing that I wish could just stay here with me forever.


	12. Right Place, Wrong Time

Seattle Washington, July 24 1988

(Andi is 18, Chris is 24)

ANDI: "Xana...? Have you seen my little note book? " I ask as I scour my bedroom, opening up the drawer to my nightstand, trying to find where it could be.

"What notebook?" She asks as she appears in my bedroom doorway, tying her golden curls up into a messy ponytail on top of her head.

"My little black notebook - pad thing I always carry with me," I say, flipping my curls out of my face as I close the night stand drawer.

In the 6 months since Chris and I have officially been together, we have been practically inseparable, even writing together and coming up with songs that I otherwise wouldn't have ever come up with myself. He is the only one that I've ever shown my silly poems and lyrics to - only because I don't think I'm that great at lyrics, I pretty much consider myself just a guitar player and that's it - but he encourages me which makes me feel like maybe my lyrics aren't so dumb.

I never thought in a million years that I would ever find the one that I was meant to be with so soon. He is my other half, the person that completes me. He is amazing in every single way. I can't imagine my life without him.

I haven't slipped since last September and it feels amazing. I know at some point I do slip back in time to meet Chris, but I'm just going to focus on being here with him in the present. There are times when Chris will mention something to me that has happened for him - like the time he apparently stole a guitar for me. The black Gibson Les Paul that he has is apparently really mine, and he just kept it for me for when I meet him in my time (or really the present) - and he'll go on and on about it while I look at him like he has two heads or something. Then he catches himself, realizing that then is his past but my future and well... you just gotta love Time Displacency Syndrome - I know I do.

It's such a beautiful guitar too. I can't believe he stole it. Like, what in the fuck was he thinking? I hope I gave him shit for it.

"No, I haven't seen it... why? Do you need it or something?" She asks, putting her hands on her hips.

"Well kinda... but..." I trial off as I get down on the floor and look under my bed.

"Andi, just find it later... we gotta get down to The Moore. Your man is playing tonight," She says in a sing song way, raising her eyebrow and smirking at me.

"Yea..." I smile shyly back feeling those butterflies flip around in my stomach as I flip my curls out of my face and rise from the floor. I glance down at myself adjusting my Dead Kennedy's t-shirt that I made into a tank top, then grab a bottle of my favorite perfume - then one that drives Chris crazy- and spritz a little bit on my neck.

"Damn girl, you look like you're going to a Guns N' Roses concert or something," Xana says as she glances over my ripped up black leggings with my Doc Martens.

"Oh god, I don't look like one of those girls do I?" I asked worriedly. The last this I want is to look like a groupie girl with her hair teased, though I don't tease my hair...but you know what I mean.

"No, no not at all. You look amazing. Chris's eyes are going to pop out of his head when he sees you though,"

"Good, 'cause that's what I was going for," I say and we both giggle.

*****

The Moore Theatre, Seattle Washington

ANDI: Xana and I arrive at The Moore early, with only a few people up around the bar having a few drinks. As we walk through the open floor area, I see Kim up on stage, randomly plucking a few strings on his guitar, checking out his foot pedals and making sure they are working ok.

The first time I met Kim, which was only a few days after I met Chris, we instantly hit it off. He is a metal head just like me, bonding over different guitar tones and getting the perfect amount of distortion out of our amps. Kim had heard of me before through Andy but for obvious reasons - since Soundgarden was on tour - we've never crossed paths. For Kim being 10 years my senior, he was impressed with my playing and how I don't seem like your typical 18 year old kid. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm young but if he only knew...

"Hey Kim, is Andy back stage?" Xana calls out as we approach the stage.

"Yea, go on back, he's waitin' for ya," Kim says as he plucks a few strings. Xana pats me on my arm and she heads over to the side stage door and disappears. Kim then decides everything seems to be set up and sounding ok, so he sets his guitar down on it's stand and jumps down off the stage, his long jet black hair all around him.

"C'mon back, I know you're dying to see Chris," Kim smirks and I smile shyly as I follow him backstage. I still feel awkward when meeting them here before a show. I don't know why, I guess it's just my natural shyness coming out. Kim lights up a cigarette while I follow him through the door, and as we walk down the long corridor, I see Chris standing in the hallway, his beautiful tall frame leaning against the brick wall. He looks amazing in his ripped jean shorts, his Doc Martens and a plain black T-shirt with his dark curls all around him.

Kim pats me on the shoulder and disappears into the dressing room and as I approach Chris, I see him talking to someone - someone who I haven't met before.

"Hi baby," Chris smiles as he turns to see me. He reaches out for my hand and I take it giving a shy smile.

"Um, this is Susan Silver," He says introducing us. Susan holds out her hand for me to shake as she smiles so sweetly at me. She has gorgeous dark eyes and a presence that is definitely revered. She's beautiful.

"She's our manager," Chris adds glancing back at me.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you... Chris has told me so much about you already, I feel like I already know you," She says. That's definitely not the first time I've heard that from anyone.

"Thank you," I smile back shaking her hand.

As Chris pulls me in a little closer, his hand grazing my lower back, we end up chatting with Susan a little more, though it was mostly her and Chris talking about management stuff, dates and schedules. Apparently he has another small promotional tour coming up in August with the release of their next EP for Sub Pop records as they continue to work on their full length album - which they have yet to sign a contract for. I stay quiet listening to them, feeling completely out of place, and I notice that they do have some sort of chemistry between them that I couldn't quite explain.

"Um, well I should get back so, I'll see you guys Tuesday?" She says to Chris.

"Uh huh,"

"Alright, see you then... and once again, it was good to meet you Andi," She says sweetly to me.

"Um, you too," I say, feeling self conscious and she turns and heads towards the back entrance to The Moore. Chris then brushes my curls off my shoulder and places a kiss to that spot just under my earlobe.

"You look so good baby,"

"Thank you," I say as I close my eyes for a moment, feeling his lips on my earlobe.

"Mmmm, you smell so good too," He says, his voice deep in my ear.

"You um... you never mentioned her before," I clear my throat as I place my hand on his chest and pull away from him just a little.

"Who...? Susan?" He asks and I nod as he continues to hold me in the corridor.

"It's just business babe... I didn't think it was important," He gives me that cute coy smile.

"I just thought since she knows so much about me already, you would've told me about her," I say glancing down at his necklace, reaching up and playing with the silver ring attached to it.

"Oh... well there's not really much to tell... she manages the band. She pretty much handles the business side of everything - "

"No I mean like, her as like a person or... something," I say as I look up into his eyes for a moment then back down at his necklace.

"Well... you've met her now, so that's pretty much how she is... I guess..." Chris looks down at the ring on his necklace that I keep playing with and then looks at me with that same look of confusion. I'm not sure why but I feel like he's hiding something from me.

"Hey! You two coming in here or what?" Andy leans out of the dressing room door, clad in his usual flamboyant charm as Stone and Jeff make their way passed him into the room.

"C'mon baby," Chris says sweetly placing a kiss on my forehead. I decide to just try to put my uneasiness aside for now and ask him more about her later. He takes my hand to lead me into the dressing room, but I stop him. I start to feel this strange euphoric sensation, one that I haven't felt in months. He turns back and sees the color draining from my complexion.

"Chris... I'm uh... I don't feel so great," I say as a sudden wave of dizziness begins to wash over my entire body.

No... no, please don't let me -

"Babe?" Chris asks worriedly reaching out, and the next thing I feel is my naked body on a cold tile floor in a darkened room, trying to catch my breath.

CHRIS: It's a sight that I haven't seen in a long time. It's also a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time. That feeling where you don't understand why your heart just dropped out on to the floor and though you try to pick it back up and place it where is once was, you know it won't be there until that person you love more than anything comes back.

"Holy shit! Wha- what the- the fuck just - holy shit! Did she just - did Andi just -?" Andy comes running over to me with a beer in his hand as I pick her clothes up off the floor.

"Yea, she did," I say flatly trying to keep myself together. No matter how many times I've seen her do this, I never get used to it and I probably never will.

"Chris, man what the fuck?! How the hell are you so -I mean - Holy shit!" He exclaims practically in disbelief though he saw her disappear before his eyes. He stands there staring wildly at the spot where Andi had been, realizing that it was real. She actually slipped back in time.

"What the hell is going on out here?" Kim asks as he leans against the dressing room doorway sipping his beer.

"Fuckin', Andi just disappeared," Andy says turning back to Kim.

"Why...? She go home or somethin'?" Kim asks taking a sip of his beer, having no clue what Andy meant.

"No dude, she disappeared disappeared... you know... vanished... slipped," Andy says trying to explain to Kim waving his hands frantically trying to think of the words.

"What are you talking about?" Kim laughs and Andy takes her Dead Kennedy's shirt from my hands and shows Kim, re-iterating that she had completely disappeared on the spot.

"I'm talking about Andi, she time slipped," He says to Kim.

"Did you take another one of those pills again?" Kim chuckles at Andy and raises his eyebrow at me.

"No he didn't. Andrea... she... she can travel... through time," I say quietly looking down at the rest of her clothes that I held in my hand. Kim's expression falls as he realizes that we aren't playing around at all. He takes another sip of his beer and looks at the both of us, trying to think of something to say.

"I know it's completely insane and hard to believe - "

"Yea but dude, I saw her do it, she just... poof... "Andy cuts me off and motions with his hands how she went 'poof' so to speak.

"Ok... um... Do you know where she went? Is she ok?" Kim says slowly trying to wrap his head around the whole thing.

"More like 'when' she went," Andy says and I give him a nudge with my elbow.

"I honestly... don't know, " I say after a few moments as they both look at me for answers.

Then we hear a loud noise coming from one of the bathrooms that was beside the back entrance and what sounded like a girl screaming. I look back and forth between Andy and Kim as my heart started to pound and I instantly turn and run in the direction of the sound. Andy picks up her clothes from the floor and they both run after me as I turn the corner down along the long hallway to the back entrance bathrooms and I see her at the end of the hallway, completely naked on the cold floor.

"Fucking, what the - ? "Kim starts, slowing down behind us as I run up to Andi as she continues to cough, laying on the cold tile floor of the back of The Moore theatre.

"Oh my god, baby hey... I'm here," I say as I take her in my arms and hold her on the floor, trying to cover her as best I can though I'm pretty sure that her being naked is the last thing she cares about. I just really don't want anyone to see her naked though.

"The fuck-?" Andy says as he stares at us in disbelief.

"Can you get Xana?" I ask as I hold Andi in my arms, brushing her curls from her face as she attempts to catch her breath. Andy and Kim just stand there, apparently not even noticing the question that I asked, their eyes completely full of worry and confusion.

"Guys! Can you go get Xana!?" I repeat looking up at them, and they snap out of their daze and head off to go back to the dressing room to get Xana.

"Chris?" Andi says sweetly after she catches her breath and I look at her in my arms.

"I'm here baby, I'm right here," I say not knowing what exactly to say but thankful that she came back to me, especially so quick too.

"I was with you. The first time... in your moms house, in the basement - I was with you. You were only..." She trails off.

"15?" I ask as a smile spreads across my face remembering it so vividly.

"Yea... you looked so different. Your hair was so short and... you were so young," She says looking into my eyes with her arms around my neck.

"I'm sorry I came at you with a bat," I say trying to make a joke and she giggles that cute little laugh that I love so much. She then pulls me to her, wrapping me in a hug, holding me so tightly as my hands softly stroke her back, her soft skin feeling incredible underneath my touch.

"I love you so much Chris," She whispers in my ear and I have this overwhelming feeling inside of me that I can't describe. I have never loved anyone in my life as much as I love her.

"Andi! Oh my god, Andi!" Xana exclaims as she runs up to us with Andi's clothes in her hands. She pulls away from me, wiping her eye as tears had suddenly began to fall down her cheeks.

"Holy shit, are you ok? Are you hurt? When did it happen? How long - "

"Xana, Xana... I'm ok... I'm ok," She giggles as and I reach up and wipe away a tear from her cheek. Xana sits down with us on the floor looking frantic and worried but Andi re-assures her that she's really alright, just a little embarrassed that she slipped in front of everyone.

"Damn girl, that scared me half to death... you think maybe you should tell everyone now? You know just in case something really bad happens... god forbid though," Xana says as she hands over her shirt and leggings.

"I think it's a little late for that," I say to Xana and Andi gives me a sheepish glance.

"I just don't want everyone treating me differently, and I don't want anyone to worry," She says.

"No one's going to treat you differently. We love you, and I know Chris here really loves you, so don't worry about us. We just want you to be ok... ok?" Xana smiles.

"Alright, I guess you're right," Andi says. Xana sweetly brushes a curl from Andi's face and taps her on her arm then leaves to give a few minutes to ourselves so that Andi can get dressed again.

"I guess I made quite the commotion..." She says as she glances into my eyes.

"Yea... yea you did," I exhale as I brush another curl off of her forehead and play with it between my fingers. I then touch my forehead to hers, and place a kiss on those beautiful lips of hers as I hold her on the floor in the back of The Moore theatre.


	13. PART 2 : The Hotel Incident

Detroit Michigan, MGM Grand Hotel Room 1136, May 18 2017

(Andi is 29, Chris is 52)

ANDI: If there was a way to describe just exactly the feeling I have it would be as if I'm up on the highest mountain where the air is really thin. I'm still able to breathe but it's a completely different atmosphere.

It's strange. I mean one minute I'm in the studio with Chris recording a track with him - a song I wrote, that he ended up finishing that he wanted to put on his solo record he was working on. His gorgeous blue eyes watching me as I play my black Gibson Les Paul - the one he stole for me all those years ago. I remember there was a knock on the upstairs door and he got up from the mixing board, gave me the sweetest kiss on my lips and headed upstairs to answer it, and now I'm here, with no warning at all.

I'm finally able to regain my composure as Chris holds me in his arms. Sometimes when I would feel the pull to time slip, this is exactly what he would do to help calm me if there wasn't anything else. The ringing in my ears has stopped finally and the lightheadedness is beginning to fade. Just having his arms wrapped around me is all the comfort I need when everything is spinning out of control. like it is right now.

"Andi... please don't slip," He whispers again.

"It's ok... I'm not going to..."I exhale as the final wave of nausea leaves me.

"I have been having just one of the worst goddamn weeks of my life, let alone the last fucking few years haven't been the best either. I never thought I was ever gonna see you again after the last time you slipped... and I'm not saying this to make you feel like... fuck... I don't know...I just... I had given up. I just didn't want it anymore. I wanted out and I had no idea how to get out... I mean..." Chris says trying to hold it together as he still holds me tight in his arms, but I can tell that he's about to fall apart. He always gets that shaky tone to his voice when he's about to fall apart, and let me tell you he doesn't do that very often. The only other time he sounded like this was when Andy died.

"You stopped me... you stopped me from making the biggest mistake that I could have ever made in my life... and the truth is... as much as I tried to move on from you, knowing that you couldn't control that you slipped, seeing you last night on that floor in the other room made me realize just how much I've missed you, and how I never fucking stopped loving you,"

He pulls away just a little and touches his forehead to mine. His blue eyes flick open to look into mine and I can see all the years that I have apparently missed with him.

"Chris I - I'm so... I'm so sorry I - " I start but he hushes me.

"I don't want you to be sorry. I'm not saying this to make you feel that way at all. I'm saying this because I have missed you for 18 years and now that you're here, I just want to tell you that I still fucking love you," Chris says, his voice still shaky as he closes his eyes. I bite my bottom lip and then without even thinking about it, I press my lips to his.

His lips feel amazing, his kiss still the same, full of lust and emotion that he always has with me. His hand move to the nape of my neck, his fingers gripping my curls as he deepens his kiss, becoming full of hunger as his tongue plays with mine. Before I know it In one movement, he moves me towards the bed and just as I feel the edge of the bed against the back of my knees, I break from his lips and drop down giggling and he laughs that sweet laugh he always does. He then leans down and presses his lips back to mine as I reach up, lacing my fingers through his curls that I've missed since he decided to shave his head back in '93.

"Mr. Cornell...? Mr. Corne- Oh, I'm sorry I uh..."

Chris, startled, breaks from my lips as his bodyguard - The same voice from last night, I think he said his name was Martin? - opens the hotel room door to see us, once again catching us in a moment. Chris glances behind him as Martin clearly looks a little embarrassed.

"Your vehicle is ready to take you to the airport," Martin says sheepishly.

"Alright, thank you, Martin," Chris says and gives him a little half smile as I try to hide behind Chris.

"Do you need any accommodations for the lady... at all?" Martin asks. It felt so strange to hear that Chris has people doing things for him now, like making sure cars are ready to take him places and a Bodyguard always checking on him. I really have slipped far into the future.

Chris glances back at me for a moment and gives me that coy smile he always does, looking exactly the way he did, 20 years ago in his time.

"You um... you want to come with me? I'm pretty sure Kim, Matt and Ben would love to see you again," Chris says sweetly brushing a curl out of my eyes.

"Ok," I say quietly and he touches his forehead to mine for a moment.

"Yea Martin, can you book another ticket to Columbus...? Same flight, preferably same seats...?" Chris glances back at him.

"Will do," Martin says with a small smile and disappears out of the bathroom. Chris turns back to me and cups my face in his palm once more, the sweetest smile spreading across his lips.

"So, I guess I'm gonna need some more clothes then?" I say quietly.

"Nah, I figured you could just steal them like you always did," Chris jokes.

"Right, 'cause you know I just love having to do that when I time slip," I roll my eyes and Chris chuckles and places a kiss on my forehead.


	14. Korea Or Canada Or Maybe Taiwan

Seattle Washington, December 7 1989

(Andi is 19, Chris is 25)

ANDI: "...boiler room song? Chris what the - ?" I giggle as I stand in the doorway to the little water heater closet where Chris was tapping different spots with his drum sticks on the large water heater.

"It fuckin' sounds cool right?" Chris says excitedly looking back at me for a second, then continues on tapping various spots on the water heater again.

Xana and I had moved in with Chris and Andy about a year ago, since we practically spent every single second together. Aside from the few times that I had time slipped, the episodes seemed to have calmed down once more and I haven't had a slip since July. The last slip I had was when Chris gave me the jet black Gibson guitar and of course it was hard for me to believe that with his salary from working at Ray's Boathouse, that he could afford it. Needless to say that I did give him shit for it - well I sort of just told him not to do that again, and secretly loved how he did that for me.

Soundgarden has made a little headway with their first major label record, finally settling on signing with A&M records and releasing 'Louder Than Love' in September. They have a few gigs booked here in Seattle with 2 nights in Hollywood California at the Whiskey A Go-Go which is being recorded for a live video release, the record company's idea to help boost sales for Louder Than Love.

Soundgarden has also received a nomination for Best Metal Performance for Ultramega OK in the 1990 Grammy awards that are being held in this coming February. I think it's freaking amazing while Chris thinks it's just all about the record companies trying to capitalize on the so called 'Grunge movement' that has recently garnered attention here in Seattle, and that 'Ultramega Ok is not Metal at all, that they aren't even a Metal Band, but if the Grammys say they are then well...

I still think it's an honor and that he should be proud and he is... he just doesn't like the attention so much. Needless to say we aren't going to the ceremony since the Best Metal Performance category isn't even being televised and Chris is definitely not interested in going to the pre-show dinner and neither am I. That is definitely not our scene at all.

On a strange note, that I thought would never happen in a million years, Susan and I have actually become quite close as friends. There was a little hiccup in getting to know her for a while there, me being my usual apprehensive shy little self and somewhat feeling intimidated by Susan, but I really had nothing to worry about. It’s just business and thats it. 

"...shit I gotta get this on tape... babe, can you grab me that little recorder in my night stand drawer," Chris says stopping for just a moment and flipping his curls to look up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes full of excitement. 

"Uh, yea," I say and turn to walk up the hallway to our bedroom.

It was a crazy miss mash of mine and Chris's guitars, posters plastered all over the walls of our favorite bands, my little shitty amp with the small little pre-amp that sits on top, his amps that he uses for Soundgarden shows, surrounding the room and one little corner that has all my 'girly stuff' that he calls it - which is just my makeup vanity and dresser. I quickly run over and open the nightstand drawer, pull out the little cassette recorder that I found for him in a thrift store downtown and then head back out of the bedroom, to see Chris tapping a tribal groove on the water heater and the walls surrounding it. As I click the record button, setting the recorder down by Chris as he continues, lost in the groove, the phone begins to ring. I then turn and head back down the hallway to the kitchen to pick up the phone, still hearing Chris from down the hall drumming away.

"Hello?"

"Hey sweetie... how are you?"

"Dad...?" 

It had been just over 2 years since I heard from my father. The last time we spoke was when I had decided to move to Seattle for school and ever since then I had made a few attempts to call him, but he was always on the road and I could never catch him.

"...I just wanted to check in, see how my baby girl's doing," He says with a chuckle.

"Dad... daddy I'm uh, I'm doing great, really great. Oh my god I haven't..." I started to get emotional, my voice becoming a little shaky and I think he could tell.

"That's good sweetie... I'm actually in town, got a gig with the band. Our first west coast gig and so I thought I'd give you a call, see if you wanted to come out and see us," He says.

"Dad... I'd love to... when?" I ask, wiping away a tear. It was so good to hear his voice.

"It's tonight actually... I hope that's not too short of notice,"

"No, no daddy it's perfect," I giggle as Chris's tribal drumming sound bellows out from down the hallway.

"Alright... it's at The Mecca. We play at 9:00pm tonight, but um... you want to meet up earlier? Grab a bite or something? I'd love to catch up with my girl before the show, only if you want to of course," He says and I could hear a little nervousness from his end. 

"Yea, yea dad that sounds great, um..." I trail off as Chris appears behind me who still has yet to put a shirt on, grabs a beer out of the fridge. He pops off the cap and takes a drink, glancing at me confused as I continue on the phone.

"... yea.. Chris... yea... yea... daddy... you sure...?"

Chris finishes his sip and raises his eyebrow at me as I look up at him while my father continues on the phone. 

"...alright... bye daddy," I say and hang up.

"So... what was that all about?" Chris asks taking another sip of his beer.

"My uh... dad wants to meet up tonight. He's playing here in town and um... wants to meet up for food and to meet you before and wants me to see his band tonight and - " I begin explaining a little fast only because I was still so shocked that he called me.

"Andi... baby hey, slow down. What about tonight?" Chris asks setting his beer down on the counter, then flipping his curls out of his face to look at me.

"My dad wants to meet you tonight before his gig... or something," I say.

"Ok, where?"

"At The Mecca... he um... wants to get together before for some food and... to catch up I guess and meet you," I say still so nervous about the fact that my father wants to meet Chris.

"Ok baby, it's no big deal. I'll meet your dad. There's nothing to worry about," Chris chuckles. He places a kiss on my forehead and I touch my hand to his bare chest, then grabs his beer off the counter and heads back down the hallway. As I watch his beautiful tall frame, his curls swaying with his movements, I realize that I may just be over-reacting a little bit. He is the first boy - man that I've ever introduced to my father so I just hope it goes smoothly.

*****

The Mecca Bar and Grill, Seattle Washington

ANDI: It was later on that afternoon and Chris and I had arrived at the bar to meet up with my father for the first time. It's been so long since I have seen him, I wasn't sure if he would even look the same. I made sure I looked presentable enough in my skinny ripped jeans and my Doc Martens, my favorite Black Sabbath shirt and my leather jacket. Chris, looked especially good in his plain black T-shirt, baggy black shorts and Doc Martens like mine with his leather jacket and his dark curls down passed his shoulders, which were much tamer than usual. I'll never understand how he can wear shorts in the winter but he has always been on the warm side in terms of body temperature.

As Chris and I walk into The Mecca, Chris holding my hand with his fingers laced through, I suddenly see my father at the far side of the bar, sipping on a beer, chatting with a few of his bandmates as they set up for the night. He looks exactly the same. You would never guess he is 42 with his shaggy golden curls to his shoulders. He still seems so young with that same beard now so much fuller than before, but showing subtle hints of grey, and his tall 6 foot 5 frame that makes him seem larger than life. 

They always say girls tend to pick men just like their fathers.

John O'Riden glances my way and smiles as he sees me for the first time since I left home to make Seattle my new one. I wish I could explain the mix of emotions inside me right now. I feel just like that little girl who was always excited to see him, always attached to his hip refusing to ever let go.

"How's my girl?" He smiles in his deep voice that I missed so much.

"Hey daddy," I say quietly as I let go of Chris's hand, my father embracing me in a big hug. His cologne that he always wore since I was a little girl filling my nostrils. After a few minutes of our embrace I slowly let go and he glances at me with that fatherly smile.

"You get taller? I swear you're so much taller now," He says and I giggle.

"No dad, I'm still the same as I always was," I say and he laughs. After a few moments, he glances up and sees Chris and I feel awkward that I totally forgot he was with me.

"Oh um, dad... this is Chris... Chris Cornell and um - "

"John O'Riden," My dad cuts me off as he extends his hand for Chris to shake.

"Nice to meet you um sir," Chris says and I'm completely taken aback by how formal he was.

"Sir? Oh fuck, don't call me that, call me John. Chris Cornell... I've heard a lot about you. Soundgarden right?" 

Chris gives me a quick glance and then back to my father.

"Uh yea..." Chris trails off for a moment as they still shake hands.

"You've got that '70s Sabbath thing going on mixed with that punk style... it's good. A lot better than that fucking hair metal crap anyways,"

"Dad..."I say giving him a look.

"Lets grab a table, you drink Whiskey Chris?" He asks as he takes the last sip of his beer.

"Yea," Chris replies and glances down at me and I raise my eyebrow at him. My father turns to the bartender and orders a few shots of whiskey to bring to the table that was near the bar. We then follow him over to the table and he and Chris seem to continue on their conversation while we wait for our drinks.

As I sit beside Chris, my father opposite of me, they carry on, practically leaving me out of it which is fine - it just makes me sip on my whiskey a little faster than normal. At first it almost seemed like my father was trying to interrogate Chris but then as Chris was able to come back with answers confidently, my father let up a little bit and began talking about all things music. As we eat, they talked about both of their bands and how my father was actually a bit of a fan of Chris, citing how incredible his voice was. After finishing our food, as soon as the waitress takes away our plates my father turned his focus onto me, asking me about everything that has happened since the last time we spoke, how my playing is coming along, how school is going, and how Chris and I met.

"... Mother Love Bone?" John chuckles taking a sip of his now third Whiskey shot.

"Yea dad... and we've been together ever since," I giggle as I feel Chris glance back and forth between us as he takes a sip of his Jack straight up.

"You um... you haven't told anyone about your...y'know... have you?" John says glancing down at his shot glass.

"Daddy it's ok... Chris knows. In fact all of my friends know now and they're ok with it," I explain as I feel Chris lace his fingers through mine under the table.

"You're still slipping then?"

"Yea, but it hasn't happened in a while. I'm ok daddy really..." I re-assure him.

"She used to scare the shit out of her mother y'know... disappearing and then popping up again somewhere or somewhen else," John says glancing at Chris as he twirls his shot glass in between his fingers. Chris gives him a half smile.

"Fuck how I just wish sometimes..."John starts looking down at the shot glass but then catches himself. I could see a little glimpse of regret of how he left that night. I don't blame him anymore. I never really did. I just hated the fact that my mother always started their fights and just never accepted who he really was. It broke my heart that he left but I knew he had to. She tried to change him so many times. 'Stop playing, stop touring and be with your family' she would say. It never made sense to me because that's what made her fall in love with him in the first place. 

"Well this is not how I intended this to go before my gig let alone meeting up with you," John chuckles dabbing his eyes that have welled up with tears.

"It's ok dad..."I say and I reach across the table and he reaches out for my hand. He takes it in his, my hand completely engulfed and he looks at me with nothing but love.

"Chris... I like you. You remind me of myself about 20 years ago," He says with a chuckle. "I want you to take care of my little girl here. I can see just how much you love her and if you ever hurt her - "

"Dad," I say shooting him a look.

"Don't worry John, I won't. I promise," Chris says and glances at me.

"Yo, John! Soundcheck!" Someone calls from the stage area as some more people begin to come through the doors of The Mecca.

"I guess that's my cue... you two gonna hang and check out the band for a bit?" John asks as we all rise from the table, Chris tucking his chair back in.

"We'd love to," Chris smiles.

"Alright, well in case I don't see you after the show, it was great to meet you Chris," John says as he extends his hand to shake and Chris takes it.

"You too," Chris smiles and my father pats him on the shoulder.

"And you... " My father turns and gives me that silly smirk he always does, and I embrace him in the biggest hug, just like when I was little.

"I love you so much, baby girl. I'm so proud of you," He says low in my ear as he holds me tight.

"I love you too daddy," I say, my voice shaking a little and I didn't want him to let me go. After a few moments, he places a quick kiss on my forehead and then turns to head towards the backstage area to get ready.

"See...? I told you he would like me," Chris smiles at me as I glance up at him and shake my head giggling.


	15. This Halloween, So Unlike Any Other

Seattle Washington, October 31 1986

(Chris is 22, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: "... ok then Paul Stanley," Kim jokes sarcastically taking a sip of his beer as I finish painting the black star over my eye and walk out of the bathroom.

"What...? This is perfect though you have to admit," I say looking down at myself with the large plastic knife sticking out of my chest, fake blood splattered all over my ripped white t-shirt and down my jeans with fake stab wounds all over my chest.

Halloween 1986. My favorite time of the year. The one of year time where I can dress up and pretend that I'm not me anymore. I can fucking drink my fucking face off and just have fun. Well I know I can do that pretty much any time, I am in a band of course, but it's specially fun doing it on Halloween. Kim and I are meeting Susan down at a huge house party on 22nd and Main street and everyone is supposed to be there. I know, I'm not normally one for large groups of people but tonight I am making the exception. I feel fucking great.

Susan and I have been seeing each other pretty steady for just over a year now. At first we were just friends since she started managing the band and we were pretty much just having fun with each other. But then sometime last fall, we started becoming a little bit more than just friends. She is really sweet and I have a lot of fun with her.

Now I know what you're thinking. What the hell happened to Andi? Well I'd like to ask that same question myself. I don't know what happened. After that last time she showed up and she told me she loved me, and we made fucking beautiful amazing love to each other, she disappeared and she hasn't come back since. 

I know... I know... she can't help it. I can hear you all yelling at me through the pages, I get it. But what the fuck am I supposed to do? I'm tired of missing her and I'm tired of feeling the horrible heartbreak each time she leaves me. What if after all this fucking time, we don't ever actually meet each other. What if we aren't even together and this entire time was just all completely made up? 

I don't have to hide with Susan. I can actually bring her around my friends and out in public without worrying if I'm messing up any sort of fucking time line that I haven't even experienced yet so how do I even know if the whole fucking thing is true or not.

I like Susan. I like her a lot. I may even love her and that's good enough for now.

"I call it 'death of a star man'," I joke and Kim just looks at me with a smirk. I'm not a Kiss fan at all so I figured I could be ironic with pretending to be Paul Stanley - a brutally murdered Paul Stanley. 

"Hey at least I'm dressing up here... what the hell are you supposed to be?" I ask. Kim gives himself a look over at just what he usually wears - jeans and a t-shirt - and then takes another sip of his beer.

"I am a guitar guru," Kim says closing his eyes and making the motion of meditation with his hands while I just smirk and shake my head at him.

"We should head out, everyone should be at the party by now," I say as I grab my leather jacket that was by the apartment door.

"Where is Hiro anyways?" Kim asks taking another sip of his beer and rises from the large reading chair.

"Who knows... probably at his parents or something," I say as I slip on my jacket and pull out the pack of cigarettes from my pocket to light one up. Kim downs the last of his beer and sets the empty bottle on the coffee table.

"Alright, star man lets head out," Kim jokes and I chuckle as we head out of the apartment.

*****

ANDI: Shit Shit Shit... ok calm down Andrea, you're ok. Naked, but you're ok. Another day, another time slip isn't that what they always say? Fuck it's a little nippy out here - no pun intended. 

I lift myself up from the cold green grass of whatever park or backyard I seem to be in and cross my arms over my chest, looking around in the darkness of my surroundings. I glance up at the large oak tree that I'm sitting under and follow along with what looked to be a laundry line all the way to a large brick house with pool and a deck encompassing the back screen doors.

Ok, it's a backyard... good.

Flipping my dark curls out of my face, I rise to my feet, looking around to make sure no one could see me. It looks like the house is dark so the owners must not be home, but they did leave a few clothes out on the laundry line. I move closer to the tree, reaching up and pulling on the laundry line as the clothes were at the opposite end near the deck. The clothes begin to bounce and sway as I pull them closer towards me. It was a pair of Adidas gym shorts and a white Adidas t-shirt and I pull them down from the line to quickly change into them. They were miles way too big for me but at least the shorts have a drawstring. I'm not sure what to do about my feet but I make my way out of the backyard, through the little latch gate and out onto the sidewalk. 

Ok, where am I? This neighborhood doesn't look familiar.

I quickly walk along the sidewalk a few feet and come up to a small intersection.

"Woodbine and Brussel... ok, that... doesn't help," I say quietly to myself. I look down the street to the left and then to the right and the whole entire neighborhood seemed completely vacant, except for a dog barking in the distance. I decide to take a right and make my way down the street, hating the fact that I'm in my bare feet. After a few blocks I see a group of people up a head a little bit, so I figure I can ask them just where I am. As I approach them, I see that they seem to be in costumes, all made up and just having the time of their life apparently.

"Hi, um, I'm sorry to bother you but, I'm lost and I don't know where I am exactly. Could you tell me what neighborhood I'm in?" I ask as sweet as I can. 

"Where ya tryna get to?" The tallest one asks me.

"18th and Roosevelt," I say.

"Oh girl you are way outta the way... you'll wanna go like probably 10 blocks straight ahead, then make a left down like 4 more blocks,"

"Ok, thank you," I say sweetly and I start to walk in that direction.

"Wait girl, wait... you ok? You don't have any shoes on," The tallest one asks again.

"I'm alright... thank you," I smile back at the group and continue on down the sidewalk.

"Happy Halloween!" They call to me.

Halloween? Well now that makes sense.

I turn back for a second and thank them once again and make my way down the sidewalk. A little while later I finally make my way down the last few blocks and see 18th and Roosevelt straight ahead. Thank god cause my feet are really killing me right now. I make my way down and finally find Chris's apartment. As I walk up the steps I see that the entire apartment was dark from the inside. I remember a little spare key that he kept just above the doorframe so I reach up and feel around for it and find it immediately. I then look around behind me to make sure no one can see me and I unlock the door and step inside.

It feels like I'm breaking into his apartment, but I seriously don't have anywhere to go and his place is the only place I can think of that would have something for me to wear and put on my feet. The entire place is dark so at least no one will ever know that I'm here. First I head into the bathroom, peel off my stolen clothes and quickly take a shower. Once I finish - giving some extra attention to my poor feet - I pick up the clothes from the floor and make my way into Chris's bedroom. I flick on the bedroom light and see his room exactly the same as before. His blankets in a bit of a mess on the bed, and his guitars and amps everywhere. I glance up on the wall and see a calendar flipped to October 1986.

I then move to his dresser and pull open up the bottom drawer to see if he still had my clothes from the last time I was here. After searching through his t-shirts, that smell so much like him still, I find that Ramones tank top and ripped jeans stuffed way at the bottom of the drawer.

"Oh fuck, thank you baby," I exhale to myself and change into them, then grab a pair of his socks and the pair of black and white converse that I was wearing last time that he had crammed beside the dresser and put them on my feet. After I do so, I stuff the stolen clothes in bottom dresser drawer and then sit down on his bed to gather myself for a few moments. 

In my time it's only been a couple of weeks since my last slip, but for Chris it's been 2 years. My slips were finally under control before my last one and then... 

Everything is just so hard right now. I hate how I feel and I hate that no matter what I do, I can't stop the bad stuff from happening... 

I wipe away the tears that had streamed down my face and take in a deep breath. I wish Chris was here. I wonder where he is? Suddenly I hear someone coming in the apartment and I start to panic. 

"Hey Chris, you left the door unlocked - oh sorry, hey... wait, who are you?" 

I rise from the bed realizing I forgot to close Chris's bedroom door and see Hiro standing in the doorway looking at me completely confused and concerned that this strange girl is standing in Chris's bedroom.

"Um... sorry I was just waiting for Chris..." I say nervously. 

"Oh... he's at that huge house party with Kim," Hiro says still confused.

"House party?" I ask.

"Yea, the one down on 22nd and Main street... didn't he tell you?" Hiro asks.

"No... no well yea, I just forgot...." I lie, and Hiro raises his eyebrow at me. Now I know why he was acting so weird when I met him the first time.

"You can stay here and wait for him if you want but, I'm pretty sure he's gonna be late coming home,"

"No, it's ok, I'll uh... I 'll just go meet him there," I say as I walk past Hiro, towards the front door. I feel Hiro watch me as I head out the door and I realize that I was holding my breath the entire time. I let out a long exhale and make my way down the street to the house party on 22nd and Main.

*****

CHRIS: "Babe, come on... come back to the apartment with me," 

"No Chris, you know I've gotta get up early tomorrow," Susan says as she pushes me away playfully as we walk down the dark streets of downtown Seattle.

"So that's why you didn't drink as much as me?" I say slurring a little.

"Pretty much," She smiles at me and I lean in to give her a kiss on her earlobe. I was hammered at this point. I completely lost track of just how many shots of Jack Daniels I've had but I know it was a lot. I was also fucking horny as hell and I was trying my best to charm her so she would come back home with me.

"It'll be fun, I promise," I say seductively once more.

"Chris... I'm sorry I can't," She giggles and playfully pushes me away again. It's been so long since we fucked that I just wanted to play a little but she continues to push me away so I take the hint and I stop. She glances up at me seeing the look of disappointment on my face and takes my hand and laces her fingers through mine.

"Look, we'll make a date for Saturday night ok? After your gig at The Gorilla room? I'll be all yours alright?" She says sweetly but I don't say anything back. She then lifts herself up and places a quick kiss on my lips.

"Walk me home?" She asks innocently.

"Sure," I exhale and offer a small grin as we make our way down the street.

After I walk Susan home, I make my way back to my apartment, tossing my keys on the side table once I enter the door. 

I guess it's just me and my hand tonight

"Hey Chris," Hiro says as I slip off my jacket.

"Hey," I say and Hiro gives me a strange look from the couch.

"Paul Stanley huh?" He chuckles. I glance down at myself realizing I had lost the plastic knife hours ago so I pretty much look like a bludgeoned mess of a Paul Stanley at this point.

"Yea," I chuckle as I catch a glimpse of myself in the entryway mirror that hung on the wall. I was still in full black and white star make up, but it was completely smudged up around my lips and chin.

"Where's Kim?"

"Still drinking at the party. Man he's like a fish sometimes," I chuckle and Hiro laughs.

"You meet up with that girl?" He asks.

"What girl?" I ask as I crouch down to attempt to take off my Doc Martens in the entryway.

"There was a girl here waiting for you. I told her you were at that party, she left here... I don't know maybe 10 minutes ago," As Hiro continues to explain I feel my heart begin to pound. I slowly rise from my crouching position.

"Who was it? What'd she look like?" I ask worriedly.

"I don't know, she didn't say... long dark curls, um... I don't know, brown eyes... paler than anything though... really cute little thing," He smirks. I quickly tie my boot back up and slip my jacket back on. Just as Hiro was about to say something else, without wasting any more time I practically run out the door and back down the steps, to try to catch her.

*****

ANDI: I make my way down to 22nd street and realize that there were a ton of house party's that were going on all along the neighborhood. It seems so unlike Chris to want to be around a huge crowd of people. Such a difference from how is now... so full of numbness and pain, that I'm also going through myself and can't make it better for either of us. I hate the fact that I slipped again, leaving him there in that bed all alone without me. 

Suddenly I hear a voice calling out from behind me, I stop and turn around to see nothing but groups of people in costumes trying to find their drunken way home.

"ANDI!!" I hear the voice call out for me again and it sounded like Chris but I couldn't see him anywhere. Then I see a Paul Stanley jogging straight towards me and I was completely surprised that he looked a lot like Chris, especially with those wild curls all about him.

"Oh, my god, Andi..."

"Chris?" I giggle realizing it actually was Chris and I move towards him. He takes me in his arms, panting as he holds me close in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Hiro said you were in my room and you were waiting for me, so I ran down here to find you," He pants as he continues to hold me.

"Yea, I uh... needed to um... see you," I say trying hard not to fall apart.

"You ok?" He says so comfortingly as he pulls away from me and reaches to brush a few curls from my face.

"I am now," I say and he gives me that cute coy smile. Then for some reason his expression changes and his brow furrows and he slowly lets go of me.

"So... what year? 1990?" Chris asks.

"Yea... how'd you know?"

"You're usually upset when you come from around '89 or '90" He says looking away from my eyes, and I couldn't deny the fact that we are definitely going through a really hard time right now.

"I thought you weren't allowed to meet any one that I know yet," He says and I realize he was referring to Hiro.

"It's not that I'm not allowed... it's that..." I trail off trying to come up with an explanation but how in the hell do you explain complicated time travel like this? We stand there in silence for a few moments as drunken groups of people continue to make their way down the street, every once in a while screaming 'Happy Halloween'.

"Look, you wanna come back to my place? I should really clean up a bit. Wash this whole situation off my face," He chuckles as he gestures to the black star painted over his eye.

"Sure," I say sweetly and he takes my hand in his, lacing his fingers through mine and we walk back to his apartment.

In no time, I was back in his place, Hiro passed out on the couch with the T.V on while I sat in Chris's bedroom, waiting for him to come out of the shower. I glance over at the jet black Gibson Les Paul that was sitting on it's stand beside one of his amps, sit down cross legged in front of it taking it off the stand and lay it in my lap.

It's my favorite guitar next to my '59 Sun Burst that my dad got me. I love this guitar more than anything and every time I pick it up, it reminds me of when Chris was crazy enough to steal it for me. I begin to pluck away at the strings for a few moments, relishing in a time before everything became so hard, wanting desperately to stop the pain that Chris is going through, that I'm going through.

"Fuck, that feels so much better," Chris says and I glance up to see him walking into the bedroom with a white towel wrapped around his hips, droplets of water still running down his toned chest and to his abs as he uses another towel to dry his wet curls that splay across his chest. I clear my throat and set the guitar back on it's stand.

"You didn't have to stop playing," He smiles at me.

"It's ok," I say and climb up from the floor and sit back down on his bed. He then drops down on the bed beside me, continuing to dry his curls, his face completely clean and smooth, not a hint of stubble at all. 

The way the water still drips down across his freckled shoulders, I couldn't help myself at this point. I rise to my knees and place a kiss on his shoulder, then to his neck and to his earlobe, where the tiny silver hoop earing shone in the over head light of his bedroom. I hear him sigh as I softly trail my lips back down his neck. He turns slightly and I cup his face in my hands, placing my lips on his. He responds, as I suck on that beautiful full bottom lip, tasting like sweet whiskey still, his hands move to my hips as I situate myself on top of him straddling him with the towel around his hips.

"Andi," He says against my lips.

"Uh huh?" I exhale, my lips still brushing across his.

"I uh -" He starts but I move my lips to his throat, then back to his earlobe as I hear him sigh once more.

"Chris?" I whisper.

"Andi -?"

"I want you to make love to me," I whisper. 

At that moment, I hear him groan as his hands move from my hips up under my shirt, skipping across my back as his lips connect with my shoulder, softly nipping as I begin to move my hips against him, feeling him begin to become extremely excited. I want to feel him inside me so bad. I want him to take away all my sadness and pain. His lips move to my throat, softly biting and nipping then reaches up to cup my face in his palms, breaking away to touch his forehead to mine.

"Andi I can't," He pants. For a moment I was taken aback and confused at what he just said.

"What? What do you mean...?" I ask, my eyes closed, trying to catch my breath.

"I can't, we can't... I -" He starts and I flick my eyes open to look at him. Those beautiful blue eyes that always look at me full of love and passion and complete utter insatiable lust, suddenly look different. I furrow my brow, afraid of what he is going to say.

"I'm sorry... I'm with someone. I'm with someone else," He says and it was like a Mack truck hit me right in my chest.

"What?" I exhale, not sure if I heard him correctly.

"I'm with someone else... Her name is Susan. Susan Silver," He says and it was like I couldn't remember how to breathe. I just needed to breathe.

"No, no... no you're not, you're with me. Chris you're with me," I say frantically.

"I'm - I'm sorry," He says and all I could hear was loud ringing in my ears. Deafening. So loud I swear Chris could hear it.

"Andi... Andi wait -" 

And I'm back on a soft carpeted floor, trying to catch my breath, as I begin to sob uncontrollably crying out in the darkness.


	16. I Said That You’re My Friend, And Our Love Will Never End

Seattle Washington, December 10 1989

(Andi is 19)

ANDI: A few days after meeting up with my dad, Chris had to leave for his gig at The Whiskey A-Go Go in Hollywood. I wish I could've gone with him, but it was sort of last minute when he asked me to go. Susan couldn't book an extra room for us, since the record label was the one paying for the room, so I just decided to stay back here in Seattle. It's alright, It's only a few days anyways. Hiro had left the band just after recording Louder Than Love back in the fall, so they asked Jason Everman - who played in Nirvana for a little bit before getting fired - if he would join them on the road for the small touring cycle for Louder Than Love. Jason's cool, he just doesn't really hang out or anything. He tends to keep to himself a lot. 

I'm not going to get into specifics on exactly why Hiro left, mainly because they haven't really told me anything, but my guess is Hiro was a little bit intimidated from all the attention the band was getting. He said he wanted to go back to school but I think it was how a lot of the focus is on Chris now. I mean, you should see all the girls and how they just fall all over him. It's so funny because he's not like the person he portrays on stage. He's shy and has moments where he is self conscious of himself and just like, normal y'know? He's not cocky or arrogant or anything like what you would think a front man would be. He may be sexual on stage but when the show ends, they don't own him - if you know what I mean. Most of the time when he does that on stage, he tells me that doesn't even remember doing it. The music just takes over and he becomes almost trance like. It's fucking amazing if you ask me.

I just finished my last semester of University, achieving honors in Musical Performance and a degree in Marketing. When I moved in with Chris, he insisted that I wouldn't have to pay rent or anything since I was already doing so much with studying practicing but I insisted that I get a part time job to at least help pay for some of the expenses. Xana on the other hand convinced Chris and Andy that she would do all the cleaning- since she had recently lost her job before we moved in with the boys - and that they wouldn't have to worry about a thing as long as she could stay as well. I told her that we'd share the responsibilities but she insisted. Chris for some reason, thought it was a bad idea for Xana to move in which I didn't understand because she was an awesome roommate to me. She's my best friend. But I noticed over the year that we lived with the boys, that Chris gets annoyed with her so easily. I can tell you that as much as Andy and Xana fight - which is often - Chris and Xana are worse at times. 

I'm probably making it sound like no one gets along which isn't true at all. I know they all love each other like friends should, and they all love me too, but I do feel like I'm in the middle sometimes, and I'm sure Andy feels the same way.

So here I sit, alone in our room, in my pajama shorts that barely cover my ass and one of Chris's plain black t-shirts that smell like his cologne, only missing Chris just a little bit - oh who am I kidding, I miss him like crazy - as I play a few chords on my jet black Gibson that lays across my lap.

"Sitting here, wasting time... my only friend... no that doesn't work. Um... Time is my only friend, until it's not, and then it's.... not.., well that just sucks... ugh - Chris you're so much better at this than I am," I sing to myself as I glance down at my little black journal full of notes and lyrics and just random ideas. Chris and I had thought of combining both of our journals into one book but it's better that they're separated. I love seeing his writing in the margins of my pages when he likes something I've come up with.

"... Baby, just hold on a second - " Andy says

"No!"

"Xana- ?"

"No! I fucking told you!" 

What was that I was saying about fights?

"Babe! Stop!" I hear Andy yell and suddenly a loud crash comes from the living room, some more screaming from Xana and Andy shouting back at her to calm her down and then the slam of the apartment door. I set my guitar on it's stand and rise from the floor, opening the bedroom door and slowly walking down the hallway in my bare feet. Once I reach the living room, I couldn't believe the sight and the state of the living room from my angle.

"Holy mother of -?!" I say baffled. Andy stands in the middle of the room, between the couch and the coffee table in just a plain white t-shirt and his blue plaid pajama pants, scratching his head in wonderment, gripping his roots as his blonde mane falls down around his shoulders.

"Hi, gorgeous..." Andy smiles apprehensively and places his hands on his hips as he study's the damage to our living room. Xana had apparently - in the throws of her heated argument with Andy - threw a dinner plate through the 32 inch T.V set. There was broken bits of glass everywhere.

"Damn... are you ok?" I ask as I move towards him.

"Careful love, you don't want to get glass in your feet or anything" Andy holds his hand up to stop me.

"What the hell happened?" I ask worriedly as I step back a bit.

"Well you know Xana, she's um... passionate," Andy attempts to explain but I just look at him with worry and utter bewilderment at the aftermath.

"Andy...?"

"Ok, ok, she found out about me... messing around - but I only was doing it to piss her off because you know as well as I do that she's been fucking around on me for like months..." He explains.

I didn't exactly know that she was but, Chris did sort of mention something about another guy... in another band... I can't remember who. Which is pretty much one of the reasons why Chris and Xana aren't getting along that much anymore. 

"Does she know that you know?" I ask.

"No, which is why I was doing it in the first place. I wasn't fucking anyone else, I was just making it seem like I was just to piss her off. I was just... being a fucking idiot, that's what I was doing. I thought she would finally confess, but... she hasn't and ugh this is just so fucked up," 

I study him for a few moments and then decide to go and grab the broom and help clean this up a little bit. As I come back and begin sweeping, I hand him the dust pan so that he can help me.

"You gotta talk to her," I say as I continue to sweep.

"I know... that's what I was trying to do but as you can see, that didn't go over well," He says as he crouches down and I sweep the broken glass into the dust pan.

"Just be calm about it. As much as I love Xana, I know she can be a handful but if you just approach it calmly she'll open up," I explain. Andy looks up as me with those big brown eyes of his and gives me a sweet coy smile. I flip my dark curls out of my eyes and crouch down to pick up the dust pan that Andy was handing to me and I suddenly notice the inside of his forearm. 

I could feel my breath caught in my throat as the purple and blue marks displayed on his Seattle pale skin. Without even thinking about it, I clasp my hand over his wrist to get a better look.

"It's nothing love," He says shakily.

"Nothing? Andy what - just what the -?" I cut myself off as he pulls away from me.

"It's nothing you need to worry about alright?" He says and takes the dust pan from me, rising and heading over to the kitchen to empty the contents into the trash can.

"Andy - "

"I'm fine love, just..." He trails off as he closes the trash can lid and then leans against the counter facing away from me. 

He still says nothing and suddenly my heart feels like it's about to crumble. I knew something had been going on for a while but I had no idea it was this. I feel horrible. I don't want to see him in pain. It hurts to think that he feels the need to turn to that to feel better. I know I should say something, but it's nothing he needs to hear right now. I slowly walk over to him and place my hand on his shoulder blade and without saying a word, I move my hand to his bicep, holding it as I lean my head on his shoulder. 

"Chris is one lucky fucker," Andy chuckles after what seemed like forever.

"I don't think it's luck," I exhale and close my eyes.

"Yes, it is... I just hope he knows how lucky he really is," Andy says sweetly and I flick my eyes open to see him looking at me with those amber eyes.

"He does," I say quietly, not even realizing just how close we were to each other. I lift my head up from his shoulder and for a few seconds, I swear there was a flicker of what could've been but instead he places a kiss on my forehead just like he always does and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. 

"C'mon... lets finish cleaning this up," I say and give his bicep a gentle squeeze, then let go and make my way back over to the living room while Andy's eyes never leave me as I do so.


	17. Age Of Aquarius

Seattle Washington, January 23 1990

(Andi is 20 and 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: Backstage at The Moore theatre, all of us with Soundgarden and Mother Love Bone were hanging out and having a little pre-show party before Soundgarden was taking the stage. It had been a while since we were all together hanging out and everyone was having the time of their life, especially me given the fact that it is my 20th birthday. Yes, this little time travel wonder was born on this day in 1970. I swear there are some days where I feel a hell of a lot older though. 

After the fight that Andy and Xana had back in December, things have been a little strange around the apartment. You can feel the tension between them. Xana apologized of course especially to me, though I had nothing to do with it. She just felt horrible that she let her temper get the best of her and she never meant for that incident with the T.V to happen. I asked her straight out if she was fucking around with some guy other than Andy and she completely denied it. Swearing up and down that Andy is the only one for her, and I believe her. I just know that something is up because Andy has changed.

Andy has always been that flirtatious, flamboyant, life of the party kind of guy. He can also be pretty shy too when he's not trying to put on a show for everyone. Usually when he's had a few that's when he's pretty showy but living with him over the last year, you can really see how he's just like any other normal guy. So sweet and one of my best friends. Chris and him are so incredibly close too. I swear if I wasn't in the picture, Chris and Andy would be together - and I mean that in the most endearing way of course - they just love each other like brothers if you know what I mean. 

When I found out Andy had been using, I told Chris because I wasn't sure who to talk to about it. It scares me to think that he has to turn to that to feel better. Chris assured me that everything is going to be fine and that he was going to figure out a way to confront him about it, he just didn't want to come on too strong with Andy, because that never works. Chris had said that Andy had gone through this before - which is why Chris asked Andy to move in with him so he could help him get better- and Andy was able to get sober once before so he knows he'll be able to do it again. He just needs time. 

"Happy Birthday love," Andy drops down beside me on the large sectional couch, handing me a box wrapped up in shiny silver paper with a red bow on top.

"Oh, Andy... you didn't have to," I say and take a sip of my beer, then set it down on the table in front of us.

"I know, but I wanted to," He says sweetly taking a sip of his beer and resting his arm on the back of the couch to face me a little more. I flip my curls out of my face and slowly open up the box eyeing him as I unwrap it while he just smirks at me. Eventually I am able to open it and I pull out a double sided picture frame, and as I open it there is a picture of Chris and I that Andy had taken at what looked like one of the many gatherings we have backstage. Chris is holding me as we sit on a couch, in the middle of placing a kiss on my cheek as I'm caught in mid hysterical laughter.

"That was the night he found out that they were nominated for a Grammy..." Andy says and I start to tear up a bit. 

The other side was a picture of Chris with Andy that I had taken, at the photo shoot that Mother Love Bone was doing for their record 'Apple' which is going to be released in April this year. Chris has his arm around Andy, his curls all flipped to one side wearing a Nirvana tank top and Andy just looks so cute standing next to him all in white with that cute little smirk he does sometimes.

I glance at him and he has the sweetest smile spread across his face and I immediately reach over and wrap my arms around him, giving him the biggest hug I could ever give him.

"Thank you," I say quietly, and a little shakily as I try to hold back my tears. He places his hand on my back and gently strokes as I try me best to let go but I don't want to. 

"There's um... there's something else in there too," Andy's voice cracks. I slowly pull away from him, wiping my eye and lift up the picture frame to see a gorgeous dark brown leather guitar strap with all of my favorite bands - Black Sabbath, The Beatles, Aerosmith, Metallica, Guns N Roses and so on - etched into the leather.

"Oh my god this is fucking cool," I giggle and Andy chuckles.

"Here, if you flip it over.... see?" Andy says and shows me the underside of the strap.

"To the most badass goddess of a guitarist I know... Love, L'Andrew the Love Child otherwise known as Andy... 01/23/90" I giggle as I read out loud the inscription that he wrote for me.

"Hey babe," Chris appears, looking extremely amazing in his black baggy shorts and a white fitted tank, his dark curls flowing perfectly passed his shoulders.

"Hi... look... look what I got," I excitedly show Chris my guitar strap as he sits down beside me. "Isn't it fucking cool?" I say smiling away as Andy takes a sip of his beer.

"Yea, baby," Chris smiles at me and Andy rises from the couch, saying something about grabbing another beer and walks away from us to join the others.

"Is that us?" Chris asks gesturing to the picture frame that sat in the box on my lap still.

"Yea, and look... me and you... and you and Andy," I say as I hand it over to him so that he can see. Chris takes a sip of his beer and sets it down on the table in front of us then studies the photos that were in the frame.

"Is this the one you took?" Chris asks glancing at the photo of him and Andy.

"Yea," I smile.

"I look like a dork," Chris says flatly and grabs his beer to take a sip.

"Fuck off, no you don't," I laugh as I playfully slap him in the chest. He nearly chokes on his beer and I stop laughing for a moment, realizing I made him spill some down his chin and to his chest.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," I giggle as I cover my mouth with my hand.

"You're fucking in for it now," Chris smirks setting the beer down on the table.

"No!" I squeal with laughter as he pulls me into him laying me across his lap and kissing my neck me but tickling me as I try to stop him.

"Come to think of it, I haven't given you your birthday spanking yet," Chris says low in my ear.

"Hey, you're not doing that to me with everyone here," I say trying to be serious.

"Oh, so you want me to, huh?" Chris raises his eyebrow at me and I just bite my bottom lip.

"Maybe," And as I raise my eyebrow at him, I could see his expression turn to lust instantly and just before he could say or do anything else, it was time for Soundgarden to take the stage.

"I fucking love you so much baby," Chris says in my ear, standing just off to the side stage, with his Gibson slung over his shoulder.

"I fucking love you too," I whisper back and he places his lips on mine, my fingers lacing through his thick soft curls, sucking that bottom lip of his and not wanting to let him go.

"And now for your noisy and extremely loud listening pleasure... SOUNDGARDEN!" 

And with that, he pulls away from me and heads out on stage.

*****

"... hands all over,  
words I utter...  
Change them into, things you want to...  
Like balls of clay...  
Put your hands away...

yea... put your hands... those hands... American woman...  
stay away from me... American woman... just let me be...  
you know I gotta go woman.... I gotta leave... I gotta leave you woman.... bye bye  
BYE BYE!!! BYE BYE!!!! BYE BYE!!!! YEA YEA YEAAAAHHHH!!!!"

Hearing Chris somehow turn 'Hands All Over' into 'American Woman' by The Guess Who was just unbelievable. I didn't even realize those songs could work so well together but somehow he is able to pull it off into a medley that is unlike anything I've ever heard. As much as I wanted to hear the rest, I really needed to pee like something fierce, and if I don't go now, I'm gonna pee all over the side stage. I quickly take the last sip of my beer and head down offstage to set the empty bottle down on one of the tables. 

"Hey girl, Happy Birthday," Susan smiles at me.

"Thank you," I smile back pushing my curls out of my eyes.

"Where you going?" She asks.

"Gotta pee... if Chris asks, I'm just in the bathroom," I slur a little bit. I didn't think I had that many drinks but apparently I did.

"Sure," She smiles at me and pats me on my arm and I head down the long fluorescent hallway of The Moore theatre. With my darks curls bouncing as I walk down the hallway in my Doc Martens, I round the corner and make my way towards the washrooms when I see a girl who looks extremely familiar. Her long dark curls hang across her face in ringlets as she looks down at herself adjusting her plain black tank top and mini skirt with Doc Marten's matching mine. She then looks up at me and it was something I haven't encountered in such a long time. 

It's me.

"Hi," She says and for a moment I thought maybe I had too much and that I'm only really just dreaming this but I know for certain that this is me. My future me.

"Hey," I say as if I'm seeing an old acquaintance for the first time in years.

Now like I've explained, I have done this before, but not since I was a little girl. It's not the same as the way all the sci-fi movies and books have explained how this sort of thing works, where if you encounter yourself - future or past - you run the risk of creating some sort of time warp or black hole or however they describe something bad happening. It's not like that at all. It's just me, in a different time, either younger or older, like you would have a twin or a brother or sister...or something. 

"It's our birthday isn't it?" She asks.

"Um, yea..." I smile shyly, pushing a curl behind my ear.

"I'm sorry I just really have to pee... follow me in?" I say to myself and she nods. I look behind me to see if anybody was looking and it seemed like the coast was clear, so I take her hand and head into the washrooms.

"When are you from?" I ask her as I head into the stall and close the door.

"1990... just a few months from now." She says.

There's was silence between us as I relieved myself, suddenly somehow feeling awkward that I could hear me peeing... that isn't just me sitting on the toilet... er.. you know what I mean.

"I've got to tell you something, and I know I always told you that I wouldn't ever tell you about the future but... I guess in this case I should," She says. I finish my business and pull up my ripped jeans, flush the toilet and open the stall door. 

"Tell me what?" I ask as I move over to the sink and wash my hands.

"It's about Andy... you've got to confront him... help him, anything you can do to just -" She starts becoming frantic, tears suddenly welling up in her eyes.

"Whoa, whoa... hey... what? I mean I know about the whole thing and you already know I told Chris already -" I say as I turn off the sink taps and dry my hands with the paper towel dispenser but she cuts me off.

"No, no... you have to help him Andrea... you... don't understand. If you can somehow make this time travel curse work in our favor, you have to... please..." She starts to cry as my eyebrows knit together in confusion. I slowly move over to her and wrap my arms around her as she cries into my shoulder. It's always been a strange feeling to hold myself because at the same time we both acquire the memory instantly, feel the same feeling of consolation and empathy all at once. 

*****

"Hey baby, where were you?" Chris asks when he comes through the backstage door, Kim Matt and Jason slipping passed him to the dressing room. 

"I just had to pee," I say and he smiles at me, wearing only his shorts and Doc Marten's, his hair still damp from when he was throwing bottles of water all over the stage and the audience. He puts his arm around my shoulders, as I place my hand on his chest, feeling him flex a little. He leans down placing his lips on my temple and whispers how much he loves me while we walk back to the dressing room.


	18. Into The Flood Again

Seattle Washington, March 2 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: It was a grey Pacific North West afternoon, typical weather for Seattle and I had just finished my short little 4 hour shift at the local used record shop - Bluestreak Records - downtown. Instead of taking the bus back home, I decide to walk. Normally Chris will come and pick me up but he said he would be at Kim's rehearsing this afternoon so I just said that I would meet him there once I stop at home first to clean up a little. 

I wish I could just drive instead of having to catch a bus or a cab or have Chris drive me everywhere. Given my condition, it's definitely recommended that I don't. I wouldn't want to be behind the wheel and suddenly have an episode and end up causing an accident or killing someone.

As I walk out on to the sidewalk, slinging my bag over my shoulder, I take out my Walkman with my headphones and blast Metallica's Master Of Puppets album in my ears. Eventually I make it back home and climb the steps to the front door. Once I open the door, I step inside and take off my bag and my head phones, setting them down beside the door, then slip off my leather jacket and hang it up. The living room was dark as no one seemed to have opened the curtains at all since I left earlier this morning and I could hear the faint sound of Van Halen's first record playing from Andy and Xana's room. I walk over to the far window and open up the curtains to let some light in, though the gloominess of the day doesn't really help much. Then as I make my way down the hallway to get myself ready to take a shower, I see the bathroom door slightly open and a bare foot peaking out from the corner of the door.

"Xana?" I call out slightly panicked but trying to keep my cool. 

Nothing.

"Andy? Is that you in there?"

Still no answer.

I quickly move to the door and attempt to care fully open it but I couldn't as they were laying in front of the door.

"Andy!? Andy!!" I shout but no answer. After a few moments of me pushing on the door, I was able to slide myself through the crack and see that in fact it was Andy laying on the floor on his back, his blonde locks matted to his forehead, only in his blue plaid pajama pants and a syringe hanging out of his left forearm right in the crook of where his elbow bends.

"Holy shit, no... no, no, no, no," I keep repeating frantically as I maneuver myself in between him and the bathroom counter, and try my best to lift up his head, tapping his cheeks to get him to wake up. I lean over him and listen to see if I could hear him breathing and I could, but just barely. I take his right wrist and feel around for a pulse and then move my fingers up to his neck since I couldn't feel anything with his wrist. Eventually I do feel a pulse but it's so incredibly faint, it's almost hard to tell.

"Andy... can you hear me? Please, can you hear me?" I start to cry as I tap his cheek again. He still doesn't move but I hear a little groan emerge from his throat. I then carefully pull out the syringe from his arm and maneuver him into my lap, cradling his head as I attempt to get him to come back to me.

"g-g-g-gone" He groans out, barely able to form words as I hold him in my lap.

"What? Andy... no, no, no... stay with me," I cry and he tries to make out a few more words.

"l-l-l-love y-y-y-you," He mumbles as he tries to open his eyes.

"I'm gonna call an ambulance ok?" I say wiping away my tears.

"N-n-n-no," He mumbles again, and slowly starts to come around. He groans a few more times and begins to try to move. He throws his one arm around me and slowly begins to open his eyes to focus on me.

"I-I'm good... s'ok... I'm... ok," He slurs, still sounding so sleepy.

"I'm gonna call Chris and see if he can find Xana ok?" I say with tears still streaming down my cheeks.

"N-n-no... don't do that, j-just stay... stay here with me," He says closing his eyes again. I move my hand to his neck to check his pulse just to make sure and it's stronger than it was before but still slow.

"j-just stay here... with me... stay w-w-with me baby," He slurs and tries to laugh a little, though I definitely do not feel like laughing.

*****

A couple of hours later, I was sitting in the living room sipping some tea, trying to distract myself by reading an article in a magazine about how the music scene in Seattle was starting a revolution. It mentioned Mudhoney, The Melvins and Green River as pioneers of the whole Seattle sound and with a strong focus on Soundgarden leading the way for major record labels to want to pick up on the scene emerging. It also mentioned Mother Love Bone as the next big thing with the anticipation of the release of their debut album 'Apple' on Mercury/Stardog records.

Andy was eventually able to somewhat re-gain his composure and I helped him into his room for him to sleep of the remaining high he was still enduring. I was still supposed to go and meet Chris but I was afraid to leave Andy here alone in case something happened. Just as I was reading the last sentence of the article, the door opens and I see Chris coming through with his guitar case.

"Hey baby," I say sweetly, setting my cup down on the table in front of me.

"Hi... I uh... I thought you were going to meet me at Kim's?" He says as he sets his guitar case down and slips off his leather jacket.

"I know, I'm sorry... I uh should've called," I say as I flip closed the magazine, setting it beside me and rise from the couch. He hangs up his jacket, flipping those gorgeous dark curls out of his face and turns to see me. He takes me in his arms and places his lips on mine, in a long soulful kiss. He then breaks away from me and touches his forehead to mine.

"Everything alright?" He asks and I could feel my cheeks flush. I knew I had to tell him what happened, I just have to keep myself calm. But as soon as he asked that question, my brow began to furrow and my bottom lip began to quiver.

"Baby, what's wrong? Talk to me," He says attentively. I shake my head a little trying to rid the feeling but it was hard.

"Chris -I... I don't..." I start but I couldn't get the words out.

"Andi no baby, don't slip if you can help it... tell me, tell me what's wrong," He says sternly but not angry, more like frustrated at the fact that I might disappear before him.

"It's... it's Andy, I came home and I found him on the floor in the bathroom -"

"Was he using again?" He asks quickly and I nod.

"Where is he?"

"He's in his room..." I start to feel faint.

"No baby... stay with me... Andi! " He says and that's the last thing I hear before I find myself in the dark bathroom of Chris's basement.

****

CHRIS: "God damn It!"

I didn't mean to yell but fuck. Why did she have to slip right now? Of all fucking times, why right now? I'm not mad at her I'm just so... it's just frustrating.

I pick up her clothes from the floor and set them on the couch, then make my way down the hall to see exactly what was going on. As I walk into the bathroom, I don't see any sort of evidence that anything had taken place until I see the syringe with a few dirty cotton balls in the trash.

A wave of sadness and hurt washed over my entire body at the fact that she was the one to find him in the bathroom. I immediately make my way out of the bathroom and back down the hall to Andy and Xana's room knocking loudly on the door.

"Hey man, you in there?" I call but no answer. After a few minutes I just decide to head in myself. Normally I wouldn't be so determined but when it comes down to the fucking love of my life, the reason I breathe, finding him on the floor fucked up like that, it's a whole other ball game.

"Dude, you awake...? Andy...?" I ask my voice deep with assertiveness as I grab his ankle at the end of the bed and gently try to shake him awake. He lets out a grumble from the pillow but I couldn't make out just what he was saying.

"Andy wake up," I repeat.

"Whhaaa?" He groans as he rolls over and sees me standing beside his bed. He blinks his eyes a few times and sits up slowly, running his fingers through his hair, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"You alright man?" I ask. I figure I should start with that at least.

"Uh... yea, I think so," He says groggily with his eyes closed.

"What the fuck man? What the fuck are you doing?" I ask trying to not be angry because I know as well as anyone that never works.

"I don't know man," He says.

"Andrea found you, you know that? Just what the hell man?" I say as my anger recedes and I feel worry and hurt bubbling to the surface.

"I never meant for her to find me," He says quietly, his eyes still closed.

"Fuck, you're lucky she did. I mean... what if she never came home from work? What if she just decided to head to Kim's to meet me without coming home first? What then?"

"Chris man, I'm sorry,"

I let out a sigh and flip my curls out of my eyes looking away for a moment while Andy looks up at me, looking like hell.

"I don't want you to be sorry... I just... I'm worried. We're all worried. We just want you to stop. You quit once before remember?"

"Yea," He says quietly.

"If you need help dude, I'm here. I'll always have your back man," I say and he gives me small smile and holds out his hand. I take it and give him a brotherly handshake patting him on his shoulder.

"Thanks," He says quietly and suddenly I hear a cry from the living room. We look at each other for a moment, then I quickly run out of his room and down the hall to the living room to see Andi sitting up on the couch, pulling down her Aerosmith T shirt and flipping her curls out from underneath.

"Babe?" I ask.

"Uh huh," She says calmly smirking as she reaches for jeans.

"What happened? When did you slip to?" I ask, a little concerned as to why she's so incredibly calm and seemingly much happier than before.

"Um, July '84," She says and pulls up her jeans, hopping into them as her curls bounce around her.

"July '84... oh... oohhhh," I say realizing with sudden lustfulness that seemed to come out of nowhere. She glances at me, sauntering over, biting her bottom lip as my memory of that night comes back to me. She lifts herself up and presses those soft plush lips to mine, lacing her fingers through my hair like she always does, which sends chills all over my entire body.

"You were amazing then, but you are incredible now," She whispers in my ear. She slowly pulls away from me and passes me to walk down the hall and as my eyes follow her, she looks back at me biting that bottom lip again and I couldn't help but practically chase her into the bedroom to relive that night over again.


	19. She Gets Me Higher Than Anyone

Seattle Washington, March 14 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: Standing in front of our bed, a suitcase laying open with all my favorite pieces of clothing, I try as hard as I can to decide just what to take with me. I wish I could just take everything but that would be completely impractical. Soundgarden has a gig on the 17th in Brooklyn at L'Amours with Faith No More which is about a 2 day drive. I wasn't able to go with Chris the last few shows he's played with Faith No More so this will be the first experience for me with both bands.

"Baby, are you not ready yet?" Chris chuckles as he walks into our bedroom, in a plain black t-shirt and baggy black shorts, his curls well passed his shoulders. He playfully pats me on my ass as he walks over to the guitars that sat opposite of the bed.

"No, I can't decide what to bring," I say as I pick up a shirt, study it for a second and then toss it back down on the bed.

"Babe we're only going for the weekend, just take what you need," He says as he picks up a patch cord and wraps it up. I groan and he glances back at me chuckling. I exhale as a stray curl flutters up and falls back down across my eyes, then I just blindly reach for three random t-shirts, 2 pairs of jeans and a denim mini skirt. I fold them quickly and place them in my suitcase.

"You're not taking that are you?" Chris asks as I fold up my skirt. I slowly shoot him a look and laughs.

"Baby I'm just fuckin' with ya,"

"Yea you would," I smirk and set the skirt in the suitcase.

"Are you taking, one of these too?" He asks gesturing at my three most precious beautiful guitars that I own. The black '81 Gibson, The '59 Sun Burst and my new one, a 1990 silver sparkle Gretsch Duo Jet I got for my birthday - oh and the Martin acoustic, but I don't play that one as much. Chris and I both seem to have a thing for collecting guitars. I swear it started with the '59 Sun Burst that my dad got me and it just obviously grew from there.

"Um, yea the Gretsch," I say as I walk over to my dresser and grab my black leather bound journal.

"Good, I was hoping you would pick that one," He says as he picks it up off the stand and sets it gently in it's leather guitar case with the purple fur interior.

"Only cause you wanna play it," I giggle as I zip up the suitcase. He picks up the guitar with a few of the patch cords and shrugs.

"Can you blame me?" He asks as he walks towards me.

"No," I giggle and he places a kiss on my lips, lingering for just a moment and then pulling away. I reach up placing my hand on his cheek with slight stubble, and touch his lips with my thumb, feeling the whiskers from his faint moustache that is appearing.

"Don't even say it, I know... I need to shave," He says and I smile at him. I then lift myself up again and place another kiss on those soft lips of his, and I pull away as he walks towards the bedroom door.

"Yes you do," I say, though I'm actually really loving the stubble on his face and glance back at him for a moment. He just shakes his head at me and disappears out of the room to put the gear in the van. Once I have everything I need, I grab my suitcase and head out of our bedroom, into the kitchen and grab a piece of paper to leave a note for Xana and Andy. Mother Love bone had a gig last night in Tacoma and so Andy should be back later today. Hopefully Xana will be with him and that they're alright. They have been fighting so much lately.

Left for New York, Be back Tuesday  
Don't do anything we wouldn't do Ha Ha,  
Love you both...

Love, Chris and Andi

I rip the paper off the note pad and stick it to the fridge with a magnet, then run over and grab my leather jacket and slip it on.

"Babe, c'mon we gotta go," Chris says opening the front door again and peaking in.

"Ok, ok... I'm ready," I say untucking my dark curls from underneath my jacket. Chris steps in and takes my suitcase while I grab my keys out of my pocket. He then disappears out the door and I follow, locking the door behind us.

*****

Brooklyn New York, March 16 1990

ANDI: We arrived in Brooklyn making record time. Chris is a fucking speed demon behind the wheel when he needs to be. Scared me half to death though at some points but we made it. We checked into the hotel around 6:00pm and Chris is supposed to meet the guys downstairs in the lobby for a quick check in and go over the set list for tomorrow night. 

"You sure it's alright for me to join you guys?" I ask as I finish pulling down my Black Sabbath shirt. It felt so good to take a shower after travelling in a van with 3 boys for almost 2 days - Jason decided to travel alone.

"Well yea... it's not like it's a secret meeting or anything. I just figured we could do this and then grab some food cause I'm fucking starving and then... head back up here... try out that bed... if you know what I mean," Chris says raising his eyebrow as he moves closer to me, brushing my curls off my shoulder, taking me in his arms and placing sweet kisses to the spot just under my earlobe.

"What if we just try out that bed... right now?" I ask as his lips make their way to my earlobe and my hands move straight to his leather belt, unbuckling it.

"Baby... not yet, I have to meet them downstairs," He chuckles low in my ear but he doesn't stop me from unbuttoning his shorts and pulling down the zipper.

"Not even for a quick one?" I ask innocently as I slowly reach inside the rim of his boxers and begin to palm him, giving him a few gentle but firm squeezes, his erection rising quickly, a moan escaping his throat.

"Holy... fuck," He groans and touches his forehead to mine.

"I think we should," I say seductively and that was all that was needed for him to lift me up and throw me down on the bed. 

We look into each others eyes with mutual determination and as I bite my bottom lip, I quickly but gracefully pull down my jeans and toss them aside. Without wasting any time, he lifts his black t-shirt up over his head, tossing it to the floor, moves over me, pulling down my red thong and playfully bites the top of my thigh, then my hip making me laugh as his curls tickle me at the same time.

"Fuck I love the sounds you make," He says as he tosses my thong somewhere in the room.

"Because of you," I exhale as his hands quickly grip my thighs, spreading them open, making me squeal at the aggressiveness of him. He places his lips to my inner thigh, gently moving up brushing across my skin, making me quiver beneath him.

"Chris, I said a qui - oh... shit," I exhale as his fingers spread me apart, his tongue flicking my clit instantly, my hands gripping the covers as he works his magic on me. His fingers play me, softly stroking all the while his tongue flicks, licking me like no other, then sucking, pulling the very essence right out of me.

"... Fuck..." I whimper, feeling that wonderful sensation of pure extasy building inside me. He then slips in one finger, then another inside me, prodding and stroking at the perfect spot and I knew it was over. 

"Shit, I'm gonna cum," I say quickly and out of breath, hearing him moan with encouragement and just like that, I let it go, releasing everything all over, feeling it pull me under and taking my breath away. It was fucking incredible.

Chris lifts his head up from between my thighs, dropping his pants faster than you could think of doing, and pulling me down to the edge of the bed while I squeal, then laugh in surprise. 

"You have no idea how much I love hearing you scream when I make you cum like that," He growls when he lifts my shirt up over my bare breasts, revealing my pink and incredibly hard nipples that are clearly begging for some attention. 

He positions himself perfectly, teasing my clit with the tip of his cock, then leans over me guiding himself inside me slowly at first as to not hurt me. The first push from him sends me over the edge, washing over me from the tops of my thighs all the way to the top of my head. It takes my breath away at just how fucking perfect he feels inside me. His lips brush across my chest, finding my right nipple, sucking and flicking the hard pink flesh there. After a few minutes he turns his attention to the left repeating the same process, my fingers entwining themselves through his dark tendrils as he thrusts into me over and over.

"Chris... you're gonna make me cum again," I pant.

He moans and breaks away from my nipple for just a moment and I drop my hands from his curls, raising them above my head as he watches my expression. His blue eyes study my every emotion that spreads across my face, my hips matching his rhythm, my back arching as my lips part, feeling the orgasm take over once more.

"Chris!" I cry.

"Oh fuck, yes fucking yes!"

*****

"I think you broke me," Chris says sitting on the bed, pulling his t-shirt down over his toned chest.

"I broke you? Fuck, I just wanted a quickie... you're the one who wanted to... y'know," I say, feeling my cheeks blush a little as I hop back into my jeans, my curls bouncing as I do so.

"What? Eat you?" He smirks slyly.

"Hey, don't say it like that," I glance at him with a giggle and he chuckles.

"Why? You know I love it. Especially when you start shaking like that..." He reaches for my hand and pulls me closer. "... and when I get you going so much to the point where you're like putty in my hands..."

"Chris," I say flatly trying to stop the tingling sensation that was returning to my core. I have to admit, he's fucking incredible at it.

"Well... I did say I was hungry," He smirks, and I playfully smack his chest while he laughs.

*****

L'Amours Brooklyn New York, March 17 1990

ANDI: "Is Mike like this all the time?" I ask Susan who was laughing as members of Faith No More bombard the stage while Soundgarden played, Mike Patton jumping on Chris as he sang.

"Pretty much... especially the last few shows they've played together," Susan says to me. 

Susan and I have become really good friends over the last little bit. I would even say that we're closer than Xana and I are at this point. I don't know what's going on with Xana and it frustrates me. Every time I try to mention anything to her she just becomes defensive and angry, blaming me for spending all my time with Chris and never having any time for her at all anymore when that isn't the case at all.

"Have you thought about what I said the other day?" Susan asks me.

"Uh... no, well yea but not really... I don't know," I fumble as she looks at me. Susan had asked me if I would like to work for her, handing the marketing side of Soundgarden and a New band that she just signed to manage, Alice In Chains. Susan is amazing at what she does for everyone and I feel honored that she considered me to work with her.

"Andi, I honestly think you would be perfect for it. I mean you have a marketing degree, and you're an artist too. You know exactly how to get the word out to the audience. You could handle the finances if you want or you can even design merchandise for them if you really wanted to," She says as the craziness of the music bellows from the side stage.

"Really?" I say and I glance back at Chris playing around with a deflated blow up doll that Mike threw at him and continues to scream that amazing voice of his into the microphone.

"Yea... I mean, it would allow you to travel with Chris more and you wouldn't have to work at that record shop anymore. You could put that degree of yours to good use," She says and I glance back at her trying to think of what to say.

"Look, I'm so happy that we are friends and I don't want to seem like you have to say yes just because we are. I just would really like it if we worked together. You're really good for him," She says and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her in a hug. It feels so good for someone to say that. When I pull away from her we giggle and she pulls me back in for another quick hug.

Suddenly Mike comes running up to us with a crazy mask covering his entire face and starts blubbering crazy talk, teasing and waving his arms around. I turn around and playfully shove him away laughing and he runs off stage.

"... the fuck?" I say as Susan laughs.

"Told you they are pretty crazy," She says and we both laugh. I excuse myself for a moment as I have to use the washroom. I need to stop drinking so much before. I haven't even had a drink since Chris started and I have to pee again. I quickly run, making my way to the bathrooms that were just down the hall, not far from the stage and make my way inside, then just like that... I slip.


	20. Golden Words In A Broken Voice

L'Amours Brooklyn New York, March 17 1990

(Chris is 25, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: I drop the mic on the stage and everyone in the crowd cheers. I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing everyone get their aggression out as we play as loud as we fucking can.

"Where's Andi?" I ask Susan as I pass her, one of the roadies tossing me a towel from all the water that Mike Patton had thrown all over me, the band and the audience.

"She said she had to use the washroom," She says as she follows behind me making our way down the fluorescent lit hallway. I make my way into the dressing room and in no time Kim and Matt follow in behind us.

"I uh, gotta head back to the hotel, I've got an early flight to catch back home for some meetings. I'll uh... see you guys back in Seattle?" Susan asks.

"You bet," Matt says cracking open a beer.

"Oh and Andi... has something to tell you Chris when she gets back from the washroom... I think you might like it," She smiles raising her eyebrow at me. I shift my eyes between Kim and Matt, then back at Susan and take a sip of my beer.

"Ok," I say and she says her goodbyes once more, then heads out of the dressing room.

"What is she talking about?" I ask. Matt shrugs at me and Kim takes a sip of his beer.

"Susan offered her a job... I think finances and marketing or something for us," Kim says.

"Oh... ok... did she say she would take it?" I ask.

"Don't know... my guess is as good as yours," Kim shrugs and takes a sip of his beer. Then I realize Andi seems to be taking a while in the washroom, and I hope she didn't slip again. After a few minutes I set my beer down and run out of the dressing room to make sure Andi's alright. I hear Kim and Matt follow behind me and I'm suddenly stopped by one of our roadies.

"Cornell! It's Wood... it's really bad,"

"What? What happened?" I ask.

"Xana found him earlier today... he's in the hospital,"

I could feel the earth suddenly drop out from under me. As Kim begins to ask more questions, it was like I wasn't inside my body anymore... something about an overdose of heroin... in the bathroom... Xana finding him completely unconscious... and I slowly turn and walk towards the bathroom, completely numb. Like everything was suddenly in slow motion. I open the doors, the faint conversations between Kim and Matt trying to figure out just how to get back, and I see Andi's clothes in a pile on the bathroom tile floor.

*****

Seattle Washington, March 16 1990

(Andi is 20)

ANDI: I take in a deep breath and find myself standing in what looked like a park, behind a large oak tree completely nude, trying to figure out exactly when I am and why I slipped again. I peak out around the tree and see that the park was bare so at least for the moment, no one can see me without clothes.

Ok Andrea... where can you find some clothes?

I wait a few minutes and see an older woman in a long grey trench coat walking her dog, and I wonder just what I could say to get her to help me without calling for help. I look around me and see that there was a small creek just a few feet away from me and the bottom of a little drop off and wonder if I could somehow make my way back home using the creek so no one could see me.

"Miss? oh my god, miss are you alright?" I hear the woman stop with her dog, the golden retriever barking at me.

"Hi, um... yea I'm ok... I just... um..."

Think, think, think...

"Oh dear... what happened to your clothes?" she asks.

"I uh... wanted to try and take a little swim in the creek and some teenage boys came along and stole my clothes," I say with a small laugh.

"Oh honey... here take my coat, you must be freezing," She says and hands me over her coat and her dog stops barking and begins to whine.

"Thank you," I say and quickly slip the coat on, tying it around me to make sure I'm covered enough.

"I hope you don't live far from here," She says.

"No, I don't think so, I'm just over on Spruce and Main,"

"Oh that's not far at all. If you want, I can come with you, make sure - "

"No! No..." I start but I can see she's startled by my reaction.

"I'll uh... I quickly run home and grab a change of clothes and I promise I will be back," I say in my most convincing voice I can do. She raises her eyebrow at me and I look around trying to think of how I can get out of this.

"I'll tell you what... If I'm not back in 30 minutes, by all means, come by my apartment on Spruce and Main, and you'll have your coat back... ok?"

"Ok honey... go ahead," She says, still sounding skeptical but sincere that she's alright with waiting for me. I thank her and quickly make my way out of the park, out on to the sidewalk and recognizing immediately where I am. I'm only just a couple of blocks from here thank god. I hurriedly make my way back to the apartment and just as I was walking up the side walk to our home, I see an ambulance parked in front. I slow down a few steps as I become wracked with worry, suddenly seeing 2 Paramedics carrying out a stretcher with Xana following behind, crying and sobbing like crazy. I stop as I see them lift the stretcher with Andy buckled in and not moving at all. My heart suddenly started to pound profusely and what felt like the wind being knocked out of me as I run towards the ambulance.

"No,... no...no, no.... No!" I cry with tears now streaming down my cheeks and once again, I'm back on the cold tile floor of the bathroom trying to catch my breath.

*****

L'Amours Brooklyn New York, March 17 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: "Baby... holy shit," I hear Chris's voice as I gasp for air, lifting myself up into a seated position.

"Chris..." I cough as he crouches down beside me, cupping my face in his hands, brushing a few of my matted curls off my forehead.

"It's ok baby I'm here," He says and I could hear the sadness in his voice.

"Chris, oh god, Chris..." I try to speak but I can't stop coughing.

"Shhh... we have to head home, It's Andy..." He says sadly and I'm finally able to catch my breath.

"What?" I ask.

"We, have... to go home, Andy's in the hospital. We have to get home," Chris says and he touches his damp forehead to mine, closing his eyes, trying to get himself together.

"Ok...ok... lets go home," I say, knowing that I should tell him where I was but getting home is more important right now.

****

Seattle Washington, March 19 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: We arrive back home as fast as we were able to. Chris and I hadn't said much to each other given the circumstances. I'm just as worried as he is. I don't even know what to say to him. All I know is that we need to see Andy as soon as we can. I still haven't even told Chris when I was when I slipped and I don't know if I can.

Once we drop our stuff off in the apartment, we immediately leave for the hospital. Susan had found out what happened pretty much as soon as Chris and the guys did and she told us that Xana was keeping him on life support until we get there. That's when I knew it was bad. That's when I started to feel this strange numb feeling, like I was about to slip, but it was different.

"... can I help you?" The nurse says behind the counter as Chris leads me up, holding my hand tightly.

"Um, we're looking for Andrew Wood's room?" Chris says. The nurse looks down and flips through a couple of pages on a clip board and then looks back at us.

"He's in ICU... it's down the hall to your right, just let the nurse know you're here to see him," She says. Chris thanks her and we head down the hall, Chris still holding my hand with his fingers laced through and I feel like I'm practically jogging beside him to keep up. I glance up at him for a moment, holding his bicep with my other hand an I can see the look of worry on his face that he desperately is trying to hide, clenching his jaw, his brow firm. 

We make it into the ICU and ask the nurse at the front desk. She then takes us over to his room and we see him laying in a bed, looking like he was just sleeping but he was hooked up to so many different machines, all beeping and making noises. One was even breathing for him. You could see how every time the rubber thingy inside the breathing machine deflated, Andy's chest would go up and then back down once the thing returned to it's position. He was incredibly pale and not moving other than when the machine breathed for him.

Xana was sitting beside him as close as she could get, holding his hand and stroking away his matted blonde locks from his forehead. They both looked so small, especially Andy. She sees us standing in the doorway and she wipes away a tear.

"Hey girl," She says groggily and at that point I couldn't hold it in any longer. I started to cry, tears finding their way down my cheeks and I couldn't stop it.

"Xana," I barely manage to get out as I give Chris's hand a squeeze, then let go to quickly move to embrace her. She warps her arms around me as i try to maintain my crying because I don't want to get her going again. It looks like she has been crying for days.

"Has everyone already seen him?" I ask once I'm able to get a handle on myself.

"Yea... everyone's already, you know... said what they needed to. His um, parents just stepped out for a bit. They wanted to um... cut... yesterday but I convinced them to wait until you guys were able to get here. I know he would want you here and I know you would want to have the chance to... um... say goodbye," Xana says holding back her tears and I grab a hold of her once again wrapping my arms around her. After a few minutes, we let go of each other and I glance back over at Chris who still was near the doorway.

He was looking at Andy with a look on his face like I had never seen. It was expressionless, almost numb, like the way he was feeling inside. Then he glances back in my direction and looks at Xana and I could see his eyes becoming glossy with tears that he desperately tried to hold back.

"Chrissy," Xana says and Chris just stands there for a moment, looks away clearing his throat, then moves over to Xana as she is swallowed up by him and his leather jacket as his arms wrap around her. She buries her face in his shoulder as she starts to cry again and he holds her, gently stroking her back through her black fuzzy sweater.

I turn and move over to Andy, and though I am so afraid to, I gently touch his hand just to see if anything would happen. Just to see if he would just wake up and this was all a stupid crazy nightmare. But he just lays there, his chest moving up and down with the machine, his eyes closed like he was sleeping. I like to think he is dreaming of something wonderful, something happy, something he has always longed for but could never seem to have. I start to think about when I slipped. Not just the one that happened yesterday but the first one that Xana witnessed. The one where I saw Andy passed out on the floor and I was actually in the apartment and saw him laying there. Why couldn't I do anything? Why did I slip to the time that was too late?

"Um, I need to um..." I say with my voice shaking.

"You ok?" Xana asks as she wipes her eyes again. I turn and look at Xana and i couldn't help but feel incredible guilt that I couldn't fucking do anything. This fucking curse that I have couldn't even be used for something good. I could only just watch everything unfold after the fact.

"I'm so sorry," I begin to cry and Xana wraps her arms around me again.

*****

Watching Chris say his last words to Andy while he sat in the chair that Xana had been in was the most gut wrenching thing I could ever witness. How Chris was reminiscing with him like he was just sleeping but deep down know that he's not going to wake up. Seeing Chris break down like that was a lot to handle. All I could do was hold him as he cried into me. There are no words to describe the pain of losing someone. It's like the worst heartbreak you have ever gone through but 10 trillion times worse.

"I need to get the fuck outta here," Chris sniffs wiping his nose with his palm, once he lifts his head away from my stomach. He stands up and without saying a word, he steps passed me and Xana and heads out of the room and Xana looks at me as I watch him walk away.

"It's ok, you can go after him..." She says to me.

"Are you gonna be ok? Well... I know you wont be but... you know what I mean," i say and she gives me a half smile.

"Yea, I'm just gonna stay here for a little while, 'til his parents come back anyways... and then well..."She trails off and I knew what she was going to say but I told her she didn't have to.

This sucks. This really, really sucks.

I give Xana one last hug and make my way out of the room to find Chris.


	21. The Spirit Gives But Also Takes Away

Seattle Washington, March 29 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: I emerge from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, water droplets still dripping over my skin as I quickly shuffle my way into our bedroom. In the days since Andy's memorial, things have definitely been 'off'. I feel numb, as if I'm floating outside my body where I'm watching everything from above myself trying to scream out but no sound comes out. I'm devastated and heartbroken. I can only imagine Xana feels the same, possibly worse since she was the one to find Andy, much like I did only this time...

Xana has not exactly been on the best of terms with Chris and I. The fact that her and Andy were fighting all the time didn't help but she has been especially unreasonable with me. I just try to ignore it because I know she is going through a lot of pain, but I am too. It's not easy. Xana had moved out just a few days ago after a huge blow up with her and Chris. She accused him of putting it in Andy's head that she was cheating, which is why he had slumped into such a deep depression and turned to heroin.

Needless to say Chris was obviously hurt by that accusation and after a good screaming match between them, he kicked her out. I don't blame him for doing so, but I also just wish we could work things out together. Xana had already taken most of Andy's things to her new apartment, and I was surprised that she found one so quick. When she tried to take Andy's journals and demos that Chris and he had written and recorded here in the apartment together, that's when Chris lost it. Chris is not one to fight over material things, stuff like that has never mattered to him, but when it comes to music and stuff he created whether it be himself or with Andy, or even me for that fact, he was incredibly sentimental and wanted to hang on for just a little longer.

Kim and Matt had already been over here yesterday to help with a few things so Jeff and Stone are supposed to come over in a little while to help with what's left of Andy's room. I think Jeff and Stone just want to be there for Chris as he still tries to come to terms with the fact that Andy's gone. I still haven't told anyone where I was when I slipped that night in New York. I want to, I just don't know how.

I finish changing into some clean clothes, my curls still damp from the shower when I hear Chris and Xana in Andy's bedroom arguing once again. I untuck my curls from my Aerosmith band shirt, scrunching the ends up to help keep it curly, and walk out to the hallway, Chris's booming voice and Xana's yelling floating down the hallway.

"Xana, you can't take everything for yourself... some of this needs to go to his family"

"Family? His family? His family that ended his life support? His family that didn't give a shit about him in the first place? Who the hell are you to tell me what I can and can't have?!"

"I'm not saying that at all," Chris says.

"Y'know what, I don't give a fuck... it's your fucking place anyways, I'm just the girlfriend of your former roommate. I know I don't matter - "

"Xana!?" Chis says yells as I walk down the hallway.

"Fuck you both!" She says and storms out of the bedroom, not even looking in my direction, grabs her jacket from the couch and walks out slamming the front door. I flinch a little at the sound and appear in the doorway of Andy's room as Chris closes the closet door.

"You alright baby?" I ask.

"Me? Yea... yea I'm fine," he exhales and turns to crouch down, flipping his curls out of his face, picking up a box full of demos and a couple of journals and a few photos.

"She's just... angry," I say quietly.

"Yea I know," He says and turns to me , leaning down and placing a kiss on my lips. A part of me feels horrible that I still haven't told him where I slipped that night in New York. I need to tell him, I need to say that I saw Andy on that stretcher and that I knew something was wrong.

"Chris?" I ask when he pulls away from me to head to our bedroom.

"Yea baby?"

"I need to um... tell you something," I say nervously and his blue eyes look at me with concern.

"What babe?" He asks sweetly. I hesitate for a moment to try and get up my nerve.

"The night I slipped, in New York..." I hesitate once more.

"What about it?" He asks.

"I saw, I mean... no, I saw - " And just as I was about to come out with it, there was a knock at the door, and Jeff's voice calling from the other side. Chris glances at the door, walks towards the living room setting the box down on the couch as I turn and watch him, completely losing my nerve.

"Hey, brother... how are ya?" Jeff smiles when Chris opens the door. Chris smiles and they hug each other, greeting Stone right after. They had brought some drinks and a couple of guitars, in case they wanted to jam a little while going through the last of Andy's belongings

"Hey you," Jeff says sweetly to me as he walks over holding his guitar and a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and embraces me in a hug. He smells like fresh Irish Spring body wash as he softly strokes my back in our embrace.

"Hi," I say and once we let go of each other, he places a kiss on my temple and heads into the kitchen while Stone just shyly nods at me.

A short while later, all three of them end up sitting in the living room having a few drinks as the hang out and begin to jam with each other. I guess they really needed to spend some time with each other to help get their mind off the pain and reminisce, so much so that they hadn't gone through the rest of Andy's stuff in his room. It's ok though, I wasn't in the mood to drink yet so it gave me the chance to go in his room and just have some alone time. I miss him.

You don't realize just how much someone meant to you until you don't have them in your life anymore. Andy was the first one - next to Xana - that I met when I moved out here to Seattle. He was so warm and welcoming, he made me feel so at home. I was always there for him when Xana would sometimes be too much and he would be there for me just whenever I needed someone to talk to. He was my best friend. My best friend that I couldn't fucking save no matter how hard I tried.

I find myself sitting on his bed with one of the boxes that Chris had packed up, reaching inside and finding a couple of more journals that he kept. I picked up the one with the brown leather binding - the one that Andy would share with me when Xana wasn't here - and I begin to flip through some of the pages. There were tons of words all over the pages, only because Andy never really used to write anything down, he would just sing whatever was off the top of his head. I convinced him that he should write them down just so he could remember, just in case someday he would need that specific lyric or something.

I flip through some more, hearing the boys out in the living room laughing away and Chris sometimes singing - almost sounding like they're writing some songs out there - and I come across a page at the very back, that was written as almost like a letter. I smiled to myself thinking the entire time is was a letter to Xana, but then I slowly realize it was a letter about me.

My brow begins to furrow and my smile starts to fade as I read, line after line of how he had feelings for me, how I was so much what he wanted Xana to be, how he loves each time he hears me play and the feeling I give him when I play. He then goes on to say how even though he's in love with me, and that night in the park was the most amazing kiss that he's ever experienced. That he wished that somehow he could be the one going back in time so it could've been him but now he couldn't imagine anyone else being a better fit for me than Chris. How I deserve to be with Chris, how Chris is so lucky to have me in his life and that one day he knows Chris and I will be married and have lots and lots of babies. Blue eyed little darlings with the powerful voice that Chris has, giggling and screaming through the house.

"Babe?" Chris appears in the doorway of Andy's room, his voice startling me and I quickly close the journal back up.

"Hi," I exhale and wipe my eyes and cheeks, not even realizing at first that the tears had been flowing the whole time I was reading.

"You... want to have a drink with me?" Chris asks so cutely.

"Maybe," I sniff. He gives me a coy smile and nods in the direction of the living room. I gather myself as he watched me rise from the bed, taking Andy's journal with me and holding it to my chest. As I make my way to him, he reaches out, cupping my face in his palm and leans down placing his lips on mine. After a few moments, he pulls away and touches his forehead to mine.

"I love you so much, you know that right?" He says.

"Uh huh," I say.

"Andrea, get out here and have a drink with us!" Jeff calls laughing from the living room. I giggle as Chris places his lips on mine once more, then we head out to the living room to enjoy some of that Old No. 7.


	22. It Pulls You Back

Seattle Washington, April 4 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: "This is the last box right?" I ask as I pick up a small cardboard box from the floor of our bedroom. I glance down at the contents of the box, making sure I wasn't forgetting anything as Chris comes back into the bedroom from loading up the rented U-Haul van. 

"Yea babe," He exhales, flipping his dark curls out of his face.

After Andy had passed away, Chris had the idea for us to just get a place of our own. I think he just couldn't bare the thought of living here now that Andy's gone, and to be honest, I can't either. 

I miss him every day and no matter what I try to do to take my mind off of it, all I can think about is how I wish I could've saved him. It kills me inside knowing that I couldn't. I've been time slipping more often over the last week because of the pain and grief I am holding inside and pretending that I'm ok when I'm not. Every time I slip, I always end up in that same spot, trying to get to him from the park and seeing him being wheeled away into the ambulance. Other times I end up in this apartment but still only after he had left for the hospital, but never in time to actually save him. I hate it. It's like re-living the same memory over and over again without anyway of changing it. 

It didn't take Chris and I long to find a house that we both loved. It's a small 2 bedroom 2 story home, with a small basement for Chris and I to set up a practice/rehearsal space. It's not much but we love it and that's all that matters. The closing date was yesterday and so we immediately packed up as fast as we could to move into our new home. We honestly didn't have much furniture other than just a couch, a T.V and all of our bedroom stuff so the house is still pretty empty for now but we're working on it.

"You think maybe I should call Xana...? Maybe try and talk to her...?" I ask as Chris takes the box from me and places a quick kiss on my lips.

"No," He says shortly, walking out of the bedroom with the box in his arms. "After the things she said, I don't give a fuck about her right now," 

Like I mentioned the last time, Xana hasn't been exactly on the best terms with us after that little blow up last week. A few days ago she decided to come back later at night, completely fucked up out of her mind on who knows what - coke, heroin and probably some whiskey mixed in there too I suspect - and attempted to take the last of Andy's things but all the while screaming at Chris about how he changed and how much of a 'fucking chode' Chris had turned into. I had never seen her act that way. It was completely uncalled for. Needless to say her and Chris had an exchange of nasty words with each other and he was about to call the cops before she finally took the hint to leave. 

Why does this always happen when someone dies? Why does everyone pick sides and end up fighting and hating each other. Same thing happened with my mother.

I know I haven't really touched on the subject of my mother since the incident between her and my father, when I heard them fighting that night but I guess I should bring it up now. 

Watching your mother die is a strange thing to go through at any age, especially when you're young. The summer I turned 16, my mother had become very sick really quickly. At first she thought it was the flu. She felt weak, feverish and would barely eat anything at all, always wanting to sleep and pretty much left me to take care of her and myself. This went on for weeks, much longer than a normal flu would last. I finally convinced her that I would take her to the doctor to see just what was wrong. After a few tests she was diagnosed with Cancer - leukemia to be exact. The type where you start to fade really quickly. If I hadn't convinced her to go, the doctor said she would've been dead within a week.

I had no idea what to think or what to feel at that point. It was like I was suddenly in a dream I couldn't wake up from. But I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself, I had to be there for my mother. So that same week they started her with a blood transfusion and chemo-therapy. 

At first she seemed to take to it really well. She wasn't as run down as before and was almost back to herself. Then as the second round of treatments started, that's when the chemo sickness began to take over and it was almost just as bad, if not worse than if she hadn't started any treatment at all. In the midst of all this, I was also time slipping. Sometimes I'd slip for a few minutes and other times a few hours - you know the usual. But I'd always make it back in time for my mother.

Then after a horrible incident where my mother had to be rushed to the hospital because she was in so much pain she couldn't walk, she had told the doctors that she'd had enough. She didn't want to go through treatment any longer and that she would rather live out her last few weeks or months feeling normal again, than to prolong the inevitable. I tried to change her mind, that she had to keep fighting but in reality she had already come to peace with the fact that she had lived as long as she could.

I was angry at first. How dare she give up and basically leave me. I was 16 years old and I had no idea how to make it without her. Again, I was being a selfish teenager not really thinking about how much she was in pain. The chemo was only to give her more time anyways, it wasn't a cure for the type of leukemia she had.

It was the Spring after I turned 17 when she passed away. I'll never forget the day. It was a strange feeling being with her until the end, saying all the things that needed to be said so that she knew how much I loved her. I also did my best to not slip in the middle of it given the fact that it was the most gut wrenching thing I have ever gone through in my life. But something was keeping me there with her, not letting me slip and miss the last moments I had with her.

Making the final arrangements with my dad was weird. They hadn't talked to each other since their divorce but I couldn't do everything myself, I was just a kid. My mother's side of the family basically got pissed and fought over everything and I was left to live with my dad, who I hadn't lived with since I was 15. It was fine though and you know we're still close now but it was a huge adjustment for him since he was used to playing clubs and bars, travelling and hadn't really had the responsibility of raising me since I was 15 - well really since I was a little girl. Eventually he got used to me again, and it was like the bond between us never broke. I finally told him all the things I held inside since he moved out and left me with my mother. I became daddy's little girl again, though I was always his little girl, we just needed to make amends. When I threw myself into my schooling and playing so that I could graduate early, it was hard for him but I had to do it. As much as I loved the bond that me and my father had rekindled, you could say I still have unresolved feelings about my mother's death, since I basically have been pretty much numb from it since it happened. That's why I wanted to run as far from it as possible. So Seattle was perfect.

I still see my mom sometimes when I slip. It's usually only for a few minutes at a time, but I'll see her in the kitchen of our old house, or when my father is just walking in the door from a gig and she greets him with the love she had for him before everything fell apart. It's comforting to know that I can still visit her, even if she doesn't know I'm there.

"Babe...? You alright?" Chris asks me, breaking me out of my reverie as he appears at the front doorway.

"Yea... yea, I was just..." I exhale as I grab my bag from the floor of the now completely empty living room. I sling my bag over my shoulder and un-tuck my curls, then glance up into Chris's blue eyes that gleam.

"C'mon, let's go home," He says sweetly reaching out for my hand. I look around the apartment one last time, quietly saying goodbye to Andy, then I take Chris's hand and lock the door one last time.


	23. I Just Want You

Seattle Washington, April 5 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: Feeling the soft dark grey shaggy throw rug against my bare skin, I lift myself up to a seated position and try to gather myself together to stop the uncontrollable sobbing as I realize just what had taken place. I must be back in Kim's bedroom even though I was in the bathroom when I slipped. I guess my brain thought this was close enough to returning to the bathroom as I could get.

Susan? He was with Susan?

"Andi? You in here?" I hear Chris's voice from outside the room as the commotion of our house warming party downstairs resonates through the walls. He opens the door startling me, his tall frame shadowed by the dimly lit hallway, his curls all around him and well passed his shoulders. The only thing shining is the necklace that had the ring that Andy had given him before he passed. I quickly cross my arms over my bare chest, trying to use my curls to help. 

"Shit, baby... are you ok? What happened? Did you time - " He says as he quickly rushes over to me crouching down but I cut him off.

"Get away from me!" I exclaim, pushing his chest as he attempts to console me. Bewildered with my reaction to him, he falls back on his hands catching himself.

"Andi wha- "

"No. Don't even try to make me feel better. Just get the hell away from me!" I shout through my tears, half sobbing still.

"Andi what the hell - ?"

"Just get out of here!" I cry.

"No, I'm not getting the hell outta here, what the fuck happened?" Chris says angered and worried all at the same time.

"I just wanted you to make me feel better. I just wanted to feel you. I wanted .... I wanted...." I sob as I try explain the mix of emotions inside of me. His blue eyes search mine for me to explain as best I can but I can't seem to get it out.

"Baby - ?" He reaches out for me but I stop him.

"Susan? Really... fucking Susan...? Fuck, I can't even..." I trail off trying to stop my tears as I wipe them from my cheeks and looking straight into his blue eyes that are filled with worry.

"What, what about Susan?" He asks, still obviously confused.

"Fuck Chris.... you were with Susan and you didn't even fucking tell me. Why didn't you ever fucking tell me?"

"Fuck, Halloween '86?" He asks and I just look at him.

"Shit.... "

"Yea... shit," I repeat back to him sarcastically.

"Andi - "

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask again.

"I don't know,"

"You don't know?"

"I mean I remember that night and I remember you were so upset and all I wanted was to make you feel safe and... but I was angry and confused and... I didn't want to hurt you..."

"Yea well, too fucking late," 

He moves closer to me again reaching out for me once more but I resist him. I was a mix of emotions right now and I didn't want to be touched at all.

"Baby - "

"No, you don't get to 'Baby' me. You lied to me. I'm falling apart and to make it even worse, you fucking lie to me? " I cut him off and place my hands on his chest stopping him from leaning into me and even though I was so angry and hurt, I loved the feeling of his warmth through his plain black t-shirt under my hands.

"I love you," He says and I can feel my tears falling down my cheeks again.

"No, just get outta here" I cry but he catches my hands against his chest, just as I was about to push him away again.

"No I'm not just gonna get outta here. I didn't tell you about Susan because we broke up shortly after that and I didn't really think it was important. I knew you we're going to slip eventually so... ok yea... maybe I should've said something, but -"

"Chris-?" My voice breaks.

" Andi, you're the one. You were always the one and as much as I tried to tell myself that you weren't, you'd show up and I'd fall for you all over again,"

"Chris - ?"

"Andi, I want you to marry me,"

Did he just ask me to...? No. No, that can't be right.

"What?" If I could've picked a time where I wanted to hear those words, I can tell you it would not be at this particular moment. As he still holds my hands to his chest, his blue eyes hold their gaze to mine and I'm flabbergasted at the fact that he just proposed to me in the middle of a fight.

"Marry me," Chris says, his voice deep and calm. 

"No," I say still angered and annoyed.

"No?" Chris furrows his brow, looking surprised at my answer.

"No... no, this is not how you ask someone to marry you. For one thing I don't have any clothes on, and another thing we're in the middle of an argument here. You don't get to diffuse the argument by asking me to marry you," I say pulling my hands out from under his.

"I'm not trying to diffuse the argument, I'm asking you to marry me because I want you for the rest of my life," He reaches out for me and this time I don't resist him. He pulls me close, his hands moving around to my back, his fingers skipping across my bare skin as he touches his forehead to mine. 

"Chris - "

"Marry me," He says once more, his blue eyes looking straight into mine so intently and after a few moments I close my eyes and move to brush my lips across his. He pulls me into him even closer and I press my bare chest against his and before I know it, he is laying me back down on the floor with him hovering over top of me. I suck his bottom lip and he moans quietly while my hands make their way down to the bottom of his t-shirt. His tongue flicks at my top lip as my fingers make their way up under his shirt, feeling his warm smooth toned chest.

"Oh fuck man... can you close the door at least?" 

Startled, Chris quickly pulls away from me and I try to hide myself under him since I'm still completely naked as Kim's voice stops us in the moment.

"Sorry, Kim," I call out and try to stop myself from giggling.

"Yea... sorry... uh..." Chris trails off as he looks back at Kim, shielding me from his view and tries not to laugh as well.

"Fuck..." Kim calls as he stomps back down the stairs. Chris then turns back to me, still over top of me.

"So... is this a 'yes'?" He asks. I close my eyes and listen for a moment, the sound of everyone downstairs laughing as the music continues to float up the stairs. I then flick my eyes open to look into his beautiful blues full of love for me and I give him a little half smile and a small nod as a smile spreads across his lips. 

"Yea?" He smiles.

"Yea... yes Chris, I'll marry you," I say shakily feeling the blood rushing to my cheeks and my stomach flip flopping as I realize the words that floated from my lips. He cups his palms on either side of my face, brushing a few curls away that were across my eyes and he softly brushes his lips across mine once more. He hesitates for just second but then I intensify the kiss, immediately sucking his bottom lip, moving my legs to wrap them around his hips as he takes me in his arms, making love to me like I am the only one for him.


	24. Realize, Sweet Babe, We Ain’t Never Gonna Part

Seattle Washington, April 9 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: I wake to the bright July sun as it pours through the tall window of our bedroom. I open one eye and lift my head glancing at the clock to see that it was only 7:30am. Why does it have to be so bright so early in the morning? I groan and smush my face back into the pillow, my curls covering whatever the pillow wasn't and hear the bedroom door slowly open. I can hear Chris enter the room as the old hardwood floor slightly creaks. I keep my eyes closed, attempting to fall back to sleep but I feel him climb up on to the edge of the bed, playfully pulling the black sheet down over my body, revealing my black lacy panties.

"You awake beautiful?" He asks, his voice raspy from his performance at The Moore Theatre last night. It was his first gig since the European tour and it was fucking amazing. The only thing is that he and Jason were fighting the entire time, and Jason fucked up a few times but other than that, Chris was just 'on ' you know?

I let out a muffled groan as he moves over top of me, his rough fingers brushing across my back, moving my curls out of the way and places his lips between my shoulder blades, his morning stubble prickling me .

"No, I'm not awake... so sleepy," I say into the pillow and I hear him chuckle as he places sweet kisses up to the back of my neck.

"Well I hope this will wake you up," He says in my ear and as I turn to look up at him, pushing my mess of curls out of my eyes, I see him holding a small simple diamond ring between his fingers.

"Chris?" I say, my voice still full of sleep. I sit myself up, using the pillow to shield my bare chest as he holds the ring out to me kneeling in just his blue plaid boxer shorts, his curls messy from sleeping, falling across his gorgeous blue eyes.

"I know it's not much... it's pretty much all I can afford right now but... If you're going to be my wife, you need a ring so... " He trails off as he looks down at the ring and then looks back at me.

We still haven't told anyone that we're engaged because he wanted to keep it a secret. I think I know why he did now that he is holding this beautiful ring out to me.

"You still wanna marry me right?" He asks raising his eyebrow at me.

"Yes, Chris," I laugh. I hold my hand out to him with an excited smile on my face and he slips the ring on my finger. I then move the pillow from my chest and practically fall into his arms, threading my fingers through his curls and pressing my lips to his. He chuckles against my lips but then deepens the kiss as I flip him over so that I'm on top of him.

"Good, Now I can go pee," I giggle as I pull away from his lips and push myself away from him as he gives me a bewildered look.

"Hey, wait a minute, " Chris laughs reaching out for me as I quickly climb out of bed laughing, my curls falling across my face.

"I'll only be a sec - "I giggle as I make my way to the bedroom doorway but without warning, I am instantly slipped into another time and place once again.

*****

CHRIS: "Babe?" I call out as I see Andi disappear before my eyes, the diamond ring bouncing on the hardwood floor making a high pitched dinging sound before landing on the lace of her black panties. I sit up and run my fingers through my roots saddened and worried about where and when she has slipped to this time. I know I always say this but I will never get used to this happening. I just hope she comes back to me soon.

I let out a long sigh and slowly climb out of bed, walking over to where the ring was laying on the floor and shining so brightly. It didn't even occur to me that she wouldn't be able to wear it without possibly losing it if she happened to slip at some point - which is exactly what happened. I pick it up from the floor and walk over to her dresser that sat beside the full length mirror, placing her ring on top.

"Oh baby... whenever you are... I hope you're ok,"

*****

Houston Texas, July 20 1994

(Andi is 20 and 24, Chris is 30)

ANDI: "No.. no, no, no..." I say as I find myself on a cold tile floor of a bathroom trying to sit myself up and figure out just where I am. I have no idea where or when I am but I'm guessing it's in the future, since the air feels a little different. I definitely do not recognize anything about this bathroom. It's small and very white with only a shower stall, the sink vanity displaying a bunch of different miniature shampoos and lotions and white bath towels hanging off the rack with a logo imprinted down at the bottom.

"Holiday Inn?" I say and realize that I'm in a hotel bathroom.

I gather myself up, hanging on to the sink vanity to steady myself , grab one of the towels from the rack and wrap myself in it just in case there was anyone in the room. I push my curls from my eyes and open the bathroom door. I then slowly peak my head out into the room and see that there is no one here but I do see a couple of luggage bags beside the Queen size bed. I also see 2 guitar cases sitting beside the luggage bags and I somehow recognize the one that has an Aerosmith patch and a Black Sabbath patch on it, along with a bunch of other bands - a lot of them I haven't ever heard of. The Aerosmith patch is in exactly the same spot where I sewed mine on to just yesterday before Chris's concert.

I take one more look around making sure no one is here and step further into the room over towards the guitar cases and pull the zipper down revealing my '90 silver sparkle Gretsch Duo Jet with the leather guitar strap that Andy got me for my birthday.

"Ok... this is my room?" I say somewhat confused and unzip the second guitar case revealing a Cherry Burst Gibson with a Soundgarden decal sticker just below the pick guard. "...our room I mean?" I chuckle and I suddenly hear someone outside the hotel room door. I quickly zip up the guitar cases and run back into the bathroom just as the hotel room door opened.

"Babe is that you?" I hear Chris's voice call just as I make it back into the bathroom. My heart started to pound and I had no idea if I should answer or just stay quiet. I hear his footsteps walking up to the bathroom door and just as he opens it I jump, startled that he caught me in here, though it wasn't like I was desperately trying to hide myself since I really don't know where or when I am.

"How did you get back here so fast?" He laughs as his blue eyes glance at me up and down, wearing a white loosely fitted tank top and black baggy shorts with his Doc Martins .

"I uh... um... well..." I stutter as I am unable to take my eyes off of how different he looks. He cut his hair. He has it kind of messy curly but it's so short. He also grew a beard. He looks so different that I have no idea what to say

"Oh I get it... is this like, part of my birthday present?" He raises his eyebrow and smirks.

Birthday...ok... so at least I know it's July 20th... just wish I knew the year though.

"Um... yea, yea it... is," I try to sound convincing but I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I place my hand over my chest holding up the towel as he steps towards me. I give him a half smile as he leans down to me, placing his lips on mine.

His lips feel incredible as he cups my face in his palms, deepening the kiss, as his tongue plays with mine. I suck his bottom lip like I always do, completely caught up in the moment and he pulls away touching his forehead to mine. He then attempts to take the towel from me and as he glances down to take my hand that was holding up the towel, his expression changes to confusion.

"You're time slipping aren't you?" He asks, his eyes looking into mine.

"Um... yea" I say sheepishly and suddenly the hotel door opens.

"Chris, are you here?" I hear my own voice calling out as Chris's eyes grow wide with panic.

"Chris?"

I then see myself appear at the bathroom door and though this has happened only a handful of times before, it's still disorienting to see yourself in two places at once. Chris turns from me to see the other me standing in the doorway and then glances back at me and I can tell the wheels are spinning in his head.

"Well um... this is..." Chris starts and I just give him a little smile. I glance at the other me and see that I look pretty much exactly the same. My long dark curls well passed my shoulders, wearing a pair of high waisted ripped black leggings, my Doc Martens and a band shirt that was cut up into a crop shirt, showing just a little bit of my stomach - which doesn't seem like me at all - and had the name of Pantera across the front in white blocked writing.

"Andi?" The other me says and I nod, still feeling awkward that I'm standing in a towel. She then walks over to me placing her hands on either side of my arms and gives me a warm smile, then pulls me in to hug her. Once again it was that moment where my future self and my present self immediately gain the memory of this, as if it was there all along.

"So um... is it considered cheating if I was just about to have my way with you in the shower?" Chris says and we both laugh.

"Ok that's just way too weird to hear you laugh at the same time in the same way," Chris says as we continue to giggle and he walks out of the bathroom.

"You think he would be used to this kinda thing," I say and the other me laughs.

"C'mon, you honestly think that?" She giggles.

"No," I say and she smiles at me.

"C'mon... I'll get you some clothes," She walks towards the bathroom door and I follow to see Chris sitting in a large reading chair across from the bed, pouring himself a shot of Jack Daniels.

"Here, these will work," She says and closes up one of the luggage bags, walking over and handing me a band shirt and ripped jeans, some panties and a pair of black and white Chuck Taylors.

"No it's ok, I'm not sure how long I'm gonna, you know... be here," I say but she still hands them to me.

"Andi it's fine, you can't sit in a towel the whole time," She smiles and she's right. I take them from her and glance at Chris as he downs the shot of Jack Daniels, he winks at me and I smirk, and head back into the bathroom to quickly change. Once I do I come back out and Chris looks back and forth at me and the other me and pours another shot.

"Damn... it's just so fucking... weird," He chuckles and downs another shot.

"Hey there birthday boy, don't drink too much yet. We still gotta get into the club," The other me giggles and Chris just shrugs.

" So um... what year am I in?" I say.

" '94" She says.

"What year are you um... slipping from?" Chris asks as he leans back in the chair.

" 1990... June 1990" I say.

"Well I must look completely different to you then," Chris chuckles.

"Not completely but, yea a little different," I smirk and he smiles at me.

"Ok I remember, oh wow this is weird, I remember you gave me that ring and like a few minutes later I slipped... remember?" The other me glances at Chris.

"Yea.. I do... I remember feeling like an idiot that I didn't think about the fact that you couldn't wear a ring because you would lose it," Chris says pouring another shot.

"Wait... are we married?" I ask glancing between the other me and Chris.

"Uh huh... since September 1990," She smiles at me.

"Don't... tell me anymore... I - "

"Wanna be surprised?" She finishes my sentence.

"Yea," I smile.

"Well the only thing I'll tell you is don't be so nervous when you step into the tattoo studio. I really would hate to have the whole time slipping experience happen again in the middle of it," She giggles.

"What?" I ask confused. She then holds up her left hand and points to her ring finger - my ring finger - and I see a tattoo where a wedding band should be. I take her hand and look at the design, then look back at her.

"It's the only thing that I could do, so that I could keep him with me no matter what," She says her eyes welling up just a little bit. Just as I was about to hug her again - cause I can't stand seeing myself cry - I hear the extremely loud ringing in my ears again and I stubble backwards.

"Shit, baby?" Chris says as he leaps up off the chair to catch me.

"I'm sorry... I - I'm... I-" I stutter and begin to feel myself fade.

"It's ok baby," His voice sounding like a faint distant memory as I find myself back in our bedroom, on the bedroom floor trying to catch my breath.

*****

Seattle Washington, June 5 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: "Baby, holy shit... that was fast. Are you ok?" I hear Chris's voice as he crouches down to me on the floor while I sit myself up coughing just a little.

"Yea, yea I'm ok," I cough. He then takes me in his arms and holds me like he always does and I love how he feels so warm and comforting, ready to save me every time I come back to him.

"Where did you go?" He asks as I rest my head on his bare chest.

"I went ahead this time... um... 1994" I say in between my breaths.

"Holy shit," He says, his voice vibrating through his chest.

"Yea, holy shit," I giggle.

"Is everything ok?" He asks and places his lips on top of my head. I then lift myself away from him looking into his eyes as he brushes a few curls out of mine.

"Everything is fine. I um... I have an idea on an engagement ring that I won't lose, you know just in case I slip again," I say and he raises his eyebrow at me.

"Oh yea? What's that?" He chuckles.

"How do you feel about tattoos?"


	25. Part 3:   18 Years In The Making

Detroit Michigan, May 18 2017

(Andi is 29, Chris is 52)

ANDI: Sitting in the backseat of a black 2017 Nissan SUV, I flip my dark curls out of my face and try to look out the window which was completely dimmed. Chris sits beside me, his gorgeous curls to his shoulders, while he scrolls through his phone, answering different messages and what not which was also really different for me to see, considering I am coming from 1999. 

I wonder how long I'm going to be here? 

I look down at myself for a moment, studying my clothes, smiling at how he just knew exactly what my style is and remembering how much I love living in nothing but band shirts and ripped jeans.

My thoughts travel back, reminiscing of a time when it was just Chris and I living with Xana and Andy... how I met Chris the first time and how that first time was overwhelming that Chris had known me so much longer, I just hadn't experienced it yet. I remember everything... falling in love with Chris, writing and creating music and just always being together.

Suddenly I'm pulled from my thoughts as Chris reaches over to me, brushing my curls from my shoulder, and gently entwining his fingers through the curls at the back of my neck. I look over at him and he smiles so sweetly at me, looking so handsome and though he is so much older, he's still so beautiful to me.

"You alright?" He asks.

"Um... yea... just still a little, you know... disoriented," I say, and he gives me a half smile.

"Yea, I remember you would be that way for a little while each time you'd come back to me," He says sweetly still playing with my curls. I close my eyes for a moment and lean into his hand, feeling the warmth and comfort from him. I then move closer to him, resting my head in the crook of his shoulder as I feel his arm wrap around me. He places a kiss on the top of my head lingering there for a moment as I close my eyes and just breathe him in.

"Can I ask you something?" I say after a few moments.

"Sure,"

"What was the last thing you remember before I... um... slipped?" I ask as he continues to play with my curls.

"It was a long time ago..." He smirks and takes a moment to think. "... We were recording in Natasha and Alains studio... I remember you playing that old Gibson I stole for you and recording the last little bit of Euphoria Mourning, but I can't remember the song... I came back downstairs - I think Natasha showed up - and the guitar was laying on the floor and your clothes were just, y'know... where you were..."

He continues to explain from his view what happened and I shift myself to look up at him. I can tell that it hurt him that I ended up slipping again. After a moment he looks back at me and I give him a small smile.

"It was 'Disappearing One'..." I say quietly.

"Yea... yea it was," He says sweetly after a few moments.

"Who's Vicky?" I ask as he cups my face with his palm, brushing his thumb across my cheek and tries to offer a smile but I can tell he really doesn't want to say.

"Just... um... a bad decision I made a long time ago," He says softly, and I could feel my heart drop. Almost like the wind was knocked out of me. I hate this time slipping curse I have. I mean it's not like I expected him to wait for me but in my time we're still married.

"Are you still with her?" I say flatly, more like a statement than a question. He presses his lips into a line and I can already tell he doesn't want to say much more than that.

"Not really... no," He says calmly.

"Well at least you're up front with me about it instead of hiding it," I giggle a little and look back down and smooth out my jeans, catching the tattoo that was etched on my ring finger and quickly hide my hand, feeling the pain in my chest as I try incredibly hard to hide it. He hesitates for a moment and I glance back at him.

"Andi, I haven't been with her in - "

"Chris you don't have to keep explaining, it's ok. I'm ok really. I mean, what were you supposed to do, wait for me? I've always kept you waiting... our entire time together, I was always the one who kept you waiting. You deserve someone who isn't a freak of nature like I am," I say feeling the tears well up in my eyes. I couldn't help it. I can't expect him to wait for me when I know I'm the one who left him, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. 

"You're not a freak of nature- "

"Really? Then what would you call it?' I cut him off though I didn't mean to, but I was angry. Angry at myself. Angry that I had lost so much time with him, when it was only just a few minutes for me. I look away from him and try to pull away, but after a few moments, he pulls me back to him as my tears start to fall, pressing his lips to my temple and closing his eyes.

"I would call it fate, destiny... an amazing ability, to be able to time travel like you do. Do you know how many people wish they could do that? I'm just a fool who tried to pretend that I didn't miss you, that I didn't need you - " He touches his forehead to my temple.

" - need me? You don't need me -" I start but he cuts me off.

"Yes, I do. Andi... don't you fucking realize that you were the one and only thing that saved me? You were always the one that saved me. I would wait another 18 years for you if it meant that you were in my life again,"

I slowly bring myself to look into his eyes once more and he softly brushes his lips across mine and all I could think about was how much I still love him.

"Mr. Cornell?" The driver says when he rolls down the divider, as I quickly pull away from Chris touching my fingers to my lips, remembering his on mine.

"Uh huh?" He says glancing towards the driver and I touch my forehead to his temple.

"We're at terminal 3," The driver says.

"Ok, thank you," Chris says and the divider slowly rises. He then turns back to me and smiles sweetly at me , touching his forehead to mine.

*****

Somewhere over Ohio, May 18 2017

ANDI: "So, we should be in Columbus in about an hour. Do you two need anything else to drink?" A young flight attendant says appearing from behind the curtain that leads to the cockpit, as I sit next to the tiny window over looking the country side below, the bright sunlight lighting up the entire cabin of the small private jet.

"No, I'm ok," I say softly turning from the window, pushing my dark curls behind my ear.

"I'm good too, thank you," Chris says sweetly and she smiles, disappearing behind the curtain once more. 

"You know you don't have to stay strapped into the seat, it's only for taking off and landing," Chris smirks as he rests his leg across his knee, leaning further back into the small airplane sofa. I look back at him and nervously smile, realizing that still after all these years I've never gotten used to flying.

"Yea, I know" I say and glance down at myself.

"Ok, well c'mere... come sit beside me," He chuckles. I slowly move to unbuckle my belt and once I'm free, I quickly move out of my seat and beside him as fast as I could as he continues to chuckle at me. 

"Andi, it's alright... you used to fly with me all the time," He laughs as I try to situate myself on the sofa.

"I know, but it was never in a small plane like this," I say pushing my curls behind my ear as I try to relax but find myself gripping the arm of the sofa. After a few moments, I feel a little more relaxed and he reaches out for me, pulling me closer to him.

"Once we land, I'll take you shopping and we can grab you some more clothes if you want, then I have to meet they guys at the hotel and go over a few things and I figure at that point you can surprise them. Fuck, they are going to lose their minds. They're gonna be so happy to see you," Chris says and presses his lips to the back of my hand.

"I hope so," I giggle.

"Are you crazy? I know for sure Kim is going to attack you with a bear hug," Chris smiles and I laugh. After a couple of minutes, his smile softly fades and he leans in touching his forehead to mine, closing his eyes.

"I've missed you so, so much," He says.

"Well... you don't have to miss me anymore," I say softly. 

He flicks his eyes to look at me, hesitating for just a moment, and I brush my lips across his, feeling his beard tickle my lips. His kiss, just the same as it always has been, loving and sweet at first and then quickly becoming full of passion as his he snakes his hands around my hips, pulling me into him. I reach up cupping his face in my palms, responding as our lips move together, long and soulful as I begin to suck that full bottom lip of his.

I sigh against his lips as I lace my fingers through his soft thick curls, his fingers moving up under the hem of my shirt, trailing so gently up my sides and around to my back. He guides me to lay back on the sofa, hovering over me in between my legs, though his lips never leave mine.

"Wait... um... the curtain?" I ask when I pull my lips away from his, though he remains close. He slowly opens his eyes and that sly smirk spreads across his lips. His necklace slipping out from the collar of his t-shirt, swaying as it sparkles in the bright sunlight.

"Don't worry, I turned on the 'Do Not Disturb' sign. Besides... we've had our share of fun in less private places before..." Chris says raising his eyebrow at me and I couldn't help but smirk thinking of all the times that we had been less than - how would you put it... inconspicuous so to speak.

"Yea, I guess you're right," I giggle and bite my bottom lip, swiftly reaching down, pulling my Aerosmith shirt up over my head.

His fingers trail up to my ribs as he watches me with those blue eyes of his glancing over my sheer black lacy bra that he had picked out for me. I drop my shirt to the floor of the plane, then reach for the hem of his t-shirt and pull it up over his head. For a split second I catch the tattoo on his shoulder and notice that it was completely different. I blink a few times to rid the slight pang of hurt and glance back at him to see his curls fall down across his eyes. We giggle as I drop his shirt to the floor, his necklace swaying against his unbelievably smooth toned chest with the silver pendant sparkling in the bright sunlight. 

He is even more beautiful than I ever thought he could be... it's like he hasn't aged at all. 

I reach up and brush his curls out of his eyes as he leans down and softly brushes his lips across mine once more. Then like a flood of emotion, my nervousness melting away, I pull him down to me as his lips move to my jawline, then down to my neck. He brushes my dark curls off my shoulder, pulling the strap of my bra down, placing soft fleeting kisses all along the way. His hands move around to unclasp my bra, gently removing the rest all the while his lips never break away from my skin as he moves down to my chest cupping my right breast in his palm, placing his lips on my nipple, his tongue playing with the hard nub of flesh there. 

As the music continues to fill the cabin, I exhale shakily as the incredible feeling of his lips, loving every single second of how he remembers exactly what to do to get me going. I reach down, my fingers finding the belt to his fitted jeans and quickly unbuckle it, pulling down the zipper, his incredible hardness attempting to burst through his black boxer-briefs.

"I guess it's been a while?" I ask.

"You have no idea," He moans, breaking his lips away from my nipple for just a moment to turn his attention to my other nipple while I palm him through his boxer-briefs.

"I guess I'm just going to have to fix that then," I whisper as I slip my hand inside his boxer-briefs, gripping him, feeling his length grow harder with each squeeze.

Parting his lips from my nipple, He begins to pant, touching his forehead to my chest, losing focus for a few minutes while I tease him. He then lifts his head to turn his attention back to my right nipple, repeating the same process over again. Then he suddenly pulls my hand away from him, brushing his lips further down my stomach, to the rim of my jeans and quickly unbuckles my belt, pulling down the zipper

"You first," He says lustfully and pulls my jeans down along with my panties, over my hips and I bite my bottom lip again as he removes one pant leg, then another and drops them to the floor. 

I quickly inhale as he opens my legs, immediately getting down to business. He gently and softly strokes my clit, his fingers feeling like nothing I've ever felt before. I let out another moan, but he flicks his eyes to me, putting his index finger to his lips to hush me. I bite my lip once more and arch my back responding to his touch. His fingers stroking my clit in various circular motions begin to overwhelm me as I reach up gripping the arm of the sofa above my head to try to control my breathing.

In one movement, replaces his fingers with his lips and I was about to lose control over my entire being. He slips one finger inside me, then another, sensually thrusting, reaching my sweet spot, all the while beginning to suck my clit feeling like he is about to pull the very soul right out of my body. 

"Chris... I'm - ,"

"Shhh... I know," He hushes me once more, and returns to sucking my clit and suddenly, the intense release of pure intense free falling pleasure consumed me like never before. It was all I could to stifle my cries as I practically come apart before him.

A few moments later, as I come back down to earth, he moves away from me though my eyes remain tightly closed. I hear him drop his pants, then returns in between my legs leaning over me once more, his lips placing soft sweet kisses on my hipbone, his beard prickling me in the most perfect way as I flick my eyes open to see him looking at me.

"I take it you needed that?" He smirks so slyly. I had no idea how to respond to that other than a soft quiet moan escaping my lips as I pull him to me crashing my lips to his. Instantly, I move him into a seated position so that I am on top straddling him. He chuckles then bites his bottom lip as I position myself, feeling just how hard he really is. 

Feeling his length against my clit, I move my hips relishing in the feeling of him against me. He lets out a soft moan as I throw my head back, his lips crashing to my throat. His fingers trail to my back as he presses me against him, his chest feeling so warm and strong against me as I lace my fingers through his curls while he continues to brush his lips across my skin.

"I - I need... you inside me," I whisper, and with that he reaches down to position himself, teasing my clit with the tip of him for a few moments, then slowly but carefully inserts himself inside me.

There are no words to explain the rush of sensations that took over my entire body. The length of him inside me is so incredible that I never want this to end. He thrusts so sensually, and lovingly, filling me up entirely as I quickly become adjusted to the size of him.

"Fuck, you feel so fucking amazing," I breathe.

"No darling, you do," He groans as he thrusts even harder, making me whimper. I feel myself grip him and that same pressure from before begins to build inside me, begging to tip over the edge once more.

"Chris..." I moan, completely throwing out the fact that we were trying to be quiet as I touch my forehead to his all the while he watches my reaction to him under his brow.

"Cum with me baby," He purrs and with the sound of his husky voice I let myself go, gripping his locks and throwing my head back as he lets himself go inside me.

*****

Un-tucking my curls out from under my shirt, I situate myself back on the sofa as Chris leans back, buckling up his belt. He reaches for his shirt that was on the floor and then switches off the 'Do Not Disturb' sign.

"Mr. Cornell, we are arriving in Columbus in just a few minutes... do you and the young lady need anything before we land?" The young flight attendant clears her throat as she emerges from behind the curtain. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as I know that everyone on board could hear us... well me actually.

"No that's ok, I think we're ok," Chris says as he pulls his shirt down over his chest and glances at me smirking. The fight attendant then disappears back behind the curtain into the cockpit and Chris takes my hand, chuckling and places his lips on the back of my hand as I try to keep myself from laughing.


	26. You're Still Here

Sheraton Hotel Columbus Ohio, May 18 2017

(Andi is 29, Chris is 52)

ANDI: Chris and I arrive at the hotel maintaining a pretty good low profile. His bodyguard Martin, was really good at keeping most of the crowd away from Chris and hiding me while we made our way to the main doors. Chris held my hand the entire way and as Chris checked us in under an alias name, I couldn't help but get this really strange feeling from Martin. I'm not exactly sure how to explain it. I know he's been nothing but nice to me since I showed up. Well he hasn't really talked to me at all, but for some reason, I get the feeling he's up to something. I don't have an idea what it would be, but he really is on Chris's ass like no other. The only time he wasn't, was the flight here, which obviously gave us some alone time... ehem... anyways.

Once we check in, Martin leads us with Chris's bags to the hotel room, going over when Chris is supposed to meet up with Kim Matt and Ben and just as he is about to leave us, I see him hand Chris a small bottle. I couldn't quite catch it fast enough but I recognize it from when I was searching the drawers for some clothes in Chris's room in Detroit.

"Alright Mr. Cornell... call me if you need anything else alright? " Martin says.

"Sure, thank you," Chris nods and with that, Martin flicks his eyes to me for a moment and I still couldn't shake the odd feeling that continued to flow through my body. Martin gives me a nod and I just give him a half smile, not sure what to do and he heads back down the hallway, taking out his phone and sending a few texts, then disappearing around the corner to the elevator.

"Fuck I can't wait to just... relax," Chris exhales as he fidgets to get the hotel key in the door while I continue to glance down the hallway. "Andi?"

I turn and look up at him while he gives me that smile he always does, his hand reaching out for me to take his and i give him a sweet smile as I follow him into the hotel room. 

The room was gorgeous with living room set up at soon as you walked in, a door that lead to the 'bedroom' area and I'm only guessing that the bathroom was just as large. It practically looked like a small apartment in comparison, much like the hotel room in Detroit.

"We uh... got a couple of hours before we meet up with the guys so... we can still head out and get you some more clothes if you want," Chris says as he sets his bags down at the door, tossing the hotel key on the little side table. 

"Ok yea... maybe," I say. He turns back to look at me, his blue eyes gleaming as he steps closer to me. He brushes my dark curls off my shoulder and places his lips to my earlobe. I close my eyes for a moment, his lips feeling incredible against my skin. 

"Or we can... stay here... take advantage of the Jacuzzi in the bathroom and... maybe go for round two," He says so lustfully in my ear.

"Already?" I giggle.

"Well you know I gotta make up for lost time," He chuckles as he moves to touch his forehead to mine, glancing at me under his brow like he always does. As enticing as that idea was, I still can't shake the weird feeling I have. I need to say something. There has to be a reason why I slipped into the future to save him.

"Chris?" I ask after a few moments, his forehead still touching mine, the lingering scent of his cologne tickling my nostrils.

"Mhhmmm?"

"What's um... what's the deal with Martin?" I ask, trying to be nonchalant about it and flick my eyes to his. Chris moves his forehead from mine and shrugs.

"He's my bodyguard... why?"

I hesitate for a moment but I couldn't back out now.

"I saw him give you a bottle,"

"Oh... yea it's just my anxiety meds... a couple of pain killers... it's nothing," Chris says and I study his eyes for a few moments.

"Anxiety meds?"

"Yea... here..." Chris reaches for his bag and takes out the bottle that Martin gave him and he hands it over to me. I take the bottle from him and read the label and glance back up at him.

"Lorazepam? " I ask. Funny how this is the same drug that my doctor had put me on when they were first trying to treat my time slips. Needless to say that it didn't work and made them worse.

"Yea... it's ok though... I take 2 a day and... it's fine..." Chris trails off trying to explain.

"Why does Martin have them though?" I ask.

"He keeps them for me and just... gives me the dose that I need for the day," Chris hesitates and I furrow my brow becoming worried.

"Andi, it's ok. I've been just dealing with a lot of shit over the last couple of years and... I have trouble sleeping... so I take those to help," He continues to explain and I still look at him worriedly.

"Is this what made you want to...?" I trail off because I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

"No- no... those aren't... no. Whatever put me in that state last night, is never going to happen again. I know I almost made the biggest mistake and... no it wasn't because of those," Chris explains as he looks at my hand holding the little bottle. His eyes flick back to mine and I can tell he telling me the truth, but I can also tell that there is something deeper going on.

"But why does he hold them for you...?"

"Just so I don't go overboard. I had issues with pills in the past and I don't trust myself, so I have him hold them for me. That's it."

I look back down at the pill bottle in my hand slowly hand them back to him. He takes them from me and I look up into his eyes again and he give me a re-assuring grin.

"Andi, you don't have to worry. Nothing bad is going to happen again. You are here with me and that's all I need. I know I'm going to be ok now that you're with me," He says sweetly as he moves closer to me once again, placing his hands on my hips. I give him a small grin, reaching up and placing my arms around his neck as he draws me into his arms, burying his face in my curls. I close my eyes holding his head to me, feeling his soft curls through my fingers and knowing this is where I'm meant to be. I just wish I didn't have such a bad feeling about Martin.


	27. Yesterday Comes Tommorow

Columbus Ohio, May 18 2017

(Andi is 29, Chris is 52)

ANDI: It was a little later into the evening and I was making my way out of the local mall that wasn't too far from the Sheraton Hotel. Chris had given me some cash and his credit card so that I could get a cell phone - suggesting an iPhone since he saw me playing around with his earlier - and to grab some more clothes for the rest of the tour which was only a couple of weeks longer. It felt weird taking his credit card, but he insisted and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.

I slip my bags over my shoulder, send Chris a text letting him know my number and that I'm on my way back and head to the Hotel to change before he heads out to meet up with Kim Ben and Matt. I'm excited and scared to meet up with them again. I haven't seen them since their last show in Hawaii '97. We sort of left on awkward terms with each other. It was only a few months later that the band completely broke up and it wasn't exactly the greatest of goodbyes.

As I pull up one of the straps, untucking my curls from underneath, I catch a glimpse of the tattoo on my finger and smile to myself, remembering the night that I got it. Seems a little silly I know, but it was the only thing I could think of next to an actual wedding ring, and I wanted to make sure that I had a part of Chris with me no matter what. 

I just wish...

No, I can't think like that. I'm here with him now. I'm meant to be here. I was meant to save him, just like all the times he saved me.

A few blocks later, I was back at the hotel and Chris was there to greet me back in our hotel room, already freshly showered and wearing a plain grey long sleeve sweater T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a pair of slim fitted ripped jeans with of course his Doc Martens. His curls were still damp but rested just above his shoulders, his beard now neatly trimmed and he smelled so freshly of after shave.

"Hi baby... did you find everything you need?" He smiles at me as I close the hotel room door.

"I think so," I say as I fumble with the bags a little bit.

"Here... let me," He says and helps take the bags off of my shoulder, taking my new phone out of my hand and setting it down on the nightstand by his with the bags down on the floor by the bed.

"It's so weird how literally just yesterday, my phone was only this little thing with hardly any screen at all and like... that t9 texting function..." I giggle.

"Oh yea I remember that thing... you were like so amazed by it you got me one too," Chris chuckles.

"Yea and I had to show you how to use it... and here you are showing me how to use an iPhone," I say practically in disbelief.

"Yea... I know," Chris chuckles.

"Oh shit, I forgot to get a luggage bag or something for my clothes," I say placing my hand on my forehead feeling like a moron that I forgot.

"It's alright, we can uh... stuff 'em in mine, I got plenty of room... you know me... I always travel light," He smirks. He moves back over to me and places his lips on mine for just a moment, then touches his forehead to mine.

"I uh... I should probably clean up a little bit before... you know..." I say.

"Ok," He says softly but still holds me.

"Chris?"

"Mmmhnm?" He mumbles with his eyes closed.

"You sure you're ok?" I ask.

"Yea... yea I'm fine now, just a little tired but... I'm fine," He says. We stand there for a few more minutes as he keeps his forehead to mine. I have this weird feeling he took a couple of pills while I was out but I don't want to ask him about it right now. He already knows my concern so I'm just going to set it aside for now.

"Ok... I'll just be a few minutes," I say as I slowly pull away from him and he flicks those beautiful blue eyes to mine. I give him a gentle pat on his chest and he covers my hand with his for a second before letting me go over to one of the bags to pull out a change of clothes and then heading into the large bathroom.

****

A short while later, I finish my shower and change into a light blue distressed denim mini skirt, a silver studded belt and just a plain black fitted racer back tank top, a red plaid button up shirt over top with my curls all around me and fixed myself up with a little powder and some neutral eyeshadow just to feel a little more put together. Once I finish, I make my way out of the bathroom and see Chris laying down on the bed, on top of the covers, leaning against the headboard and quietly sleeping. I make my way over to him and gently place my hand on his chest and press my lips to his forehead.

"Chris? You awake baby?" I say quietly with my lips against his forehead still. He doesn't say anything and still continues to sleep.

"Babe?" I say quietly again and still he doesn't move. I can still feel him breathing, but his heart beat does feel a little faint.

"Chris?" I ask a little louder this time but still no response. "Chris, hey, wake up. You gotta meet the guys downstairs," I say but still nothing.

Trying not to panic I start to shake him a little, rubbing his chest but he still does nothing. I then move my hands to pat him on the cheek to try and wake him.

"Chris, can you hear me? Wake up... Chris?"

Suddenly he groans and starts to move, slowly opening his eye to see me almost in a completely breakdown.

"Mmmm... hey, what's... um... hey," He says groggily. I look at him and have no idea what to even say. He scared the shit out of me.

"You ok? You weren't responding to me at all," I say.

"Um... yea. Yea I'm fine... just really tired. Fuck..." He sighs and sits up a little more, rubbing his eyes. He then flicks his eyes to me, squinting them from the lamp light and glances at the clock.

"Shit... how long was I out?"

"Don't know, half hour maybe. You scared me," I say my brow furrowing as I sit down beside him.

"Awe babe, it's ok. I'm ok... sometimes the medication knocks me out for a little while. I'm ok," He says. I say nothing as I continue to look at him completely worried about everything still.

"Andi, I'm ok... there's nothing to worry about anymore ok? It's just a bit of jet lag and medication. I'm ok I promise," He says as he cups my face in his palm, his thumb brushing across my cheek. I cover his hand with my left hand and lean a little into his palm. I then catch him glancing at my fingers, noticing the tattoo that was still on my finger and he takes my hand and places his lips on the ink that was etched there, all the while never taking his eyes from mine.

"Alright... um, I'm just gonna use the bathroom and we'll head downstairs ok?" He says sweetly holding my hand to his chest.

"Ok," I say and he leans in, placing a kiss on my forehead, lingering for just a moment and then moves off the bed and heads into the bathroom.

*****

"Babe, you have nothing to worry about - "

"I know, I know..." I trail off as Chris and I walk down the stairs of the hotel to one of the meeting rooms that businessmen and companies alike book for meetings and congregation.

This will be the first time I'm seeing Matt and Ben since -well in my time since April '97 - but for them it's going to be like 20 years. I had just hung out with Kim in my time, just a few days before I slipped. Even after Soundgarden broke up he was still really close to Chris and I. He was like an older brother that I could run to if I just needed advice on something or if there was something I just couldn't talk to Chris about. Next to Andy, and maybe sometimes Jeff and Eddie he was the one who understood me the most besides Chris of course. 

I hope I don't freak them out. Well I might, since I still look the same.

With Chris's fingers laced through mine, we arrive at the boardroom. Chris knocks on the door and we hear a voice from the other side telling him to come in. Chris gives me a cute smile and then opens the door with Kim, Ben and Matt, along with a couple of other people - I'm guessing either tour staff or friends, I'm not quite sure - sitting at the large conference table.

"Hey man... how... are...?" Matt starts but trails off once he sees me walk in with Chris. Kim glances in my direction and his expression drops while Ben just looks at me.

"Holy shit," Kim says.

"Hey, look who I found," Chris says smiling, glancing down at me.

"Hi," my voice breaks and I clear my throat and I suddenly see Kim get out of his chair, his tall 6 foot 2 frame walking over to me with all the years I've missed showing in specks of grey in his full beard and see his dark eyes begin to well up. Something that only happened when Kim was intensely caught up in a moment.

"Andi?" He smiles and I nod as he stops in front of me, studying me for a second, his brow furrowing and then leaning into me to embrace me in the warmest hug.

"I take it you missed me?" I giggle as he still holds me tight.

"You have no idea," He says sweetly, and I see Matt and Ben walk over to me.

"Hey, you gonna let her breathe or what?" Matt chuckles and Kim finally lets me go. "Hey Andi," Matt says and embraces me in a hug.

"Hi," I giggle and he lets me go. I glance up at Ben and see that he still hasn't said anything. He was always so quiet and so shy but I can tell by the little smirk he's giving me that he missed me too.

"Hi Ben," I say shyly and he steps over to me as I lift myself up to hug him.

"Hi Andi," He says, his voice low as he holds me and suddenly squeezing me tighter for just a second and then letting me go. Ben was never good at showing those kind of feelings, but I completely understand. I know he missed me too.

"Ok, lets quickly go over the schedule for tomorrow and uh, then grab some food...? Catch up?" Matt says.

"Hell yea I'm down for that," Kim says as he smiles at me.

"Sounds good to me," I say and Chris places a kiss on my temple. They all take their places back at the large table and just as I was about to tell Chris that I could wait in the lobby, he grabs a chair and tells me to sit.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Well yea... it's not like it's a secret meeting or anything. You know the routine babe, remember?" Chris says.

"You were the one who used to set up these things anyways... stay Andi," Matt says and I give him a half smile.

"Ok... ok sure," I smile and it's like no time had passed at all.

*****

About an hour or 2 later, the guys finished up their meeting and decided to head out for some much needed food since Chris and I haven't eaten since we landed. We make a plan to meet up in the lobby and I tell Chris that I needed to head back up to the room for my phone and jacket. As I make my way down the hall to our room, I see someone just closing the door to our room and locking it and heading down the opposite way. It definitely was not room service. Concerned, I pick up my pace and see them turn the corner as I approach the hotel room door.

What the hell?

I wasn't sure if I should keep following or just go in the room. I decide to head down the hall where the figure disappeared and make my way around the corner just in time to see Martin Kirsten standing in front of the elevator, waiting for it to open. I shrink back behind the corner and watch him without him noticing me. He then steps on to the elevator once it arrives and just as it closes, his eyes catch me. For a split second I had this overwhelming feeling that something bad was about to take place and just as the elevator takes Martin to his floor, I decide to run back to the room, but I see Chris coming from the opposite side of the hallway.

"Hey babe, I thought you said you were grabbing your jacket," He smiles at me as I stop at the door.

"Yea, I was I just um..." I hesitate not sure if I should say anything but again I just have this feeling. "Did you forget something?" I ask.

"Yea, I forgot my meds... I'm supposed to take them now," He says as he unlocks the hotel room door and he steps inside. I step in after him and see him open up the nightstand drawer as I glance around the room to see if Martin had fucked with anything.

"Shit... where did I put them?" Chris says as he closes the drawer and moves over to his luggage bag to unzip it. As Chris searches I see a bottle on the far dresser that wasn't there before we left. I walk over and grab it off the top and read the label indicating Ativan - Lorazepam 50ng/mL , noticing that there was once again only 2 pills inside.

"Oh hey, you found 'em?" Chris asks as he moves over to stand behind me.

"Uh... yea... but Chris I don't think you should take these," I say as I look at the bottle still.

"What are you talking about? You know I have a 'script for them," He chuckles as he attempts to take the bottle from me but instead I pull them away and turn and face him.

"Andi-?" Chris looks at me confused.

"I saw him in here," I say.

"Who? Martin?" Chris asks and I nod. "Ok so yea... if I'm not here, he'll just come in and leave me the amount that I need. That's normal... he has a key so it's fine babe,"

"No... no I don't think it's fine. Why does he only leave you 2? And where's the other bottle? Did he just take the other bottle?" I ask looking up at him as my brow furrows.

"Well yea, he swaps the bottles so that the dosage is the same each time... I can't be left with the entire bottle on my own," He explains.

"Why not?" I ask.

"You know why, I told you... I had issues with pills in the past so... he helps keep it in check," Chris says. I look back down at the bottle and open it up, pouring the pills out into my hand.

It has been years since I was put on the same medication to help with my time slips - since they had discovered it was sort of like epilepsy but also related to emotional stress along with other factors that they had just started to discover with me in my time - but I remember what Lorazepam looks like. They are small circular while pills usually with a number 1 embossed on one side and a little half moon embossed on the other. These on the other hand are a light blue, almost white with the letter M embossed and nothing else. I've never seen these before.

"I know what Lorazepam looks like and these aren't it," I say still looking down at the 2 pills in my palm.

"Babe... " Chris trails off looking down at me and as I look up at him I can see he looks defensive and just as confused as I was.

"Are you sure this is what you took earlier?" I ask, now worried.

"Um... maybe... but... I don't know, like I said Martin is the one who gives them to me," Chris says. I look back down at the pills in my hand and then place them back in the bottle.

"I don't want you to take these," I say still not looking up at him. I was scared and worried and I didn't want to see Chris's reaction to me.

"Babe, it's ok I told you -"

"I know what you told me but I don't want you to take these. You don't know what they are... fuck I don't even know what they are but they aren't what Martin has been letting you believe they are," I look up at him trying to not let my eyes well up.

"Andi I can't just stop, it's dangerous for me or anyone to just quit anxiety meds without seeing a doctor first,"

"Chris, you don't even know what your taking... what if this is what caused you to attempt, what you attempted to do last night before I appeared?" I say trying to fight back my tears but I could feel them start.

"Andi - ?"

"Chris I'm serious... mixing meds is dangerous, especially if you don't know what the hell you're taking and the fact that you let him control it - "

"What do you want me to do?! What the fuck do you want me to do?!" Chris shouts at me which makes me flinch.

"I want you to stop taking these and I want to help you. I know I slipped for a reason, and if it was to save you then let me fucking save you," I say as his blue eyes burn into mine.

"What if you can't?" He says after a few moments of looking at me in silence.

"... and what if I can?"


	28. We All Make Mistakes, And You Will Be Fine

Columbus Ohio Sheraton Hotel, May 18 2017

(Chris is 52, Andi is 29)

CHRIS: She looks up at me with those gorgeous dark eyes full of so much love for me that I don't deserve and yet so much worry and the last thing I want to do is worry her. She glances back down at the pills in her hand then suddenly walks away from me and straight into the bathroom.

"Babe?" I ask and follow her to see her dumping them into the toilette and flushing them away.

"Here, keep this and if he asks just tell him you took them or whatever..." She says as she steps back in front of me to hand me the empty bottle back. I take the bottle from her and she looks up at me. "If you have trouble sleeping or if anything happens tonight, I'm right here,"

"What if you slip?" I ask.

"I won't," She says.

"How do you know you won't?"

"I don't know... I just know I won't," She says.

I have to admit that apart of me is afraid of feeling like shit if I just stop taking these pills cold turkey. The worst is the withdrawal, but I haven't been abusing any of the medication that I'm prescribed. Not like I did in the past after Andi disappeared. That's not to say that any of the mess I put myself in is her fault. It's just me and my horrible stupid mistakes that caused the outcome of where I am now. I glance back down at the bottle and even though I had no idea what I was even taking, I'm worried.

"Chris, you don't need those pills. I know you and through all the shit that has happened with us... to us... to you... you never needed to depend on an anxiety pill to make you feel better. We got through it together and I know I said this before but whatever it is you're going through, I'm here," She says looking up at me.

"Andi I - " I start but cut myself off. I can't get into everything right now. She knows about Vicky but she doesn't know what I've been put through these last couple of years. The stealing, the lying, the fucking bullshit that I found out. I look back into her eyes and all I want is to be able to go back in time like she can and change everything from the moment she slipped.

"C'mon babe... lets get some food with the guys," She says so sweetly and I give her a half smile as she lifts herself up for her incredibly soft lips to touch mine. After a few moments, she pulls away from me and I follow her out of the bathroom, she grabs her leather jacket and her phone while I grab mine as well and we head out of the hotel.

*****

Antonio's Pizza Shack and Bar

CHRIS: A short while later we arrive at a local pizza shack that wasn't too far from the hotel. As soon as we walk in the doors, we see the guys in one of the booths and greet them at the table. Once we sit down and get comfortable, the waitress comes over and we order a couple of pizzas and a few drinks and continue to catch up with Andi.

"So, were you at the show last night?" Matt asks as he takes a sip of his drink and then takes another bite of his pizza. Andi glances at me and then reaches for her drink.

"Um, no... I didn't actually catch the show last night... I arrived a little bit later," She says and takes a sip.

"What year?" Kim asks raising his eyebrow at her. Kim always seems to know when she's time slipping and in this case everyone definitely would know since she doesn't look a day over 25.

"'99... we actually just hung out the day before yesterday," She says sweetly and Kim looks like he's trying to wrack his brain to remember.

"Huh... well I wish I could remember that," Kim smirks and leans in to take another slice of pizza.

"It's ok, It's been like 20 years for you so I don't expect you to," She giggles.

"...and you haven't run into yourself yet?" Matt asks.

"No... well I haven't really been here long enough to, and it was a little weird that I ended up in Detroit since I don't remember having a connection there at all," She says.

"Well we've played the Fox Theatre a few times before so maybe that's what brought you there babe," I say as I take a sip of my diet coke. She glances back at me and even though I know exactly why she showed up last night, I don't exactly want to tell the guys the place that I was in after the concert.

"Yea, that's probably it," She smiles softly and takes another sip of her drink as she reaches for my hand under the table, lacing her fingers through mine.

"Um, I think I might need to use the washroom, I'll be back," She says leaning into my ear. I nod and turn to give her a quick kiss, then she makes her way to the washrooms at the back of the restaurant.

"So um... I take it you two are back together?" Kim says taking another sip.

"Yea... yea we are," I say and take a sip of my diet coke.

"No more Vicky then?" Matt asks me.

"C'mon guys you know I haven't been with her in weeks, I've already started with the divorce papers," I say as I lean back in my chair.

"Yea, well you say that but Vic always seemed to have this pull with you," Kim says looking right at me and I started to feel a little bit defensive.

"Ok yea maybe, but - "

"Remember when you said you wanted to get back to your roots? Start fresh and forget about everything that's happened between you two over the last couple of years - let alone the last... what... 12 years? Andi is your new fresh start. Andi is your roots man," Kim says looking directly at me with that sort of older brother but best friend advice that he is always good at.

He's right though, I mean Vicky somehow always had this pull on me. It's hard to explain. I think deep inside I wanted her to be Andi. I was so messed up after she disappeared that I just wanted someone to always be there. After I finally got sick of feeling like shit all the time and the whole rehab thing, Vicky was just new and exciting for me. But it didn't last long. She promised me a lot of shit that I was just naïve to, and believe her. Everyone warned me about her but I didn't care and that it the biggest regret that I have. Vicky wasn't right for me and even though it took me a long fucking time to wake up about that, Vicky wasn't the one I wanted. It's always been Andi and it will always be Andi.

"Is it still considered a divorce if you're technically still married to your first wife?" I ask more to myself than to Kim.

"I don't know..." Kim says thoughtfully.

"Wait... so when Andi slipped, you never did anything about - "

"No... no I couldn't. I thought she would come back to me like she always did," I cut Matt off, not meaning to, but at the time I hated the thought of dissolving my marriage with Andi just because she couldn't control what happened. So, I just never did anything about it.

"So, does Vicky know about Andi?" Kim asks. I hesitate for a moment.

"No," I say and reach for my diet coke again, taking a sip.

"You never told her?" Matt asks and I shake my head.

"She knew I was married before but I just never told her to who and... left out... the fact that I was still technically married. I sort of let her believe I was widowed," I explain and quickly get the sentence out as fast as I could because I'm not exactly proud of what I did.

"Well Vicky's gonna figure it out at some point since you just filed not that long ago," Matt says.

"It's fine... I've got my place in New York, she has the condo in Florida. It's not like we've seen each other recently we've only just talked on the phone. And even if she figures it out, we aren't together anymore anyways. It's none of her business who I'm with," I say.

"Just be careful," Kim says.

"I know, trust me I know what I'm doing. I've got a lawyer and I'm making an appointment to talk to him on Monday," I explain and glance up to see Andi walking back to our table, her cute self with her dark curls all around her and just one look from her makes my heart skip a beat like we never lost any time together.

"So... what'd I miss?" She smiles so cutely as she walks around me and sits back down in her chair, flipping her gorgeous curls out of her face as I shift myself towards her more.

"Nothing... just, talking" I exhale smiling at her.

"Talking about me?" She raises her eyebrow.

"Yes... we were discussing just how amazing it is that you're here and how much we've all missed you," I smirk and she giggles patting my chest playfully with her hand, while the guys continue on with their own conversations.


	29. You Love Me So Hard

Dusseldorf Germany, April 16 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: Sitting at the back of the large tour bus, I place my pen in between my lips and flip through my planner going over everything that's planed for the European leg of the tour. It's the first time as their manager that I will be overseeing everything on this tour and I'm so damn nervous. I want everything to go as smoothly as possible especially without any sort of hiccups on my end. I brought my two favorite guitars with me, my '59 Sunburst Gibson and the '90 re-issue of the Sparkle Silver Gretsch Duo Jet that I got for my birthday. Chris has the '81 black Gibson Standard with all his gear, so hopefully these two will keep me a calm and collected as possible. I even brought my shitty little amp on the bus which made Jason laugh. I still have no idea why he's such a dick to me sometimes. I have to admit though, I have no clue what I am doing. Susan said that I could call her at anytime if I needed any help but I want to be able to do this on my own. She's my best friend and I do not want to let her down.

"Hey baby," Chris says as he slides open the divider. I flip over another page and glance up at him.

"Hermph... ah, hey," I say as I fumble with the pen forgetting that it was between my lips. Chris laughs as he moves over to me and flops down on the couch beside me, flipping his curls out of his face and leans to look over my shoulder. He smells of fresh cologne and aftershave, his face completely smooth, not a hint of stubble anywhere. 

"What'cha doin'?" He asks resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Just going over the schedule, making notes... you know, boring stuff," I say as I make a few scribblings with my pen on the pages. He then reaches over and takes my left hand, distracting me for just a moment and I glance at him raising my eyebrow at him.

"Hey, it's healing pretty good," He says examining the freshly inked tattoo on my ring finger- a simple design for now until it's completed once we actually get married - and places his lips there.

"It better... fucking hurt like a bitch," I say and Chris laughs. "How's yours?"

He lets go of my hand and turns to lift up the right sleeve of his plain black T-shirt.

"Chris, you still have it bandaged... it's been like a week," I giggle.

"Well it hurt," He says glancing back at me.

"Let me see, " I say and he shifts himself as I set my planner aside and take a look at his shoulder. I start to peel off the bandage and see the Irish Gaelic symbol for 'Time' with my Initials intertwined and my birth year underneath etched in black. It was small and simple but absolutely beautiful. 

"Yours is healed up too, you don't even need the bandage anymore," I say as I trace my fingers along the design. He glances at his shoulder and then back at me as I continue to trace my fingers over it, giving me the sweetest smirk.

"I was kinda wondering if I should've made it bigger," He says glancing at his shoulder.

"No... no I love it just the way it is," I glance back at him brushing his curls from his face and lean it to place my lips on his temple.

He chuckles and reaches for my hips to pull me into his lap, I touch my forehead to his and see his necklace with the silver ring that Andy had given him that also had the diamond engagement ring that Chris gave to me. I then begin to play with both of them between my fingers, and I suddenly felt this horrible sadness seemingly come out of nowhere hitting me in the chest like a ton of bricks. Losing Andy still hurts so much.

"You put my ring with his?" I ask.

"Yea... I uh, wanted to keep it with me," He says softly and places his lips to my temple.

"I miss him," My voice breaks.

"Me too baby... me too," He says and moves to brush his lips across mine, pulling me in closer and I respond.

His hands move back down and around my back, his fingers trailing up under my loosely fitted Dead Kennedy's tank top, skipping across my skin. It's amazing how in one moment I feel such horrible pain and as soon as he touches me, I quickly forget, relishing in his comfort and knowing that he is the only one who feels the way I do.

Suddenly the bus comes to a stop and Chris slowly pulls away from me, looking confused at where we are.

"Shit, what time is it?" I ask as I move myself from his embrace and make my way over to the window. We had pulled into a large parking lot behind the small club and see a handful of people standing outside the back entrance.

"Sound check time," Chris says as he rises from the couch and pulls open the divider. I quickly grab my planner and follow Chris off the bus with Kim, Matt and Jason in tow.

"Alright, so... I'm gonna go and find the promoter, hopefully they speak some English, and I'll meet you guys inside?" I say as I jump down off the last step of the bus. They all nod at me with Chris giving me the cutest smirk as he leans down and places a quick kiss on my lips. I reach up and place my hand on his cheek, feeling the incredible softness of his smooth skin, then break away to head to the front of the club to find the promoter.

*****

"Ze show needz to be tame ya? Tame..." the German promotor re-iterates to me as we stand backstage and just down the hall from the dressing rooms while Chris's voice soars during their soundcheck.

"Ok but... I don't know how tame you expect it to be, since you have..." I trail off and glance down at the page in my planner to see who Soundgarden was opening for. "Nichts playing after them,"

I had no idea if I was even saying the band name right but from what was written on my planner, they are a sort of gothic Industrial band with a somewhat elaborate stage show.

"Zoundgarden must be tame!" He exclaims in his thick German accent once more, emphasizing by waving his hands around which makes me flinch. He then heads in the opposite direction of the dressing rooms and I'm left standing there wondering what the hell just happened. I exhale and a stray curl flutters up as I close my planner and make my way back to the dressing room, confused.

Must be tame? What the hell?

Once I enter the dressing room, I set my planner down on the table and walk over to the mini bar to make myself a drink. I'm feeling frustrated and nervous all at the same time and since my guitar is on the bus, I can't quite pick up and just play while I'm supposed to be working. I'm starting to feel like I might slip and I don't want to at all if I can help it, so instead I pull out a bottle of Jack Daniels, a shot glass and a can of diet coke - I don't really like diet coke but I'll drink it if there's nothing else - and I pour myself a shot hoping it will calm my nerves a little bit.

"Hey baby... you wanna pour me one too?" Chris says as he enters the dressing room raising his eyebrow at me with that mischievous smirk like he caught me doing something I shouldn't be doing. I knock back the first one as he wanders over to me, feeling that sweet but sour burn trickle down my throat and I set the shot glass back down to pull out another shot glass.

"Sure," I say with my voice caught in my throat and pour him a shot. He laughs as he places his hand on the small of my back and I hand him over the dark liquid in the shot glass. He brings it up to his lips, waiting for me to pour mine and once I do, I turn and hold mine up with him pushing my curls out of my eyes.

"On Three?" He says with that same smirk.

"Uh huh," I say and take a deep breath.

"And... Three," We both say at the same time, and I clink my glass to his while we both knock them back at the same time. He flinches just a bit and I open the can of diet coke and take a sip.

"Shit that was... sour," Chris winces and I giggle.

"Yea, I think the bottle's been open for a while," I try to contain my wince. Normally I can just drink it straight like water, but this bottle - jeeze.

"You guys finished with soundcheck?" I ask as I pass him the can of diet coke.

"Yea I think my voice is warmed up enough... I need a smoke though," He says looking around the room and spotting his leather jacket on the couch. He takes a sip and passes it back to me, quickly placing his lips on my temple, then moving over to grab his cigarettes out of the side pocket of his jacket. I take another sip of diet coke as I watch him light one up, taking a drag and squinting his eyes from the rising smoke.

"Alright I think that case of beer in the fridge is calling my name," Matt says as he bounds through the door with Kim following behind. Matt smiles at me as I step aside and he grabs a couple for us, handing me one.

"Andi," Matt says sweetly and clinks his beer to mine. I was already feeling a lot more relaxed from those two shots I just had but I obviously don't want to be rude so I take a sip.

"Where's Jason?" I ask.

"He stepped outside for a smoke I think," Kim says lighting up a cigarette and then taking a sip of his beer. I'll never understand why Jason always just wants to be off by himself. I needed to go over with them just how the promotor wants the show to run and it doesn't make it easy when Jason just decides to take off outside.

We all end up hanging out for a little while with Jason still outside somewhere, Kim and Matt making me laugh with their usual wittiness, and Chris just obviously being Chris and becoming playful and silly too. Especially when he decided to grab me from the couch and pull me down on top of him to tickle me to get me to lighten up a bit. In the midst of him pulling me down on him, I spill my beer getting it all over myself and even though Chris doesn't care, I really didn't want to smell like beer.

"Oh no baby, are you mad?" Chris laughs as I attempt to push myself up from him and try to hold the bottle of beer.

"No," I say flatly pressing my lips together and holding out the bottle so I don't spill any more of it while Kim and Matt laugh along with Chris.

"I don't know, I think she might be a little mad," Kim chuckles and takes a sip.

"No, no I'm not mad at all. I'm just thinking about how... I get you back!" I shout and pour the rest of my beer all over Chris then quickly escape his arms laughing.

"Andrea!" Chris half laughs but I could tell he wasn't expecting me to do that. He sits up and tries to dry the liquid that was all over him, flipping his curls out of his face and squinting at me.

"Fuck man... you sure you want to marry her?" Kim chuckles.

"Hey!" I say and Kim flinches but starts to laugh which makes me laugh.

"I'm not so sure now," Chris says giving a slight chuckle as he rises from the couch and removes his black T-Shirt.

"Gee thanks," I reply sarcastically placing my hands on my hips and Chris laughs again.

Suddenly there was a knock at the dressing room door. I turn and open the door to see the German promoter once again as he looks at me up and down.

"You uh, Ze Zoundgarden?" He says and the guys look at me.

"Yes, um... this is um, Kim and Matt... sorry I don't know where Jason is... and that's Chris over there," I say apprehensively and gesture towards Chris as he dabs his bare chest off with a towel.

"Ok, Ze crowd iz showing up so... good to go?" He asks in his broken English.

"Yes, we're ready," I re-assure him.

"Ok, remember... must be tame ya? Tame," He says to me once again and I could feel the confused looks from the guys as the promotor walks away.

"What the hell was that about?" Chris asks as I close the door.

"Oh, nothing... he just doesn't want you to um... you know, be better than the headliner. He wants you to keep it tame, don't take off your shirt, don't climb the rafters... you know, the usual," I say nonchalantly and push my curls behind my ear.

"Uh huh," Chris says flatly and raises his eyebrow at me.

"Chris?" I ask. I could tell the wheels were turning in his head.

"Well I guess we're just gonna have to give them a show they'll never forget," Chris smirks while Matt and Kim sip their beers.

Why do I have a feeling Chris is up to something?

*****

"...Fuck it! Time to wake Up!" Chris yells into the mic while Kim starts the into to 'Head Injury' and I stand off to the side of the stage while I watch the entire crowd stand there staring up at the band with no emotion and no reaction at all. Most of them are along the sides of the venue, some of them in the middle of the floor and almost every single one just staring up at Chris, clearly not liking what they are doing.

I glance around behind me and I see no trace of the promoter at all, but once I turn back to watch Chris, he jumps off Matt's drum riser and somehow knees himself in the face.

"Oh Shit," I say though the band can't hear me at all but I see Chris recover as if nothing happened but his nose is actually starting to bleed. 

Chris obviously not even caring at all continues to circle around the stage with Kim off to the one side glancing at him every once and a while as Chris continues to scream into the mic, bloody face and all. I have never see him do anything like this at all and I've seen some crazy Soundgarden shows.

"You got a kiss for me, it's sweet and frail! You got a fist for me, sure to impale! My hand on my head, your words are like arrows, My hand on my head, my mind growing narrrrroowww!!" Chris wails into the mic as he continues to circle, completely lost in the energy of the song, ripping his shirt off and throwing it off somewhere and still no one in the crowd is giving him any sort of reaction at all.

"No! I told you I said tame... TAME!" I suddenly hear the promoter behind me screaming waving his hands around. I try to tell the promoter that I had no idea they were going to do this but he wasn't having it at all.

"You got a kiss for me, it hits me hard! You got a fist for me, you love me so hard! My hands on my head, your words are like arrows! My hands on my head, my mind growing narrow.....! Head, head, head, head, head HEEEEAAADDDD!!!!" Chris screams and throws the mic stand into the crowd.

I watch as the mic stand hits the floor and slides across like a spear, landing at the far end of the back wall where some people quickly moved out of the way but still look up at Chris like they weren't impressed at all. Kim Matt and Jason all stop playing once the song reached the end - obviously, and Chris stood there on stage, his mess of curls completely covering his bloody face while he pants trying to catch his breath. Normally they would be doing some sort of feedback ending but I've never heard them end a set with 'Head Injury' before. Then slowly the crowd starts to 'Boo' and all I could do was stand there.

****

"You will never be allowed here again, I promise you that - "

"I'm sorry, I had no idea that -" I start but the promoter once again cuts me off.

"Never again!" He shouts at me as Chris walks up to us backstage and Kim, matt and Jason pass by heading back to the dressing room.

"What the hell is going on here?" Chris asks concerned as he dabs a towel to his face. His nose had stopped bleeding a long while ago but he was still a little messed up from it.

"You! I said no extreme... I want you out! Out!" The promoter yells at Chris in his broken English but Chris just gives him a defiant look and a smirk indicating he was pleased with himself. I just wanted to crawl under the stage and never come out.

"-ok, ok we're leaving, I swear... come on, lets get back on the bus," I say and grab Chris's bicep and attempt to lead him backstage so that we can get the hell out of here.

"No babe, This guy's a piece of shit for yelling at you the whole time," Chris says staring the promoter down.

"I want you OUT!" The promoter shouts once more.

"Or what? - " Chris challenges.

"Chris, come on," I say as I pull on his arm trying to lead him back to the dressing room. As I finally break up the argument that should have never taken place I am finally able to lead Chris back to the dressing room to quickly grab the rest of our stuff and see that Kim Matt and Jason have already piled outside to get on the bus. I barely speak a word to him as I throw his leather jacket at him and pick up my planner making sure there was no other trace of us being there.

Once we make it onto the bus Chris continues to wipe his face and pleads with me to talk to him but I'm so pissed off and frustrated with him that I can't even think of anything to say.

"Babe... wait... hey," He calls after me as I hop up onto the bus and he follows behind me.

"... is there something wrong? Did you happen to experience some brain damage when you hit your face somehow?" I ask angered turning around to face Chris as Kim and Matt sit on opposite sides of the couch, looking like they were trying to avoid the fight that was about to take place between Chris and I.

"Andi I was just - " Chris starts standing there shirtless in the middle of the bus isle.

"You were just what?! What were you trying to do?! Make everything worse? Because if that was your goal well you sure as shit did a great job in doing so!" I shout. I couldn't help it.

Why does he have to be so defiant with people sometimes? Why does he always have to prove a point when someone tells him not to do something?

"That guy was a dick and he was acting like an ass towards you and everyone else," Chris says.

"So?" I say.

"So? What do you mean 'so'?" Chris chuckles sarcastically and I could tell by the look on Matt and Kim's faces that they felt extremely awkward being in the middle of our fight.

"I mean I was handling it. Yea he was a dick but so what? I don't need you to save me each time some asshole gives me a hard time alright?" I shout back as I walk towards the back of the bus, slamming the divider door shut.


	30. It's A Broken Kind Of Feeling

Dusseldorf Germany, April 16 1990

(Chris is 25, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: "Andi?" I call after her but she slams the divider door. Standing there in the middle of the bus I can feel Kim and Matt looking at me as Jason peaks his head out of his bunk to asses the situation. This is the first fight they've actually seen between Andi and me and I have to say it was just a little awkward. Just as I was about to follow her, I see Kim shaking his head at me and lighting up a cigarette.

"What?" I ask.

"I think maybe you should just give her some space," Kim says.

"I need to make sure she's ok, I was only trying to stand up for her,"

"Chris... just stop and sit down... it's been a long night," Kim says to me but I make my way to the back of the bus, not even listening. I need to explain myself. I need her to know I was only trying to help.

"Andi?" I say quietly but I hear nothing on the other side. "Baby? Ok, I know you're angry with me but... I just..." I start but I still don't hear anything. "Babe? Can I come in?" I ask but still nothing. I felt my heart begin to pick up pace and I reach down to the divider handle pulling it open and see her clothes left in a pile on the floor.

*****

Seattle Washington, January 23 1990

(Andi is 20 and 20)

ANDI: "Fuck me," I say as I find myself in a familiar room, completely naked on the floor. I flip my curls out of my face and sit myself up leaning against the bed. It's our old bedroom, in the old apartment we lived in with Andy. I exhale and look around the room with my guitars on their stands next to Chris's, the posters of our favorite bands plastered all over the walls and a part of me can feel just how much I missed this place.

"I didn't want to slip... why can't I just..." I say quietly to myself as I bring my knees up to my chest, and rest my elbow, threading my fingers through my curls and gripping my roots. I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated at how the show went, I'm frustrated at that idiot promoter who just wouldn't let up on me and I'm frustrated that I can't let go of the grief I feel inside for Andy. I don't want to feel this way. I hate that I'm constantly leaving Chris all the fucking time. I hate that I can't control this... this insipid curse that takes me away from everyone and everything I love.

I sit for a little while trying to gather myself together, but also just letting myself feel the grief and heartbreak I've been feeling since the day Andy left. Just like how I felt when my mother left me, only this time, it's different. Andy's death affected me, and is still affecting me like I never thought it would.

I then decide to move over to my dresser and pull out some panties and a plain black bra, a plain racer back tank top and a frayed denim skirt. It was probably the easiest clothing find since I used to slip into Chris' room in the basement. Once I slip on some socks and my Doc Martens, I check myself in the mirror making sure I look presentable, and cautiously walk out into the hallway and see the apartment completely dark and slightly messy from what looked like a party that had taken place. I walk passed Andy's room and stop myself to just take a look since his door was left open. His room is the same as I remember with his bed still all a mess since he never made it. I can just hear his voice now... 

'What's the point, if I'm gonna sleep in it anyways?'

I step over to his dresser where he would hang his scarves off the corner of the mirror and see tons of photos of him and Xana and a few of Me and Chris and one photo of me and Andy that I can't remember who took for the life of me. I glance down at the top of the dresser where a little calendar was turned to January and see the date circled in red marker and my name in bold 'Andrea's 20th'

It's my birthday? Wait... now I remember. Everyone is at The Moore.

I quickly head towards the door and grab my black spring jacket and head out of the apartment.

*****

It was a short walk to The Moore, only just a few blocks from the apartment. Once I round the corner I see a small line up of people waiting to get inside, so instead I make my way around the back of the building to the parking lot where I see Chris' blue Ford pick up truck that was parked next to the back entrance door. I make my way over to his truck and just as I come around the back, I see Andy leaning against the brick wall beside the back door puffing away on a cigarette.

Just the sight of him standing there with his blonde mane down passed his shoulders in a leather jacket with a plain black loosely fitted tank top, white jeans and Doc Marten's on his feet made a lump instantly form in my throat. 

"Hey my love, what are you doing out here?" He says so sweetly with a smile. I couldn't help myself as I walk up to him, my bottom lip trembling, my eyebrows pulled to together trying my best to not bawl like a baby in the parking lot in front of him. "Andi?"

I start to cry and his expression changes as he removes himself from the wall flicking his cigarette off somewhere.

"Andi love, what happened?" He asks concerned and I couldn't bring myself to say the words as he embraces me in the warmest hug I've had from him in so long.

It was at that moment that I couldn't help the overwhelming grief bubbling up from inside me and I started to cry hard, I mean really hard. He holds me tighter to him, holding my head to his shoulder and softly rubs my back soothingly as I just let my tears flow. In all the years that we've known each other, he has never seen me break down like this and there is no way that I can tell him what has happened - what will happen in the next few months. After a few more moments I finally move myself from him and he places his lips to my forehead as I wipe my tears from my cheeks.

"It's you're Birthday love, you shouldn't be crying on your birthday. Was it Cornell? I'll kick his ass if it was him," He says when he breaks away from me. I give a little giggle because technically it was him, just not from this time.

"No, no it wasn't Chris," My voice breaks and I sniff. I look up at him and he brushes a few curls away from my face and all I wanted to do was just keep this moment forever.

"You want me to try and find Xana?" He says softly.

"No, it's ok. I just... I wanna stay here with you... just for a little while," I say without even thinking how that might sound but I don't care. He looks around the parking lot for a moment and then back at me once again giving me that sweet smile.

"Take a walk with me?" He asks.

"Ok," I say softly and he takes my hand and we slowly walk through the parking lot out to the sidewalk.

"There's a little park up here... we can just sit for a while," He says and I nod as he continues to hold my hand in his. We eventually arrive at the little park a few blocks away from The Moore and find a picnic table to sit at.

"So love, what's going on with the birthday girl?" Andy says as he flips his blonde locks behind his shoulder, sitting across from me on the same side of the picnic table, but close enough that he could still rest his hand on my thigh.

"I don't know," I exhale and shrug my shoulders and try to think of what exactly to say to him. He pulls out a small silver flask from the pocket of his pants and unscrews the cap taking a sip, then offers me some. I gladly take it from him and take a sip from the flask, tasting the sharp bite of alcohol and flinch just a little bit.

"It's vodka," He smiles.

"I figured," I say making a face, taking a few more sips and handing it back to him while he chuckles. We sit in silence with each other, feeling the soft gentle January breeze blow through. I guess that Vodka warmed me up a little because that breeze feels amazing.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" He asks after a long while of us just sitting with each other.

"I do, but... I can't," I say trying to hold myself together.

"Why not, love? I swear, I'll kick Cornell's ass if I have to, I mean it. I know I'm shorter than him but... well... everyone's shorter than him... jeeze he's like some sort of blue eyed Adonis isn't he?" He chuckles and I start to giggle. "see that's much better than your tears,"

We both fall silent with each other again as Andy studies me and once again I just wanted to feel his arms around me, to feel him alive again. I lean myself in and place my head on his chest as he gently holds my head to him once more. Then after a few minutes I lift my head from his chest and touch my forehead to his, then without even realizing just what was happening , his lips were on mine.

At first I hesitated, knowing that it was wrong but I suddenly somehow didn't care and responded to him as his hands somehow made their was around my back pulling me closer into him so that I was practically sitting in his lap. Our kiss quickly becomes heated, turning slightly aggressive as his fingers find their way up under my shirt, lifting it up under my jacket and revealing my bra to him. He breaks from my lips and quickly moves down to my chest, his hands cupping the sides of my breasts as I grip my fingers through his blonde locks. I had no idea what the hell I was doing but I never expected this to happen at all. In fact I know this is completely wrong. Andy's my friend. We were only ever just friends and nothing more. But god damn this feels good. He lays me back on the bench, his hands moving down to my thighs and pulling my skirt up while his lips move down my stomach. I squeeze my eyes closed, biting my bottom lip when I feel his hardness through his pants against me. Suddenly he stops kissing my skin and presses his forehead to my stomach as I cover my face with my hands. "Andrea... Andrea what the fuck are we doing?" He pants and I feel like I'm about to cry all over again. "I don't know... I - I don't know," I say muffled through my hands and start to cry all over again. He lifts himself from me and helps pull my shirt back down, then takes my hand from my face as I begin to sob. "Love ?- " "No, don't," I cry as he helps me sit back up noticing the tattoo on my finger. "Andi are you... are you time slipping?" He asks and I couldn't look at him, I couldn't bare the thought of never seeing him again and I didn't want to do this anymore. "I'm sorry I have to go," I sniff. "Love?" He says and reaches for me as I rise from the bench, but I pull away. "Andrea?!" I begin to make my way out of the park wrapping my jacket around myself and wiping my tears from my cheeks as Andy follows. I can hear him still calling for me but I couldn't look back. "Andrea wait," He says, catching my hand and turning me to face him. "Look I don't know what happened, and I know you can't tell me but... I'm here if you need me, you know that right, love?" He continues with his brown eyes searching mine. All I could do was "I won't say anything to Cornell, I promise" He re-assures me reaching up and cupping my face in his palm. "Ok,"I say quietly and he gives me a small smile, then pulls me in and places his lips to my forehead just like he always did whenever I was upset. "C'mon, your man is playing tonight and on your birthday so... we should head back," He says as he pushes a stray curl from my eyes. I give him a small smile and he takes my hand and we walk back towards The Moore. Once we reach the back door, I tell Andy that i just have to use the washroom so he heads inside first. Once I enter I see him disappear around the corner to the dressing room and I make my way in the opposite direction to gather myself together as best I can when I suddenly see myself walking towards me, dark curls all around. I always knew this moment was going to happen but it's so strange to be on the other side of it. "Hi" I say to her. "Hey," She smiles, knowing nothing of the few months ahead in store for her and for everyone.


	31. If I Can’t Have You Right Now, I’ll Wait Dear

Dusseldorf Germany, April 16 1990

(Chris is 25 Andi is 20)

CHRIS: "Shit, no... no, no," I say as I bend down and pick up her clothes from the bus floor. I head out of the back room tossing them onto the couch and up to the front of the bus "We can't leave yet,"

"What?" Kim asks.

"I gotta find Linda... where the hell is Linda?" I start to panic and run down the steps of the bus. Once outside, I look around and see our tour bus driver, Linda talking to our tour manager Jim as the last of our equipment is packed onto the lower storage unit of the bus. I quickly run over to her interrupting their conversation but I didn't care.

"Chris? what's - " Linda starts

"We can't leave yet. We gotta stay here for just a little bit longer," I say trying not to sound panicked but I couldn't help it.

"Chris we gotta get on the road, the next gig is tomorrow and we got a long drive to Berlin," Kim says suddenly appearing behind me.

"Andi slipped," I say turning back to him and his eyebrows raise in disbelief.

"Oh shit," He says.

"Yea, really 'Oh shit'"

"Ok, um... well I can talk with the promoter at the next venue and see if we can push it back a bit, but, I can't make any promises," Jim cuts in.

"Will she come back here, I mean on the bus or...?" Kim asks glancing up at the bus.

"I don't know, she's never slipped while we were travelling before so... I have no idea. I don't want to leave in case she comes back and we're not here and she's here alone in the parking lot, or on the side of the road -" I say feeling my own anxiety creeping up and worrying me about what could happen to her if I wasn't here.

"Chris, hey... it's ok, we'll just chill for a little bit, she'll come back," Kim re-assures me.

****

"Guys, we gotta get on the road... it's 4:00AM. If we don't head out now we won't make Berlin," Jim says as he climbs up onto the bus and sees me on the couch leaning forward resting my arms on my knees, slightly moving back and forth as my silver chain with Andi's diamond ring swings, touching my bare chest every once and a while. I drop my head in my hands, my fingers gripping my roots as I debate in my head just what I should do.

"I can't leave. I can't... I..." I trail off trying to think but I can't. All I can focus on is hoping she'll come back to me.

"Chris, I hate to say it but we gotta get going, Andi will be fine. She's the one who booked us a hotel for tomorrow night after the show so maybe she'll be there... hell who knows she might already be there right now," Kim says as he sit down beside me. I look up at him for a moment and then straight ahead, and play with the diamond ring in between my fingers. I can see Jim staring at me waiting for an answer but the only answer I want to give him is that I don't want to leave at all.

"Ok, " I reluctantly say quietly and bring the ring up touching it to my lips all the while hoping I didn't just make the biggest mistake.

*****

Seattle Washington, January 23 1990

(Andi is 20 and 20)

ANDI: "I'm sorry... I'm just..." I trail off as I lift myself from my shoulder as we stand in the bathroom of The Moore together, feeling strange as we once again acquire the memory of this moment at the exact same time, only once again I am on the other side of it.

"It's ok," She says and looks at me with those dark eyes of mine. 

"I should go before anyone sees us in here," I say and wipe my tears from my cheeks.

"Ok, um... here, take my keys and you can head back to the apartment. I'm assuming you slipped there anyways?" She says glancing at me up and down.

"Yea... thank you," I sniff and flip my curls out of my face as I take the apartment keys from her and make my way to the bathroom door.

"Andrea?" She asks and I turn to face her. "Is Chris ok? I mean are we ok?"

I hesitate for a moment, giving her a gentle smile and glance down at the tattoo etched on my finger. "Yea, we're ok... He's ok," I re-assure her. She smiles back at me and I make my way out of the bathroom, heading down the hallway and out the back entrance.

I thought about maybe trying to catch Andy again but decided against it. Whatever happened between us will be our little secret, but now I understand why he said that he loved me when I found him on the floor the first time he overdosed. Maybe in a different time, had I not met Chris, things would be different. 

I arrive back at the old apartment, setting my keys down on the side table in the entryway like I always had done before, slip of my jacket and head down the hall to the bedroom. I wasn't sure what exactly to do since I pretty much feel like I'm just waiting until I slip back to my time. I just hope that when I do, I'm in Berlin at the hotel and not on the side of the highway somewhere naked and alone. That is the most frightening thing about this condition. For the most part I've been pretty lucky.

I exhale and make my way over to my guitars and pick out the one that Chris stole for me all those years ago. The jet black '81 Gibson Les Paul standard. I situate myself down on the floor, my legs stretched out in front of me with my guitar across my lap, leaning against the bed. I flip my curls from my eyes and begin to pluck at the strings while I close my eyes and sing quietly to myself the song I had been working on before we had left for Europe.

"I'm your disappearing one, vanish when you play your song.  
But I will come again, and you will let me in, and you'll see I never disappear for long..."

*****

"...yea let me get it, it's in the bedroom," I say as Chris slowly lets go of my hand with everyone following in behind us. I slip off my leather jacket and Chris gives takes it from me like the gentleman he is and hangs it up as I take off towards the hallway.

"Drinks anyone?" Xana says as she follows behind me, turning towards the kitchen while the guys all call out which drink they would like. I make my way down the hallway to our bedroom as I continue to hear every ones laughter from the living room, and just as I approach the door, I see my '81 Gibson on the floor with my clothes in a pile underneath. I sigh and pick up the guitar from the floor and set it back down on its stand beside Chris' Cherry Burst, then pick up my clothes from the floor, setting them in the laundry hamper, hoping that I made it back safely to wherever and whenever I was.


	32. I Get So Tense That I Can't Speed Up The Time

Berlin Germany, April 17 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: Feeling the cold concrete beneath my body is something I will never get used to when I slip. It was dark. really dark. So dark that I couldn't tell just exactly where I was at all. I gather myself up and find that I seem to be in a dark alleyway in between two tall brick buildings, completely naked and cold as hell. 

Why, just why in the fucking hell did I have to slip? 

With my one arm covering my chest as best I could - thank god my dark curls are long enough to help - and my other hand trying to cover the rest of me, I attempt to make my way out of the alley, being careful not to step on anything that could hurt me. I approach the sidewalk, staying close to the corner of the one buildings and look down both sides of the street to see if I could figure out where I am. Everything is written in German so I just hope to fuck I'm in Berlin.

Ok think Andi, think... where can I find something to cover myself with?

It's always this part that scares me the most, especially since I'm in a completely different country. I remember the name of the hotel that I booked for the guys, so if I could just find a way to somehow get there.

*****

"Hey du was machst du? raus hier!"

I was able to find my way into an apartment through the back and sneak into a bedroom as quietly as I could, find a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that were a little bit too big for me and a pair of runners but just as I was sliding myself back out the door, I was caught by the German who is now screaming at me while I clamber down the fire escape.

"I'm sorry, I had the wrong place," I call back to him though I'm pretty sure he had no idea just what I was saying.

"Wenn ich dich wieder fange, bring ich dich um!" He continues to scream at me and I can only guess that he hopes I don't show up again. Given by the tone of his voice though it sounds like he might kill me if I was to show up again, which wont be happening anytime soon.

Once I make it to the bottom of the fire escape, I quickly make my way down the street, hoping to see if I can find anyone who speaks even just a little bit of English so that I can get to the hotel as fast as I could. I walk a few blocks and find myself in the downtown district and I catch a Newspaper box that showed that I was in fact in Berlin. Thank fucking god. Now I just need to find my way to the Hotel.

*****

Lindemann Hotel, Berlin

CHRIS: "Look I know, we missed soundcheck but I don't care. I'm staying right here in the Lobby until she walks through that door,"

"Chris, man come on we go on in like a half hour and we're not even at the fucking club yet - "

"I don't give a shit!" I cut Jason off. We had been arguing the entire trip to Berlin and he was really beginning to get on my last nerve.

"You're the one who's always so damn anal about making sure everything is perfect, but suddenly once Andi somehow goes missing - "

"She slipped Jason - " Matt defends.

"Whatever -" Jason snaps back.

"Hey guys, come on," Kim starts.

"No fuck that! We shouldn't have to wait around for your girlfriend to finally make an appearance,"

"Since when do actually have anything to contribute to any sort of conversation we're having?" I snark back at him. Jason just stares at me stunned at my remark and I add "Just fucking throw your headphones back on and ignore the whole thing like you usually do,"

"Fuck you Chris!" He says and pushes me which makes me stumble back just a little but I maintain my ground and grab his black T-shirt by the collar and pull him to me, his eyes burning into mine.

"Fuck me?! Fuck You!" I shout.

"Hey, Hey guys... c'mon break it up," Kim says as he gets between us and I let go of Jason's shirt when suddenly I see Andi walking up to the front doors of the hotel, completely soaked as it had started raining. She opens the door and sees the four of us grouped around the lounging couches.

"Holy Shit, Andi you made it," Matt says.

"Baby - ?" I exhale feeling my heart fly out of my chest at the sight of her. I immediately runover to her and wrap my arms around her though she seems a little stand offish with me.

"Can I have the room key?" She says without much emotion and I slowly let go of her as she holds out her hand. I quickly reach in my shorts pocket and pull out the hotel room key and hand it to her. She turns to move away from me but I catch her arm and turn her to face me again.

"Babe, what happened? What's wrong?" I ask furrowing my brow.

"You guys should head to the club, you're already late so... I'm fine I just need to shower and get changed and I'll meet you there," She says barely looking up at me.

"Andi - ?"

"Chris I'm fine, just head over and I'll meet you there," She says and without so much as a look at me, she pulls away and makes her way up the stairs to the hotel room. I turn back to the guys and they look just as confused as I am. I shrug and shake my head wondering why she wont let me at least apologize to her but I figure I'll just give her a bit of time.

"Let's go... she'll uh, just meet us there," I say as I head towards the lobby doors, Jason rolling his eyes at me with Matt, Ben and Kim all looking between each other, then shrugging and slowly following me out the hotel doors.

*****

ANDI: I arrive inside our room and toss the hotel key on the table beside the door. All I wanted was to take these god forsaken wet stolen clothes off me and jump into the shower as fast as I could. I didn't want to talk and I didn't want to feel. I just wanted to get on with the night and do my job like I was hired to do. 

Once I peel the soaking wet clothes off of me, I grab a plastic bag that was stashed underneath the bathroom sink and stuff the clothes inside. Then I toss the bag of clothes towards the hotel room door and quickly turn on the shower. Once the water was hot enough, I step inside and let the water wash over me as I quickly clean myself up. After a few moments it was like I couldn't stop the flood of emotions that suddenly rattled my frame. As the suds from the soap swirl down the drain, I lean forward catching myself against the shower wall and start to cry. 

I didn't intend on crying but it was like I couldn't help myself. Traveling back to see Andy really just shook me up. I am by no means over him at all but whatever happened between us has really fucked with me. I feel horrible, heartbroken and guilty that I did the very thing that I never wanted to do. I love Chris more than life itself and I just can't get passed this horrible pain that I just keep inside.

*****

Once I finish my shower, I gather myself together and calm myself down enough to change into just some ripped up jeans and my Black Sabbath band shirt with my Doc Marten. I fix my dark curls as they fall down around my shoulders and find my bag that Chris had brought up for me before the inevitable time slip on the bus. I reach in my bag and pull out a little prescription bottle. 

Just after Andy's funeral, I had an appointment with my neurologist for a regular checkup that I normally have every 6 months or so. He basically asked me all the usual questions that he has asked me since I began seeing him- when my original doctor from when I was kid transferred all my files over when I moved to Seattle - He performed a few tests, nothing out of the ordinary and suggested that I try lorazepam. 

Years ago I was put on a different drug for epileptic seizures but for some reason, it made my time slips worse. Lately my time slips have been becoming more frequent once again but I was reluctant to try lorazepam, thinking it wouldn't do anything or once again make it worse. Since I'm traveling, I didn't think that I would actually have a time slip episode at all but as we all know, I can never seem to predict if or when it will happen and since I've been so busy, I've hardly had time to sit down and relax and play like I usually would to help keep the time slips at bay. The pills had been sitting in my bag from the moment I picked them up from the pharmacy and a part of me is still so worried about taking them. I obviously don't want to have another time slip happen again so I guess this seems to be my last resort until I can figure out a way on my own.

"Ok... Andi, here goes nothing,"

Reading the label, I pour out one tablet into my hand and close the bottle up, putting it back into my bag. I walk back into the bathroom and turn the tap on, placing the pill on my tongue and scooping up some water with my hands to swallow. I then check myself in the mirror and dab a bit of the water from my chin, and then grab the hotel key and head out to meet the guys at the club.

*****

Messehalle Bar and Night club, Berlin

ANDI: ".... remember, I love you, love yoooouuuu!!!!" Chris screams as he drops down to his knees on stage, pouring himself out to the crowd with incredible emotion. He leans back practically laying down on stage while Kim continues to wail on his Gibson Firebird. I stand off to the side of the stage as a few members of the road crew catch me up on everything since my time slip. After a few moments, the band breaks into 'Beyond The Wheel' and Chris continues the emotion all the way through. It's so incredible how he can do that as I admire him from the side stage.

Towards the end of their set, Chris picks up the mic stand and begins to smash it against the stage floor, causing the crowd to go crazy and scream how much they love Soundgarden. A far cry from the crowd last night.

"Thank you!" Chris bellows into the mic and slams it down on the stage, making the loudest thump as Kim does his feedback outro. Chris flips his curls out of his face and heads towards me, glancing at me but not much else and then heads down the stage stairs. I close my eyes for a second knowing that we need to actually talk this out and I follow him as he walks out the backstage door. I stay pretty silent as I follow him back to the dressing room, Kim and Matt trailing behind me and Jason following even further behind. 

"Chris?" I call after him but he says nothing and doesn't look back at me as his curls sway with each stride. I exhale and try to catch up to him, reaching for his hand once I do. He just gives me a look but doesn't pull away as I look back up at him apologetically. I lace my fingers through his and keep my gaze on him as we try and find the dressing room to the place. 

"Yo, Chris I think it's this way," Kim calls down the opposite side of the hallway. 

"Ok, I'll catch up in a minute," Chris calls back with his eyes still on me. We stop for a moment and he suddenly moves me back up against the concrete wall, leaning down and cupping my face in his palm, pressing those incredible soft lips to mine. 

It caught me off guard for just a moment, but this is exactly what I wanted from him since the moment we even started arguing. Our kiss instantly becomes heated, full of hunger, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip. I reach up and lace my fingers through his curls as his hands move to my hips, pressing himself against me. I can feel his excitement through his shorts already as my tongue plays with his eagerly wanting to just have him fuck me right here against the concrete wall of the club.

His hands move up under my shirt, his fingers feeling rough as they skip across my skin. They find their way to my breasts and he begins to tease each nipple through my sheer lacy bra. I sigh against his lips as his thumbs continue to brush across my nipples sending chills all over my body.

"I'm sorry baby," He says against my lips.

"Shhhhh, it's ok, I don't care. I just want you," I say against his lips. He chuckles and lifts me up as I wrap my arms around his neck, still never breaking our kiss. I wrap my legs around his waist as he somehow carries me down the long hallway looking for a back room. 

With us both beginning to laugh, he finally finds a back room, which looked more like a storage closet but I could really care less as he maneuvers the doorknob and carries me inside. He closes the door and sets me down, finding a long string and pulling it to light up the room in a dim warm yellow glow. I quickly reach for his belt as he bites his bottom lip and unbuckle it as quickly as I can, pulling down his shorts and boxers, seeing his excitement before me. Without taking my eyes away from his, I quickly unbuckle my belt and slip my jeans along with my panties over my hips and down to my knees. Chris lets out a pleasing grunt, almost cave man-ish and turns me around, pushing me up against the wall of the closet. I let out a surprised squeal and giggle, loving how suddenly he is becoming so aggressive. 

"You want me baby?" he asks.

"Uh huh," I breathe.

"You want me to fuck you baby?" He says low and deep in my ear as he grips my hips with his hands and urges me to spread my legs apart. I move my hands to steady myself against the wall as I feel his hardness, the tip of him teasing just at my entrance. 

"Yea, yes I want you to fuck me," I bite my lip and I feel him push himself inside me, sending unbelievable shivers all over my body. 

"Holy shit, you are so wet already," He exhales moving slow with the first couple of thrusts and then begins to pick up his pace. His left hand holds my hip to steady me while his right hand moves to cover mine against the wall, lacing his fingers through. 

"Oh fuck yes," He growls as I push myself back against him just a little. He then slides his hand from my hip, his fingers immediately make contact with my clit, using slow circular motions at first, then gradually faster making my muscles clench around him.

"Fuck, don't fucking stop," I tell him half panting, my temple pressed against the wall.

"Don't worry baby I'm not gonna stop until you cum for me," He growls in my ear in which just the sound of his voice, deep and raspy from singing completely sent me right over the edge. In that moment I release instantly, surprised that I was able to get there so damn quick and it wasn't long before Chris himself cried out in animalistic hunger, releasing everything inside me.

"Oh my god," I pant, my cheek still pressed against the wall, my eyes squeezed shut as I try to come down with out falling on the floor. He chuckles as he gracefully pulls out of me and I try to turn around and face him. He laughs as he helps me and places his hands on either side of my cheeks, brushing some dark matted curls from my forehead.

"If that's how you apologize all the time, I should get mad at you more often," I giggle and he laughs, touching his forehead to mine.


	33. Time Is My Friend

Houston Texas, May 25 2017

(Andi is 29, Chris is 52)

ANDI: With my head resting on Chris's chest, I slowly find myself waking up to the early morning sunlight pouring though the hotel room window. His arm holding me as I hear his heartbeat and feel the gentle rise and fall of his breathing. I shift myself and look up at him sleeping, his brow twitching like it always does when he's lost in a dream somewhere. 

I watch him as he sleeps for a few moments and then press my lips to his chest, his smooth skin feeling so soft against my lips. He takes in a deep breath but still doesn't wake as I make my way south, my lips travelling over his stomach, placing fleeting kisses in between each dimple of his abs and further still. 

"Hey you," Chris says groggily, his voice raspy from the night before. 

I push my curls behind my ear, then move to situate myself between his legs and take his cock in my palm giving him gentle but firm squeezes. 

He sighs as I feel him instantly become hard in my palm. I place my lips on the tip of him, his moans filling the room as my lips gently brush down his shaft and back up to the tip.

As soon as I took him full on into my mouth, I could tell it was going to be a quick one for him. 

"Oh Jeezus fuck," He calls out, sounding a bit surprised as I flatten my tongue along the underside of his cock, then teasing and flicking the sensitive spot just below the tip. I give him a quick glance to see his arms raised, his fingers gripping his roots and his brow furrowing. As he tries to maintain his composure, I brace myself and get to work. 

Flicking my tongue just the way he likes, I suck the tip of him, hearing his moans become louder with each stroke. It wasn't long before I could feel him become tense, trying to hold back but I'm determined to not let up for one single second. 

"Fuck baby, you're gonna make me cum," He growls. I moan with encouragement, sucking and flicking my tongue, circling around the tip once more and just like he warned, he explodes in my mouth and I swallow every last bit of him. 

"Good morning," I say innocently once I let go of him and see those gorgeous blue eyes of his fixated on me.

"I guess so... shit," He exhales giving me that smile he always does when he has no idea what happened to him. I lean back down placing soft kisses on his hip, his incredible erection still not dying down.

"Jeezus Christ, look what you do to me," He laughs sweetly. 

"You are always like this after," I giggle in between my kisses.

"Only with you baby," He says reaching out for me his palm cupping my cheek as I move up to straddle him. I turn and place my lips on his palm, holding his hand to me as he watches me move my other hand down, my fingers immediately finding my clit and I begin to play with myself. 

I close my eyes and bite my bottom lip as his hand slowly moves from my cheek, his fingers trailing down my throat and in between my breasts skipping over my skin. My lips part and I let out a moan throwing my head back, my curls falling down around me while I completely lose myself in my own pleasure. 

"You are so fucking beautiful," He exhales and I whimper, hitting the right spot which causes me to breathe just a bit faster and I open my eyes looking down at Chris to see him watch me as I pleasure myself.

"Here baby... let me," Chris purrs and he covers my hand with his, then takes over where I left off. His fingers stroke my clit in perfect circular motions making me moan even louder. Once I was lost in the feeling of his touch, I throw my head back once again and suddenly he had me laying down on my back, my head now buried in the pillows and my curls strewn across my face. 

"Chris?"

"It's my turn to make you cum," He says, his voice raspy with lust. 

He opens my legs and before I could even say anything else, his lips were on my clit in no time.

"Oh shit," I pant as he opens me wider, his lips softly sucking, his tongue intermittently flicking my clit while his fingers find their way to my slit, barely touching at first but then he inserts one finger making me yelp with pleasure. 

I hear him chuckle against me though his lips never leave my clit and he inserts another finger, slowly prodding at first, reaching that perfect spot inside me. 

"Oh fuck yes," I exhale, my bundle of nerves beginning to feel like fire in the most beautiful way. Then I suddenly feel him slowly but ever so gently tease my ass making my eyes flick open in surprise, but I quickly begin to like it, realizing the incredible sensations it sent through my entire body. 

"Oh. Oh my god. Chris...?" I whimper as he continues, not letting up for one second while I quickly begin to feel that beautiful pressure building up inside me. It was so quick that I couldn't control myself anymore. 

"Shit, Chris, I'm gonna... oh god," I whine and though I could somewhat hear him say something to me, It was like time and space molded into one and I couldn't hear anything or see anything as I erupted, quivering and shaking all over. I swear I thought for sure I had time slipped, it was that intense.

Once I realize I hadn't slipped and that I'm still here somehow present, trying to catch my breath as he lifts his head from me, his hands move to my hips his right hand moving to my side while his left moves down my thigh lifting it as he positions himself over top of me. 

"Holy shit that was incredible," I pant. 

"Hold on, I'm not done with you yet," He growls. I bite my bottom lip again as his blue eyes bore into mine and he slowly pushes himself inside me. I let out another whimper arching my back and tilting my hips to accommodate him. 

He watches me for a few moments as I raise my arms above my head, gripping the headboard and arching my back, feeling the length of him inside me sensually moving and filling me up completely. I close my eyes losing myself in the pure passion between us and feel his lips softly brush in between my breasts then turning his attention to the right one, his tongue flicking my nipple in the exact same way he did with my clit only moments before. 

"Oh fuck yes, that's so fucking good," I exhale, his curls falling down and tickling my chest is the most perfect way. After a few minutes, he turns his attention to my other nipple, making me let out yet another whimper as I move my hips in rhythm with his. He lifts his head to look up at me, his hand moving to cup my cheek, his thumb brushing across my bottom lip and then slowly moving back down to cup my breast, his thumb brushing across my nipple and driving me absolutely insane. 

"Chris, I'm- you-you're gonna make me cum," I stammer trying to get the words out and whining as I do so. 

"You're gonna make me cum," He groans and with those words, I explode feeling him do the same, letting everything go inside me. I arch my back crying out as he wraps his arms around me, burying his face in my dark curls. I squeeze him a few more times, trying to come down from my incredible high, panting and desperately trying to catch my breath. He then lifts his head back up to look into my eyes and brushes a few stray curls away from my face. 

"Good morning," He chuckles, slightly out of breath and giving me that sly smirk when he's pleased with himself. 

"Uh huh, clearly," I giggle. He pulls out of me but still keeps his position in between my legs, placing his palms on either side of my face and presses his lips to mine. His lips so soft, his kiss gentle and sweet, loving and soon becoming long and soulful, passionate and deep. His tongue plays with mine and I shift a little beneath him making him moan against my lips. 

"Ok, we need to stop. I need time to recover," He says and I giggle as he situates himself and rests his head on my chest. I lace my fingers through his thick curls, twirling a few around my fingers like I used to do years ago, his hand cupping my right breast while his thumb intermittently brushes my nipple. 

"I thought you just said you needed time to recover?" I giggle at the feeling of his thumb. 

"I do... doesn't mean I can't still tease you," He says and I feel his lips pull up into a smirk again. 

"Uh uh, no. No teasing if you're not gonna go through with it," I say and he laughs so sweetly, his thumb still stroking my nipple, then moving his hand down my side and placing a few fleeting kisses down my stomach. I close my eyes for a moment, and then feel him move away from me. I flick my eyes open and see him rise from the bed and I moan reaching out for him.

"I'll be right back" He chuckles and I pout as he turns and walks to the bathroom, not wanting him out of my sight, though I do love that cute ass of his as he disappears into the bathroom.

I run my fingers through my curls, reach down and pull the blankets up to my chest as I sit up and stretch for a moment.

I then hear a buzzing sound coming from the side table and see Chris's iPhone light up. I quickly catch just who the message was from and see 'Vicky' written across the screen. 

My heart instantly sank, though I know I should have no reason to feel that way at all, but I couldn't help it. 

I convinced Chris to stop taking those weird pills that Martin was slipping him and didn't really have much withdrawal symptoms if any at all. He is still taking Lorazepam but that's it. I wish he wasn't on it but he's not abusing it and he's not mixing it with any other medications in any way at all so, I don't feel worried.

This last week with Chris has been crazy to say the least. I had forgotten just what it was like on the road with the guys, since in my time we hadn't toured or really traveled anywhere since the spring of '97. I'm still having a time trying to wrap my head around the fact that almost 20 years have passed, and I’m really not used to Chris and I traveling separately from Kim Matt and Ben. It's strange and it feels like we're disconnected from them. Maybe I should mention something about it to Chris.

Today is the last day of the tour so there really isn’t much to do today other than just to get ready for the flight to head back home, and work on some more songs for another Soundgarden record. Funny how I sort of forgot to ask him where I fit in to all of it.

A few minutes later, Chris walks out of the bathroom and flips off the light, then makes his way back over to me.

"You um... have a message on your phone," I clear my throat as I flip my curls out of my eyes to look up at him.

"From who?" He asks and I shrug. He picks up his phone off the table and checks it, makes a face and then just sighs tossing it back on the table.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing... nothing just, it's not important right now," He says. "But you on the other hand - "

"Chris!" I yelp and laugh in surprise as he pulls the blanket away from me and tackles me back down on the bed. I try to roll away from him laughing as he begins to tickle me, but he draws me into his arms to make me face him, placing his lips to my throat, laughing between his kisses and cupping my face in his palm. Somehow he swiftly shifts me onto him so that I was now on top and I pull away so that I could balance myself. 

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" He says with those blue eyes never leaving mine. 

"About as much as I love you, and just enough to order room service?" I ask with my dark eyes and bite my bottom lip. "I'm a little hungry,"

"Room service huh? Well... I guess so," He raises his eyebrow, smirking at me as his eyes travel to my bare chest for a moment. He reaches out and brushes a few of my curls away to seemingly get a better view of my nipples. 

"Eh-hem," I clear my throat.

"What?" He says giving me a sly smile. 

"Something catch your eye?" I raise my eyebrow at him.

"Uh huh," He says and I laugh as he pulls me back down to him, pressing his lips to mine.


	34. Remember To Let Her Into Your Heart Then You Can Start To Make It Better

Houston Texas, May 25 2017

(Chris is 52, Andi is 29)

CHRIS: After finally getting around to ordering room service and having some much needed breakfast, I jump into the shower to clean myself up a bit. Once I'm finished, I swipe the steam from the mirror in the hotel bathroom, grab my shaving cream, pour some in my hand then pat my cheeks and grab the razor to clean up this stubble a bit. I rinse my razor a few times and continue on, leaning in close and gently swiping it across my cheek when I suddenly hear my acoustic in the other room being softly played for a few chords. I stop for a second to listen, and hear Andi softly singing and strumming.

I missed that voice of hers, no matter how much she always said she never had one, that playing was her thing, she always sounded so beautiful when she would just let go and sing. I close my eyes for a moment and just focus, listening to her then turn my attention back to finish shaving. Once I've rinsed my face and gently slap on some after shave, and with the white towel around my hips I make my way out of the bathroom.

"Happiness is like an old friend I miss, How can I tell you what it feels to be like this...?" She sings, sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard with my guitar across her lap, in one of my white v-neck t-shirts with the collar slipped off her shoulder, and nothing else. She stops for a moment and picks up her phone, typing something and then glances up to see me.

"Hi," She smiles and bites her lip nervously.

"Hey," I chuckle as I approach her.

"Sorry, I just had an idea, or a melody... something, and I just didn't want to lose it," She says, setting her phone back down beside her. 

"S'ok baby, don't stop on my account," I smile at her. She then dismissively waves her hand and sets the guitar aside on the bed, moves to her knees and crawls over to me.

She places her hands on my chest as I reach out for her, leaning down and placing my lips on hers. My hands cup her face holding her to me as she begins to suck on my bottom lip. 

"Chris?" She says when she pulls away from me but I touch my forehead to hers.

"Yes baby?" I breathe. It was all I could do to not just lay her back down on the bed and make love to her again... for the third time today.

"Am I coming with you, when you head home this afternoon?" 

I lift my forehead from hers and look at her confused by that question.

"Um, yea, why? Do you not want to?" I ask, raising my eyebrow and she flicks her eyes to mine.

"No, I mean, yea I want to, I'm just worried," 

"Worried about what?" I ask.

"I don't know... I think I'm just worried about us. Me... specifically. I don't want to slip again," She says as she studies her hands on my bare chest. 

"I don't want you to slip again either," I say as I brush a few curls out of her eyes. She stays quiet for a few moments and I touch my forehead back to hers, her fingers reaching up and playing with my damp curls.

"I'm so sorry Chris - "

"Shhhh, you need to stop apologizing to me," I chuckle. 

"But - " She starts.

"No,"

"Chris - ?"

"Shhhh," I hush her again and she starts to laugh. 

I take her hands and bring them up to my lips, placing soft gentle kisses to her fingers, then lean in and place my lips back on hers determined to convince her that I've long forgiven her for whatever it is that she feels guilty of - her time slipping. I deepen the kiss, making it long and passionate while my hands make their way down her sides, to her hips, slowly inching up my t-shirt that she's wearing so that I can feel her perfect ass in my hands. She then presses her body to mine, her fingers lacing through my hair. 

"Ok, go on and take your shower before I end up back in bed with you again, making us late for our flight," I say pulling away from her. She giggles that cute little laugh and places a quick kiss on my chest, then climbs off the bed as I watch her remove my shirt. Her curls falling down around her as she sets my shirt on the bed and heads into the bathroom. 

*****

A short while later, we meet with Kim Matt and Ben down in the lobby of the hotel to make a plan to meet up in Seattle in a few days to start more work on the new record. Once we say our goodbyes, Andi and I head out to the airport. 

Oh, I forgot to mention that Martin Kirsten is no longer in the picture. I fired him just after Andi had figured out that he was slipping me unknown pills. I still don't know the motive as to why he would do that and after an argument with him privately, I fired him. I am determined now to fix every mistake I've made over the last 18 years, starting with getting back to my roots like Kim said. 

"Alright, Mr. Cornell here is your exchanged ticket and you'll be boarding at terminal 11" The receptionist says to me as she hands the tickets over to me. 

"Thank you," I say and turn to Andi to hand her one of the tickets. 

"I thought you had set up the private jet to fly us back home?" She says sweetly.

"I try not to fly in that thing too much. It freaks me out sometimes. Anyways, this is more economical," I explain as I take her hand in mine while we head over to the waiting area. 

"Wait... Chris, these are for New York?" She says as she looks over her plane ticket.

"Uh huh," I say as we find a few empty seats in the waiting area and set our luggage down.

"You live in New York?" Andi looks up at me as I fumble with my jacket for a second.

"Uh huh," I say and slide the luggage handle down then flip my curls out of my eyes to look at her. She looks back at me with an inquisitive expression but I'm not quite sure how to explain how I don't exactly live in Seattle anymore, at least I haven't lived there fully since 2001. 

"Flight 52 to New York City, now boarding. Flight 52 to New York City, now boarding"

"Well, that's us babe," I smile at her and she gives me a half smile back as I pull up the luggage handle and she takes her bag, slinging it over her shoulder once more. I take her hand in mine and place my lips to the back of her hand as we walk to the board the plane.

*****

New York City, New York

(Andi is 29, Chris is 52)

ANDI: Pulling up to Chris's house was an unreal experience to say the least. Never mind me time slipping 18 years in the future, I never even thought that he would find himself living in New York of all places. It wasn't exactly right in the city, it was more so just on the outskirts in a small suburb. The house was beautiful. A dark red brick 2 story home and very upscale. Different from the gothic home that he and I bought around '97 in Seattle. It was large, 4,500 square feet to be exact - from what he explained - and it definitely looked that way on the outside.

"Come on babe, let me show you inside," He says as the cab drives away and he picks up our bags. I follow him to the porch, while he takes a few minutes to find his keys and he opens the door. 

Once I step inside, it's just as beautiful as I had thought it would be, and so entirely different than I thought. There is a large foyer at the front door with an incredible chandelier that hung over head. Straight ahead was what looked like a sitting area/living room that was completely made up of black and white furniture with a white shag throw rug underneath the glass coffee table. Once he sets our bags down and hangs up his jacket, he takes my hand and shows me the rest of the house. He first leads me into the kitchen which was also large and very white, with stainless steel appliances, the dining room which again was white with white leather dining room chairs and a black steel framed dining table. He then leads me to another room that was more of the living room than the first one, with a huge 60 inch TV and surround system - still in the pattern of black and white but mostly white.

Upstairs were 4 bedrooms and a Master, 2 of the rooms once again very white and 'clean'. The other two you could tell were a little more lived in, sort of like a teenagers room, but looked like no one has lived in those two rooms for months. Then there was the Master bedroom that also had an ensuite bathroom with a jacuzzi tub. Again, so much white. I was beginning to get the coldness feeling from this house. I think Chris could tell what I was feeling so he saved the best room for last. 

Down in the basement, was one of the most beautiful studios that I had ever seen. It was warm and inviting but so simple. Hardwood floors throughout, sound proofing on each wall, inset warm lighting and his guitars lined beautifully along one side. At the far end was a drumset and opposite of that was a desk with a mixboard, and a computer for mixing and recording. Along with the soundproofing hung each award for each album that had gone Gold - selling 50,000 copies or more, Badmotorfinger and Superunknown. There were also plaques and frames for all the soundtrack work he did, and even ones for...

"Audioslave?" I ask as I turn and face him, pushing my curls behind my ear while he stand near the doorway.

"Yea it's uh... The band I had after Soundgarden. After you um... y'know, Susan helped get me in touch with the guys from Rage after Zach left. Apparently Rick Rubin really wanted me to work with him and the guys since they wanted to try something different I guess," He explains.

"You did three albums?" I say looking at each one framed. The first record with a 3 x Platinum award for selling more than 3,000,000 copies in the U.S and Canada. The second - Out Of Exile - and third -Revelations - with Gold awards much like Badmotorfinger and Superunknown did when they were released. 

"Uh huh," He says as he watches me walk to the other side of the studio and see his original pressings for Ultramega Ok, Screaming Life and Fopp, Louder Than Love and Down on the Upside all framed.

"I remember these though," I giggle and he smiles as he walks over to me. I then find the record that he was working on before I slipped, The album cover with him on the front, exactly how he looked before I lost 18 years with him and framed with a dedication plaque on the front.

"You finished it?" 

"I did," He says sweetly.

"To my disappearing one: forever and always, this is for you," I read the plaque more to myself than to him, hearing my voice shake.

"It's uh... that's also written in the album credits too," He says quietly as I glance down and see the row of guitars in which the first three catch my eye. 

"You kept them?" I ask as I run my hand along the first - the silver sparkle Gretsch I got for my 20 birthday - then the one that he stole for me when he was 15 - the jet black Gibson Standard and the next one, the one that my dad had given me for graduation.

"Well yea, I mean... they're yours, what am I gonna do get rid of them?" He chuckles.

I turn and look up at him, my brow furrowing as I desperately try to not bawl like an absolute baby in front of him. I really had no idea what to say. He should hate me. He should never want to have anything to do with me again for all the times I left him alone and all the years that I wasn't with him. 

"Chris I - "

"No, don't say it. I told you I don't want you apologizing anymore," He says and he cups my face in his palms as I look down, still feeling so guilty of everything that's happened. "Hey, baby look at me... you saved me remember? You saved me from the biggest mistake I could've made remember?"

I glance back up into those beautiful blue eyes of his and he presses his lips to mine. Softly and gently at first then once again quick becoming passionate and full of hunger as he draws me into his arms. He then lifts me up and I giggle against his lips while he carries me out of the studio.


	35. What Have You Done My Little Spark?

Seattle Washington, July 12 1990

(Chris is 25, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: I wake up in the middle of the night, my eyes quickly flicking open, feeling my heart pounding. It's been a while since I've had a dream that woke me up like this and the crazy thing is, I can't even remember what the dream was about.

I sit myself up and glance over to see Andi sleeping so sweetly, the sheet pulled up to her ribs with her side exposed, her curls all around her with some strewn across her face. She looks completely at peace, her bare chest gently rising and falling with the perfect view of her nipples that make me want to wake her up and make love to her again. 

Instead I decide to get out of bed, grab my boxers from the floor, pull them on, and quietly make my way out of the bedroom. 

"Fuck, it's so damn hot in this house," I say quietly to myself. We're right in the middle of a heatwave and of course we don't have air conditioning - not that we would be able to afford it right now anyways. I mean we're not broke but the European leg of the tour really took a lot of money out of us so we have to resort back to that beat up old van for the next round of tour dates. I was beginning to like having a bus for a little while but hey, at least when I get bored on the road, I'm usually the one to drive us. I just feel bad for Andi cause now she has to share a van with 4 guys. Not that she would mind, she seems to love it out on the road and I absolutely love having her with me. She's the one who keeps me sane. 

I head into the kitchen, grab my pack of cigarettes off the counter and light one up, then open up the fridge and grab a bottle of water, and decide to head downstairs into the little studio that I set up in the basement. It's not exactly high tech or anything, just our guitars and amps and I was able to pick up an old reel to reel tape machine from London Bridge Studios - where we recorded Louder Than Love. It was one of their old machines that they just didn't use anymore and so I just bought it real cheap. 

I take a seat in one of the large reading chairs we have down here, place the cigarette between my lips and pick up one of my acoustic guitars. I grab one of the journals that I have off the desk and start to flip through the pages of ideas and lyrics that I've written down. Usually when I have a hard time sleeping, I'll try and see if I can get some words and ideas down.

As I quint my eyes from the rising smoke, I flip though the journal I suddenly realize it's Andi's which makes me smile at some of her ideas. She really can come up with some great stuff so I grab a pen and start writing in some of the margins.

"I'm your disappearing one, vanish when you play your song. But I will come again and you will let me in, and you'll see I never disappear for long... Huh... shit, baby that's good..." I say to myself as I rest the cigarette on the ashtray and write something just above it. 

'Falling apart, You tell yourself you are, but I am here and you're not far..."

I smirk to myself and continue on turning pages when I reach a page towards the back that had been stuffed inside the cover. Intrigued, I pull out the folded paper and open it to see a letter from Andy, dated January 25 1990

"I don't have any Idea why I'm even writing this down but you were always the one to tell me that I should. You know me though, I like to just fly by the top of my head I guess. Fuck there's so much that I want to say to you, it's just how do I even say it? I know I shouldn't. I should keep it to myself. 'I wanna tell her that I love her but does it really matter?' Yea, I know... it sounds much better in Crown of Thorns don't you think?

All I know is that night in the park by The Moore... that was the most amazing kiss I've ever had in my life. I mean, I knew I was feeling something. You, the birthday girl in all your sadness. I just wanted to take that away for just a few moments like you always did for me.

I know, I know... it's not exactly the best timing for this is it? If only I was the one who could time slip, maybe things would be different. But you were meant for Cornell and I know in my deepest of hearts that he was meant for you. I mean just watching how he is with you... you woke up something inside him that I didn't think anyone would see. But of course he's loved you since he was what - 15? You are for Chris as what I wish Xana was for me. You know I love Xana, I always will, but I just think we aren't right for each other anymore. 

Really what I'm trying to say here is that I love you Andrea, more than just a friend. I always have. But I know you are meant to be with Chris and that's ok. Like I said, you two are really meant for each other. I know you two are gonna get married and have lots and lots of beautiful blue eyed babies and I just want you to know that I'm here if you need me. 'Cause I know I sure need you."

As I finish reading the last line, a rush of different feelings all seemed to flood in me at once. Anger, pain, confusion among others. What the hell did he mean about 'that night in the park'?

"Hey baby," I hear Andi's sleepy voice behind me and I turn to see her in one of my button up shirts, her dark curls all around her as she rubs her eye from sleep.

"Hey," I say flatly as I pick up the cigarette burning in the ashtray and take a drag.

"Can't sleep?" She asks and I shrug as I take another drag.

"If you come back to bed, I can help with that," She says sweetly as she comes up behind me and wraps her arms around me, her hands moving over my chest as she places a few kisses on my shoulder. I take one last drag of my cigarette, then butt in out in the ashtray but still say nothing

"What's wrong? Why are you so quiet?" She asks.

"I thought maybe you would want to explain this," I say without much emotion again as I show her the letter I found. She glances at the paper and slowly takes it from my hand while I move out of the chair. She looks it over, pushing her curls behind her ear.

"Where'd you find this?" She asks, furrowing her brow as she still reads the letter.

"Stuffed in the back of your journal," I say coldly as I set the guitar back down on it's stand. I turn back to face her as I see her still reading the letter and wait for an explanation.

"I don't know what you want me to explain, it's just a letter that Andy wrote - "

"What does he mean about 'that night in the park'? What park? When?" I cut her off. She hesitates for a moment and looks back down at the letter.

"Chris... it wasn't anything, It was when I time slipped when we were in Germany. After that fight we had remember?"

"Yea I remember. But what the fuck happened? Did you fuck him?" I say angered and hurt, feeling my heart pounding in my chest again.

"No! No, fuck no - "

"Then what does he mean?" I cut her off again. She glances back at the letter and then looks up at me, her brow furrowing as she tries to find the words.

"I just - "

"You just what?" I cut her off again my voice now louder than before.

"Ok, I'm trying to tell you alright?" She raises her voice back at me. We then look at each other in silence for a few moments and then she begins to explain. 

"... there wasn't anyway that I could tell him what was going to happen. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't. You and I just had that fight and I was so upset, and seeing him just made me miss him so much. Being able to talk to him and laugh like nothing had happened... it hurts. I was just so sad because he was right there in front of me and I couldn't bring you with me to see him alive again. Like nothing had ever happened and... I don't know it just happened. He kissed me. It was innocent... nothing else happened I swear," 

I could see the tears that she held at bay, explaining to me how she actually was able to go back and see Andy again. I wasn't exactly sure how to feel about it.

"He says he's in love with you in that letter... were you in love with him too?" I ask not sure if I want to hear the answer. She drops the letter on the chair and walks over to me, looking up into my eyes. 

"No Chris. My heart is yours. I swear I could never love anyone else as much as I love you," She says and I reach out to cup her face in my palm. Sometimes I forget just how hard it is on her to travel back in time and see the people who have long gone in her life - our life - and to come back and know that they are no longer here.

I lean down and touch my forehead to hers as she moves her hands up over my abs and to my chest.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I ask calmly.

"I didn't want to make you upset. I didn't want you angry with him... or me," She says. 

"I'm not angry, I'm just... I don't know," I say. 

I wanted to stay angry. I wanted to stay hurt but she always has a way of making me want her, even when I'm pissed off at her. I suddenly find my lips on hers, my hands on her hips pulling her closer to me, moving around and feeling her ass cheeks through the bottom of my black button up shirt she threw on. 

"You should've told me," I repeat softly when I break away from her lips.

"I know," She says sweetly and presses her lips back to mine, her fingers finding their way through my curls, pulling me into her. My hands move up under her shirt, feeling the softness of her pale skin, skipping across her back as she sighs against my lips.

Holy fuck I want her so fucking bad.

"If you come back to bed... I promise... I'll make it up to you," She says in between her kisses. I moan against her lips as she moves her hand down to the front of my boxers, palming me through the thin fabric which almost instantly sprang me to life. She pulls away and bites her bottom lip, raising her eyebrow at me and turns to make her way towards the stairs and as I watch her walk away, admiring that cute ass of hers, she looks back at me stopping at the first step.

"You coming?" 

"I will be," I raise my eyebrow back at her and run towards her. She squeals with laughter as I chase her up the stairs, catching her, and carrying her the rest of the way.


	36. She Lives All The Things That I've Known

Discovery Park Seattle Washington, July 20 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 26)

ANDI: "Come on babe this is stupid," Chris whines as he tries to peak through the blindfold, " I already know where we are,"

"Ok Mr. 'know it all' where are we then? -And hey! no peaking," I say as I lead him through the grass.

"We... um... we are outside," He says with a smirk.

"No shit Sherlock," Jeff chortles and Chris frowns looking in the direction of Jeff's voice as I laugh.

"Would you just tell me where we are?" Chris says as he stumbles a little because he still can't see through the blindfold.

"We're almost there," I giggle as I continue to lead him down a small hill with Jeff behind us. A few steps later we finally reach sand and I turn back to face Chris, still holding his hand while Jeff runs ahead towards the fire.

"Ok, stop," I say when I place my hand on his chest, feeling him flex through his plain black t-shirt. "You can look,"

He reaches up and lifts the blindfold just a little to peak at me and smirks, then takes the blindfold off completely flipping his long curls that had fallen across his eyes.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!" Everyone shouts from the fire pit.

"What the-?" Chris laughs when he sees everyone. "Did you do this?"

"I had a little help from Susan," I say as Susan walks up to us.

"Hey girl," She says sweetly to me when she places her hand on my shoulder.

"Hi," I turn and smile at her as she embraces me in a hug.

"Don't worry, Stone had the same reaction when he showed up too," Susan says when she pulls away from me and Chris chuckles. 

"Happy Birthday Chris," Susan smiles, and lifts herself up to place a quick kiss on Chris's cheek.

"Thank you," Chris says shyly.

"C'mon," I say to Chris as I pull on his arm and he just gives me that shy smirk as we head towards the fire pit.

*****

Sitting around the campfire, the entire gang of us laughing, drinking sometimes even singing while the glowing flames from the fire crackle and roar, I sit on a blanket in front of Chris sipping my beer while he is firmly planted on one of the logs that some of the boys brought over to sit on.

"Fuck, man you didn't have to get me anything," Chris says as Kim passes him over a box with a ribbon wrapped around and an envelope with Chris's name scribbled across the front. 

"Of course I did, it's your fucking born day alright?" Kim says and takes a sip of his beer.

"Dude -"

"Just open it," Kim says and Chris laughs. He takes the box from Kim setting it on his lap while I watch and sip my beer.

Chris flashes me a raised eyebrow and then slowly opens up the box first. Kim glances at me and I suppress a smile because I know exactly what is in that box.

"Holy shit, no fucking way," Chris smiles as he pulls out an original copy of The Beatles Sgt. Peppers album that was actually signed by Paul McCartney." Babe, look" Chris smiles and had it over to me. I take it from him and look it over. Kim had only just told me about it and it was really fucking cool to see it in person.

"Sorry it's not John or anything but - "

"Oh my god, no...! this is amazing," Chris smiles and gives Kim a hug. "Thank you,"

"You're welcome. I know it's not quite what Andi got you but -" Kim starts but I glare at him and shake my head to try and signal that I haven't given Chris my gift yet. "- um wait no... what am I thinking - ?" Kim chuckles as he tries to cover up that he let it slip. Chris pulls away and looks back and forth between us both.

"What? Wait... what'd ya get me?" Chris asks me.

"Ok... well... ok, give me a sec," I say and hand him back the record. He takes it from me and I rise from the blanket, take one last sip of my beer as I adjust my leather jacket, I lean down to him and give him a quick kiss on his lips and make my way around Layne, who was laughing with his girlfriend Demri Perrott on his lap, then head away from the circle, to the red '86 Chevy van - the one that we use to tour in now and for such camping trips like this - and slide open the large door to retrieve Chris's gift. I honestly didn't exactly know how to wrap it so, I just wrapped a red ribbon around it and tied it with a bow. 

Once I have it, I slide the door shut and try to figure out a way to carry it back to the fire without him seeing what it was. Once I'm able to hold it behind me I walk back to the fire.

"Babe?" Chris smiles at me confused as I reach the blanket and stand in front of him while everyone else continues on with each other. I carefully bring it around and hold it out for him and instantly those blue eyes of his light up with wonderment.

"Holy shit," Chris says. It was a 1989 jet black Duo Jet Gretsch with a solid white pick guard - a re-issue of the 1955 model. 

"I thought maybe you would like one of your own," I say as he takes it from me still wide eyed.

"Baby...?" He trails off just staring at the guitar he held in his hands. I then sit down beside him where Kim once sat - he seemed to be off somewhere, probably drinking a six pack with Jerry behind the van or something - and I swing my leg over so that I was facing Chris.

"How did you...? I mean where did - how...?" Chris attempts to speak still looking over the guitar.

"I have my ways," I smirk, moving just a little closer to him. He pulls off the red ribbon, rests it across his lap and begins to pluck at the strings.

"Happy Birthday," I lean in and whisper in his ear, moving a few of his curls and placing my lips to his earlobe. He leans back into me, then turns and places his lips on mine, soft and gentle at first and I deepen the kiss as I cup his face in my palm, feeling his stubble on his cheek and the beginnings of his moustache against my lips. After a couple of moments, he pulls away and leans into my ear.

"I love you so much baby," He whispers sending shivers all over my body.

"And I love you baby," I say quietly and he places a kiss to that spot under my earlobe as the laughter from everyone and the fire roaring fills the summer night air.

*****

"Ugh, I need to pee, Andi will you come with me?" Demri says as she bounces over to me sweetly, her gorgeous dark hair all around her. Ever since Xana decided to basically cast me out for whatever reason, Demri and I have become closer. I guess, according to Demri, Xana has a habit of turning on her friends like that. 

"Um, sure," I smile at her. I lean into Chris who was laying down on the blanket beside me puffing away on a cigarette while he and Jerry converse about pretty much anything a drunken mind would come to, and let him know I was taking a walk with Demri.

"Hey, don't get lost ok?" Chris raises his eyebrow at me, pulling me back to him and I giggle as he places his lips on mine.

"Don't worry Chrissy, I'll keep her safe," Demri winks at him when I attempt to get to my feet. She takes my hand to help me up and we laugh as Chris just shakes his head at us and chuckles as he takes another drag of his cigarette.

We leave the campfire and head towards the wooded area that was near the shore of the Puget Sound. Once the light from the campfire no longer lit our way, Demri flicks on the flashlight as we try to find the perfect spot for her to go pee.

"You think we're far enough away yet?" I ask.

"Yea, ok I think this is good enough. I'll go first," She says and hands me the flashlight. To be honest I didn't really have to go myself but maybe I should just in case. This is probably the only thing I absolutely hate about camping. Having to pee in the woods. Usually once I'm drunk enough I pretty much don't care at that point, but I still hate it. After she finishes, she comes back over and takes the flashlight while I go and take my turn.

"So are you excited to marry Chris finally?" Demri asks with a smile when I pull my jeans back up.

"Yea, yea I am actually," I giggle.

"My god, September is coming up quick... do you have your dress yet?" She asks.

"No, I should probably get on that eh?" I say as I walk over to her.

"Well yea, I mean Susan and I are definitely going to be there with you, and I'm so happy you asked me to be your brides maid, But we should go dress shopping, I know the perfect little place for a dress," She says sweetly.

"You know you two can wear whatever you like... I mean I feel kinda bad that I can't buy all three dresses,"

"Awe no, Andi it's ok, you're not obligated to buy us anything, it's your day," She says and I giggle as she wraps her arm around my shoulder and touches her temple to mine. She is so sweet. I love Demri so much. 

"Andi?" She asks after a few moments of us walking.

"Yea?" I say as I make my way through the low hanging branches.

"What is it like to time travel?" She asks. I wasn't exactly expecting that kind of a question so it caught me a little off guard.

"Oh, um... well... it's um - "

"I mean, I just never actually seen you do it so, I mean Xana told me about the time she saw it happen, but..." She says. 

"Oh, well um... it's kind of hard to explain really," I say as we walk slowly through the woods.

"I just think it would be so cool to actually travel through time y'know? See what the future would be like, or revisit a place you always loved..." She says thoughtfully.

"It can be, but sometimes..." I trail off, not exactly sure how to tell her that most of the time I hate it. I hate how it's always taking me away from Chris and that I hate how it's always taking me to places I'd rather not go.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - " She stops us and looks at me with those dark eyes full of worry.

"No, no it's ok. I mean... I know it probably seems like the best gift someone could ever have, to be able to travel like that but in reality, it's not exactly practical. If I could control it, maybe I wouldn't find it hard, but I can't so it can really suck sometimes," I explain.

"Yea, I get ya," She says. "But, I just think it's incredibly romantic how Chris has known you since he was so young and just how you time traveled to meet him for the first time,"

"Well... technically I had already met him, then I time traveled and that's when he met me... and... my god it's complicated to explain," I say and she giggles.

"It's ok I know what you mean," She smiles.

"Wait what time is it?" I ask.

"Um, I don't know... after 1am I think,"

"Shit, I need to get back to the van," I say and we walk a little faster.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yea, yea I just forgot to take my meds, that's all," I say. We finally make our way out of the woods and back to the campfire and I head straight to the van as I hear Chris asking Demri where I was going. I reach the van and slide open the door to see Kim passed out in the back, so I reach for my duffle bag and try not to wake him up. 

"Babe, you ok?" Chris says a little slurry as he walks up behind me.

"Yea, yea I'm fine, I just needed... um... nothing actually," I say as I push my curls behind my ear while Kim groans, then begins to snore.

"Demri said something about medication, or something" Chris says placing his hand on my lower back while I unzip my bag.

"Um... yea, well it's nothing really... just something my doctor gave me to um..." I try to think of how to explain that I didn't exactly tell Chris about the Lorazepam that I was prescribed.

"To what?' Chris asks and I finally pull out the bottle.

"It's to help with my seizures... so I don't time slip," I practically whisper as I open up the bottle and pour out two tablets into my hand and place the bottle back in my bag.

"I thought you couldn't take any medication for it?" He asks as I grab a bottle of water from the cooler. Kim groans again and I wince trying to remember to be quiet.

"I can, it's just that nothing had worked before so I just never took anything. I just y'know, I would play instead," I whisper as I look up at him and place the two pills in my mouth and take a sip of water.

"When did you start taking them?" Chris asks. I give him a look, wondering why he's asking so many questions so I turn back and close the van door to make sure Kim doesn't wake up.

"Just recently. I had them for a while but I just didn't take them until after the time slip in Germany. We were so busy and I didn't have time to relax and just work on music so I started them the night I came back from that time slip, " I explain.

"Ok... why didn't you just tell me then?" He asks. I honestly don't know why I didn't tell him.

"I didn't think it was a big deal," I shrug as he keeps his eyes on mine, seemingly searching to see if I'm really alright. "I'm ok Chris I promise... if you hadn't noticed, I haven't had a time slip since the bus in Germany so they must be working," 

"I know...," Chris says as he pushes a few stray curls out of my eyes.

"The only reason I'm taking these is so I don't slip. I'm just so worried that what if I get so nervous at our wedding that end up time slipping, or what if something happens and we end up not getting married at all, or something changes and I'm totally different or -"

"Baby, it's ok, I get it," He says and I look at his chest, seeing my engagement ring on the silver chain that lays against his plain black shirt. He then draws me into his arms and I place my cheek against his chest, my arms wrapping around him through his soft black jacket. His arms feel so amazing around me. I wish he could just hold me forever and never let me go. Too bad I always seem to disappear even when I feel the safest with him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I say quietly.

"You need to start trusting me with telling me stuff. You know you never have to hide anything from me. If you're going to be my wife, we need to tell each other everything, no matter what ok?" 

I sigh against him hearing his deep voice through his chest that sounds so soothing. He's right. I'm so used to travelling through time and not telling people anything because I can't tell people anything. Even when it's a matter of life and death.

"Why do you even want to marry me?" 

I didn't exactly mean for that to come out but it's true. Why would he want to? Why would he want someone like me?

"Because I love you more than anyone I've ever loved in my entire life. Because I can't for one single second imagine my world without you in it. No matter when or where you are, I know you will always come back to me," 

"How do you know that?" I ask, my brow furrowing as I look up at him and he cups my face in his palms.

"I have no idea," Chris smirks and I couldn't help but giggle. " I just do,"


	37. A Strange Girl Who Is Everything I’ve Ever Dreamed

Seattle Washington, September 21 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 26)

ANDI: "Ok, I can do this right? I mean... right?" I say as I stand in front of the full length mirror in our bedroom, My dark curls styled in loose ringlets that cascaded down passed my shoulders, looking at the simple white strapless dress that hugged my bust perfectly and flowed down to just above my knee. It pretty much looks just like a sun dress with a lace overlay starting from just under the bust. It's pretty '60's inspired and it was all I could afford - and it was the only dress that I found suited me the best without it being too elaborate, that also went perfectly with these solid white heels on my feet that feel too tall. I just hope I don't trip at any point. 

"Yes, baby girl... you can do this," 

I turn around and see my father John, standing in the doorway leaning against the frame in a white dress shirt, black jeans and a black jacket. His hair just to his shoulders and a full beard and I suddenly felt like a little girl again. 

"Daddy," I say and my bottom lip trembles as he walks over to me and embraces me in a hug.

"How's my girl?" He says and I practically cry feeling his arms around me. I hadn't seen him since December last year and I knew I missed him, I just didn't think it was this much. He smells exactly the same, reverting me back to when I was a little girl and I would hang on his every word and snuggle into him as he held me.

"Uh, well I'm getting married," I giggle through my tears as I pull away from him.

"I see that," He chuckles as he glances over me.

"Oh my god, I'm a mess," I say as I turn back to the mirror and grab a tissue wiping my eye trying carefully not to mess up my make up.

"No sweetie you are beautiful... you look just like your mother when we got married," He says and I turn back to him. "I wish she could see... " he trails off for a moment and looks down at himself.

"It's ok daddy... she's here," I say and he gives me a half smile.

"You know... I always loved your mother. No matter what. I made mistakes and I regret the day that I left more than anything - 

"Daddy - "

"No you need to hear this. I miss her more than anything. I know we probably were never meant for each other but she was a really good woman, and I loved her very much and I was just too damn stubborn and hardheaded in my ways to realize just how much she wanted me to be there... How much she really meant to me," John looks at me with his dark eyes filled with so much love for me and so much regret. 

"Daddy it's ok... she knows,"

He gives me a small smile, then takes me in his arms again embracing me in a hug and I knew for sure the tears were going to start again. 

"I love you my baby girl," He says, his voice deep and comforting.

"I love you too daddy," I sigh and he holds me for a few more moments and then pulls away giving me a kiss on my forehead.

"Ok, I'm gonna let you finish getting ready and I'll meet you at the back sliding door... that is where we planned it right?"

"Yes," I giggle. I can tell he's a little nervous about giving me away. He gives me a wink and squeezes my hand then turns and heads out of the bedroom. I then turn back to the mirror and try to fix up the rest of my make up, making sure nothing smudged with all the emotions I'm feeling. Suddenly I somehow couldn't shake this weird dizzy feeling, thinking maybe it was just cause I haven't eaten anything. I've been way too nervous to even think about food all morning. 

I take in a few deep breaths and close my eyes for a moment to try and focus but it's almost like it made it worse. 

Ok, Andi, you're ok... just relax

I flick open my eyes and make my way to the bathroom that was just beside our bedroom, and lean against the sink. I haven't felt like this in a long time and usually this happens when I'm about to have a time slip. I've been taking those pills so I have no idea where this is coming from. I steady myself for a moment and glance at myself in the bathroom mirror when everything really started to get blurry. I open up the medicine cabinet and take out the bottle of Lorazepam, then just as I popped open the bottle cap, everything went completely dark.

*****

CHRIS: Standing outside in our backyard, I feel like I have been waiting forever for this moment. I'm finally making Andi my wife and all I could think about was how incredibly nervous I am in front of all these people. I know it's just friends and family but still, I can't help but feel that way, especially when they are watching. I glance down at myself in my black button up shirt, that I left untucked and black pants and adjust my suede wrist bands, fidgeting with them because I'm so damn nervous. 

Everyone had taken their place. My sister Katy standing next to Demri, My brother Peter standing next to me, My mom sitting in the middle row with my older brother Patrick, Kim matt and Ben all sitting in the back row along with Layne, Jerry, Stone, Jeff and Eddie. Eddie Vedder - now one of my closest best friends - sitting in the back with his date that he brought - I think she said her name is Beth? - Anyways, When Jeff and Stone and I started working on some music back in August, they introduced me to Ed and said that they were wanting to continue on in a band with him, and hit it off so incredibly well. He's such a great guy... he just has this soulfulness about him that reminds me of Andy. I know Andi was so shy around him at first and it was funny to see two incredibly shy people try to get to know each other. I think Andi was the one who said something first though... and we all know how hard it is for her to be the one to spark up a conversation. 

Speaking of Andi, where the hell is she?

"So are we almost ready to get started? Where's the bride - Andrea, it's Andrea right?" The officiant says to me.

"Yea, um... I think we are almost... ready?" I turn and give Peter a look of confusion and he looks down at his watch.

"Um, yea... let me go and see if she's ready," Peter says and pats me on the shoulder and heads down the small isle. I see Peter walk up to Susan who had just come out of the house and say something to her, Susan nods, then disappears back into the house.

"Susan's going to check on her," Peter says as he comes back down the isle and takes his place beside me again.

"Ok," I say and start to fidget again.

"You alright brother?" Peter asks.

"Yea, yea... I'm just nervous," I say. After a few moments, Susan comes back, walking down the isle and smiling to everyone as they greet her, then finally reaches me.

"She's gone," She lifts herself up and whispers in my ear.

"What?" I say flatly.

"She's not in the bedroom," She says again. Feeling my heart begin to pound a million times a minute, I gently move her out of the way and walk hurriedly down the isle while our guests begin to stir, wondering what's going on. I make my way inside the house and run as fast as I can up the stairs to our bedroom and she is nowhere to be found.

"No.. No, no, no, baby not now," 

I check the opposite bedroom, and nope not in there either. I then quickly run into the bathroom and see her dress laying in a clump on the floor with her white shoes and white lacy garter belt.

*****

(Andi is 28)

ANDI: "I'm sorry!" I yell back to the neighbor screaming at me as I fumble putting on one of the shoes I had taken from the back yard from one of the houses a few streets over from our house. It's my freaking wedding day, and I can't believe I had somehow forgot to tell myself that this would happen. At least I was able to make it back to the same neighborhood. 

I couldn't have slipped at a worse time either. Right in the middle of Chris and I... well... god his lips felt so fucking good, hitting that perfect spot. I was so fucking goddamn close too. Fucking Christ!

I quickly make my way down a few blocks, pretty much running so that I wouldn't make the ceremony too late and finally come up to our old house. There were tons of cars parked outside, but it looks like everyone is in the backyard. Pushing my curls behind my ear, I quietly make my way up to the front door, head inside and immediately up the stairs, hearing everyone's voices out in the backyard. I step into the bedroom, walk over to the window and see everyone conversing while it looks like Chris and Peter are talking to my dad and preventing people from coming inside the house. 

"Shit, ok gotta hurry," I say to myself and run into the bathroom, tearing off my stolen clothes and jumping in the shower to quickly clean myself.

Fuck, I'm so hungry

In no time I finish, dry myself off and try to style my curls as best I could. I remember my hair was so perfect in soft loose ringlets, now it's damp as I try to scrunch it with some hair product knowing I don't have time to whip out the curling iron to make it the way it was that day - I mean this day. I quickly change into my wedding dress, finding it a little tighter than I remember but still able to get it on, only now the top of my cleavage is visibly showing. 

I guess my boobs did get bigger.

I then grab the white garter belt and slide it up to my thigh, then slip on my white shoes. I then head back into the bedroom to check myself in the full length mirror, try and fluff my curls a bit as they fall down around my shoulders in tight curls and see if I can quickly throw on some make-up. As I move over to my dresser I hear a few voices coming up the stairs again and I start to panic a little. 

"I'm just gonna check the bedroom again, you never know she might have - "

The door opens and I quickly close up my powder compact and see Chris in his black button up dress shirt, untucked with the top 2 buttons undone, his necklaces laying against his bare chest, those black suede wrist bands and black dress pants, his curls - oh my god those gorgeous curls I miss - down passed his shoulders with his silver hoop earrings poking through, his beard perfectly trimmed, neat and subtle when he first started to grow it, and those beautiful blue eyes that light up my soul each time he lays them on me.

"Hi baby," I smile at him and he immediately rushes over to me and wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly and whispers "Hi"

"Um, could you just give us a few minutes?" Chris says after a few moments of him holding me and turns to whoever was with him and they nod and head back downstairs. Chris then closes the bedroom door and turns back to me.

"Ok, tell me that I'm not crazy here, but I could have sworn you... you looked different this morning... or..." He says as he walks over to me. His eyes wander over my body, landing at my chest lingering for a moment, and then flicking back to my eyes.

"No, I'm the same... I just, decided to change my make-up," I say and bite my bottom lip.

Holy shit he looks so fucking gorgeous. 

He keeps his eyes on mine for a few moments and once again looks over my body, then catches my left hand noticing the tattoo on my ring finger had been completed. He takes my hand and then flicks his eyes back to mine.

"We're already married aren't we?" He asks.

"Yea," I say after a few moments.

"When are you coming from?" He asks glancing over my chest again.

"Uh, 1998" I breathe as his cologne fills my nostrils the closer he moves to me.

"So... are you here to marry me?"

" I am,"

"So when you come back, we aren't actually married then?" He asks and I can see the look of confusion take over him.

"Technically no, but you take me to city hall and we make it official then" I tell him.

"Do you at least come back in time for... tonight?" He raises his eyebrow at me.

"I do," I say remembering our wedding night. It was the best night of my life. "But just go easy on me ok? I'm probably not going to be exactly my happy self when I come back,"

He gives me a concerned look for a moment and moves closer to me. I didn't really want to get into specifics but I remember feeling incredibly heartbroken when I slipped. He then touches his forehead to mine and I close my eyes relishing in the scent of him. He then places his lips on mine starting gentle at first then swiping his tongue across my bottom lip and deepening the kiss. Without realizing it, my fingers make their way to his hair, lacing them through his curls, relishing in them as he draws me into him. 

Dear fucking god, his lips feel so good. 

He then pulls away from me and glances down at my chest again. 

"See something you like?" I raise my eyebrow at him. 

"Uh..." He trails off and I catch him biting his bottom lip. "You uh, you're fucking gorgeous in that dress," He adds flicking his eyes back to mine.

"We better get downstairs before people start to wonder what's going on up here," I sigh when he touches his forehead to mine wanting him to just make love to me right here, right now.

"Yea, you're right. Ok, I'll head down first," He says, places another kiss on my lips, then reluctantly pulls away from me and turns, adjusting himself and I giggle. 

"You shush," He says flashing me a smirk before he disappears downstairs.

*****

Seattle Washington, April 2 1980

(Andi is 20, Chris is 15)

ANDI: "Shit! Jeezus What the Fuck?!" Chris yelps as I suddenly appear on the bathroom floor completely naked while he is in the clawfoot bathtub taking a shower. He covers himself but looks completely terrified at me while the water continues running over him.

"Andi, oh my God, um... shit," He says and turns the shower off while I try to gather myself together. I still feel incredibly dizzy. He quickly jumps out of the bathtub and grabs a towel from the rack to cover himself with and an extra one for me. He moves back over to me and nervously helps wrap me in a towel, giving me the shyest smile.

"Hi," He says sweetly. My god he's so young and his hair is so short.

"Um, hi," I say a little disoriented.

"Are you ok?" He asks.

"Yea, I think so," I say as he helps me sit up on the toilet. Suddenly he starts to giggle and which in turn made me start because I seriously did not mean to scare him, but I have to admit, that scream he let out was hilarious.

"Here, let me get you something um, I'll be right back," He says laughing and hurries out of the bathroom while I continue to giggle and situate myself a little better. A few minutes later he comes back wearing only a pair of grey sweatpants and one of his T-Shirts for me.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you," I giggle.

"It's ok, I figured you wanted me to scream like a girl at some point," He laughs as he crouches down so that he is pretty much eye level with me. He hands me over the T-Shirt and I quickly pull it on, flipping my curls out from underneath. It was pretty much a night shirt on me as it was long enough to come down to my mid-thigh.

"It's um... it's good to see you," He says with a small smile.

"You, too," I say as I look into his incredibly young features.

"I was um, just gonna hang out at home today so... wanna hang out with me?" He asks so cutely.

"Yea sure," I smile back at him. He then holds out his hand for me and I take it, and he leads me out into the living room part of the basement of his old house he lived in with his mom.

*****

ANDI: "So... what should I put on now?" Chris asks me as he crawls on his knees over to the stereo and stops the turntable.

"I don't know... I'm cool with whatever," I say as I lay down on the shaggy carpeted floor of his living room with my eyes closed my legs crossed at the ankle with my one arm supporting behind my head.

"Ok, um... do you wanna pick something?" He says as he looks back at me with those blue eyes.

"Mmmm... how about the Ramones?" I ask.

"Road to Ruin?" He smiles at me.

"Sure," I say and he immediately flips though his records, finds it and puts it on. He then moves back over to the coffee table, sitting in front of it and just beside me, grabs the joint that was burning in the ashtray and takes a few drags from it.

"You know, you never said when you're coming from," He says as he exhales a cloud of smoke.

"1990," I say quietly with my eyes still closed.

"Oh, so you're like what... how old?"

"20," I say quietly again.

"Huh..." He trails off and takes another drag.

"What?" I ask opening one eye at him.

"Nothing," He says and I close my eyes again. I can feel him studying me for a few moments and then he takes another drag.

"Andi, are you ok?" He asks. I guess he could tell that I really wasn't in the mood to be time travelling.

"Yea... yea I'm ok," I sigh wishing that I could tell him it's our wedding day and that all I want to do is just marry him and be with him but instead I ended up being here with him when he's only 15 and we can't do anything at all because that would be completely wrong, not to mention illegal if anything else. I always forget we're just friends in this time and as much as I love that he's my best friend, I just want to go back to my time. 

But I love him so much. Fuck this fucking sucks. I hate myself so fucking much.

"Andi?" He asks again and I find myself trying to hold back my crying but I just couldn't help it. I cover my face with my hands and start to sob, feeling like an absolute idiot.

"Hey, no... no don't cry. Did I say something wrong?" He asks as he butts out the joint. 

"No," I say quietly as I wipe my eyes and sit up. He moves even closer to me while I continue to wipe my tears away. He pushes my curls behind my ear, and cups my face in his palms looking at me with those blue eyes that are so young and have no idea of the life ahead of him.

"Andi, you can tell me anything you know that right?" He says and I'm suddenly reminded of his birthday in the park when he said the exact same thing, the exact same way only I really can't tell him everything right now. I then wrap my arms around him wanting him to hold me and feeling his arms slowly embrace me. Without him saying one more word, he hugs me tighter as I softly cry into his shoulder.

*****

Seattle Washington, September 21 1990

(Andi is 28, Chris is 26)

CHRIS: "... and Chris, do you take Andrea Marie O'Riden to be your lawfully wedded wife, in good times and in bad times, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," I say without any hesitation as I slip the white gold wedding band on her finger, knowing it is the only time she will ever wear it.

"Alright, with the power bestowed upon me and by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you... Husband and Wife,"

I smile looking into those beautiful dark eyes of hers and knowing that she is an older version of herself, she is still so incredibly beautiful and everything that I ever dreamed about.

"...you can kiss your bride," the officiant says to me with a chuckle and I immediately lean down to her, pressing my lips to hers as she giggles against my lips for a moment, then cups my face in her palm. At that moment, everything stood completely still as I hear all of our friends and family laugh and cheer for us, applauding as I pretty much refuse to take my lips away from hers.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I now introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Christopher John Cornell," The officiant says proudly though I still remain placing a few quick kisses on her lips while she giggles so sweetly as everyone continues to applaud us.

*****

Hours later, I sit in one of the large reading chairs in our living room as the last of our guests leave. Susan walks over to me while my hand grips my roots as I play with Andi's wedding band between my fingers.

"You need anything?" She says as she places her hand on my shoulder.

"No... just my wife back," I exhale and lay my head back on the chair, closing my eyes.

"I know... she'll come back. She always does," Susan gives me a small smile and I return it, glancing up at her. She then turns and makes her way to the front door giving me a soft wave as she says goodbye, and I am left alone to wait for my love to come back to me.


	38. Part 4:  Revelations

New York City, New York June 3 2017

(Andi is 29, Chris is 52)

ANDI: "You and I are never, ever leaving this bed," Chris says as he snuggles into my shoulder, placing his lips to my ear as his arm lays across me pulling me closer.

"C'mon, you know we can't stay in bed forever," I giggle as he places sweet kisses down my neck.

"Sure we can, who says we can't?" He says as he props his head up on his hand and I flick my eyes to his, snuggling further into him.

"How would we eat?" I ask and he shrugs, 

"We don't need food,"

"How will we live?" I laugh.

"Right here in this bed like I said," He laughs. He turns his attention to my right nipple, leaning down and nipping at it so gently but tickling me at the same time.

"Hey!" I laugh and he laughs as his hand moves around to the small of my back pressing me against him

"Chris, c'mon we should get up," I giggle as I reach over and pick up my phone to check the time and he groans but turns his attention to my other nipple, as I set my phone back down.

"Remember when... we were first together...and you met me the first time - for you anyways -and... we spent the whole entire... weekend in my bed?" He says in between each kiss, moving between my breasts.

"Uh huh," I say closing my eyes. I do remember that. I was so scared but he made me feel so comfortable with him, especially since for him, he had known me since he was 15.

"So, it's just like then... only we'll never leave, " He says when he props his head up on his hand again with that sly smirk he always gives me. 

I flick my eyes open again to see him glancing down at me and I smile back at him, reaching up and brushing a few of his curls that had fallen across his eyes. I then pull him back to me, pressing my lips to his and lacing my fingers through his curls. He's right, we should just stay in bed. Who needs to face the world when I'm wrapped up in Chris's arms.

Suddenly there was a noise coming from downstairs that sounded like someone knocking on the door, then the doorbell started to ring and more knocking on the door.

"What the - ?" Chris says when he pulls away from me and still more knocking.

"They're persistent," I giggle trying to make a joke but Chris didn't seem to find it funny. He then lets go of me and climbs out of bed, slipping on a pair of black 90 logo track pants and a white V-neck t-shirt.

"Well, I'm going to tell them to fuck off.... I'll be back," He says and I giggle as he leans down over me placing a kiss on my forehead, then turns and heads to the bedroom door. I groan and reach out for him not wanting him to leave and he disappears from the bedroom then pull the covers back up to my chest, lay back and stretch, hoping that Chris makes them go away quickly so he can get back into bed with me. To think that I was the one who initially wanted to get up, but now I'm so comfortable in this huge bed I don't want to get up.

A few minutes go by and while I wait for Chris to come back, I decide to grab his mac book from the night stand and flip it open to check out some videos on YouTube. I never thought that we would be able to access videos like this online and just the advancements that the internet has made. Again, coming from my time in 1999, it was only just beginning for me and now, it's so fast and so amazing to just search for anything you want and it's right there. 

I started searching through bands that I love from way back when - Sepultura, Metallica, Guns N Roses etc - and eventually came across old videos of Chris with his band Audioslave. I clicked on a few of them, Cochise, Doesn't remind Me and Show Me How To Live, and it was almost surreal to see him with his short spiky hair again, but without Kim, Matt and Ben. I remember meeting Rage Against The Machine the one year Soundgarden did Lollapalooza in '92 but it was only in passing as I was so busy with the schedule and making sure everything ran smoothly, as a manager should do at that time. 

As I click on some interview footage, and more live videos of Live 8 in 2004 and Cuba in 2005, I started to feel that heartbroken guilty feeling creep up. I missed so much time with him that it's almost like he's a completely different person here in these videos, but the same somehow. I know, I can't explain it but I hate that missed all of this. Then I clicked on another video and it looked like a premier or some sort of red carpet event and it shows a black Limo with Chris stepping out, looking so different in a suit with his hair spiked and gelled so perfectly, his beard thin but trimmed neatly. He walks over to the other side of the Limo, opens the door and a woman steps out.

I could feel my heart drop as he takes her hand, her dress extremely low cut and backless, her dark hair in loose wavy curls as he walks her over to a reporter. She stands close to him giving a few smiles that seem either nervous or something else all together as he answers the reporters questions. She glances at the flashes from the cameras and turns slightly so that they get her best angle - which started to anger me because she seems more focused on herself and how she looks than actually being there for him. 

She's not at all who I pictured her to be like either. I mean, I don't know what I was picturing - I was trying not to think about her at all - but she just doesn't seem to fit. I know he told me about her when we were heading to Columbus, but seeing her with him is a different story. That should be me standing there with him, not her.

"Sorry babe, I got stuck on the phone downstairs - hey what happened?" Chris says as he walks back in the bedroom with a yellow envelope seeing me quickly close down his mac book, wiping away the some tears that had fallen down my cheeks. I didn't mean to start crying, but I couldn't help it.

"Nothing," I say and make sure the blankets were securely covering my chest. He walks back over to me and sits down beside me on the bed. He flips open the mac book and sees the last website page I was on with the video on You Tube of him and Vicky.

"Oh Baby," He says sadly.

"I'm ok really," I say dismissively and he looks at me, reaching out and pushing a few of my curls behind my ear.

"You know this doesn't matter right? I mean... that wasn't me," He says gesturing to the paused video of him and Vicky. "Well it was me... but that's not who I am anymore,"

"I know... I know. But, it doesn't make it hurt any less," I say and he furrows his brow at me. " I mean - that's not how I mean for it to come out,"

"I know baby. But... you know Vicky and I are done. You don't even have to worry about this kind of stuff at all. I have the divorce settlement right here, I just have to sign it and it's done baby. Then it's just you and me." He says so re-assuringly as he looks at me determined to convince me that everything is going to be ok. He then pulls out the papers from the envelope and grabs a pen from his bedside table.

"It was Vicky's lawyer downstairs so... I guess he was the one who had to serve them to me," He explains as he flips through the papers.

"So wait... we're still married right?" I ask.

"Uh huh," He says still scanning the papers.

"So... how were you able to marry her? Does she know about me?" I ask a little worried.

"It's complicated, but I sort of lead her to believe I was widowed... so she knows but not specifically about you..." He trails off and I could feel my heart drop as he struggles to look at me. 

This is what I didn't let him explain on the plane with me. Maybe I should've, but I didn't want to hear it. Maybe I still don't want to hear it. 

"I know I know. I always thought you would come back to me. You always had before. And I know it's no excuse, but I didn't know what else to do. After she got pregnant, I just didn't think twice, I just did what I had to do. It wasn't until last year that I found out a lot of shit. How much she lied to me,"

"What?" I ask trying to take this all in. Why the fuck didn't I let him tell me this before?

"My daughter, Toni... well she's not mine. She never was. When I found out that Toni wasn't mine I just... I lost it, I fell apart. She'd been lying to me for 14 years. So... these papers determine that Vicky and I are done, She gets the condo in Miami and that's it. She's out of my will, she's out of the foundation and out of my life. Once I sell this house, I can move back to Seattle and be done with it all,"

I didn't know what to say. I can't believe all of this happened because of one little moment that I couldn't control. 

He turns back to the papers he held in front of him, turning to the last page. He takes in a deep breath, and signs his name at the bottom, then stuffs the papers back into the envelope and sets it back on the nightstand.

"So what about your daughter then? That's it? You aren't gonna see her anymore?" I ask. I didn't know if it really was my place to say, but I had to say something.

"She's already with her biological father. Vicky had been setting up visitation between them while I was on tour, and it had been going on for a while," Chris says shakily to me. 

He then goes on to explain that the night I time slipped into the hotel was when Vicky had told him about it. He also explains that Vicky had been taking money out of a foundation that Chris had started and laundering it somewhere, so the foundation had gone into suspension that same week. 

"... so now I have to close down the foundation and I owe a lot of money because of her lying, which is why I'm selling this house. But I have my lawyer and an accountant that's gonna help me fix the financial side of everything," Chris says.

"Fuck, Chris..." I honestly didn't know what to say still. This is way more complicated than I ever thought it would be.

"I know... I know I should've told you sooner, but I just didn't know how to. After this tour, I'm financially fucked... I'm sorry," He says, still not looking directly at me.

"Chris, hey... you know I never cared about your money. I mean, we lived in the most shitiest places way back when, barely having enough money to eat some days because of touring and not making hardly anything. You never ever have to apologize to me. If I don't need to, then you don't need to," I say as I reach out and force him to look at me. He then pulls me into him, resting his head on my chest as I run my fingers through his curls, twirling a few around my fingers as I place my lips on the top of his head.

"I promise I will make up for everything. As long as I have you, I know I'm gonna be ok," He says softly as I hold him.

Please just let everything be ok


	39. Drown Me In Your Thirsty Veins

Seattle Washington, November 4 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 26)

ANDI: "Ok, Mrs. Cornell, here is your prescription and you are all set," one of the girls behind the counter at the pharmacy says as she hands me a little bag.

"Thank you," I smile as I take the bag from her. I swear it's still crazy to me to hear people call me 'Mrs. Cornell'. It almost sounds surreal in a sense.

In the few weeks that we have been officially husband and wife, we have been practically inseparable - well we always were before of course but even more so now, though I'm not counting the times when I slip of course. The next morning after I came back, Chris took me to city hall so that we could actually make our marriage official and even though I hated myself for slipping and missing the whole entire thing, Chris told me that my future self came back to marry him at the ceremony, which confused me at first, but at least I was able to be there, even if it was my future self. Then to celebrate, we went back to the tattoo artist that originally did my ring tattoo and had him finish it. Chris still keeps my wedding band and engagement ring around his silver chain necklace, never taking it off.

I haven't slipped since the wedding but my neurologist decided to up my dose of Lorazepam anyways. No one knows why I slipped at the wedding. I've been taking exactly what is prescribed to me like clockwork but for some reason, it just happened, and it wasn't like my normal time slips either. The dizziness was overwhelming. It just felt different. Anyways... hopefully these pills will help.

As I head out the doors looking down at my prescription, I flip my curls out of my face to see Chris leaning against his baby blue Ford pick-up in his leather jacket, a plain black knit sweater, black jeans with the cuffs rolled up over his red Doc Martens, taking a drag from his cigarette while he squints his eyes from the rising smoke. His beard is perfectly trimmed and his curls that are down passed his shoulders, gently sway in the cool November breeze while he waits for me. Seems like he's always waiting for me.

"Hey beautiful," He says sweetly exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"Hi," I smile back as I walk up to him, lifting myself up a little to press my lips to his. I give him a few quick kisses but then he just grabs me by the nape of my neck and presses his lips harder to mine making me giggle against him.

"You ready?" He says when I pull away from him.

"As I'll ever be," I say and he chuckles giving me one last quick kiss and then moving to open the passenger side door for me. He helps me in, then closes the door and heads around to his side and climbs in. I immediately take over the task of finding some tunes, popping in a cassette with Guns N' Roses blasting through the speakers. Chris glances over at me with a smirk as he butts out the last of his cigarette.

"What can I say, I love Slash ok?" I smile and give him a shrug. He laughs and gives me a sweet smirk again. He then turns his attention to the steering wheel, pulling out away from the curb and we take off down the streets of downtown Seattle.

We are heading up north to London Bridge Studios for Chris to do some recording with Jeff, Stone, Matt and Mike McCready. Chris's grandfather has a cabin near the studio, so we decided to use it for a place to stay which will also give us some much needed alone time in between recording.

Over the summer, Chris had been working on some songs in the wake of Andy's passing and Jeff was the one who had suggested that he record the songs, in sort of a tribute to Andy. Since there were also a few other songs that Chris had written that sort of didn't really fit the esthetic of Soundgarden, he thought of maybe putting them all on an album. One last time to say goodbye you could say.

About an hour and a half later, we arrive at the Cabin which was located down a winding back road that was apparently only maintained during the summer months. There was only just a little bit of snow on the road but it still made the drive a little slippery. I guess Chris's truck needs some new winter tires.

Once we were parked, I climb out of the truck while Chris grabs some of the bags from the back, then comes around to take my hand leading me up to the front door. Hi fishes in the pockets of his leather jacket to find the keys while I pull closed my leather jacket, feeling the chill in the air. It's definitely a lot colder up here than in Seattle. Once he opens the door, he lets me inside first.

"Damn, it's cold in here too," I say.

"Yea it will be for a little bit, 'til I get the fire going," He says as he sets some of the bags down at the door. "I'm just gonna grab the groceries from the truck, I'll be right back babe," 

As he heads back to the truck, I take off my Doc Martens, carry the bags over to the bed which was straight ahead on the far side positioned next to the wall and slip off my leather jacket.

The cabin is one big large open room with a large fireplace and a little kitchen off to the far right side with a small fridge and stove that looked like it was from the 1940's - which it mostly likely was. The couch and love seat surround the fireplace with what looked like an animal fur throw rug in the middle, and a TV positioned high up on a stand in the far left corner. 

Chris then comes back in with the groceries and a couple of guitars, setting them down by the door as he begins to take of his red Doc Martens. I then walk over to him, taking the bags of groceries and walk over to the kitchen to put them away.

"Ok, let's get a fire going," Chris says as he walks over to the fireplace, grabbing some of the kindling and some of the wood logs that had been already cut from a few months prior and placing it inside. He then takes the long lighter off of the mantle and lights the fireplace and it instantly roars to life.

"Are you hungry?" I ask as I close the fridge, stashing the grocery bags on the counter.

"A little," He says as he walks up behind me and wraps his arms around me. 

"My god, I'm so cold," I say and snuggle into him for warmth as he brushes my curls from my shoulder, placing his lips to that spot under my ear. The scent of his cologne so fresh and comforting, as it fills my nostrils.

"Me too baby," He says, his voice deep and smooth. His lips move to my earlobe, his beard tickling me as he does so, sending chills down my body. He slowly reaches in front of me, carefully unbuttoning my red plaid shirt and once he reaches the last button, I turn to face him, pressing my lips to his. His hands make their way up my back, his fingers skipping across my skin as I lace my fingers through his curls, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip. 

He then swiftly picks me up and I laugh in surprise, wrapping my legs around him as he carries me over to the fur rug in front of the fire. He lays me down giggling with me, my shirt now open revealing my black lacy bra as he kneels in between my legs.

"I thought you said... you were hungry?" I ask, watching him lift up his sweater, revealing his perfectly toned chest and abs. His gorgeous curls fall down around his shoulders as he tosses his sweater on the couch, the silver chain necklace laying against his skin glistening in the warm fire light.

"I didn't say it was for food," He says with that sly smirk, his incredible blue eyes fixating on mine as he moves over top of me, unbuckling my belt, popping open the button to my jeans and pulling the zipper down. I bite my bottom lip as he immediately pulls my jeans down over my hips tossing them aside then carefully holds my ankle, pulling off my white sock, tossing it with my jeans and I couldn't help but laugh at how ticklish it felt.

"Chris, don't, don't touch my feet please," I laugh.

"Shhhhh trust me...," He laughs and takes my other ankle, pulling off my other sock. He then gently moves his hands up my calf, opening my legs further as his fingers brush across my skin, moving up my thigh to the rim of my black panties. 

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath letting it out slowly as I feel his fingers play just inside the rim of my panties, feeling his blue eyes watch me as I react to him. Once his fingers begin to softly stroke my clit, I let out a whimper, slightly arching my back to the feeling of his touch. 

"Shit, baby... you are so wet already," He says and I quickly nod letting out a gasp as his fingers tease around my slit without actually going in. I want him so bad already but I need to let myself enjoy it. He then stops for a moment, slipping his fingers out from the thin fabric, then pulls them down over my hips as I help wiggle out of them. Without even wasting a single second, he positions my legs perfectly, then spreads me open, his lips instantly making contact with my clit.

I moan as he places gentle fleeting kisses all around my clit, his lips feeling so hot yet soft at the same time. His thumb brushes the outside of my slit, still teasing but not actually going inside which was driving me absolutely insane with incredible pleasure. 

"Fuck... Chris you're so fucking good," I manage to get out in between my moans. Then as if he felt the need to up his game, he gives my clit a few licks , then begins to suck, feeling each gentle pull while his tongue intermittently flicks in perfect timing. 

I moan even louder than before as he slips a finger, then another inside me stroking perfectly as the crackling sound from the fire fills the room. It wasn't long before I could feel that wonderful sensation deep inside me, begging to explode. As much as I tried to hold back and just enjoy him playing with me, my body had other plans. Without so much as a warning, I cry out a string of sudden profanities that even a sailor would blush at as Chris plays me though the entire event. It was almost like I had lost my complete sense of awareness of where I was and what time I was in. Like I wasn't even on this plane of existence anymore. I wish time slipping was this incredible.

"Stop, stop... oh my god, Chris you have... to stop," I pant.

"Are you sure baby? It seems like you don't really want me to," He says as I try to stop myself from responding to his touch, but he just makes me feel so good. 

"No, I mean yes... you have to stop," I continue to try to catch my breath with my eyes still squeezed shut. I quickly cover my face in my hands, not wanting him to look at me anymore. I'm not exactly sure why but I just feel so vulnerable, like I don't want him to see me at all.

"Baby?" He chuckles and it was all I could do to will myself not to cry. 

Why in the fucking world is this making me cry? 

I hear him unbuckle his belt and after a few quick seconds, I feel his lips place sweet kisses to my stomach, slowly moving up to my ribs and I start to giggle, feeling his beard tickle me. Chris then starts to giggle as I start to laugh while he continues to place sweet kisses on my chest.

"I... love you... so, so, so, so much," He says softly laughing in between his kisses as I take my hands away from my face, wiping the stray tears from the corners of my eyes. "... and I love how I can make you cum so hard that you react that way to me,"

"So you want to make me cry?" I laugh still wiping my eyes.

"No, no... I mean - " He cuts himself off as I laugh. 

"It's ok Chris, I know what you meant. I'm just embarrassed about crying after... that, but holy fuck, I don't know what or how you were doing whatever you were doing but... fuck..." I try to explain as I remember the exact moment, feeling the tingling sensation returning to my clit. He then grabs my hips and pulls me to him and I laugh again as he laughs with me, his lips moving to that spot under my earlobe. 

"You don't need to feel embarrassed at all. You don't even know how incredibly sexy you are, do you?" He whispers in my ear and I can feel his cock, so insanely hard as he teases my entrance with just the tip.

"No," I say shyly.

"Well you are baby," He whispers pushing himself inside me, slowly and sensually and I instinctively wrap my legs around his hips, locking his legs with mine, arching my back while he moves in and out of me. I feel my entire body lose control as he hits the perfect spot inside me, filling me up completely.

"Holy shit," He pants and pulls out of me.

"What?" I exhale.

"Nothing, I'm just trying not to cum yet," He says as he looks down at himself.

"Chris, I don't care," I pant. I just wanted him back inside me. He then pushes himself back in and I swear I thought I was going to lose it. He just feels so incredibly hard and thick. He lets out a loud moan and touches his forehead to mine, as I cry out seemingly louder than before. I flick my eyes open to watch his expression, his eyebrows knitting together, then furrowing.

"Oh, fuck yes!" He cries out and I feel him release inside me as I pant, trying to catch my breath. "Oh my god baby, that was... holy shit," 

Panting, he collapses down on top of me and I giggle to myself full of pure bliss from him. We roll on to our side, and he lifts himself up on his forearm as he pulls out of me to look down at himself for a moment. I then place my lips to his cheek and then down his jawline to his neck as he continues to breathe slightly heavy.

"Sorry babe, give me a second here," He says and he moves away from me, and gets up, fumbling just a little and I giggle. He quickly makes his way to the bathroom which was beside the kitchen and comes back with a towel, wiping himself down, then coming back to me, moving my leg to help wipe me down too.

"I kinda... made a mess," He smirks shyly,

"It's ok," I giggle.

"Look... look what you do to me," He says kneeling in between my legs again, glancing back down at himself, his curls falling across his face and I can see that he was still fully erect. 

"Awe, baby... maybe I can help with that," I say, completely turned on again at the size of him and how he was still so hard after that. I sit myself up, flipping my curls out of my face and immediately take him in my hand giving him a few good squeezes.

"Oh shit," He exhales as I place my lips to the tip of him, giving him a few sweet kisses first, then begin to suck lightly while his entire body tenses. I give him another squeeze as I suck harder and more determined, earning moans of encouragement with each stroke. He then leans against the couch, repositioning himself with his legs straight out in front of him, I kneel in between as his fingers lace through my hair, drowning in my dark curls. I moan a little as his fingers play with my hair feeling so good as I do my work on him. 

"Fuck, you are so fucking good at that," He praises, his breathing becoming more intense.

I stop for a moment, running my tongue all the way down his shaft and slowly back up to give me a moment to catch my breath. Then I continue sucking, flattening my tongue along his shaft stroking and squeezing whatever I couldn't get in my mouth.

"Baby, come here," He breathes and I give him one last good suck as he pulls me to him.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask.

"No, no... I just wanna be inside you again," He says, those blue eyes of his intensely fixated on mine as I position myself perfectly on top of him. 

As soon as I lowered myself on him, I knew I wasn't going to last long at all. His hands move to my hips to help guide me and it was all I could do to keep myself together. I throw my head back as he reaches up moving my shirt off my shoulder, pulling my bra strap down and pressing his lips, gently nipping and moving down. I moan arching my back moving with his rhythm as he frees my breast from the confines of my bra, his lips teasing, his tongue flicking my nipple was all I could take before I could feel that wonderful sensation creeping up once more.

"Chris, I'm gonna cum again," I pant as he breaks his lips from my nipple.

"Me too baby," He says as his thumb brushes my nipple. I take in a deep breath and touch my forehead to his and once more, we release together, moaning and crying out as one.


	40. Afterglow

North Washington, November 4 1990

(Chris is 26, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: "... then I don't know where to go here. Into your room I stumble now, too tired to cower... and then everything I write after that is just stupid," She says holding her black leather bound journal in her hand taking a bite of the pizza that she had made for us. It actually turned out pretty well considering it's only a frozen store bought one. She sits cross legged in front of the fire place on the fur rug, her curls all around her in just her red plaid button down shirt which she left unbuttoned and her little black lacy panties and nothing else. She is so incredibly beautiful when she gets so insecure, especially with her writing that she has no idea just how much it makes me want her all over again.

"Baby it's not stupid... here...lemme see," I say reaching out for her to hand me her journal. She hands it over, and takes another bite while I read what she has written so far. She then sets her slice of pizza down in the plate brushing the crumbs off her fingers, then carefully takes her Sunset Burst Gibson that she brought and lays it across her lap as she leans back against the front of the couch, her shirt slightly open and I couldn't help but steal a quick glance of her bare chest, her dark hair barely covering the space between.

Fuck, she is so fucking sexy.

"With the last line, I don't know if I should go 'too tired to cower cause I put you out? ' or 'too tired to cower, trying to draw you out..?' And I don't even know if I like the first part" She says looking away from me, strumming a few chords nonchalantly.

"Well, how do you feel it should go?" I ask, looking down at the page, reading her neat small hand writing, compared to my chaotic scribble that's a mixture of upper and lowercase letters.

"I don't know," She says indecisively still looking off somewhere as she continues to pluck the strings.

"Wanna sing it for me?"

"No way," She chuckles at my question but continues to strum.

"Why not?" I ask flashing her a grin as I lay on my side, my forearm propping me up, as I set her journal down in front of me.

"I can't sing Chris... I'm just a guitar player," She says looking down at her fingers as they press down the strings on the fretboard.

"Babe, just try. If you can write lyrics like this, I know you've got a voice inside you," I say as she continues to study her fingers, refusing to look my way.

"It'll help, trust me,"

She quickly glances at me, then back at her Gibson as I study her for a few moments.

"Ok, but don't look at me," She says so cutely and I smirk, then readjust myself laying flat on my back, hearing a cute little laugh emerge from her as I cover my eyes with my hands.

"Chris?" She laughs again. She then reaches over and tries to pull my hand away from my eye.

"What?" I ask after a few seconds and look at her with a laugh.

"Don't be weird... I just mean... don't like watch me, or y'know," She says between her giggles and I smile at her.

"Ok, I'll just lay here with my eyes closed and I won't watch you," I chuckle and place my hands behind my head, close my eyes take in a deep breath while she readies herself. I honestly didn't know if she was actually going to or not. It would be the first time she ever has in front of me. I just wanted her to feel that she didn't have to hide it from me. After a few minutes I begin to hear her sing.

"What have I done? Your little spark... I'm falling apart, don't know where you are... but I am here and I know you're not far..."

I take a peak at her with just my right eye listening to her voice, soft and somehow mournful as she plays along, her eyes closed as she leans against the couch.

"I'm your disappearing one, vanish when you play your song... but I will come again and you will let me in and you'll see I never disappear for long..."

before I know it, I'm fixated on her as she sings the next line.

"Into your room, I stumble now too late to cower but wanting you somehow... to see me as I really am... for I don't even know myself, anyhow... I know I put you out, each time I fall away... but know that I'll be back again someway..."

She slowly opens her eyes as she plays the last chord and I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

"Holy shit," She says as she quickly looks at me.

"Yea," I say slowly still completely fixated on her.

"Did you get it?" She asks.

"What?" I say confused.

"Did you get it down? What I just sang?" She asks.

"Shit, no I didn't know I was supposed to," I say quickly and scramble for her journal, taking out the pen that was tucked in the spine.

"Shit,"

"No baby, it's ok, you sang something like... Into your room, I stumble now too late to cower but wanting you somehow... to, see, me, as... I really am..." I trial off as I write it down for her. She sets her Gibson aside and moves over to me as I hand her journal back to her. I prop myself back up resting my head on my hand looking up at her. She leans against me, her curls falling down across her face as she reads.

"I can't believe that happened," She says.

"What?" I chuckle.

"How that just like... flowed. Like I wasn't even thinking about it and it just flowed out of me," She says unbelievably.

"See, I told you baby," I smile at her as I reach up and push her curls behind her ear. She looks at me with those gorgeous dark eyes and I couldn't help but pull her down to me and press her lips to mine. She softly responds as I cup her face in my palm, moving to the nape of her neck to hold her to me. She then slowly breaks her lips from me and I kiss the tip of her nose, then her forehead as she giggles so sweetly. She then moves her head down to my bare chest, sighing as I hold her to me.

"I love you," She sighs and every time I hear those three words from her, I feel like I'm home.

"I love you too baby," I say and she moves away from me and I slowly let go of her as she rises from the fur rug, flipping her beautiful dark curls out of her face.

"Want a drink babe?" She asks as I watch her cute little ass walk to the kitchen.

"Sure," I say as I sit up and reach for my pack of cigarettes that sat on one of the couch cushions. I take one out and light it up, squinting my eyes from the rising smoke, then take her journal and start flipping through some more pages, resting my forearms on my knees, my cigarette between my lips. I come across one of the first lyrics she had ever showed me, the morning after we first met - for her I mean and notice that she added a lot more verses.

"Is this the same one you showed me when we met - or when you met me I should say?" I ask as I take the cigarette from my lips.

"Which one?" She says taking a sip of what looked like a Jack and coke for her, and holding a bottle of beer out for me. 

"Standing on my suitcase, looking out the window, A smile leaves my face, The mirror don't like what it sees...?" I read as I take the bottle from her. She leans over me for a moment, glancing at the page, then sits down cross legged leaning back against the front of the couch again.

"Yea," She says taking a sip of her drink.

"Babe... this is really good,"

"Really? I changed it a bit so I don't really have a melody to it anymore," She explains.

"So I hide all my secrets, thinking he'll never know, that I burn like a flame so into the fire I go. I don't miss nothing, even though I pretend I don't see, everything I'm watching when he puts his hand next to me..." I glance at her and I can see her smile fade just a little but I continue.

"After the movie, he walks in the park with a friend. He tells it to her straight she don't mean nothing to me. He says I can't believe her if I gave her enough rope she'd hang me, but when he turns to her there's no place she'd rather be..." I stop as she looks down at the drink in her hand and then takes a long sip, still not looking at me. 

Andy

"Hey, wanna read the one I wrote about a twist tie?" She asks after a few moments, a smile suddenly on her face and I can tell that she's trying to change the subject. 

"A twist tie?" I smirk.

"Yea... here," She says as she takes another long sip of her drink, sets it down beside her and then takes the leather bound book from me and flips to another page.

"Ok, brace yourself cause this is really good," She says excitedly and I can tell she's shoving those feelings down again. Far be it from me to be the one who says that since I'm pretty much the king of shoving every bad feeling I've ever had down into the pit of my stomach but to see her do it too just makes me want to hold her in my arms and never let her go.

"Ok, ok,... ehemmm," She clears her throat, sitting up straighter holding the book open perfectly and I chuckle as I watch her while I take a drag of my cigarette.

"Twist tie around my wrist, purple blue all over. Why is it there and not in my hair? It's beginning to hurt, no feeling, so numb, can't take it off..." She giggles as she reads it and I begin to laugh. "aaaaand that's as far as I got with that one,"

"Writer's block?" I laugh.

"Just a bit," She giggles. " I still don't know why I just didn't take the hair tie off my wrist"

"Well, then what would you write about?" I chuckle and take the last drag of my cigarette and butt it out in the ashtray next to the couch.

"Yea," She trails off again glancing down at her journal, then closing it up, she sets it aside and I could help but once again catch a glimpse of her bare chest as she flips her curls out of her face. I take a sip of my beer and set it aside then reach out for her and pull her to me and she once again giggles that cute little laugh that I will never tire of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some lyrics taken from "Angel Of Fire (Demo)" and "Disappearing One" but re-written to fit the story. "Twist Tie" is an actual poem I wrote when I had writer's block ... yea I know lol.


	41. Could It Be Eddie Vedder?

North Washington, November 12 1990

(Andi is 20)

ANDI: It was mid morning in early winter with the sun shining surprisingly bright. It had snowed just a little bit the night before and the air was crisp and cool. The boys were working in the studio recording the first few tracks for the album they were putting together and they finally decided on a name last night.

'I want to show you something, like joy inside my heart  
Seems I been living in the Temple of The Dog'

Andy would definitely approve.

Anyways... Since it was so early, and not to mention some of the boys do have a little bit of a hangover... ehem - Jeff - I figured we could all use some much needed coffee. Right now Eddie is with me, driving Chris's truck to a small town called Lynwood to see if there is a coffee shop or diner of some sort.

I should say, that as much as I thought that I was shy - and trust me I am - Eddie is even more so. So when the two of us get together, it's pretty quiet and awkward for the first little while, since I'm not usually the one to start conversations. With Eddie I seem to have to but I totally understand why. He had just moved here from San Diego only a couple of months ago after he sent a demo tape of a few songs he had written lyrics to back to Jeff Stone and Mike. I guess they had sent out that same tape to look for a singer as they wanted to continue on and knew that Andy would want them to.

Jeff and Stone were so impressed by the way Eddie sounded that they asked him to fly out here for a couple of weeks to see if he would audition and if he wanted to be part of the band. Well, those few weeks turned into a permanent stay once Eddie officially decided to join them and everyone pretty much fell in love with him, especially Chris.

Before the wedding, Chris wanted to make him feel welcome, so he invited him out for a few drinks and they became so close right away. It was sweet how Chris embraced him like a brother. I think Eddie reminds Chris of Andy in some ways with writing. Chris really missed having that with Andy. 

"Thanks for driving me," I say and quickly glance at him.

"Sure... you're welcome," He says.

"I mean it's not like I can't drive... I just shouldn't," I say.

"It's ok I don't mind," Eddie smiles at me and glances back out the windshield. I hate it when it's awkward and quiet like this.

"Um... wanna listen to some tunes?" I ask.

"Sure," He smiles at me again. I open up the glovebox of Chris's blue Ford pickup and pull out my new cassette of a band called Pantera. I slide it into the stereo and the first track starts up right away.

"I've been so addicted to this album since I got it," I say as 'Cowboys from Hell' plays through the stereo.

The rest of the entire drive to Lynwood was pretty silent except for the amazing guitar solos that Dime was playing through the speakers. I wish there was a way that we could somehow make it less awkward between us. We then find a small little diner and Eddie parks the truck out front. We both climb out of our seats and head inside, immediately greeted by 1960's décor. I walk up to the counter and place an order for 6 black coffee's with all the stuff on the side and a dozen doughnuts to go while Eddie studies the place, his hand in the pockets of his suede chestnut brown jacket, his messy golden curls everywhere and those bright blue eyes that can make a girl weak in the knees.

Once my order is filled, I hand the girl some cash with a tip, then Eddie helps me carry out the coffee and doughnuts to the truck. Once we get settled, Eddie pulls back out on to the highway, heading back to London Bridge Studios where the boys are recording.

"These coffee's are probably going t be so cold once we get them back to the studio," I say as I balance the tray on my lap.

"Nah, well maybe, but I think there's a microwave in the lounge," He says and glances in the rearview mirror. There was a little bit more silence between us but then Eddie decides to speak.

"So um... time travelling... what's that like?" He asks. I glance back at him surprised by that question but deep down I was expecting it at some point.

"Not as glamorous as you would think," I chuckle and he gives me a little smirk.

"Sorry, you probably get that question a lot huh?" He says.

"Yea but, I'm used to it. I know it's hard to understand for a lot of people so I try to explain it as best I can. Most people don't believe me until it actually happens though,"

"Well I'll admit, I didn't believe you until I saw it happen at your wedding," He glances at me.

"Yea, that definitely was not my intention... wait, you knew?" I ask as my curls fall down across my eyes and I flip them out of my face.

"Yea... you were just a little different during the party. I mean, you were still you, but you seemed a little older... I can't really explain it. But Chris was just all about you of course. He couldn't take his eyes off of you," Eddie explains. I honestly didn't think he would be able to pick up on when I time slip - if it's my future self or past self. It's still all me of course.

"I wish I was there," I say quietly and Eddie raises his eyebrow at me again. "I mean, this me... the present me,"

"Where were you?" He asks.

"I was with Chris... just in the past," I say glancing down, remembering how upset and angry I was with myself that I missed my own wedding.

"Sounds sweet,"

"It can be... fuck, I love him more than anything. He's like the other half of me... I never thought I would ever meet someone like him and I just really wanted to marry him that day y'know? " I say glancing out my passenger window as the lightly snow covered fields roll by.

"Yea... but you're married now aren't you?" Eddie glances at me.

"Yea, yea... the next morning we went to City Hall and made it official. It was nice but, it wasn't the same," I say looking down at the tattoo on my finger.

"Not what you planned?" Eddie asks.

"No... nothing ever happens the way I plan it. I always seem to find a way to fuck something up someway or somehow," I didn't exactly mean for that to come out that way. I guess I've been holding in a lot of resentment towards myself.

Eddie glances back at me for a few moments and I can tell he's trying to figure me out, but instead I decide to change the subject for a bit. 

"So how is Beth? I haven't seen her since the wedding," I ask, pushing my curls behind my ear once again. 

"She's good, she's still in San Diego working on a few things before she heads back up here. I finally was able to convince her to move up here with me just a couple of weeks ago so... she's just getting things together. Her band's not taking it well apparently, and I get it but..." He explains.

"You miss her?" I ask glancing at him as he keeps his eyes on the highway.

"Yea... a lot,"

I can just see how much he loves her as he continues to talk more about her and her band. I had only met her once before the wedding and she barely talked if at all. She is a lot more into punk and hardcore in terms of her style as well as her music, but sweet nonetheless. She's a bassist for her band Hovercraft and she just recently graduated from San Diego State University. Her and Eddie have been together since '83 when she was only 16 and he was 19.

"...and since my dad... um passed away - my real dad - she's been the only one who's basically keeping me together," " He adds, still keeping his eyes on the road.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly knowing exactly how he feels.

"It's ok, I mean I only met him once or twice when I was really little... My dad - who I thought was my dad - really wasn't my dad. When he left my mom, I found out that he was really my stepdad and that my real dad who I thought was just a family friend was actually... my dad," He explains.

"Holy shit," I say trying to take everything in.

"Yea I know... it's complicated but... still hurts though..." He trails off thoughtfully then it becomes silent between us for a few moments.

"Sorry," He apologizes, quickly glancing at me then back to the road.

"No, no it's ok... just wow," I exhale as I keep my eyes on him for a moment, then look down at the tray of coffee's in my lap, then I add "When my mom passed, it was so hard to deal with knowing she isn't really here anymore... same with Andy too. It's like this incredible heartbreak that just doesn't ever feel like it's going to go away," 

"It will eventually, with time... At least that's what they say," Eddie says and I glance back at him and give him a small smile while he does the same.

"Were you close with Andy too?" He asks.

"Oh yea, really close... Chris too... well we pretty much all were but I'd say Chris and Andy were like brothers y'know? He was my best friend. I'm an only child so he was always the one I could talk to if I needed someone... If couldn't talk to Chris for whatever reason. He was just... so sweet and like such a good person inside... y'know? If anyone was having a rough day or whatever, he was like the best person to talk to cause he would just make you forget and just..." My voice waivers as I explain and then I quickly look away from him and out the windshield trying my hardest not to cry. 

Fuck, I miss him... if only I could've just saved him.

I feel Eddie glance back over at me as I try to get myself together. I definitely do not need to have a break down in front of him, of all people. I take in a deep breath and glance back at Eddie and just by his expression, I could tell that he was doing his best to comfort me.

"Looks like we're almost back at the studio," He says clearing his throat and gesturing to the road sign up ahead.

"Yea," I say quietly and after a little while, we pull up to the large cabin that was London Bridge Studios.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried to make a play on a title I thought of "Could It Be Any Better?" but I might have failed miserably LMAO. Anyways, I know there wasn't much happening in this part, but I wanted to give a proper introduction to Eddie and so I feel like this is the best way to do so. Let me know what you think.
> 
> -love templeoftheslavegarden


	42. As The Seasons Roll On By...

Seattle Washington, December 15 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 26)

ANDI: "Chris, don't you think that tree is maybe just a bit to big?" I ask raising my eyebrow as I follow behind him being careful of my footing as he drags the enormous pine tree across the living room floor. I wince a little as it drags across the hardwood so I reach down and pick up the end and help him carry it.

"Nah babe, it's... perfect," He winces as I help maneuver the dark pine onto it's base with water, then into the corner I had cleared for the object in question. He then begins to untie the ropes that held the branches up and close together so that the pine needles didn't just end up all over the floor. I help him as he does so, being careful that the branches don't end up hitting him in the meantime.

It's our first Christmas together as husband and wife and the first time having an actual Christmas tree to decorate. We never bothered to get a tree before because Chris was always so busy with the band, but now that we have our own little home - and a bit of time for the holidays - it seems fitting that we spend Christmas here, and since we are spending it here, we are having some of the boys over tonight for a little pre-Christmas party I guess you could say. I hate calling it a Christmas party when really it's just everyone we know and love just basically coming over to jam and hang out. 

Chris has just finished recording the Temple Of The Dog album, which is set to be released in early Spring, so now he'll have some more time to work on material for the next Soundgarden record. Yea, I know... even when he's on a break, he's always working. But he always says it's not really work, or at least it never feels like it, especially when it's something you live for.

I just hope that I'm able to stay in one place long enough to enjoy the holidays with my husband.

Ok, I shouldn't say that, I mean I haven't had a slip since our wedding, but I'm always worried about when the next slip will happen. 'Cause let's face it... it always ends up happening no matter what I do to try and stop it. I shouldn't worry though. The medication has been working a lot better than the previous one I had so maybe - just maybe - I'll be able to see what it's like to be a normal person... whatever that means.

Once Chris unties the last rope around the tree, letting the branches flick back to their rightful position, he takes a step back to observe the pine while the room begins to fill with its scent.

"Maybe it is just a bit too tall?" Chris says as he looks up at the top, realizing there isn't enough room to put up the star.

I guess that's what you get when you buy a house with only 7 and a half foot ceilings.

"Yea," I say as I look up at the tree and then glance at him with his dark curls pulled into a low ponytail through his black baseball cap, his silver hoop earring catching the light from the dim winter sun shining through the living room window.

"What?" He says glancing down at me with that smirk he gives when he has no idea just how cute he is.

"Nothing," I smile back shaking my head as a curl falls across my eyes. He chuckles and leans down to me giving me a quick kiss on my lips, then breaks away moving over to the box of decorations as I flip my curls out of my eyes.

It wasn't long before we began to place some decorations on the tree. A lot of them were pretty much 'hand-me-downs' from when I was a kid. My dad brought them over last week when he was going through his storage unit and asked if we needed any Christmas stuff. At first I didn't think we needed them but Chris was wanting to get a tree so we decided to take them off his hands. 

My dad finally decided on moving to Seattle, to be closer to me and because he seems to be getting a lot more gigs with his band out here on the west coast. He's always had dual citizenship since he had to travel back and forth from Toronto to New York, playing gigs with his band when I was a baby, so it was pretty seamless for him to move here. He found a little house on the outskirts of town - about a 45 minute drive from here but it's still considered inside Seattle. 

It seems strange to think that Toronto is no longer my home - my childhood home. It was always comforting to think that I could still go home since my dad still lived there. Even though I've been in Seattle since I was 18, I'm always going to be a Canadian girl at heart. 

I haven't had the chance to see my dad's new place, but we've made plans for Christmas eve, and then Christmas day we are spending time with Chris's family. I can't wait to see his mom, Peter and Katy, Suzie too if she can make it. She's been pretty elusive for the most part. I've only met her once in the entire time I've been with Chris. She's happier living in California though. 

"I'm thinking maybe we should have sprung for new Christmas lights," Chris says as he reaches in the box and pulls out a clump of horribly tangled lights.

"Maybe, but it wouldn't really be an authentic decorating experience if all we had to do was just open up a package and place them on the tree," I smirk as I hang a shiny little Christmas ball on one of the branches.

"Will you just... help me here?" He smiles sarcastically at me, his gorgeous blue eyes squinting at me while I giggle.

"You sure you wouldn't just... wanna tie me up instead?" I ask, walking over to him and coyly taking some of the lights from him, nonchalantly untangling them. He smirks at me again with a chuckle, shaking his head and I could tell he was pondering my question.

"You... huh... well...?" He stutters for a few moments and I giggle, loving the fact that I caught him off guard.

"Or I could tie you up..." I shrug as I continue to untangle the lights, then give him a quick glance biting my bottom lip. Once again I can tell that the wheels are spinning in his head

"We just might need to discuss this upstairs," He clears his throat still looking at the mess of tangles that he was working on then gives me a glance under his brow.

"You'll have to catch me first though," I counter as we continue our flirting stand off. Then after a few seconds, I quickly drop the mess of tangled lights and take off towards the stairs as Chris chases me, our laughter filling the room when he suddenly catches me around my waist just before I'm able to climb the first step.

"Well, well, look what I caught," He laughs and I squeal as he turns me around.

"Chris! No!" I yelp with laughter as he crouches down and bends me over his shoulder, picking me up and smacking me on my butt with his palm.

"Looks like I'm gonna be the one tying you up," Chris chuckles and I continue laughing as he carries me up the stairs.


	43. Back In A New York - Er... Seattle Groove

New York City, New York June 29 2017

(Andi is 29, Chris is 52)

ANDI: The air was warm with the sun brightly shining, a perfect summer day for moving. Though this move is going to be a little bit longer than just your typical quick trip and done in a day. Chris is moving back to Seattle - with me of course - somewhere where he hasn't been in very long time. Obviously you all know that it's only been just over a month since I was there - if we are going by my time anyways - ugh, this thing that I have is never easy to explain.

Chris had put the house up for sale as soon as he signed the divorce papers from Vicky. Within a day, he had already received an offer and they were willing to give him a little more than he was asking in order to secure the sale. I mean I don't blame them one bit, it's a beautiful home. Chris accepted and so we pretty much began packing as soon as it was finalized, though there wasn't much in the home to pack. It was basically all of Vicky's left over stuff and a few things of Chris's. Obviously nothing of mine except for the 3 guitars that he had saved over the years.

I don't know what it is though, but I just have this really strange feeling that all of this shouldn't be happening so smoothly. As much as I know that he isn't with Vicky anymore - I mean I saw him sign the divorce papers right in front of me - I just can't shake this strange feeling that it's not supposed to be this easy.

"Ok I think... we've got everything. Here is the address and uh, we'll see you in a couple of days," Chris says as he hands the driver of the moving company some cash then they both sign the delivery and insurance papers.

"No problem, thank you," The driver says as they shake hands, then climbs up into the large moving truck. Chris turns and flips those gorgeous curls out of his face and walks back over to me.

"Ok babe, you ready?" Chris smiles at me, standing in his slim fitted ripped up jeans with the cuffs rolled up over his Doc's and a plain dark grey t-shirt. 

"Yea I think so," I exhale, pushing my curls behind my ear, squinting my eyes from the sunlight as I look up at him.

"Alright, road trip time," He says and leans down placing a quick kiss on my lips, then heads over to his 1969 Jet black Dodge Challenger. I smile as I head over to the passenger side, opening the door and sliding into the black leather seat, feeling the heat on the back of my bare thighs. I smooth out my ripped jean cutoff shorts and buckle my seatbelt, adjusting my off-the-shoulder White Zombie - La Sexorcisto tour shirt from '94. 

"So when's our flight again?' I ask flipping my dark curls out of my face, leaning back as I glance at him.

"What flight?" Chris asks as he starts the engine.

"Um... I thought we were moving to Seattle - back home to Seattle... right?" I chuckle.

"We are... I never said we had plane tickets though," He says as he pulls out of the driveway for the last time. 

"Wait... you're gonna drive us all the way to Seattle?" I ask furrowing my brow for a moment as he drives us down the road towards down town.

"Yea baby, why not?" He smiles at me for a second then turns his attention back to the road.

"Chris, it's like a 2 and a half day drive,"

"Uh huh... and...?" He says as we pull up to a stop light. I glance out the windshield and then back at him, trying to see if he was serious or not, though my bets are pretty much on the former.

"Most of my clothes are pack in the U-Haul truck that already left though," I say.

"Nope, I grabbed the last couple of suitcases that had our clothes in them and packed them in the trunk," He says as the stop light turns green and start moving again.

"Oh... ok... " I trail off for a moment looking back out the windshield.

"What? You don't wanna spend 2 more days on the road with me? " He smirks at me raising his eyebrow.

"No, no it's not that... I just wasn't expecting you to drive us there," I giggle and he smiles at me.

"Well it's been a long time since we took a road trip - that wasn't touring around with the band and well because of what happened- so I thought maybe we could check out some places, do a little sight seeing, y'know... just me and you," He says sweetly.

"Ok sure, that's perfect actually," I smile at him and he reaches over and takes my hand in his, placing his lips to the back of my hand like he always does. 

"Can I put on some tunes?" I ask after a few moments, pushing my curls behind my ear as Chris changes lanes.

"No," He says flatly then looks over at me with a smirk. I pat him lightly on his bicep and chuckle, then reach for my phone and connect to the Bluetooth stereo system that was upgraded in the dashboard. I scroll through the Spotify Music app, find some Aerosmith and play the Album 'Get A Grip'

'Wake up kid, it's half past your youth  
Ain't nothin' really changes but the date  
You a grand slammer, but you no Babe Ruth  
You gotta learn how to relate  
Or you'll be swingin' from the pearly gate  
Now you got all the answers, low and behold  
You got the right key baby but the wrong key hole, yo'

I sing - or sorry 'rap' - along with Steven Tyler, closing my eyes and getting right into it as Chris starts laughing.

"Babe you are so cute," He laughs.

"Nah, I just love that part" I giggle as I look down at my phone for a moment.

"I know, that's what makes you so cute," He says sweetly with his blue eyes glancing over at me, and I feel my cheeks flush. Funny how after all this time, he can still make me blush and feel those butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. 

" I remember when you met Steven for the first time with me at the... what was it... the '94 MTV awards or something - ?" He says thoughtfully.

"Oh my god Chris, no, I'd really rather not remember that," I laugh embarrassingly. 

"What-Why? It was adorable, -" He laughs.

"No Chris, How was that adorable? I literally like... fell into him," I gesture with my hands remembering the after party when I apparently had a little too much to drink and lost my footing when I stepped forward to shake his hand and tripped. Chris caught me of course but I was mortified the entire night. I was able to make light of the situation after but honestly, it wasn't my finest moment. If I could've pick a moment to time travel, that would've been the perfect moment so that I could re-do it and not be so embarrassed. 

"It was just a little stumble, it wasn't as bad as you think it was... I just remember the look on your face, you were so cute," He chuckles.

" I remember trying to basically hide behind you the whole night after. I'm such a klutz. It was Steven fucking Tyler... like my god," I shake my head at myself.

"You were always so hard on yourself...you still are. I think that's what made me fall in love with you though. You never give up even though you feel like it and just... how you cope with the fact that you can't control... y'know.... and how you are always the first person I could run to when I was - or am - finding it hard to go on, 'cause I'm so hard on myself too," He glances back at me, his blue eyes catching mine and I give him a small smile as I lean my head against the seat while his gorgeous dark curls rest at his shoulders, his beard now fuller than before as he decided to grow it a little.

Fuck, he's so sexy

"That, and you were so fucking gorgeous when you showed up in my bathroom that I didn't know what to do. You scared the shit outta me," He adds as he returns his focus to the road and changes lanes again.

"Scared the shit outta you? Fuck I mean, I knew someday I was gonna meet you when you were 15 but I didn't think it was gonna be like that," I giggle.

"You know I am still so sorry I came at you with a bat... even though that was what... 30-something years ago? " He says thoughtfully with a chuckle. "Fuck I'm old..."

"Chris, you're not old. I love you, and you are still the same to me," I say as I reach over and begin to play with his curls, running my fingers through, then gently play with his earlobe. He turns, placing a kiss on my palm then quickly focuses back on the road.

After about 45 minutes, we finally make our way to downtown New York in which the city was absolutely buzzingly busy. I still was not used to the crazy crowds of people but at least I can say that I lived in New York City even if it was only for a little while. Driving down on of the main streets, Chris decides to pull off into one of the public parking spots which left me a bit confused as to what we were doing.

"I just have to make a stop in Guitar Center, wanna come in with me?" He asks noticing my confused look as he unbuckles his seatbelt.

"Um... Hello, do you know who you're asking here?" I ask as I unbuckle my seat belt and he laughs as I step out of the car. It had been a while since I was in a Music store so of course I didn't mind going in and looking at all the new pretty things.

Chris makes his way around to my side of the car and with a sweet smile on his face, takes my hand in his. We then take a walk from the parking lot down the street to Guitar Center.

Stepping inside Guitar Center is like stepping into a world that is full of shiny beautiful things. Beautiful guitars line the illuminated walls around the store, amps and accessories staged in various places, I swear I'm like a kid in a candy store. I just want everything.

"Hey Chris, how are ya?" A guy with long black hair, straighter than anything, wearing a white dress shirt and tie with black jeans and Doc's calls out to him. He sort of looked a bit like David Wyndorf from Monster Magnet but not flashy like the 'Space Lord' video.

"Hi, good, I'm good, did my order for that effects pedal...." Chris smiles, his voice fading away as I slowly let go of his hand and walk over to the wall of guitars. I can't help it, they are all so beautiful. I continue on while I hear them talk glancing at each Fender Strat, Rickenbacker, Washburn, you name it. I wish I could describe the feeling of seeing them all hung up with their own spotlights waiting for the perfect person to discover what they can do.

Then I see it. The one that suddenly makes my heart all fluttery. An emerald green flame top Gibson Les Paul. It is absolutely gorgeous.

"...alright well good luck in Seattle and uh, if you need anything when you're in New York just give us a shout,"

"Thanks man, I will," Chris says as he walks over to me, placing his hand on the small of my back and following my gaze to the beautiful guitar on the wall. "See something you like?"

"Uh huh," I say, trying to not let my jaw drop to the floor.

"Hey, uh... can we see that, Gibson up there?" Chris turns and calls out to the store rep.

"No Chris, it's ok - " I start but I'm cut off by the David Wyndorf look alike.

"Sure, we actually just got that in yesterday," He says walking over with a reaching contraption to take it down off the hanger. I furrow my brow for a moment but I couldn't take my eyes off the emerald green coloring and how it meshed so well into the finish. He then hands it towards Chris but Chris refuses.

"No sorry, it's for my wife," 

The David Wyndorf look alike raises his eyebrow for a moment and looks at me and I couldn't tell if it was because it was Chris said I'm his wife or because I play. I smile shyly at him and push my curls behind my ear and he sweetly hands it over to me.I glance behind me and see a stool with a little amp that people use for testing. I then sit down and plug in the patch cord and adjust the volume and effects knobs on the amp, and rest the guitar across my lap.

As soon as I start to play, I am instantly in love. the way it feels in my hands, the neck doesn't feel too think, the frets are at the perfect width... the strings kinda suck but I can always change them. 

Oh my god I love this thing.

I stop playing for a moment and look up to see Chris looking down at me with such a cute smile on his face. I clear my throat and try to seem like I'm not completely in love with this guitar, but I think Chris knows that I am. He's seen this look on my face before.

"We'll take it," Chris says to the guy.

"Chris no, it's ok," I say as I suddenly feel weird about him buying me guitar. I mean it isn't the first time he's bought one for me,but this is seriously expensive. 

Ugh, but I do love it so much though.

"Babe are you kidding? The look on your face, I know you want it," Chris says to me as the David Wyndorf look alike walks away to the front desk to prepare the guitar, by grabbing the case that comes with it.

"Chris, it's a 4000 dollar guitar. I love it but, this is too much," I say quietly as I reach out for his hand and pull him closer to me. The last time he bought one for me it was maybe under 1000. I know it's 2017 now and I get the cost of inflation, but this seems a little too much to me. 

"No baby it isn't too much... c'mon," Chris smiles sweetly at me and helps me up from the stool. With the beautiful guitar in my hand, I unplug it and walk with him over to the counter register while the loo alike rings up the guitar. Chris takes the guitar from me and hands it over to him gently while I glance over the accessory display and pick out some new strings. It's been so long since I've had a new guitar and though I still feel a little uneasy about him spending this much money on me, I really, really love that guitar.

Once everything was rung through - Chris with his new pedal and I with my new guitar - we head out of the store and back to the car. Once I place the guitar in the back seat, I slide into the passenger side as Chris starts up the car and we head back out on the road, making our way through the rest of downtown New York. Everyone and a while I glance back in the backseat admiring the leather guitar case, knowing that emerald green beauty is safe inside and try to resist the temptation to play it until we get to Seattle. Or at least a hotel along the way.

"Thank you," I say quietly still looking at the guitar case in the back seat as we finally make it onto the highway.

"For what?" Chris smiles at me glancing quickly at me then back to the road.

"For the guitar, and for... well... everything," I say still looking at the guitar as Chris glances at me again. I then look back at him and he reaches over to me cupping my cheek in his palm and I lean into his palm closing my eyes, catching the fresh scent of his cologne.

"You don't have to thank me babe. I love you," He says glancing back at the road and then back at me. "And I always loved that look on your face when you would get excited over a new guitar - I still do," He adds chuckling.

"I love you too," I say as he slides his palm from my cheek and I take his hand, placing a kiss on the back before he places it back on the steering wheel, then I glance back at the beauty in the backseat.

"Me? Or the Guitar?" He smirks and I laugh as we head down the highway.


	44. When The Past Comes Back To Haunt You

Seattle Washington, December 24 1990

(Chris is 26, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: "Babe...? Baby...? Andi - "

"Ok, ok, I'm coming, hold on," She calls as I wait at the bottom of the stairs for her.

My beautiful incredibly gorgeous wife then emerges from the bedroom and quickly runs down the stairs flipping those dark curls out of her face while she rolls up the sleeve to her red plaid button up shirt with her Pantera tank top underneath, looking like the Metal goddess she is. She finally arrives at the bottom of the stairs and drops down on the last step to tie up her Doc Martens.

"I said I was finishing up downstairs and then we were heading out," I chuckle.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry I couldn't decide on a shirt," She says looking down and tying up her boot, her curls falling down around her.

"What else is new?" I smirk as I watch her switch to her other boot.

"You shush," She smirks back as she brushes off her plain black leggings and flips her curls again to look up at me with those deep dark eyes. She rises from the step, moves closer to me and I lean down to her pressing my lips to hers. Just as she is about to pull away, my hand slips to the small of her back pressing her back to me and she softly giggles against my lips.

"I thought we were leaving?" She says against my lips as she places her hands on my chest.

"You shush," I say with a sly chuckle and press my lips back to hers. If there is one thing I can't resist, it's those beautiful lips on mine... among other things.

"Ok, so before you blame me for making us more late, we should get going," She giggles as she pulls away from me. I groan a little and lean in placing a quick on her neck, then she makes her way over to the front door, grabbing her leather jacket as I follow.

"Oh wait, Christmas presents?" She says turning around quickly to see me standing right behind her as she untucks her curls from her jacket.

"Already in the truck babe," I grin at her. She then pats down her jacket hesitating for a moment while I move to open the door.

"Maybe I should change my shirt?" She says.

"No babe, you look fine... it's just my brother and his girlfriend," I say.

"No I know -wait I thought we were going to your mom's for Christmas," She says turning to look up at me.

"Tomorrow... tonight it's Peter's first, then we're heading over to Layne's," I say. I swear I told her so many times but she seems to keep forgetting.

"Right... right sorry... um... where is my...?" She trails off looking away and scanning the living room.

"...what?" I ask raising my eyebrow.

"... my... um you know...my bag?" She says and walks back over to the couch.

"It's right here babe," I say gesturing to the hook on the wall beside the door where she normally hangs it up. She turns back to me throwing her hands up and laughing to herself as she grabs it from the hook. "Are you ok?" I add.

"Yea why?" She asks as she slings it around her shoulder once again untucking her dark curls from under the strap. After a few moments she looks back up at me and I study her eyes for a few moments. She softly smiles at me and I reach up to brush a curl out of her eyes.

"Nothing, just asking," I lie. Truth is I'm worried about her. I'm worried that her forgetfulness lately is a sign that she might slip again. I'm worried about the meds she taking as well. It seems as soon as the doctor increased her dose, the memory problems started showing up. Maybe I'm making something out of nothing. But, now isn't the time to bring up this kind of stuff. It's Christmas eve and I just want to spend it with her.

"Ready?" She asks sweetly.

"Yea," I sigh and turn to open the door, letting her walk through first, then I close it and lock it behind me.

*****

"Hey brother, good to see you," Peter smiles at me when he opens the door and sees us standing with a bag of presents.

"Hey Peter," I smile and we embrace each other in a hug for a few moments. "Finally able to get time off huh?" He adds.

"Yea just a bit," I chuckle as he lets go of me and pats me on my shoulder.

"Hey you," Peter smiles at Andi.

"Hi," She smiles shyly and he leans in to give her a hug. "How is my lovely sister in law?" He adds and she giggles as they embrace for a few moments.

"I'm good," She says and he rubs her back, then pulls away from her as she pushes a few curls from her eyes.

"Um... So I gotta tell you something before I let you come inside," Peter says hesitantly, peaking inside first then gently closing the door behind him so that we were all standing outside on the porch together.

"What is it?" I ask furrowing my brow. Peter glances back and forth between me and Andi then lets out a long sigh.

"Ok I don't really know how to say this but... Dad... showed up," He says and suddenly It felt like the whole porch dropped away.

"Dad? You mean here...? He's here?" My voice begins to rise and Peter hushes me while Andi reaches for my hand.

"Yea, he's inside - "

"And you didn't slam the door in his face, I mean... c'mon Pete," I say. So many emotions were bubbling up inside me at this very moment and I had no idea what to do or how to handle it.

"I know, I know but - "

"But what Pete?"

"-Chris, will you just come inside? We'll just have a talk ok?"

"No fuck that shit. If he says one word to me - "

"Baby, hey... it's ok. I'm here, Peter's here nothings going to happen," Andi says sweetly trying to diffuse the situation. How the hell do I tell her it's not going to be ok? It hasn't been ok since.. well... ever.

"Chris, c'mon... it'll be fine. He's been completely fine... He's in a good mood. He just wanted to see us. He wants to see you," Peter says. I look away from the both of them and turn to glance out at the snowy Seattle street behind me, breath clouds bellowing from my lips as I try to calm myself down. If there is one person, one man in this world that can make me feel 3 inches tall it's that man inside.

"Chris...?" I hear Andi from behind me as she takes my hand again, lacing her fingers through. I close my eyes and exhale a long breath and decide to go in.

"Ok...ok. For you babe alright.... Let's just get get this over with," I look down at her, those beautiful dark eyes looking back at me comforting and calming. I turn back and see Peter giving me a half smile and I just shrug. He then opens the door and gestures for us to come inside. Andi squeezes my hand and walks with me inside as Peter closes the door behind us.

*****

Edward Francis Boyle sits opposite of me in the large living room of Peter's house. It's a strange feeling to be sitting across from him all these years. Well... strange is an understatement. Actually I have no idea how to describe my feelings as he sits in that large reading chair next to the tree with that familiar mustard glass of bourbon and coke in his hand.

He looks different from the last time I saw him, older and a little heavier. His hair still dark like mine but with streaks of grey and cut military short with a bit of curl to it. His eyes as blue as as mine but slightly glossed over. Probably the only thing I like that I inherited from him - without the glossiness I mean. He seems cordial and calm - for now anyways. He never was a man of words unless... well only when you got his attention one way or another, then he was a man of many words. If you count those fists as his words.

"So... I hear that your um... band has made quite a stir in the last couple of years," He says to me breaking me away from my reverie, his voice deep and raspy - most likely from all the years of drinking.

"Uh yea... sure," I say and take a sip of my beer, suddenly feeling awkward that I'm drinking around him - this time being that I'm legally able to, instead of him catching me at 12 like he used to.

"Good to see that you finally decided to clean up a little bit... take the ribbons out of your hair," He says and once again there is that little stabbing feeling that I would always get whenever he made those kinds of comments towards me.

"Well dad I'm glad I finally made you proud of me," I remark with sarcasm and take a sip of my beer. Andi then comes into the room with a glass of wine and sits down beside me pushing her curls behind her ear while my father and I glance at each other.

"Did I miss anything?" She asks sweetly looking back and forth between us.

"I was just telling Chris here that I um... it's good to see him. Especially with you, I mean you two seem really happy - "

" - I am dad," I say with a hardened expression and Andi glances at me. My father on the other hand looks down at his bourbon, twirling the glass like he used to do.

"Um... so Chris told me that you were a pharmacist?" She says after a few moments hold her wine glass in her lap and crossing her legs.

"Yea, been retired for a few years now though. Moved up further North and pretty much keep to myself. Gets lonely sometimes though, but um... Peter was saying you moved here from Canada right?" He asks her.

"Yea, I got into the scholarship program through my school and was accepted to Seattle U. I um graduated about a year ago now..." She explains with a smile and my father grins back at her.

"Well that's good, what's your major?" He smiles and I just take another sip of my beer.

"Music Theory and Composition with a minor in Marketing,"

"I assume you play?"

"A little," She smiles, which in an understatement to say the least.

"When Chris was little, Karen - his mother - signed him up for piano lessons and he was just... well he hated it at first, then that voice came out of nowhere..." He trails off and all I could do was just sit there and sip my beer.

"I think I'll go check on Pete -" I start to get up from the couch but he cuts me off

"You know, Chris I was only hard on you because I wanted you to make something of yourself," He says as I rise from the couch.

"I need another beer," I say and shuffle passed Andi and the coffee table as she moves her legs in.

"The road you were headed down - drinking, stealing... stealing my med samples out of the bathroom when you thought I wasn't looking - "

"You need another glass of wine babe?" I ask turning back to her ignoring the empty words coming out of his mouth.

"Look I know your angry but - "

"Angry? You think I'm just angry? Anger doesn't even begin to explain the hell I've been though the last fucking 17 years of my life. You think you can come here with your snide remarks about how much I've cleaned myself up and expect me to just forget all the shit you ever did to me - to us our entire lives?" I turn to face him sitting in that chair as he leans forward, Andi looking at him showing just how uncomfortable she feels which I don't exactly blame her, but I'm pissed and I'm tired of pretending.

"Son, that's why I'm here, to clear things up," He says looking up at me.

"To clear things up... huh. Well I got a fucking newsflash for you dad, I don't want to clear things up. I don't want anything from you - I used to but not anymore. I don't want or need anything from you, not your approval - nothing," I say and take the last sip of my beer and slam it down on the coffee table making Andi flinch.

"Son - "

"Don't fucking call me that. You don't get to call me that. I'm not your son," I couldn't keep it in anymore and I can't fucking be in this room or this house with him sitting right there the way he is, the way he always sits with that stupid glass in his hand.

"I need a fucking smoke," I mumble under my breath still trying to contain myself but if I stay in here any longer I'm gonna do something I'll regret. I turn and see Peter standing in the doorway of the kitchen with an empathetic look on his face and I couldn't help but suddenly feel guilty that I let my temper get the best of me so I grab my jacket and head out the front door.

*****

Leaning against my blue Chevy pick up, I take another long drag of my cigarette and exhale a cloud of smoke, kicking the wet snow and slush at my feet. Never in a million years did I think he would ever show his face to me again. This isn't exactly my idea of Christmas eve. After a few minutes of me listening to the random cars driving by with the sound of the slush covered streets, I hear the front door open and see my gorgeous wife slipping on her leather jacket, untucking her curls like she does and making her way down the front porch steps, carrying a plate with what looked like a slice of Apple pie.

"Hey you," I smile at her taking another drag of my cigarette and squinting my eyes from the smoke.

"Hey... want some?" She asks once she reaches me, standing in front and takes some pie on her fork, offering it to me. I exhale a cloud of smoke and give her a little smirk as she gives me that sweet doe eyed glance while I lean in and take a bite from her fork.

"Mmmm... mmm hmmm, fuck that's good pie," I say.

"Amy made it," She says and I give her a confused look "Peter... Peter's Amy,"

"Oh yea, right," I say feeling stupid I forgot Peter's girlfriend's name. She then offers me another bite and I take it, then takes a bite for herself.

"You ok?" She asks taking another bite. I then take another drag of my cigarette.

"I don't know," I exhale a cloud of smoke and look out at the street, watching the cars drive by.

"You wanna come back inside?" She asks taking another bite.

"No, not really," I say taking the last drag of my cigarette and butting it out in the slush at my feet.

"Want the last bite?" She asks so cutely which makes me chuckle. She holds out the last bite on her fork and I lean back in and take it from her.

Man that really is good pie.

She then places the fork on the plate and leans in closer to me, reaching around me to set the plate on the hood of the truck, then places her hands on my chest just inside my jacket, lifts herself up just a little and presses her lips to mine. Just as I slide my hands to the small of her back to pull her even closer to me, she gently breaks her lips from mine and I touch my forehead to hers, making sure the brim of my hat is out of the way.

"You know what makes me love you so much?" She says.

"No, what makes you love me... so much?" I ask, closing my eyes and inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume. She's wearing that chocolate one. The one that drives me crazy for her.

"You're sweet and kind. You make me laugh. You don't give a shit what anyone thinks. You have a heart so big that you put everyone ahead of yourself... sometimes to a fault but you never think twice about it. You are everything that I could ever want in a husband, a partner, a lover, a best friend. As unpredictable as I am and as messed up as I am, you are the one constant thing in my life that I know will never leave me..."

I exhale slowly listening to her voice and I swear there isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for her.

"You are so much more than everyone gives you credit for. I just want you to remember that when certain people from your past come back to haunt you," She says.

"You know, you have a really good way of convincing me to take you home and making crazy incredibly hot monkey jungle sex with you," I chuckle and she starts to laugh throwing her head back and I couldn't help but place my lips to her throat. Suddenly the front door opens again and I quickly break my lips away from her to see Peter coming down the front porch steps.

"Sorry I hope I wasn't interrupting anything," Peter says awkwardly.

"No, no, not really," I say quickly as Andi back away from me and straightens her jacket out.

"Amy's got the food all ready to eat so, you wanna come back in? Or...?" Peter hesitates as he gestures to the porch.

"Um... no I think um... I think it's better that I head back home. We're supposed to head over to Layne and Demri's tonight anyways so..." I trail off feeling a little guilty.

"You sure?" He asks.

"Yea... yea I really just can't go back in there if he's there. Maybe someday but... I just can't," I say as Andi leans into me holding my hand.

"Are we ok?" Peter asks.

"Yes of course. You're my brother I'm not holding anything against you. If you want to to have a relationship with him, by all means don't stop on my account. I just... I can't with him," I explain and Peter nods. He looks down at himself for a moment then back at me and I can tell he feels horrible about what happened inside. I then let go of Andi's hand and pull Peter to me, embracing him in a hug. I may be younger than him but I still tower over him like when we were kids.

"I love you brother, " I say.

"I love you brother," He says back and we let each other go for Peter to embrace Andi. After they say their pleasantries and what not, - Andi telling Peter to tell Amy she said goodbye, and making sure that he brought back in the plate that was sitting on the hood - we then hop in my blue Chevy pick up while she flips on some tunes.

"Ok so, where to? Layne and Demri's now?" She asks.

"Nope. Home first," I say and she raises her eyebrow at me. "What...? I wasn't kidding about that hot monkey jungle sex,"

"Chris!" She laughs.


	45. Hey There, Little Time Traveler

Seattle Washington, December 24 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 26)

ANDI: Later on that evening, we arrive at Layne and Demri's for some Christmas drinks and maybe a bit of a jam session. I could tell that Chris just wanted to let lose and have fun after the whole confrontation with his father earlier, so what better way to spend Christmas eve than with friends that we both love an adore.

For as long as I've know Chris, I've never met his father. He just wasn't apart of the picture and he rarely - if ever - talked about him at all, and I never asked what happened between them. For Chris to react the way he did, there had to have been issues that are obviously not resolved and I for one, am not going to push anything on him. It's not my place to.

After Chris had stepped outside, Ed was asking me a few more questions about myself and how we met. I didn't tell him in great detail, I just told him that we met through a friend of ours and that we got married back in September. I figure I would leave out the whole time travelling part because that's a whole other conundrum of a topic I don't really care to discuss. I did get a little uncomfortable when he would try and explain what had happened with the family in the past. Again, it's not my place, and I started to get the feeling that maybe Ed was trying to downplay what happened during Chris's childhood and that he really wasn't that bad and that he wanted to make amends. That was when I excused myself to the kitchen and grabbed some pie and went outside. It just didn't feel right. There is no way that Chris would act that way if it didn't affect him and there is no way I'm going to try to convince my husband that his father - who I've only known for an hour - that he had the best intentions. No matter what I'm going to be on Chris's side and there's nothing and no one who can change that.

Right now, Chris and I are sitting in the living room of Layne and Demri's apartment, him leaning against me sipping his beer with his arm across my lap, listening to everyone's laughter. He looks so gorgeous with his curls pulled back, wearing his 90 logo baseball hat, his silver hoop earrings shining in the dim light of the living room.

"...man, just stay with me and Andi," Chris says to Jerry as he takes another sip of his beer, which surprised me for a moment and I glance at Chris with my eyebrow raised. I'll be honest, I was only half hearing the conversation between them as I sip my Jack and Coke, but that statement caught my attention quick.

"No I couldn't do that to you guys, I mean you two just got married..."

"Jerry it's cool... look you can't keep hopping from couch to couch, trust me, I've been there, it sucks," Chris says. He then takes another sip and Jerry glances at me as if to ask me if it's alright.

"Well, if Andi says it's ok?" Jerry says still giving me that look and Chris turns to look at me. Again, I wish I had actually heard the whole conversation but I couldn't say no that face.

"Yea... yea of course you can stay with us. As long as you need to," I say. I mean I wasn't against the idea and I love Jerry. I just wish we talked about it before Chris just offered it.

"Ok, thank you. Thank you guys," He smiles at us and Chris pats him on the shoulder.

"Wait - when were you sleeping on peoples couches?" I ask Chris taking a sip of my drink.

"Um... I was like, 17 or somethin', just after I left home," Chris says. I furrow my brow for a moment trying to remember but it must have been when he didn't see me for a couple of years -for him anyways.

"Andi, come here, I need your opinion on something," Demri says and flashes me a wink while she nods towards the hallway where the bedrooms were. 

"Um... ok?" I raise my eyebrow at her while she continues to nod gesturing to the hallway.

"You better go help her before she ends up getting stuck that way," Chris smirks and I roll my eyes at him with a giggle. I lean forward and set my glass on the coffee table. Just as I rise from the couch, I feel Chris playfully smack my ass which startles me and I turn to look down at him while he sips his beer. "What?" He adds with his eyebrows raised - as if he didn't know why I was looking at him.

I say nothing as I pick up my glass from the coffee table, keeping my eyes on him so that he doesn't smack it again.

"It was looking at me, I swear. I couldn't help it," He chuckles with a shrug, then smiles at me. 

"Uh huh, yea right," I smirk as I turn away from him taking a sip of my drink while I make my way around the coffee table. Walking over to Demri, I can hear the boys laughing but it's alright. Chris always gets a lot more playful when he's been drinking.

"So, what did you want my opinion on?" I ask once Demri leads me into her and Layne's bedroom.

"What do you think of this jacket?" Demri says as she moves over to the closet and pulls out a box to set it down on the bed. She then pulls out the contents, revealing a black leather moto jacket. "It's for Layne but I wanted to make sure it looked ok. What do you think?" She adds.

"Wow Dem it's cool... really cool. He's gonna love it," I smile as I take a sip of my drink, setting it down on the dresser and walk over to her. The jacket is gorgeous.

"You think? I mean I saved as much as I could to buy it. I tried to find one in some thrift stores but no luck, so I figured it's best to get a new one y'know, then it'll last like... forever - well almost forever," She giggles.

"Awe Dem no this is awesome, he's really gonna love it," I say as I examine the jacket. It even has that new leather smell. I love it and it's not even for me.

"What did you get Chris?" She leans into me and whispers though I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be able to hear us anyways.

"I feel bad cause it's not much but um... a pair of red Doc's and a Bauhaus record," I wince and Demri giggles.

"Awe, Andi," She says.

" - I know but we spent so much this year on the new house and the wedding, along with the European tour this summer that it sort of left us broke. I just... didn't want to disappoint him"

"Andi, you could never disappoint that boy, he's gonna love whatever you give him. Fuck... you know Chris has never cared about material stuff like that. You just bought him a guitar for his birthday, I'm pretty sure he's not gonna hold it against you if it's just a pair of boots and a record," She chuckles as she sets the jacket back in the box and turns to set it back down on the floor of the closet.

"Yea I know..." I trail off.

"Ugh I hate having to pee a thousand times an hour when I drink, I'll be right back" She says and I giggle as she walks quickly over to her dresser, takes the last sip of her drink and quickly heads out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom. 

While I wait for her, I take a look in her closet at all the different clothes she has. Demri has always sort of had a sixties love child vibe to her style that is the complete opposite of me and when we're together, you wouldn't think we would get along so well, but that just goes to show that you can't judge someone for how they look. 

Her and Xana always seemed to borrow each others clothes when they used to be close. Xana was always trying to push some of her style on me and though sometimes I really did like what she had but I always felt awkward and out of my element wearing flowy skirts and huge belled sleeves. Like I always say, you'll have to pry my ripped up band shirts and leggings/jeans out of my cold dead hands before you could ever try and change me. I miss Xana sometimes. Don't ask me why, because she wasn't exactly the greatest friend to me. She did take advantage of me a lot but, she did introduce me to the love of my life so... 

"I grabbed another bottle from the boys, here take a sip," Demri says as she comes back in the room breaking me out of my reverie. She holds out a bottle of Bushmills Irish Whiskey to me after she takes a sip. I gladly take the bottle from her and take a sip, feeling the warmth trickle down my throat.

Damn that's good.

I hand it back to her and she takes another sip and I can already feel my drunkeness take hold which is weird because I haven't had very much to drink at all. Oh well, the feeling is awesome regardless.

"Andi, you know you can borrow anything you see in there that you like," Demri says as she climbs up on the bed, crossing her legs and pushing her curls out of the way to take a drink from the bottle.

"Nah, it's ok. I mean you have really cute stuff, it's just not me though," I say and climb up on the bed with her sitting across from her as she passes me the bottle and I take another sip.

"Yea, I guess it would be a little weird to see you in this kind of shirt," She says gesturing to her flowy belled sleeves of her cream colored sixties style chiffon blouse crop top. "You better stick to... um... what band is that?" she adds as she gestures to my tank top underneath my red plaid button up shirt.

"Sepultura," I say as I look down and pull at the shirt so she could see it more. 'It's the cover of their Beneath The Remains album"

"Oh ok," She says as I pass the bottle back to her and she takes another sip. 

"Chris was actually the one who got me into them... go figure eh?" I giggle.

"Really? Chrissy is all about weird stuff but I didn't know he was into that," She says and passes the bottle back to me.

"Yea, I know right? He can go from playing The Beatles all day then he'll switch it up to thrash and death metal... sometimes even going from that right into some old blues records which I absolutely love. He's just all over the place sometimes, " I say and take a sip.

"And that's what makes him perfect for you - well obviously there's more than just that but - "

"I know what you mean," I laugh.

As Demri and I continue to hang out in her room, pretty much talking about anything and everything, laughing while we both take sips from the bottle, I was beginning to really feel myself progressively get more inebriated with each sip. 

"... and that's how I ended up on the floor completely naked at the back of The Moore and everyone just freaking out, cause Chris was the only one to ever see me come back from a time slip..." I laugh while Demri just looks wide eyed at as she takes the bottle of Bushmills from her lips.

"Wait, ok so I know you time slip but I didn't know you're naked when it happens?" She says incredulously passing me the bottle.

"Well I don't start out that way if I can help it, I just... can't take any material that isn't me though time," I say in between taking a sip from the bottle. "That's why I got this tattoo on my finger as a wedding ring," I add, passing the bottle back to her.

"Oh yeah, let me see, I still haven't seen it all finished yet," She says taking a sip, then passing the bottle back over and taking my hand in hers to study it. "It's so cool, did you design it?"

"Well mostly Chris, but I kinda gave him the idea and he just went with it. Then we just went to a shop the day after the wedding and had it finished," I explain as she runs her finger over mine and I take another sip.

Suddenly the mood begins to change and though I'm feeling pretty drunk at this point, and need to use the bathroom, so I attempt to get up from sitting cross-legged on the bed and I suddenly trip with Demri reaching out for me.

"Oh shit, Andi! " She calls and I suddenly take her down with me and she's on top of me on the floor and we are just laughing our asses off.

"Well, there's all sorts of gravity in here," I laugh and she's laughing and before I knew it, whether it's just because I'm so drunk that I wasn't even paying attention to what was happening, or I completely just couldn't even think about what was going on, Demri was over top of me and her lips were suddenly on mine.

At first I wasn't really paying attention and by a knee jerk reaction I just responded. Why? I don't know. I sort of just got caught up in the moment. I had never kissed another girl before ever, and her lips feel so soft and different. Then after about a minute or so of her lips moving with mine, I quickly pull away and look up at her and she looks down at me and all I wanted to do was get to the bathroom as quickly as possible.

"Um, I really... really need to... um, I need to go to the bathroom-"

"Andi? Andi wait -," She says and I move myself away from her, get to my feet and although I was stumbling just a little, I was able to make it out of the room and down the hall. 

I quickly open the door to the bathroom, flick on the light and close the door quickly behind me, leaning against it as I catch my reflection in the mirror above the sink. I slowly walk up to my reflection and to me I look alright, but I'm pretty sure you can tell that I'm pretty drunk at this point. 

Fuck, I shouldn't have taken my meds before coming here.

Feeling slightly dizzy, I flip my curls out of my face and steady myself along the sink vanity, finally making it to sit down on the toilet seat. I close my eyes for a moment and take in a long deep breath, trying to steady myself.

Please don't slip, please, please don't slip.

"Andi? You ok?" I hear Demri call from the other side of the door, and I flick my eyes open. 

"Yea, I think so... um... can you get Chris? I need Chris," I slur and close my eyes again. I hear her quietly say something and then a few moments later I hear footsteps walking down the hall. 

"Babe?" I hear Chris' deep muffled voice on the other side of the door, but at this point the room was spinning so bad I couldn't lift myself from the toilet seat to open the door.

"In - in here," I slur as I hear the door open.

"Shit, you alright?" He asks.

"No," I manage to get out, though I keep my eyes closed.

"What happened babe?" He says and he kneels down in front of me.

"I don't know, I'm trying not to um... freak out, and slip," I slur.

"Babe - here look at me. What's wrong.... what happened?" He says so sweetly as I look at him and he cups my face in his palms. 

"Too much... I think I took too much," I slur.

"Too much? Too much what? What did you take?" He asks, his voice rising as he tries to keep me focused but suddenly everything goes dark.

*****

CHRIS: "Whoa... so that's what happens when she slips?" Demri says with a bit of a slur standing in the doorway to the bathroom while I hold Andi's clothes in my hands.

"What happened?" I ask worriedly looking up at Demri.

"Nothing - "

"Dem, she was fine before she went with you in the bedroom... what happened?" I ask rising from kneeling in the bathroom floor.

"Nothing, I swear... we were just sipping some whiskey and having like... girl talk, that's all I swear" Demri says with those big eyes of worry and I realize I might be freaking her out. But I can't help it though, I can't help feeling this way every time she slips away from me.

"Fuck," I sigh as I pick up her clothes and move passed Demri and head back down the hall.

"Chris, hey... wait where are you going, what happened?" Layne asks as I head towards the front door with Andi's clothes in my arms and her boots, trying to grab my own jacket at the same time.

"Andi slipped," I say trying to be calm but I can't help but worry. 

"Wait what?" Jerry asks sitting up on the couch in confusion.

"Is it because of me? I did it right? I made her slip," Demri says becoming upset as Layne walks over to her and takes her in his arms, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"No, honey no, why would you think that?" Layne says sweetly to her while I fumble trying to get my jacket on. 

"I was the one who made her slip," Demri starts to cry and Layne looks at me.

"What the fuck happened man?" He asks.

"I don't know, ask Dem," I retort, trying to zip up my jacket.

"I kissed her ok? Are you happy? I kissed her it just happened, I don't know why but I just did. I just..." She trails off and I slowly look back at her as Layne looks confused.

"What? What do you mean you kissed her?" Layne asks her 

"I mean... ugh, ok we were just drinking in our room and just being silly, but then she said she had to use the washroom, so when she got up, she tripped and I tried to catch her but I fell down on top of her and we just kept laughing and then... I don't know I just kissed her. I don't know why, I just was caught up in the moment and it just happened. But I think I might have freaked her out or something. I didn't mean to freak her out. I didn't mean to make her time travel - time slip or whatever..." Demri says quickly and for some reason I found it sweet that she kissed her. I couldn't help but grin as she explain what happened. I thought I would feel jealous and angry but I actually don't. 

"Are you mad?" She asks Layne and he just chuckles.

"No, baby I'm not mad. Surprised but I'm not mad," Layne smiles.

"Are you mad Chrissy?" Demri asks wiping a tear from her cheek.

"No, no Dem I'm not mad," I say quietly with a chuckle.

"Ok good cause I love her - well I mean I love you both and I wouldn't want you mad at me because of my impulsiveness," She giggles and Layne kisses her on her temple.

"No Dem it's ok, I'm not mad. I'm just... I never know what the fuck to do when she slips like this. If I should go home and wait, or... what," I say.

"Chris man, c'mon don't leave, she might come back here, you never know," Jerry says as he rises from the couch.

"But what if she doesn't and I'm here and she's somewhere where.. I don't know," I say.

"Do you know where she is right now?" Jerry asks me taking a sip of his beer.

"No," I sigh.

"Ok well just hang out, relax... she always comes back right?" Jerry asks. 

And that's the question I always ask myself every time she leaves me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! another part is up before your very eyes just in time for the holidays. I can't believe it's been a year since I started this version of Chris and Andi. How do you all like it so far? I hope this part was entertaining, I know I kinda struggled a bit and I hope the part between Demri and Andi turned out ok. It's my first time writing something like that and I wanted to make sure that it was alright and not offensive. 
> 
> Anyways as always, please comment, vote and all that stuff and let me know what you think. I really, really appreciate every single one of you who takes a chance on reading this tale of Chris and Andi. 
> 
> Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays - however you're celebrating - and I'll see you all in the pages in 2021! <3 <3 <3


	46. Matter Of Time

Seattle Washington - Discovery Park, March 7 1991

(Andi is 20)

ANDI: "Ugh... what the fuck," I groan trying to lift myself up from the cold damp ground. I push my messy long dark curls out of my eyes and find myself somewhere outside in the middle of a dark forest. I can hear the waves softly crashing against the shoreline but I still couldn't make out just where I ended up. My head was pounding like something fierce and it was hard to open my eyes.

I knew I shouldn't have drank that much.

I slowly gather myself together, shivering like a leaf from the early spring breeze and try to focus on just where I was.

Fuck, it's so cold. Why is it so cold? Why did I have to slip?

Using my one arm to try to cover my chest, I take a few steps, using each tree for support, trying not to feel the pain of the various sticks, rocks and other materials beneath my feet. After a few moments, I make my way closer to the edge of the trees and see the open shoreline and the lighthouse far off in the distance.

I must be at Discovery Park, but why did I slip here?

As far as I could tell, there wasn't anyone here, except for a van that was parked just up from the campsite, and the sky was so clear and completely lit up by the incredible full moon. I decide to take my chances and see if that van was unlocked or if anyone was inside. I slowly make my way over the rocks and sand, wincing every few steps and shivering all along the way, finally making it to the sliding door of the van and peak inside. I see a ton of blankets and a couple of duffle bags in the back so I reach for the door handle to try my luck and low and behold, the van is open.

"Oh thank fuck," I say shakily, still shivering like crazy, climbing inside and sliding the door closed.

I quickly grab a blanket, wrap it around myself then rub my hands together, breathing on them to get warm. Still feeling somewhat drunk and a little warmer, I grab another blanket to wrap myself in and lay down curled up on the makeshift bed of whoever's van this is. At this point I don't care if someone finds me, I'm too cold and drowsy from the drinks to worry about it, and before long, I found myself drifting away to sleep in the bundle of blankets.

*****

"Hey! Hey, what are you doing in here?"

I faintly hear a voice as I slowly try to open my eyes and then I feel them push me to try and wake me.

"Hey, wake up!"

"Ok, ok I'm sorry," I say in my groggy hoarse voice, pushing my curls out of my eyes and sit up, pulling the blankets up over my chest to see Eddie looking back at me.

"Holy shit, Andi... omg I didn't know it was you, I'm so sorry," He says quickly changing his tone, his brow furrowing as he climbs in the back of the van and draws me into his arms. "Are you ok? What happened?"

"I'm ok, I uh... I don't know, I time slipped I think... um when am I?" I say when I pull away from him and he sweetly brushes my curls behind my ear.

"It's March '91... Jeezus Christ, I'm so sorry I thought you were a drifter or something," He says with a chuckle and I smile at him, his eyes gleaming in the darkness of the van with only the moonlight shining through.

"No, it's ok I mean, I can kinda see how you would think that... since I'm not looking my usual self y'know with... clothes and all that," I giggle and he offers a small smile.

"I didn't think I was gone that long, when did you end up here?" He asks, his brow furrowing again, those messy curls tucked behind his ears.

"Honestly I don't know. I was in the woods and pretty much stumbled my way to the shoreline and that's when I saw the van so I took a chance... obviously... I mean I was so cold but I didn't know this was your van - "

"Andi, it's ok. I'm glad it's you and not some weirdo - I mean -you know what I mean right?" He chuckles.

"Yea I know," I smile back. We sit with each other in silence for a few moments before Eddie decides to speak again.

"I uh, just wanted to get here early before everyone else showed up tomorrow -well today I guess you could say. Y'know just camp out here in the van, listen to the waves as the tide rolls in,"

"Camping trip?" I ask.

"No um, video shoot," He says and I look at him confused. "For Hunger Strike"

"Oh," I say. "... and everyone is supposed to be here?"

"Yea, I think you have a meeting with Susan right before, but you are supposed to meet us all here... wait... How does that work? How can you be here right now and still at home?"

Oh right, I forgot to explain to Eddie about how my whole time travel predicament takes place, so I give him the run down of how it works with my condition - you know, me being able to be with me at the same time with no effects on actual time discrepancies - He looks at me with that same look I always get when people are confused with how my time travel works.

"... I know it's crazy and believe me, it's a sight to see me with myself at the same time," I say as Eddie just still gives me that confused blank stare.

"And you remember the same moment and everything?"

"Yea, it's weird when it happens... I can feel the memory happen at the same time as I'm with myself. Fucking crazy right?" I laugh a little at the realization that I really do sound like I should be in an institution or something but I know I'm not crazy.

"So like, when are you coming from? I thought you hadn't time slipped in months?" He asks unzipping his leather moto jacket and reaching up to the front seat to turn the key on for a little bit of heat.

"Christmas eve '90. We uh, we are - were - over at Layne and Dem's apartment having a few drinks, and I think Dem and I got carried away. She... um... kissed me," I say shyly and awkwardly.

"What? Dem kissed you?" Eddie laughs as he looks back at and sits back down rubbing his hands together to get warm.

"Yea... and I kinda kissed her back without really thinking and then I started to panic so I ran - well stumbled - into the bathroom to try and get a hold of myself but... I was so drunk that I started spinning and feeling dizzy and when Chris found me I tried so hard not to slip but, well here I am. I think I'm still a little drunk though," I chuckle rubbing my temple and pushing my curls behind my ear.

"Huh," Eddie smirks.

"What?" I ask with a smirk.

"Nothing, it's just... Dem kissed you... huh," He says again thoughtfully.

"Well... maybe I misunderstood, I mean I was pretty wasted, and... well I hope this isn't weird but, I kinda liked it?" I say my voice questioning myself as to why I liked it, while Eddie just smirks at me and pushes his curls behind his ear.

"No, it's not weird" He shakes his head as if to disagree with me.

"Just don't tell Chris ok?" I say. I have no idea how Chris is going to react to that at all.

"Tell him what?" Eddie smirks at me again.

"That I kissed a girl and I liked it... ok?" I giggle.

"Well, you said that Dem kissed you though, so was it really the other way around?" Eddie says.

"No, she kissed me but I kissed her back and... ok let's just drop this cause I'm beginning to feel really bad about it,"

"Awe, Andi don't feel bad. I'm sure it was just an innocent thing," He says.

"I hope so... I don't want anyone upset or anything,"

"It'll be ok," Eddie re-assures me. What I wouldn't give to just be able to control it.

"So um, could you maybe, give me a ride home?" I ask after a few moments of silence between us.

"Yea, yea sure," Eddie says quickly and leans in to give me a kiss on my forehead, which instantly brought me back to when Andy used to do that. "Sorry, um... habit," he adds when he pulls away looking embarrassed. I give him a small smile and he makes his way up to the front of the van, climbing in the driver's seat. I guess we are pretty close friends by this time, since in my time Eddie and I are still really quiet around each other.

"It's ok," I say quietly when he glances back at me, then turns his attention back to the ignition, starts up the engine, and I move up closer staying behind the passenger seat but holding on as he drives us out to the back road. We talk quietly a little bit longer but once again, just as quickly as I showed up here, I suddenly could feel that dizzy nauseous sensation again. As I lean my head on the back of the passenger seat, the last thing I see is Eddie looking back at me, furrowing his brow once more as everything eventually turns to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year Everybody!!!


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